Rethink Your After-Work Routine to Make the Transition Home a Happy One

Fatigue and Stress Fuel the Tendency to Ruminate; a Mental Break Helps Us Leave the Bad Mood Behind

It is so easy to arrive home from work in a bad mood, cranky and frustrated.
Our grandfathers’ generation found a solution in a dry martini. Today, it falls to psychology to help us transition happily from work to home. Psychologists call it “boundary work”—devising routines and rituals that create mental space between the day’s frustrations and the evening’s rewards.
The routine could be hitting the gym or something as simple as running errands or stopping for an espresso. “It’s all about what makes you happy,” says Cali Williams Yost, a consultant on flexible workplaces and author of “Tweak It,” a book about making small changes to improve well-being.
To leave behind his work caring for children with complicated medical needs, Gregory Kraus, a New York City pediatrician, says, “I’m embarrassed to say that I watch celebrity gossip apps on my phone.”
After the stress of working, preparing dinner and putting his 4-year-old daughter to bed, Dr. Kraus says browsing through images of celebrities’ seemingly carefree lives brings his blood pressure down.
In the past, Dr. Kraus found a quirkier way to unwind from the stress of working in an intensive care unit. “I’d stop at Filene’s on the way home and methodically go through the tie rack,” he says, checking out the color and texture of the fabrics.

Many people come home from work in a bad mood but there are techniques to combat post-office crankiness. WSJ's Sue Shellenbarger discusses with Tanya Rivero. Photo: Getty

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A mindless diversion, such as celebrity news or mobile games, helps some people reset their mood after a stressful workday. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Shaking off the after-work blues can be hard, especially when we are tired. The human stress response is a chemical chain reaction of hormones coursing through one’s syste-m, says Jordan Friedman, a New York City stress-management trainer and author. Add fatigue, “and it’s like dousing those chemicals with lighter fluid.”
This physical state fuels the normal human tendency to recall and ruminate on negative experiences. But if people can distance themselves from the office, create a mental break and avoid thinking about work, they tend to feel more upbeat during the evening, according to a 2013 study led by Sabine Sonnentag, a professor of work and organizational psychology at the University of Mannheim, in Germany.
Some people need to check their email when they get home before they can take their minds off work. Others limit the use of mobile devices after hours and create mental space by immersing themselves in a novel or movie.
It helps to think about the transition from work to home in three stages: leaving the office, getting home and walking through the door, Ms. Yost says.

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One executive found by entering his home through the front door after work, he can physically close the door on his work life. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Figure out what triggers negative thoughts and feelings at each stage and either eliminate the triggers or develop new routines and rituals to get around them.
A feeling of competence at the end of the workday can ward off a bad mood, research shows.
An executive at a Washington, D.C., nonprofit deliberately arranged her schedule to evoke these feelings in herself, building a 30-minute “buffer zone” into the end of the day when she barred meetings and calls, says Michael Kahn, a Severna Park, Md., psychologist, author and executive coach.
The executive, who participated in a study Dr. Kahn conducted, used the time to wrap up important tasks and end the day on an upbeat note, he says.
Before leaving work, consider setting aside your unfinished to-do list and instead write down all your accomplishments, says Deb Levy, a Cambridge, Mass., business and life coach. Some people take a few minutes for deep breathing to relax.

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A feeling of competence can ward off a bad mood after work, leading some executives to set aside time to list the day’s accomplishments. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Ms. Levy says a manager who participated in one of her studies envisions putting all his work concerns into a cardboard box and closing the lid.
Using public transportation can help. Just give yourself enough time to catch your bus or train without rushing. Some people build time into the evening commute to get coffee or run errands, Ms. Levy says.
Biking or walking to and from work can ease unhappiness, and taking a bus or train allows time to relax or read, according to a study last year at the University of East Anglia.
Playing a mobile game called Brick Breaker on the evening commute home helped Julie Burstein detach from her previous job as a radio producer.
After a day spent managing and listening, hurling a digital ball at a wall of bricks was a welcome change, says Ms. Burstein, author of “Spark: How Creativity Works” and host of “Spark Talks” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York.

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Something as simple as a spicy snack or a strong espresso can jolt a person out of a bad mood. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Many commuters tune out their surroundings, but a recent University of Chicago study found talking with strangers can lighten one’s mood.
Researchers did nine experiments and found commuters ignore strangers because they mistakenly assume that talking with others would be unpleasant or that others don’t want to talk.
A pharmaceutical executive looked forward to her drive home across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge each evening.
“She knew that by the time she got to the other side, she was in the world of her family,” Dr. Kahn says.
Another executive always entered his house through the front door. “Not only was he entering his family life, but as he closed it he was shutting the door on his work life,” Dr. Kahn says.
Inside the home, it’s important to figure out what might be happening when you walk in the door to set you off, says Ms. Yost, the workplace consultant and author.

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Sometimes, simple workarounds can help change stress triggers in the home. If you are stressed about meal planning, prepare and freeze meals ahead of time. Illustration: Robert Neubecker

Some parents feel overwhelmed when children who are overexcited or demanding.
Set up a new routine. Some parents explain to children in advance that they need a few minutes alone after arriving home; others promise each child several minutes of undivided attention. Either way, stick to it consistently.
Look for workarounds. If your mood tanks at the thought of cooking dinner, buy takeout, or prepare and freeze meals in advance.
If you get stressed at the sight of piles of dirty laundry, throw a load into the washer in the morning, move it to the dryer after work and fold it before bed, Ms. Yost says.
Deeper solutions are needed if the after-work blues drag on for a week or more. “A mood is like a fever,” Dr. Kahn says. “It’s a signal your system is giving you that something isn’t right.”
For more than a year, Bethany Butzer left work feeling so sad that she sometimes shed a few tears while driving home. There was nothing wrong with her job as a research analyst, she says. The work “just wasn’t speaking to me.”
She took up breathing exercises and yoga to help her think more clearly, and says she realized “the 9-to-5 cubicle life wasn’t for me.”
Ms. Butzer quit her job, wrote a book, became a yoga teacher and now works as a hospital research fellow, studying yoga’s potential to improve children’s mental health. Her new job “combines everything that I enjoy,” she says.
Her advice: “Don’t be too quick to try to get rid of the bad mood right away. Pay attention to what your feelings might be trying to tell you.”