5 Ways to Stop Giving Negative People Too Much Power

Expert tips to stay positive and productive no matter who's around you. 

 It's usually easy to identify that Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer who wreaks havoc on office morale or who drags down the festive spirit at a family function. Their bad attitudes, catastrophic thinking, and fatalistic outlooks can infiltrate the ranks and spread like an epidemic. And although these negative people should get the least of our time and energy, we often give them the most.
Negative people can also cause problems for us on an individual level. Perhaps it's that neighbor who causes you to grit your teeth. Or maybe it's a colleague whom you avoid at all costs.
It's important to recognize when these negative individuals intrude in your life in an unwelcome manner.
Sometimes, we unknowingly give toxic individuals influence over our thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. Whether you spend two hours complaining about a mother-in-law you don't like, or you let an angry customer ruin your day, it's important to regain your personal power and stay mentally strong.
Here are 5 strategies to take back your power and reduce the detrimental impact negative people have in your life:
1. Guard Your Time
Negative people can monopolize your time—even when they're not with you—if you're not careful. It's easy to spend two hours dreading a one-hour visit with such a person. Combine that with two hours venting to your partner afterward, and you've just given that person five precious hours of your time.
Don't allow negative people to steal your time and energy. Rather than complain about people you don't enjoy, strike up conversations about pleasurable topics. Similarly, instead of spending your commute thinking about how much you dislike a person you have to work with, turn on the radio and listen to music that reduces your stress. Take back your power by limiting the amount of time you spend talking about, thinking about, and worrying about unpleasant people.
2. Choose Your Attitude
Spending time with negative people can be the fastest way to ruin a good mood. Their pessimistic outlook and gloomy attitude can decrease our motivation and change the way we feel. But allowing a negative person to dictate your emotions gives them too much power.
Make a conscious effort to choose your attitude. Create a mantra, such as, "I'm going to stay positive today despite the people around me," and repeat it often to help you stay on track. Take a deep breath and decide that you're going to make it a great day, despite what others say or do.
3. Refocus Your Thoughts
Negative people often influence what we think about. Perhaps you're so distracted by your colleague's know-it-all attitude that you can't contribute productively to a meeting. Or, rather than think about how to improve your performance, you spend more time thinking about how upset you'll be if that unpleasant co-worker gets a promotion.
Pay attention to how your thoughts change when you're faced with negative people. The more time you spend dreading, fretting, worrying, and rehashing, the less time you'll have to devote to more productive things. Make a conscious effort to reduce the amount of mental energy you expend on negative people.
4. Choose to Behave Productively
Negative people can bring out the worst in us if we're not careful. Sometimes certain pessimists seem to have the power to raise our blood pressure, for one reason or another.  A normally calm, mild-mannered person may resort to yelling when he can't take one more second of negativity. Or, after being surrounded by negative co-workers for hours, an optimist may find herself convincing others that the company's future is doomed.
Although it can be tempting to say, "She makes me so mad," blaming others for your conduct gives them more power. When you act in a manner that isn't consistent with your usual behavior, accept responsibility for it. Commit to controlling your emotional reactivity and staying true to your values, despite the circumstances.
5. Seek Out Positive People
It's difficult to look on the bright side when you're surrounded by negativity. Seek out positive people to keep you balanced. Just like negative people can rub off on you, a positive person can brighten your spirit.
Identify the positive people in your life. Proactively schedule time with them on a regular basis. A quick lunch with a jovial co-worker or a leisurely stroll with a pleasant friend can help you stay on track.
Decide that you're not going to allow negative people to determine how you think, feel, and behave. Take back your power and focus your time and energy on becoming your best self.

2015 V’s Day

寻觅过，也等待过，可这样的一个你都还没有出现过。

每一年，一个人的我都立下小小心愿：“明年的今天我的身边一定会有你。”

可一年过一年，我终究还是一个人。

一样的孤单，一样的寂寞。

每逢佳节倍思亲，我却在每年的V节倍思你。

一个人的V节，真的让我加倍的思念你。

因为缺了你，V节顿时失了色。

虽然我也可以和我的家人同过烛光晚餐的V节，可一颗心终还是觉的掉了什么的空洞。

尤其在夜晚关了灯准备就寝时，一个人的感觉特别强。

渴望爱情，从来没有逃避过，却都没有让我遇到过。

即使那么一点点的迹象都没有。

可怜的人，没有的东西，拚命想要；有了却拚命想摆脱。

而我大概就处在那没有的阶段，总争扎的去取得。

现在看见身边的人，个个到了这样的时候，都有去处，都忙的去这去那。

一个人的我就是不知道该往那里去。

每晚我都会双手合十，但愿你早日出现。

你却都还没有来。

我终究还是一个人。

Rethink Your After-Work Routine to Make the Transition Home a Happy One

Fatigue and Stress Fuel the Tendency to Ruminate; a Mental Break Helps Us Leave the Bad Mood Behind

It is so easy to arrive home from work in a bad mood, cranky and frustrated.
Our grandfathers’ generation found a solution in a dry martini. Today, it falls to psychology to help us transition happily from work to home. Psychologists call it “boundary work”—devising routines and rituals that create mental space between the day’s frustrations and the evening’s rewards.
The routine could be hitting the gym or something as simple as running errands or stopping for an espresso. “It’s all about what makes you happy,” says Cali Williams Yost, a consultant on flexible workplaces and author of “Tweak It,” a book about making small changes to improve well-being.
To leave behind his work caring for children with complicated medical needs, Gregory Kraus, a New York City pediatrician, says, “I’m embarrassed to say that I watch celebrity gossip apps on my phone.”
After the stress of working, preparing dinner and putting his 4-year-old daughter to bed, Dr. Kraus says browsing through images of celebrities’ seemingly carefree lives brings his blood pressure down.
In the past, Dr. Kraus found a quirkier way to unwind from the stress of working in an intensive care unit. “I’d stop at Filene’s on the way home and methodically go through the tie rack,” he says, checking out the color and texture of the fabrics.

Many people come home from work in a bad mood but there are techniques to combat post-office crankiness. WSJ's Sue Shellenbarger discusses with Tanya Rivero. Photo: Getty

ENLARGE

A mindless diversion, such as celebrity news or mobile games, helps some people reset their mood after a stressful workday. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Shaking off the after-work blues can be hard, especially when we are tired. The human stress response is a chemical chain reaction of hormones coursing through one’s syste-m, says Jordan Friedman, a New York City stress-management trainer and author. Add fatigue, “and it’s like dousing those chemicals with lighter fluid.”
This physical state fuels the normal human tendency to recall and ruminate on negative experiences. But if people can distance themselves from the office, create a mental break and avoid thinking about work, they tend to feel more upbeat during the evening, according to a 2013 study led by Sabine Sonnentag, a professor of work and organizational psychology at the University of Mannheim, in Germany.
Some people need to check their email when they get home before they can take their minds off work. Others limit the use of mobile devices after hours and create mental space by immersing themselves in a novel or movie.
It helps to think about the transition from work to home in three stages: leaving the office, getting home and walking through the door, Ms. Yost says.

ENLARGE

One executive found by entering his home through the front door after work, he can physically close the door on his work life. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Figure out what triggers negative thoughts and feelings at each stage and either eliminate the triggers or develop new routines and rituals to get around them.
A feeling of competence at the end of the workday can ward off a bad mood, research shows.
An executive at a Washington, D.C., nonprofit deliberately arranged her schedule to evoke these feelings in herself, building a 30-minute “buffer zone” into the end of the day when she barred meetings and calls, says Michael Kahn, a Severna Park, Md., psychologist, author and executive coach.
The executive, who participated in a study Dr. Kahn conducted, used the time to wrap up important tasks and end the day on an upbeat note, he says.
Before leaving work, consider setting aside your unfinished to-do list and instead write down all your accomplishments, says Deb Levy, a Cambridge, Mass., business and life coach. Some people take a few minutes for deep breathing to relax.

ENLARGE

A feeling of competence can ward off a bad mood after work, leading some executives to set aside time to list the day’s accomplishments. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Ms. Levy says a manager who participated in one of her studies envisions putting all his work concerns into a cardboard box and closing the lid.
Using public transportation can help. Just give yourself enough time to catch your bus or train without rushing. Some people build time into the evening commute to get coffee or run errands, Ms. Levy says.
Biking or walking to and from work can ease unhappiness, and taking a bus or train allows time to relax or read, according to a study last year at the University of East Anglia.
Playing a mobile game called Brick Breaker on the evening commute home helped Julie Burstein detach from her previous job as a radio producer.
After a day spent managing and listening, hurling a digital ball at a wall of bricks was a welcome change, says Ms. Burstein, author of “Spark: How Creativity Works” and host of “Spark Talks” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York.

ENLARGE

Something as simple as a spicy snack or a strong espresso can jolt a person out of a bad mood. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Many commuters tune out their surroundings, but a recent University of Chicago study found talking with strangers can lighten one’s mood.
Researchers did nine experiments and found commuters ignore strangers because they mistakenly assume that talking with others would be unpleasant or that others don’t want to talk.
A pharmaceutical executive looked forward to her drive home across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge each evening.
“She knew that by the time she got to the other side, she was in the world of her family,” Dr. Kahn says.
Another executive always entered his house through the front door. “Not only was he entering his family life, but as he closed it he was shutting the door on his work life,” Dr. Kahn says.
Inside the home, it’s important to figure out what might be happening when you walk in the door to set you off, says Ms. Yost, the workplace consultant and author.

ENLARGE

Sometimes, simple workarounds can help change stress triggers in the home. If you are stressed about meal planning, prepare and freeze meals ahead of time. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Some parents feel overwhelmed when children who are overexcited or demanding.
Set up a new routine. Some parents explain to children in advance that they need a few minutes alone after arriving home; others promise each child several minutes of undivided attention. Either way, stick to it consistently.
Look for workarounds. If your mood tanks at the thought of cooking dinner, buy takeout, or prepare and freeze meals in advance.
If you get stressed at the sight of piles of dirty laundry, throw a load into the washer in the morning, move it to the dryer after work and fold it before bed, Ms. Yost says.
Deeper solutions are needed if the after-work blues drag on for a week or more. “A mood is like a fever,” Dr. Kahn says. “It’s a signal your system is giving you that something isn’t right.”
For more than a year, Bethany Butzer left work feeling so sad that she sometimes shed a few tears while driving home. There was nothing wrong with her job as a research analyst, she says. The work “just wasn’t speaking to me.”
She took up breathing exercises and yoga to help her think more clearly, and says she realized “the 9-to-5 cubicle life wasn’t for me.”
Ms. Butzer quit her job, wrote a book, became a yoga teacher and now works as a hospital research fellow, studying yoga’s potential to improve children’s mental health. Her new job “combines everything that I enjoy,” she says.
Her advice: “Don’t be too quick to try to get rid of the bad mood right away. Pay attention to what your feelings might be trying to tell you.”

and the sun is shining again

Everything will be okay and the sun is shining again.

10 Ancient Rules We Should All Live by Today

Understanding the lessons of evolution can help us lead richer lives today. 

Any good framework for understanding human behavior should have applied potential. A good psychological theoretical framework should provide a road map to how we can improve such domains of the human condition as physical health, mental health, education, government, and so forth. I think that a good framework for understanding human behavior should provide some kind of personal roadmap. In other words, a good theoretical perspective in psychology should help us understand not only our broader social world, but also our personal world—and help us live a better life.
As I’ve written extensively, evolutionary psychology has the capacity to help us gain enormous insights into the human condition (Geher, 2014 (link is external)). Following are 10 ways that evolutionary psychology, which has emerged as the single most powerful explanatory framework in the behavioral sciences, can help guide our personal lives in positive ways:
1. Follow human universal moral codes.
Most humans are explicitly religious (Wilson, 2002 (link is external)). Amazingly, in spite of all the conspicuous differences among various religions, there are extraordinary universals among them. As David Sloan Wilson famously pointed out, all religions serve to encourage people to sacrifice their selfish interests for the good of the broader group. Along with this general tendency are universal moral codes—codes that not only exist across many religious groups, but also seem to typify human psychology regardless of whether someone is “religious” or not (Trivers, 1985). Across all human groups, inflicting costs on innocent others is frowned upon. So is taking more than one’s fair share of a resource, and contributing less than everyone else in a group. These facts, which characterize our “groupish” species across the globe, help us understand human evolved moral psychology. That knowledge can help us thrive in the many group contexts in which we find ourselves.
2. Prioritize family.
A landslide of data on human social behavior shows that family matters. Humans, like many species, demonstrate kin-selected altruism—the tendency to show biased prosocial behavior toward genetically related kin (offspring, siblings, cousins, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.). Blood is very thick, and evolutionary psychology helps us understand why. Call your parents. Love your children. And stay in touch with your cousins. Your kin network is a unique, inescapable, and deeply important element of your life.
3. Focus on friendships.
When Trivers (1971) developed the idea of reciprocal altruism as a basic part of our evolved psychology, he nailed it. Humans live in stable social groups for long periods of time, and we recognize and remember individuals. Developing friends (independent of kin) is an essential part of our evolutionary heritage. Don’t blow it! People evolved to help non-kin—with expectations of being helped in return—and we evolved to have expectations of such relationships between reciprocating individuals last for a long time. So be a loyal friend, like the most successful of our ancestors surely were.
4. Don't forget to love.
Love takes on various forms across cultures and kinds of relationships. But, at the end of the day, it’s a human universal. Mating systems that resemble some form of monogamy are common across the globe. The universal emotional experience of love provides the psychological and (oxytocin-based) physiological glue that keeps couples together. It also allows them to work as collaborators in raising such altricial (i.e., needy) offspring as we find in our species (Fisher, 1993). Love is a wonderful thing, and clearly a basic part of our evolved heritage. Make sure that you have plenty of it in your life.
5. Expect a long social life.
In some species, such as beavers, an adult animal can go months without seeing a conspecific (a member of its same species). In other species, such as North American crows, animals see the same individuals day in and day out, across seasons and years. Humans are more like crows than beavers. In such species, animals form relationships. They come to rely on one another for help in such tasks as finding and sharing food. What’s good for one animal is often good for others in the group—regardless of kin lines, in many cases. Humans are perhaps the world’s leading prototype of a species that has a consistent social group across long periods of time. Let this fact help guide your interactions, and you’ll benefit accordingly.  
6. Expect a long physical life.
Some species show brief, fast-lived lives (such as drosophila, or fruit flies). Some have lives that are decades long. In species with short lives, evolutionarily optimal strategies are designed for such timeframes—a plan of developing quickly and reproducing frequently, for example, makes evolutionary sense. In long-lived species, such as humans, such fast-reproducing strategies are not evolutionarily optimal. In a slow-developing and slow-reproducing species such as ours—what biologists call a k-selected species—taking time to form healthy and trusting long-term relationships across the lifespan is evolutionarily essential.
7. Treat others like you live in a world of 150 people.
Under modern conditions, we are often surrounded by strangers we’ve never seen before and will likely never see again. (Think of being on a train in a foreign country.) Under ancestral conditions, that typified hominid evolution for thousands and thousands of generations, humans rarely encountered any individuals outside their own clan. These clans were stable groups including both kin and individuals with long-standing relationships with clan members, typically totaling about 150 individuals (Dunbar, 1992). If you were only going to see the same 150 people—and only them—for the next 40 or so years, how would you treat them? Kindly, of course!
8. Get out into nature.
For over 99 percent of our evolutionary history, there was no such thing as an office building, a car, a train, a house, or a computer. Our ancestors lived in nature. Always. They were exposed regularly to sunlight, vegetation, animals, and features of the natural landscape like rivers, trees, and mountains. Today we spend too much time inside and too little time out in nature. Such modern problems like Seasonal Affective Disorder likely relate to this classic evolutionary mismatch. So take a hike, run outside, take out a canoe, take the kids to the beach, or climb a mountain. You’re unlikely to regret doing any of these things.
9. Eat, exercise, and live naturally.
One of the great insights of modern evolutionary science relates directly to health: Our modern lifestyles mismatch ancestral conditions, which has led to dramatic health consequences both mental and physical. A lack of evolutionarily typical social environments, such as modern people living far from their extended kin, has consistent adverse mental health effects, like loneliness and isolation. Similarly, a lack of natural levels of exercise—our ancestors covered miles and miles a day for generations—leads to such adverse physical health outcomes as obesity and heart disease. And a lack of natural foods in one’s diet similarly leads to such adverse health outcomes as Type-II diabetes and premature death. Our minds and bodies were adapted to small-group living in the natural African savanna environment, eating only non-processed foods. To the extent that we can replicate significant aspects of this kind of environment, we are doing ourselves a favor. Otherwise, we risk living an unhealthy mismatched life, like a monkey in a cage at a zoo.
10. Cultivate life.
Evolution has nearly everything to do with life, and cultivating life matches much of what’s in our evolved minds. Parenting is a form of cultivating life that is easily understandable from an evolutionary perspective. Putting time and care into one’s offspring is, perhaps, our evolutionary goal sine qua non. But there are lots of other ways to cultivate life, all tapping into our evolved tendency to nurture. Such examples include working as a teacher or camp counselor, working in the “helping professions” such as social work, taking on foster children or foster pets, or working on community-based initiatives to improve the environment. (Or, as I do each summer, you can plant a vegetable garden, care for it, take out the weeds, fend off the critters, water it, and watch it grow.)

我有个梦

一年过一年，万物变更。

唯一不变的是我的梦。

即使我已经不再年轻。

即使旁人开始叫我安娣。

渴望能找到那个高富帅。

虽然我不是白富美。

我的梦没有因为长了一岁而变成熟。

我仍在追逐那个梦。

How to Use All 5 Senses to Beat Stress

New research leads to tips you've never considered.

Everyone gets stressed out sometimes. With all the hassles of everyday life, it's easy for a bad day to take a downward spiral. From relationship pressures, to work frustrations, to the vagaries of mood, we could all use some effective ways to calm down now and then.
How can we improve our moods?
Studies show that you can feel better by engaging the five senses—and that stands to reason when you consider how the demands of modern life disconnect the mind from the body. Here are 5 research-backed ways to de-stress and connect more deeply to your senses:

• Take a whiff. The sense of smell is our oldest, and works in intriguing ways. For example, olfaction and memory are deeply intertwined. Ever wonder why certain smells, like chocolate chip cookies, can transport you back to memories from childhood? Yet the sense of smell can also have a powerful influence on our moods. Consider a study in which participants inhaled the aroma of jasmine tea for five minutes, resulting in slower heart rates and calmer moods. The researchers point to the chemical linalool, one of the major components in jasmine tea, which can calm the autonomic nervous system.
   
• Behold calming colors. Humans are intensely visual creatures, and studies show that we respond to colors in differential ways. Take the color green: It has been found to have soothing effects across various contexts. Similarly, cooler shades of blue and green, as well as neutral earth tones, have calming effects through their associations with nature. Keeping plants at home or at the office may promote more relaxation than is readily understood.
   
• Sample a taste. Our sense of taste has been essential to our survival. The evolution of bitter taste, for example, has helped us avoid poisons. Sweets are a different story. In one study of chocolate, researchers found that ingesting it causes the brain to produce natural opiates, which dulls pain and boosts well-being.
   
• Listen up. The relaxation people experience when in nature appears to be linked not just to the sights, but the sounds. In a new study, participants watched a highly disturbing three-minute video of a hand surgery, complete with close up images of exposed tissues beneath the skin. Those who listened to a recording of a natural soundscape afterward demonstrated greater “mood recovery” compared to a group that listened to the same soundscape but with man-made sounds added, such as voices and cars.
   
• Hug it out. Humans need to be touched—and we don't fare well without physical contact. At the extreme, children in orphanages who are deprived of such affection demonstrate failure to thrive and developmental delays. No wonder studies have found that a simple embrace can improve our moods. The act of hugging increases oxytocin, often described as the "bonding hormone." It can also decrease cortisol and stress levels. One study found that women whose partners hug them more have comparatively higher levels of oxytocin and lower blood pressure and heart rates. No one to hug? Pet a dog. Research shows that it boosts oxytocin levels in both human and canine alike.

2 Essential Habits for Your Health and Happiness

 How to spark a chain reaction of positive change.

What if you decided to change one simple habit and discovered that your life became better in all sorts of ways that you never could have anticipated?
Such is the case when you adopt a “keystone habit.” Keystone habits are those that spark a cascade of other positive changes, often unrelated to the original change. These chain reactions "help other good habits take hold,” writes Charles Duhigg in The Power of Habit.
Keystone habits have what I like to call “spark power.” And two seem to have megatons of such power, igniting numerous other beneficial changes. For each below, I'll reveal the direct benefits, followed by the unexpected and sometimes incredible “keystone benefits.”
Keystone Habit #1: Gratitude 
Anxiety. Depression. Catastrophic fantasies. Angry scenarios. Negative predictions. There are swarms of negative thinking habits that waste time, cause stress and suffering, and sap you of self-esteem and self-compassion. Since it’s hard to change these slippery old patterns, why not replace at least some of them with a positive thinking pattern instead—like the keystone habit of gratitude.
Training yourself to focus on gratitude is relatively easy. One method is to keep a gratitude journal. Another is to practice the iconic “Three Good Things” exercise. In this exercise, every night for one week, you either write down or mentally note 3 good things that happened that day, along with your best guess as to why they happened.  Easiest of all: Practice "counting your blessings" as they occur.
Direct benefits. It’s not surprising that "the gratitude attitude" affects other mental habits.  When your mind is filled with gratitude, there’s less psychic space for negative thoughts and feelings. The conscious and deliberate practice of gratitude triggers the following beneficial changes, according to psychologist Robert A. Emmons:

• Gratitude boosts happiness levels. In fact, cultivating the gratitude attitude actually raises your happiness set-point, according to Emmons.
• Gratitude increases other positive emotions, such as joy, optimism, pleasure, and enthusiasm.
• Gratitude reduces depression and blocks negative emotions like envy and resentment.
• Gratitude leads people to become more optimistic about the future.

Keystone benefits. Gratitude practice also has an amazing "spark" effect. For example, research indicates that:

• People who keep gratitude journals on a regular basis exercise more regularly. Think of the synergy!
• People who keep gratitude journals report fewer health problems and recover more quickly from illness. 
• Gratitude strengthens self-control, according to the work of psychologist David DeSteno.
• Gratitude reduces impulse buying and increases savings behaviors.
• Gratitude strengthens relationships, by helping us acknowledge when others have helped us.
• Gratitude helps people rebound from stressful, even traumatic, situations.

Keystone Habit #2: Exercise. 
Direct benefits. A list of the many health benefits of an exercise would fill a dictionary-sized book. To name just a few, moderate exercise can:

• Improve health by lowering blood pressure, lowering diabetes risk, strengthening bones, and much, much more. (See this blog for details.)
• Increase longevity, even in small doses. 
• Lift your mood and reduce stress.
• Keep your memory and your brain healthy. (Details here.)
• Beef up your immune system.
• Help you maintain a healthy weight.

Keystone benefits. Exercise also possesses the amazing power to foster other good habits. “When people start habitually exercising, even as infrequently as once a week, they start changing other, unrelated patterns in their lives, often unknowingly,” Duhigg writes, citing numerous research studies to back up this claim. Even as infrequently as once a week. That’s a small investment that can spark keystone benefits such as these:

• Eating healthier.
• Becoming more productive at work.
• Smoking less.
• Becoming more patient.
• Using credit cards less.

It’s incredible to think that even the simple habit of regular exercise one day a week could get the ball rolling and create the potential for so many positive rewards.
How will they help you?
Keystone habits might vary from person to person. You might clean out one junk drawer and find yourself keeping better financial records and losing weight. A keystone habit that transformed my life was quitting smoking.
But if you want to cultivate a habit that might have positive reverberations throughout your life, exercise and gratitude seem especially powerful choices.
Why?
Duhigg posits that the answer lies in “small wins.”  A short walk, a moment of thanks—those may spark greater changes, even transformation, by instilling confidence and the desire to achieve greater goals. Or, maybe it’s a question of energy—exercise creates more of it and gratitude dissolves negative thoughts, freeing your mind for better ideas. Or, maybe the answer lies in your choice to deliberately practice these habits. Such a decision builds character and may inspire you to seek out more opportunities to express your goals and values in your life and world.

我是穷人

走一趟商场，再一次证明我是穷人。

一个月领一份工资。

月尾领钱，不到月中都花光光了。

是不再年轻的月光族。

又到了每年领花红的时候。

其实很想努力工作，深悟一分耕耘一分收获。

奈何公司成了问题公司，根本没钱赚。

即使我很想努力，却没有地方可以投入。

钱包永远就只有薄薄的几张纸钱。

有时候刚领了钱，都不舍得用。

把钱收在钱包，尝尝有钱在手的滋味。

但开门七件事，再怎么不愿意，到最后面对生活，还是乖乖的捧上辛苦赚来的钱。

柴、米、油、盐、酱、醋、茶，缺一都不能。

赚钱只是靠这一双小小的手，真的争不了多少。

所以也无多少前可花。

诳商场买新衣，不是看款式先，而是看价钱。

特别爱看一堆堆的半价商品，虽然这时候常常都找不到自己的尺寸。

不甘心买全价的新到货，因为没过几个月它们照样沦落半价商品。

这是近来穷人买东西的心得。

钱越来越小，爸妈都说像香蕉纸。

买一百块的年货，一个袋子还装不满。

一年过一年，我越来越老，也越来越穷。

我是农夫

在屋子后面开了个小小菜园。

每天早晨只要没有小雨，都会抽出半个小时到那里劳作。

当起了兼职的农夫，开始玩泥土。

因为没有希望从中赚钱，纯粹是玩玩，所以越玩越有趣。

有收获，就高兴，因为可以吃得健康。

自己种菜，不放农药，完全有机。

没收获，就算了，反正再接再厉。

种菜本来就是作苦工。

用锄头挖土除草，不出十分钟，就会汗流满面。

真的应验了圣经所说：“人要汗流满面，才得糊口”。

那天早上，因为算下时间有点赶，就匆忙的提着篮子去采收四面豆。

采着采着，就发觉怎么手肘部分特别痒。

起初以为是被蚊子叮了，就不去管。

那知那部分越来痒，而且开始红肿起来。

随着时间，红肿也有一个巴掌那样大。

再加上是右手，作任何事都得用到它，因着这样，可能血液循环加快，就觉得那部分越来越红肿。

后来涂了中药行买的白色膏油，才慢慢缓和下来。

自己的分解是，早上在菜园被不知名的虫子叮咬了。

可想而知作农夫有多么辛苦。

不是种菜就能得菜或种瓜就能得瓜。

还得看天，天助我时，就有菜瓜。

其间还要忍受蚊虫叮咬。

所以每餐那一口口的青菜，真的要吃的感恩呀！

Attraction, Just Between Friends

New research reveals what really happens when Harry meets Sally.

If I tell you I am attracted to my male friend, Tim, what would you think I'm saying—that Tim is serious eye candy and I'm gearing up to drop our pointless friendship and connect with him the way nature intended?
What if I told you my attraction to Tim was like my attraction to. . . a spiritual path, a diet plan, or an architecture style? Would you believe me? Would you think that was sad? Would you shake your head and say, "Poor Tim. She's attracted to him like she is to Art Deco?"
Many people think that if an attraction between a man and a woman doesn't lead to courtship or sex, then it's either sad ("Thwarted love!") or delusional ("Who do they think they're kidding?"). But the reality is that in today's world, different kinds of attraction can, and do, develop between men and women.

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I have analyzed hundreds of interview transcripts and surveys of men and women reflecting on their closest other-sex friend, and found there are 4 ways that attraction is experienced. These can both overlap and change with time—and just because you have one type of attraction for your friend doesn't mean he or she has the same type of attraction for you. (But of course you already knew that.) The 4 types of attraction are:

1. Friendship attraction
2. Romantic attraction
3. Subjective physical/sexual attraction
4. Objective physical/sexual attraction. (This one is particularly interesting, but let's understand the other 3 first).

Friendship attraction is not romantic or sexual in nature, but is the kind of attraction you feel when drawn to someone because you like that person and enjoy being with him or her. It's the type of attraction that most heterosexuals presumably feel for their same-sex friends. This was by far the most common type of attraction between cross-sex friends in our survey. Nearly all the respondents, 96 percent, said they currently feel friendship attraction for their friend, and over two-thirds said that their friendship attraction has increased over time.
Next is romantic attraction. It's important not to confuse this with physical or sexual attraction. While the two can go together, it's certainly possible to find someone physically attractive but have no desire to be in a romantic relationship with them. Romantic attraction is about the desire to alter the friendship into a couple relationship. Only 14 percent of friends said they currently feel romantic attraction for their friend. Interestingly, almost half said they used to feel more romantic attraction, at an earlier stage in the friendship, than they do now. ("Now that I know what she's really like, I couldn't date her!")
Subjective physical/sexual attraction refers to feeling drawn to the other person physically, and perhaps wanting to make sex a part of the relationship. Almost a third of the survey respondents felt this form of attraction for their friend, but the strong majority (over two-thirds) did not currently feel such attraction. This feeling can change over time, and is more likely to decrease (in 30 percent of respondents) than to increase (20 percent).
The last form of attraction is the one I find most interesting, in part because I haven't heard it discussed, either in the research or anecdotally. I've labeled it objective physical/sexual attraction, and it refers to thinking that one's friend is physically attractive in general terms ("I can see why others would find him attractive"), but not feeling the attraction yourself. This kind of attraction was experienced by over half of the people I surveyed—one-quarter more than subjective physical/sexual attraction.
Where Do You Stand?
Friendship attraction is by far the most common type of attraction, followed by objective physical/sexual attraction; subjective physical/sexual attraction; and, finally, the least reported—romantic attraction which, even when it did occur, tended to decrease over time.
While the media, and many researchers, have focused on romantic and sexual bonds between men and women, the research into close cross-sex friendship reveals that other types of bonds can and do occur. The reality is that movies like When Harry Met Sally and My Best Friend's Wedding focus on the tiny minority of friendships in which romantic attraction grows stronger with time.
The next time you notice a man and woman together, challenge yourself to remember that men and women can connect in a variety of ways, and one of them—an extremely common one—is plain and simple friendship.