It is too fast, just in a blink of an eye.
Gone with the year 2014.
Gone all the sorrow and unhappy times within this year.
Though at that moment, I wish all the sadness can be pass faster.
Now all of them are gone.
Also gone all the cheerful and happy times within this year.
Though I wish the happiness can stay forever.
But nothing I can do.
Today is the last day of the year.
Tomorrow we will welcome a very new year 2015.
Wishing of all us a very happy new year.
2014年12月31日
The Best Way to Deal With Embarrassment
It’s happened to everyone at some point
or another: You’ve forgotten to zip up a piece of clothing. There’s
food between your teeth. Your body has let out an unfortunate noise. Or
you’ve spilled something on yourself and everyone around you. There’s
nothing you can do to undo the situation, even though you might wish you
could turn back the embarrassing hands of time.
Whether you’re a repeat offender or only occasionally have these “oops” moments, it would be helpful to know to extricate yourself from embarrassment. Fortunately, a study by John Jay College professor Joshua Clegg (2012) provides some guidance. Defining a socially awkward situations as “problematic instances of social affiliation,” Clegg bases his work on the theory that most people have a need to belong. This desire for affiliation leads us to engage in self-regulation, in which we are constantly on the lookout to see what other people think about us. When we think that people are evaluating us negatively, our sense of self takes a huge hit.
To gain insight into the experience of feeling socially
awkward, Clegg undertook what’s called a “narrative” study, in which he
and his research team
asked participants to report in depth about a particular instance. The
researchers used a semi-structured interview that allowed participants
the freedom to describe their experiences but also provided some
guidance so that the responses would be interpretable across
participants.
Clegg and his team discussed each of the responses, searching for common themes. The participants included undergraduates as well as people from a range of ages and walks of life, including a man in his 90s. The goal was to go in-depth in the respondents' narratives, rather than to count proportions, as is done in other surveys. Thus, the findings are particularly helpful in gaining an inside look into the experience of social awkwardness.
Tense or uncertain social situations were the first type of awkwardness that Clegg and his team identified. These could be sudden (as when you drop or spill something) but often are ones that you expect ahead of time to be awkward. For example, Clegg described the experience of “meeting the parents” of one’s significant other. In general, the less you know what to expect about a situation, the more you anticipate it to be awkward. If you’re lucky, though, the situation doesn’t turn out as badly as you expected, so the awkwardness is never realized.
Awkwardness may also take the form of a perceived transgression. For example, you say or do something that goes over the boundaries of taste or propriety. You might, for instance, make a joke about someone you don’t know very well but only realize after you’ve blurted out the comment that it went too far. It’s awkward not only to commit a social transgression like this, but to be part of a group in which it’s done by someone else.
During an awkward moment, you’re likely to feel intense focusing of social attention. Time may seem to slow or stop, as in your mind (and possibly in reality), you’ve become the target of everyone’s gaze. You feel anxious and embarrassed, and perhaps even experience sweaty palms and heart palpitations. Although some individuals enjoy being the center of attention, particularly those high in narcissism, after committing a social transgression, the feeling that others are staring is typically uncomfortable during or following an awkward moment.
Once you start to feel awkward, the chances are that you’ll behave in ways that become even more awkward. Your anxiety may lead you to laugh anxiously, speak in a wavering tone of voice, look uncomfortable, and blush or stammer. At the same time, other people in the room may themselves feel an empathic kind of awkwardness. They think about what it might be like if the awkward thing happened to them, but also might feel that your behavior makes them look bad. What if you bring a friend to a party and the friend spills soda all over herself? You might be glad that at least none of it got on you, but you might also feel that everyone else will judge you as clumsy, too, because it was your friend.
Now that we’ve looked at the anatomy of an awkward situation, let’s move on to see how the participants in the Clegg study resolved their feelings of anxiety and discomfort. First, Clegg and his team noted that the participants were anxious to make it all go away as fast as possible. As one participant stated, “I felt like the longer I let it sit, the more it would fester and just be uncomfortable and leave a bad taste in everybody’s mouth” (p. 270).
When you’ve committed an awkward act, there are two broad alternatives: Pretend it didn’t happen (avoidance) or confront it directly. Comedian Chevy Chase, in his early days, was the master of launching a grand pratfall from which he jumped up and moved on as if nothing had occurred. It may be funny for a comedian to commit such a faux pas, but when it happens to you, there’s nothing humorous about it. In an avoidant response, you try to distance yourself from the situation by averting your gaze, or you might just get out and leave during the first opportunity.
Unfortunately, by pretending something bad didn’t happen, you don’t make it go away. You might decide that since there’s nothing you can do, it is best to forget it and move on, but at least in some people’s minds, it’s not been resolved. One example Clegg provides is of a young woman in a pool whose swimsuit had come off. Obviously, she was embarrassed, but rather than own up to her feelings, she just swam away as quickly as possible, hoping that no one noticed (though of course they did).
A much better strategy for resolving awkwardness is confronting it directly. In most cases that Clegg investigated, the situation was resolved best through humor. This has to apply to you when you’re the one who’s committed the awkward act. You won’t gain friends if you use humor to make fun of their awkwardness. However, your friends will feel a lot better about the situation and probably admire you for your courage when you own up to a social transgression. You don’t have to be a professional comedian to know how to use humor in an awkward situation. Even saying “awkward!” can do the trick.
Because everyone has moments of awkwardness, there’s no point in imagining that you can be immune from them. Instead, by showing that you’re able to handle the discomfort and move on, you will minimize their effects on the way others view you—and how you view yourself.
Whether you’re a repeat offender or only occasionally have these “oops” moments, it would be helpful to know to extricate yourself from embarrassment. Fortunately, a study by John Jay College professor Joshua Clegg (2012) provides some guidance. Defining a socially awkward situations as “problematic instances of social affiliation,” Clegg bases his work on the theory that most people have a need to belong. This desire for affiliation leads us to engage in self-regulation, in which we are constantly on the lookout to see what other people think about us. When we think that people are evaluating us negatively, our sense of self takes a huge hit.
Clegg and his team discussed each of the responses, searching for common themes. The participants included undergraduates as well as people from a range of ages and walks of life, including a man in his 90s. The goal was to go in-depth in the respondents' narratives, rather than to count proportions, as is done in other surveys. Thus, the findings are particularly helpful in gaining an inside look into the experience of social awkwardness.
Tense or uncertain social situations were the first type of awkwardness that Clegg and his team identified. These could be sudden (as when you drop or spill something) but often are ones that you expect ahead of time to be awkward. For example, Clegg described the experience of “meeting the parents” of one’s significant other. In general, the less you know what to expect about a situation, the more you anticipate it to be awkward. If you’re lucky, though, the situation doesn’t turn out as badly as you expected, so the awkwardness is never realized.
Awkwardness may also take the form of a perceived transgression. For example, you say or do something that goes over the boundaries of taste or propriety. You might, for instance, make a joke about someone you don’t know very well but only realize after you’ve blurted out the comment that it went too far. It’s awkward not only to commit a social transgression like this, but to be part of a group in which it’s done by someone else.
During an awkward moment, you’re likely to feel intense focusing of social attention. Time may seem to slow or stop, as in your mind (and possibly in reality), you’ve become the target of everyone’s gaze. You feel anxious and embarrassed, and perhaps even experience sweaty palms and heart palpitations. Although some individuals enjoy being the center of attention, particularly those high in narcissism, after committing a social transgression, the feeling that others are staring is typically uncomfortable during or following an awkward moment.
Once you start to feel awkward, the chances are that you’ll behave in ways that become even more awkward. Your anxiety may lead you to laugh anxiously, speak in a wavering tone of voice, look uncomfortable, and blush or stammer. At the same time, other people in the room may themselves feel an empathic kind of awkwardness. They think about what it might be like if the awkward thing happened to them, but also might feel that your behavior makes them look bad. What if you bring a friend to a party and the friend spills soda all over herself? You might be glad that at least none of it got on you, but you might also feel that everyone else will judge you as clumsy, too, because it was your friend.
Now that we’ve looked at the anatomy of an awkward situation, let’s move on to see how the participants in the Clegg study resolved their feelings of anxiety and discomfort. First, Clegg and his team noted that the participants were anxious to make it all go away as fast as possible. As one participant stated, “I felt like the longer I let it sit, the more it would fester and just be uncomfortable and leave a bad taste in everybody’s mouth” (p. 270).
When you’ve committed an awkward act, there are two broad alternatives: Pretend it didn’t happen (avoidance) or confront it directly. Comedian Chevy Chase, in his early days, was the master of launching a grand pratfall from which he jumped up and moved on as if nothing had occurred. It may be funny for a comedian to commit such a faux pas, but when it happens to you, there’s nothing humorous about it. In an avoidant response, you try to distance yourself from the situation by averting your gaze, or you might just get out and leave during the first opportunity.
Unfortunately, by pretending something bad didn’t happen, you don’t make it go away. You might decide that since there’s nothing you can do, it is best to forget it and move on, but at least in some people’s minds, it’s not been resolved. One example Clegg provides is of a young woman in a pool whose swimsuit had come off. Obviously, she was embarrassed, but rather than own up to her feelings, she just swam away as quickly as possible, hoping that no one noticed (though of course they did).
A much better strategy for resolving awkwardness is confronting it directly. In most cases that Clegg investigated, the situation was resolved best through humor. This has to apply to you when you’re the one who’s committed the awkward act. You won’t gain friends if you use humor to make fun of their awkwardness. However, your friends will feel a lot better about the situation and probably admire you for your courage when you own up to a social transgression. You don’t have to be a professional comedian to know how to use humor in an awkward situation. Even saying “awkward!” can do the trick.
Because everyone has moments of awkwardness, there’s no point in imagining that you can be immune from them. Instead, by showing that you’re able to handle the discomfort and move on, you will minimize their effects on the way others view you—and how you view yourself.
2014年12月30日
王八蛋、臭鸡蛋
职场生涯会遇到好多不讲理的阿蛋。
每个人都自私的令人无法想像。
个人都先顾到自己的利益。
所以姐姐说，她不管以后有多发达到能够开公司，都不会要请员工帮忙。
因为没有一个员工是会为公司着想的。
最多少做一点，也不要雇用员工。
搞不好还要还他工钱好让他作他自己的事。
好象现在的公司，身为主管，用着公司的员工、设施作自己的私人事情。
用的那么理所当然和理直气壮。
他们没有因为那是私事，而叫书记做文书的工作而感不好意思或内疚。
反而还在书记做的不合他王八蛋的心意时，破口大骂。
面对这样的上司，表面上我忍气吞声。
但私底下我真的骂他们，骂的有多臭就有多臭。
这样的人心中难到就没有一点惧怕说：“会遭天罚吗？”
他的儿媳现在还正怀着孙子呢。
他都不怕恶有恶报，不是不报，而是未报。
The Real Reasons Why We Groom
When it comes to grooming, we really do
it all. We do a multitude of things for our hair alone. We color it,
pluck it, even wax it all off. We buff our skin by exfoliating, we cover
it in mud to extract impurities, and slather on lotions and
potions to keep it soft and supple. There are more basic elements to
grooming as well—for example, we shower or bath to clean our bodies and
our hair.
These are just some of the things we do all in the name of...what, exactly? Beauty? Maybe. But what if these impulses, driving us to groom ourselves endlessly, are not because we're an ego-centric species obsessed with an ill-conceived notion of beauty? If other species engage in similar behaviors, could there be a practical and deeper biological explanation for some of the grooming practices we see in humans?
Let’s begin with cockroaches, humans, and exfoliation.
When asked by a beauty store salesclerk if I exfoliated, I replied, “What is that?” Unlike yours truly, though, the Egyptians and Greeks were at the forefront of grooming trends, including this one. As for the clerk, her horror at my ignorance was genuine, and she felt compelled to expound on the benefits of buffing from head to toe. I was dubious at first, but then thought that perhaps the benefits were not so questionable. This is where cockroaches come into the picture. Like many insects, cockroaches meticulously scrub their antennae. By restricting the grooming behavior of cockroaches, researchers were able to examine what busy cockroaches are fastidiously trying to remove. They discovered that cockroaches rapidly developed a buildup of natural secretions and environmental chemicals that coated and clogged their antennae. Because antennae are used to smell, those cockroaches with dirt buildup were less able to smell their surroundings. This was also true for flies and ants. As for us, exfoliation does indeed unclog pores and help remove dead layers of skin. Who knows, maybe it enhances our ability to smell our environment as well—scientists recently discovered that our skin is alive with olfactory receptors. That means we can smell with our skin…and if our skin is clogged, perhaps, like cockroaches, our sense of olfaction is diminished.
Now let’s contemplate body hair: Relative to our primate cousins, we are virtually hairless. How is it that we came to lose so much of our body hair? One hypothesis is that we lost most of it as a way to control our body temperature. That may be true, but there is an added benefit: Parasite reduction. Relative to our hairy primate friends we have few ectoparasites. Indeed, it is a trend that among hairless animals there is an absence of parasites that like to hang out in hair.
The naked mole rat, or sand puppy as they are affectionately called, is a prime example. Living in underground cities, these burrowing rodents don’t need hair to keep warm. Their tunnels and close cuddling accomplish that nicely. An added bonus is that they do not have external parasites like fleas and lice. Shaving, waxing, and laser hair removal are all tools at our disposal for accomplishing the same thing, and this is far from a recent development: Egyptians may have had better tools and techniques, but even cave people scraped hair from their face and head. The Egyptians used a process similar to waxing called sugaring in which even the hair from the head and nether regions was removed.
The benefit? Controlling lice.
Trends have come and gone with respect to body hair, but the benefit remains unchanged. (If I could be a hairless naked mole rat—save for my head, eyebrows, and eyelashes, of course—I would be a happy camper. Wax on, wax off.)
And what about our fancy mud baths? Elephants do it. So do birds, and even the hippopotamus. In these and many other species, dust or mud bathing has several potential advantages: It may help with thermoregulation, sunscreen, and the removal of external parasites, and prevent dehydration of the skin. Modern spas advertise that mud treatments detoxify your skin. But many indigenous human cultures used mud, or some version of it, way before the fancy spas came along.
A prime example is the Himba, a tribe native to Namibia whose people are famous for covering themselves with otjize paste, a cosmetic mixture of butterfat and ochre pigment. Because of a scarcity of water, they use otjize paste to clean their skin, protect it from their extremely hot and dry climate, and protect themselves against mosquito bites. Not surprisingly, as with many hygiene regimens started for practical purposes, the red-tinge given to the skin and hair has become a symbol of ideal beauty for the Himba.
I don’t know about you, but now that I am aware that many human grooming practices are not rooted in vanity, but rather have real-world, biological benefits, I will gladly pluck, wax, exfoliate, and maybe even make some of my own otjize paste in place of the chemical-ridden stuff we call sunscreen—all in an effort to stop and smell the roses with my skin, keep parasites at bay, and protect myself from sunburn and mosquitos. If in the end I end up "beautiful," that will just be icing on the cake.
These are just some of the things we do all in the name of...what, exactly? Beauty? Maybe. But what if these impulses, driving us to groom ourselves endlessly, are not because we're an ego-centric species obsessed with an ill-conceived notion of beauty? If other species engage in similar behaviors, could there be a practical and deeper biological explanation for some of the grooming practices we see in humans?
Let’s begin with cockroaches, humans, and exfoliation.
When asked by a beauty store salesclerk if I exfoliated, I replied, “What is that?” Unlike yours truly, though, the Egyptians and Greeks were at the forefront of grooming trends, including this one. As for the clerk, her horror at my ignorance was genuine, and she felt compelled to expound on the benefits of buffing from head to toe. I was dubious at first, but then thought that perhaps the benefits were not so questionable. This is where cockroaches come into the picture. Like many insects, cockroaches meticulously scrub their antennae. By restricting the grooming behavior of cockroaches, researchers were able to examine what busy cockroaches are fastidiously trying to remove. They discovered that cockroaches rapidly developed a buildup of natural secretions and environmental chemicals that coated and clogged their antennae. Because antennae are used to smell, those cockroaches with dirt buildup were less able to smell their surroundings. This was also true for flies and ants. As for us, exfoliation does indeed unclog pores and help remove dead layers of skin. Who knows, maybe it enhances our ability to smell our environment as well—scientists recently discovered that our skin is alive with olfactory receptors. That means we can smell with our skin…and if our skin is clogged, perhaps, like cockroaches, our sense of olfaction is diminished.
Now let’s contemplate body hair: Relative to our primate cousins, we are virtually hairless. How is it that we came to lose so much of our body hair? One hypothesis is that we lost most of it as a way to control our body temperature. That may be true, but there is an added benefit: Parasite reduction. Relative to our hairy primate friends we have few ectoparasites. Indeed, it is a trend that among hairless animals there is an absence of parasites that like to hang out in hair.
The naked mole rat, or sand puppy as they are affectionately called, is a prime example. Living in underground cities, these burrowing rodents don’t need hair to keep warm. Their tunnels and close cuddling accomplish that nicely. An added bonus is that they do not have external parasites like fleas and lice. Shaving, waxing, and laser hair removal are all tools at our disposal for accomplishing the same thing, and this is far from a recent development: Egyptians may have had better tools and techniques, but even cave people scraped hair from their face and head. The Egyptians used a process similar to waxing called sugaring in which even the hair from the head and nether regions was removed.
The benefit? Controlling lice.
Trends have come and gone with respect to body hair, but the benefit remains unchanged. (If I could be a hairless naked mole rat—save for my head, eyebrows, and eyelashes, of course—I would be a happy camper. Wax on, wax off.)
And what about our fancy mud baths? Elephants do it. So do birds, and even the hippopotamus. In these and many other species, dust or mud bathing has several potential advantages: It may help with thermoregulation, sunscreen, and the removal of external parasites, and prevent dehydration of the skin. Modern spas advertise that mud treatments detoxify your skin. But many indigenous human cultures used mud, or some version of it, way before the fancy spas came along.
A prime example is the Himba, a tribe native to Namibia whose people are famous for covering themselves with otjize paste, a cosmetic mixture of butterfat and ochre pigment. Because of a scarcity of water, they use otjize paste to clean their skin, protect it from their extremely hot and dry climate, and protect themselves against mosquito bites. Not surprisingly, as with many hygiene regimens started for practical purposes, the red-tinge given to the skin and hair has become a symbol of ideal beauty for the Himba.
I don’t know about you, but now that I am aware that many human grooming practices are not rooted in vanity, but rather have real-world, biological benefits, I will gladly pluck, wax, exfoliate, and maybe even make some of my own otjize paste in place of the chemical-ridden stuff we call sunscreen—all in an effort to stop and smell the roses with my skin, keep parasites at bay, and protect myself from sunburn and mosquitos. If in the end I end up "beautiful," that will just be icing on the cake.
7 Small Resolutions for a Big Happiness Boost
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything but they make the best of everything they have."
Did you know that most of us live our lives according to outdated (or even false) theories about happiness? It’s a new year, and that means a new opportunity for you to make the small choices that will help you make the best of everything you have—and experience a big boost in your health and happiness. Below I’ve summarized some of the best predictors of happiness, with links on each subject so you can dive deeper into any that you choose.
1. Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion
Outdated Theory: Self-criticism and being hard on ourselves is a great way to get things done and be successful and strong.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—A number of studies now show that self-criticism weakens us while self-compassion provides us with the skills we need for resilience, happiness and productivity. (See here.)
2. Replace Complaints and Negativity with Gratitude
Outdated Theory: It’s good to be realistic, which means realizing that life sucks.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—Research by Shelley Gable and Jonathan Haidt suggests that we actually have three times more positive experiences than negative. What keeps us from fully capitalizing on all the good in our lives, making us a slave to the bad? Our brain tends to focus on the negative and forget the positive. Gratitude is the perfect antidote and research shows it can be harnessed for greater health and well-being. (See here.) We also get caught up in an eternal chase for what we think will bring us happiness but really just fools us. (See here.) Here again, gratitude is the answer.
3. Balance Seriousness with Play
Outdated Theory: Adults need to be serious. Play and idle fun is for children and pets.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—As adults, we often fail to remember to play, but research shows it boosts our creativity, health, and well-being. (See here.)
4. Balance Stress with Breathing
Outdated Theory: Yeah, yeah, "take a deep breath" and all that jazz…There’s no reason to pay attention to our breath. We all know how to breathe, it happens on its own. Breathing differently won’t make a difference.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—Your breath is intricately tied to your well-being and the state of your mind. It holds the key to greater self-control and resilience. (See here and here.)
5. Balance Self-Focus with Compassion for Others
Outdated Theory: Everyone’s looking out for themselves, I need to focus on myself to get ahead in life.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong again—Self-focus is actually associated with anxiety and depression. We aren’t naturally selfish. Actually, our natural instinct is to act fairly. Compassion appears to be an evolutionarily adaptive trait that has tremendous health and well-being benefits. Compassion will benefit your relationships, including your romantic relationships. In fact, compassion may be the best-kept secret to happiness. It’s good for your business and both men and women are wired for it.
6. Balance Solitude with Connection
Outdated Theory: You’ve got to make it on your own, stand out, stand above the crowd, differentiate yourself and that, ultimately, is a lonely state of affairs.
What the Research Really Says: Our brains are wired for connection to others. We thrive when we connect. Loneliness can be balanced with connection. You can even learn to be together and connected when you're alone. Connection helps us overcome stress.
7. Balance Activity with Doing Nothing
Outdated Theory: You have to be productive every minute of the day to get things done and stay afloat.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—You’ll get more done by doing more of nothing. It’s good for you and your productivity. A great way to get started is meditation. (See here for 20 scientific reasons to start today.) Turning your attention inward is a secret to well-being that the brain is built for. (See here for the brain’s ability to look within.)
A Very Happy New Year to You!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201312/7-small-resolutions-big-happiness-boost?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
Did you know that most of us live our lives according to outdated (or even false) theories about happiness? It’s a new year, and that means a new opportunity for you to make the small choices that will help you make the best of everything you have—and experience a big boost in your health and happiness. Below I’ve summarized some of the best predictors of happiness, with links on each subject so you can dive deeper into any that you choose.
1. Replace Self-Criticism with Self-Compassion
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—A number of studies now show that self-criticism weakens us while self-compassion provides us with the skills we need for resilience, happiness and productivity. (See here.)
2. Replace Complaints and Negativity with Gratitude
Outdated Theory: It’s good to be realistic, which means realizing that life sucks.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—Research by Shelley Gable and Jonathan Haidt suggests that we actually have three times more positive experiences than negative. What keeps us from fully capitalizing on all the good in our lives, making us a slave to the bad? Our brain tends to focus on the negative and forget the positive. Gratitude is the perfect antidote and research shows it can be harnessed for greater health and well-being. (See here.) We also get caught up in an eternal chase for what we think will bring us happiness but really just fools us. (See here.) Here again, gratitude is the answer.
3. Balance Seriousness with Play
Outdated Theory: Adults need to be serious. Play and idle fun is for children and pets.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—As adults, we often fail to remember to play, but research shows it boosts our creativity, health, and well-being. (See here.)
4. Balance Stress with Breathing
Outdated Theory: Yeah, yeah, "take a deep breath" and all that jazz…There’s no reason to pay attention to our breath. We all know how to breathe, it happens on its own. Breathing differently won’t make a difference.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—Your breath is intricately tied to your well-being and the state of your mind. It holds the key to greater self-control and resilience. (See here and here.)
5. Balance Self-Focus with Compassion for Others
Outdated Theory: Everyone’s looking out for themselves, I need to focus on myself to get ahead in life.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong again—Self-focus is actually associated with anxiety and depression. We aren’t naturally selfish. Actually, our natural instinct is to act fairly. Compassion appears to be an evolutionarily adaptive trait that has tremendous health and well-being benefits. Compassion will benefit your relationships, including your romantic relationships. In fact, compassion may be the best-kept secret to happiness. It’s good for your business and both men and women are wired for it.
6. Balance Solitude with Connection
Outdated Theory: You’ve got to make it on your own, stand out, stand above the crowd, differentiate yourself and that, ultimately, is a lonely state of affairs.
What the Research Really Says: Our brains are wired for connection to others. We thrive when we connect. Loneliness can be balanced with connection. You can even learn to be together and connected when you're alone. Connection helps us overcome stress.
7. Balance Activity with Doing Nothing
Outdated Theory: You have to be productive every minute of the day to get things done and stay afloat.
What the Research Really Says: Wrong—You’ll get more done by doing more of nothing. It’s good for you and your productivity. A great way to get started is meditation. (See here for 20 scientific reasons to start today.) Turning your attention inward is a secret to well-being that the brain is built for. (See here for the brain’s ability to look within.)
A Very Happy New Year to You!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201312/7-small-resolutions-big-happiness-boost?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost
2014年12月29日
2014年12月27日
How to Cheer Yourself Up
Do the Chicken Dance
Adults sometimes forget what kids intuitively understand: that moving your body helps release negative emotions. I’m a big believer in doing that myself. Once, I had a confrontation with one of my band members before a performance. We resolved the argument, but there were residual hard feelings—I still felt upset. And so I changed the set list to begin with a loud song of ours called “We Are the Dinosaurs.” That way, I was able to roar and stomp around on stage and transform my bad mood into something else. Try some variation of this yourself the next time you’re down. If you don’t release your emotions, sadness and helplessness will continue to pile on top of each other.Laurie Berkner is a best-selling children’s recording artist and a cocreator of Sing It, Laurie!, an animated musical series for preschoolers on Sprout. She lives in New York City.
Look Out the Window
When I’m having a trying moment, I walk over to my office window and gaze outside. Maybe I’ll spot a family of quail enjoying the suet cakes I’ve left them. Or a silly vehicle will drive by: One day I was ecstatic to see a bright pink kiddie-amusement-park ride breeze past on a huge flatbed trailer. We tend to view our burdens as more intimidating than they actually are. Taking a moment to stop and simply observe the world in all its beauty and strangeness is one of the best ways I know to get perspective.Elizabeth Fournier is the owner and operator of Cornerstone Funeral Services, in Boring, Oregon.
Use Your Imagination
As a clown, I’m not allowed to have many bad days. Our 90-city tour lasts two years, and we perform an average of 10 shows a week. Of course, there are times when I would rather not slap on the old greasepaint. Sometimes I get sick; sometimes I’m tired. But since it’s my job to give others energy and joy, I have to make sure to get out of any funk I might be in—and quickly. To do so, I tap into my creative side. I brainstorm designs for new costumes, come up with new gags, and formulate sketches. I’ve found that tapping into my imagination— the sense that anything is possible—is sometimes all it takes to reenergize.Taylor Alb in is the Boss Clown for Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. He lives in Mineral Wells, Texas.
Pay Attention
For nearly 47 percent of our waking hours, our minds stray. They stray when we’re brushing our teeth, commuting, taking a shower—anytime tasks don’t require us to be fully present. This “mind wandering” (that is, thinking about the past or the future rather than right now) may be our brain’s default state, but research shows that when our minds meander, we’re less happy. To get out of a funk, try an activity that requires your rapt attention: Engage a friend in a thought-provoking conversation. Take a new gym class and situate yourself in front of the instructor so that you feel obligated to focus. When we’re 100 percent present, our minds are happier for it.Matthew Killingsworth is a postdoctoral fellow at the University of California at Berkeley and the University of California San Francisco. He is also the creator of TrackYourHappiness.org, a study that uses smartphones to identify happiness in real time.
Rent a Tearjerker
It seems counterintuitive, but watching a movie with a sad ending, like Atonement or Titanic, actually increases our happiness. When we see a tragedy unfold, we’re motivated to think about our own close relationships, which spurs happy thoughts. Witnessing an onscreen tragedy also offers a glimmer of hope and a sense of transcendence about human existence. It puts our daily troubles in perspective and makes us consider the deeper meaning of life. That said, pick your movie carefully. If you were just dumped, you may prefer to watch a film that celebrates friendship (say, Beaches) as opposed to one about eternal love.Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, Ph.D., is a professor of communication at the Ohio State University, in Columbus. She researches the effects of entertainment on human emotion.
2014年12月26日
2014年12月24日
2014 Merry Christmas
Days gone, weeks gone, months gone, years gone.
Again we welcoming Christmas.
Without doubt, it is a day to celebrate.
With lots of red and green colours.
Merry Christmas.
Every wishes come true.
Again we welcoming Christmas.
Without doubt, it is a day to celebrate.
With lots of red and green colours.
Merry Christmas.
Every wishes come true.
5個讓你看起來更高更瘦的拍照小訣竅
不過比起大費周章的開啟修圖軟體，其實只要拍照時利用一些小小的心機，也能達到同樣變高變瘦的效果，以下就讓知名部落客Chriselle Lim示範不用photoshop就能看起來更高更瘦的訣竅，學起來後就能正大光明的跟朋友們說～你的照片可都是沒有修片的真實照片！
TIP 1:從低角度往上拍攝
這個道理應該很多人都知道了吧！相機基本上會讓人看起來胖了五磅(就像明星本人總是比電視上瘦的道理一樣)，加上如果拍攝角度稍有差錯更是硬生生讓 你在照片上變得更加矮胖，所以拜託幫你拍照的攝影師、男朋友、朋友…都好，請他們稍稍彎下膝蓋由下至上的低角度幫你拍照，讓你的雙腿一拉長人也就看起來變 高了。
TIP 2:讓你的身體佔滿上下整個畫面
把照片上下畫面剛好卡到你整個人為止，利用視覺上的錯覺，如此一來你就比照片中的其他東西還高、是整個畫面最高的物體！
TIP 3:雙腿交叉
TIP 4:不能缺少的高腰褲/裙
高腰褲/裙不只是復古的流行趨勢，更是讓你瞬間變高的一大利器，穿上高腰褲/裙後，腿部感覺就多了好幾公分出來。
TIP 5:有事沒事走一下路
時尚雜誌或街拍中經常出現模特兒及街拍客老是一副走路匆匆的樣子，你以為他們真的有什麼事這麼忙碌嗎？其實不是的，那是因為這樣跨步走路的樣子能讓他們身體延伸、看起來更高更瘦。快學起來！以後拍照時也來這樣有事沒事走路一下吧。
30 Ways to Strengthen Your Immune System
Sniffle. Snot. Cough, hack, cough.
You’re no doubt all-too-familiar with the scary holiday sounds of colds and flus. But just like you can make your muscles stronger, your lungs more fit, and your bones more dense, you can strengthen your immune system to fight off these phlegmy intruders and maintain your health year-round.
In this episode, you’re going to get 5 quick and dirty tips to do just that!
At its most basic, your immune system is a system of biological structures and processes that protects you against disease.
For even more tips, here’s one of my favorite articles on nutrients that can help to make your immune system stronger.
How do you plan on staying healthy this winter? Do you have other ideas for boosting your immune system? Post your comments and questions in Comments below or join the conversation at Facebook.com/GetFitGuy.
You’re no doubt all-too-familiar with the scary holiday sounds of colds and flus. But just like you can make your muscles stronger, your lungs more fit, and your bones more dense, you can strengthen your immune system to fight off these phlegmy intruders and maintain your health year-round.
In this episode, you’re going to get 5 quick and dirty tips to do just that!
What Is The Immune System?
Before we delve into the steps you can take to improve your immune system, let’s review what exactly the immune system is.At its most basic, your immune system is a system of biological structures and processes that protects you against disease.
Sponsor: This
episode is brought to you by NatureBox. Discover smarter snacking with a new
NatureBox each month. Get your first box FREE when you go to NatureBox.com/qdt.
More specifically, your immune system is comprised of 6 different components
that serve to protect you from the environment, shuttle immune system cells
around your body, and fight off foreign invaders. These components are:
1.
Your lymph nodes and lymph system, which
recognize and fight invading pathogens.
2.
Your respiratory system, which moves mucus and
contaminants upwards and outwards from your digestive tract.
3.
Your skin, a relatively thin but effective
barrier against invading pathogens.
4.
Your white blood cells, which attack pathogens
in your blood and other tissues of your body.
5.
Your spleen, a major organ that helps protect
you from bacterial infections.
6.
Your stomach and intestines. Your stomach acid
kills harmful bacteria and inside your gut reside good bacteria that help to fight
pathogens and absorb nutrients. Antibodies secreted by your intestinal cells
also help to fight off foreign invaders.
So a good strategy for getting a strong immune system will move lymph fluid
through your body, keep your respiratory system prepared to fight foreign
invaders, limit pathogens passing through the skin, keep white blood cells
elevated, strengthen the spleen, and keep your gut in good shape,Tip #1: Increase Stress (the Good Kind)
You may have heard that stress is bad. But in reality, not all stress is actually bad for you. Mild amounts of stress, also known as hormesis, actually help your body and immune system to bounce back stronger. So what are some ways that you can stress your body throughout the day? Here are a few ideas:
· Exercise: As
long as you don’t overdo it, lifting heavy stuff, moving, and sprinting are all
great hormetic stressors.
·
Cold: You learned all
about how to use cold throughout the day to burn fat in my episode How to Use Cold Weather to Lose Weight. Turns out, cold is a
hormetic stressoer too!
·
Heat: I personally sit in
the sauna one to two times per week for 20-40 minutes to stress my body and
produce what are called “heat shock proteins.” You can learn more about that here.
·
Calorie restriction and fasting: Both
moderate calorie restriction as well as fasting can give you good, mild stress,
which is probably why these methods are also associated with anti-aging. (By the way, fasting doesn't mean going on a hunger
strike for days. It simply means not eating for a 24-hour period once a month,
or avoiding eating between 8pm and 9am).
·
Sunlight: While a nuclear
disaster probably wouldn’t do your immune system any favors, mild radiation from the sun can. The sun produces
healthy and balanced doses of UVA and UVB radiation, which in moderate amounts
(30-60 minutes of sun exposure per day) can be great for your immune
system.
Tip #2: Get More Sleep
Sleep is when your cells, nervous system, and immune system repair and recover – so if you short yourself on deep, quality sleep, then you may find yourself not only tired and cranky, but also coming down with the sniffles. Here are your sleep hygiene best practices:
· Darkness:
Keep your room completely dark and avoid glaring screens such as phones,
ereaders, televisions, and computers. I personally use a sleep mask and keep
the lights in my room very dim prior to bed.
·
Silence: If you live in a loud
area, then earplugs are a must. A white noise sound machine or app on your
phone can also cover up disturbing noise.
·
Cold: Most people sleep best at
about 65-700, so make sure your room isn’t too warm.
·
Activity: Don’t perform intense
exercise too close to bedtime, but do go out of your way to stay active
throughout the day so you’re more tired when you finally hit the pillow.
·
Food: Huge doses of
carbohydrates in the evening can spike blood sugar and insulin and lower your
levels of nighttime leptin, which is a hormone crucial to melatonin release. So
go easy on the chocolate in the pm and consider lower sugar snacks instead,
like an avocado with olive oil and sea salt, or some raw nut butter mixed with
coconut oil.
·
Destress: At least an hour
before bed, try to stop any work-related activity such as emails, phone calls
or stressful tasks, and instead read a relaxing book or listen to some soothing
music.
·
Nutrients: If you have
difficulty sleeping, consider natural relaxants such as melatonin, magnesium,
or passionflower extract.
·
Morning light: A good dose
of morning sunlight exposure can help to jumpstart a healthy circadian rhythm and actually help you sleep better when
night arrives.
Tip #3: Move it!
You already know that your lymph system is a component of your immune system and one of your immune strengthening strategies should be to keep lymph flow circulating through your body. Here are some ways you can do it without necessarily hitting the gym every time you need to move:
·
Vibration: I’ve written about vibration’s effect on strength in a previous Get-Fit Guy
article. But standing on a vibration platform for 5-15 minutes a day will also
get your lymph fluid circulating (there are
small models you can use in your own home).
·
Trampolining: Just like
vibration, jumping up and down on a trampoline or mini-trampoline can be a
fantastic lymph fluid circulating activity and more fun than simply cranking
out jumping jacks.
· Yoga:
Yoga is not only fantastic for de-stressing and lowering blood pressure, it can also keep lymph fluid circulating.
I personally start off each day with 10-15 minutes of yoga and light stretching.
·
Inversion: Yoga inversion
poses, or hanging upside down on an inversion table, can drain your legs and
get both blood and lymph fluid circulating.
·
Tai Chi: Like yoga, Tai Chi is
a series of slow moves that can boost
your immune system strength.
·
Nature walks: The Japanese
actually have a name for nature walks – they call it “Shin-Yen” or “forest
bathing.” Getting out in the fresh air while seeing green plants and trees is a
fantastic immune system boost that also strengthens the lymph system.
·
Swimming: As long as the water
isn’t too cold and overly stressful (yes, you can have too much stress!),
swimming is a fantastic lymph circulating activity.
·
Hot-cold contrast: Here’s one
creative way to get lymph fluid moving: simply use the cold and hot setting on
your shower to alternate between cool water and hot water. This will cause your
lymph vessels and blood vessels to slowly dilate and constrict, which
circulates fluid.
Tip #4: Boost Your Nutrients
If you’re doing lots of travel, are exposed to lots of people (especially sneezing kids), or are under a load of stress, you may need nutrient support that goes above and beyond chicken soup and fresh fruits and vegetables. While nothing should replace real, nutritious food and avoidance of junk, here are a few nutrients you can throw in for added immune system support:
·
Adaptogens: Adaptogenic
herbs such as ashwaganda and ginseng, and nutrient-rich mushrooms such as
shitake and portabello are fantastic for your immune system and for managing
stress.
· Essential
oils: Essential oils, whether taken orally or diffused into the
air, have powerful antiviral and antibacterial properties. Some of my favorites
are oil of oregano and a traditional blend called “Thieves,” which is a mix of
clove, lemon, cinnamon, eucalyptus, and rosemary. Here’s a podcast interview I recently did with an
essential oils expert.
·
Herbs and plants: Two
items from the produce aisle that I always have around during cold and flu season are garlic, which has great antiviral
properties, and also red onions, which are packed with immune-boosting quercetin
and sulfur-based antioxidants.
·
Fish oil and cod liver oil: Fish
oil or cod liver oil are chock full of anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids, which are wonderful for your immune
system.
·
Vitamin C: Vitamin C may
help to reduce the duration of a cold or flu. While research isn’t conclusive,
I personally take about 2 grams of Vitamin C 3 times a day if I start to come
down with anything.
Finally, when it comes to nutrients, be careful with foods that can spike
your blood sugar such as sweet, processed starches, which can weaken your
immune system by creating a net acidic and inflammatory state in your body.
Stick to moderate amounts of healthy proteins, good amounts of healthy fats,
and limited doses of carbohydrates.For even more tips, here’s one of my favorite articles on nutrients that can help to make your immune system stronger.
Tip #5: Get Dirty
Finally, as ironic as it may seem, exposure to dirt, germs, parasites, bacteria, and viruses can actually strengthen your immune system. I’m not proposing you rush out to find a sick person and ask them to sneeze on you, but you also shouldn’t shy away from getting dirty every once in a while either. Since they don't make sandboxes for adults, here are 5 ways to get dirty:
·
Probiotics and fermented foods: Eat
plenty of fermented foods that are rich in gut-nourishing bacteria,
including kimchi, sauerkraut, kombucha, yogurt, kefir, miso, and natto. If you find it hard to locate or consume these foods,
at least use a good probiotic supplement.
·
Prebiotics: Prebiotics are fibers that serve as food for
probiotics. A diet rich in vegetables is going to provide you with plenty of
prebiotics. I recommend you start with dark leafy greens, cruciferous
vegetables such as broccoli and cauliflower, fresh carrots, parsnips and beets,
and even plant-based algae like spirulina and chlorella.
· Nature: Get
out into nature for some of your workouts. Get your hands dirty. Don't be
afraid to go for a run in the rain or do push-ups in the park every once in a while. Dirt is full of soil-based organisms that help to strengthen your immune
system and skin.
·
Animals: Research has
shown that kids who grow up in large families and have pets tend to have
stronger immune systems (incidentally, so do kids who take fewer antibiotics!).
Hanging out with dogs, cats, or other pets exposes you to dirt, germs, and
bacteria your immune system might otherwise never learn to deal with until it’s
too late.
·
Soap and antibacterials: Both
soap and the slightly more deleterious antibacterial sprays, lotions, and
handwipes that have become so prevalent in the U.S. can wipe beneficial bacteria
off your skin, or worse, create the potential for medicine-resistant
super-bugs. So don’t be afraid to simply take a shower with water only every
now and again. And if you have a choice between regular soap and antibacterial
soap, choose the plain soap.
I plan on using as many of these natural immune-boosting technique as
possible this holiday season to stay cold and flue free.How do you plan on staying healthy this winter? Do you have other ideas for boosting your immune system? Post your comments and questions in Comments below or join the conversation at Facebook.com/GetFitGuy.
Please
note that all content here is strictly for informational purposes only.
This content does not substitute any medical advice, and does not replace any
medical judgment or reasoning by your own personal health provider.
Please always seek a licensed physician in your area regarding all health
related questions and issues.
Sniffle. Snot. Cough, hack, cough.
You’re no doubt all-too-familiar with the scary holiday sounds of colds and flus. But just like you can make your muscles stronger, your lungs more fit, and your bones more dense, you can strengthen your immune system to fight off these phlegmy intruders and maintain your health year-round.
In this episode, you’re going to get 5 quick and dirty tips to do just that!
At its most basic, your immune system is a system of biological structures and processes that protects you against disease.
You’re no doubt all-too-familiar with the scary holiday sounds of colds and flus. But just like you can make your muscles stronger, your lungs more fit, and your bones more dense, you can strengthen your immune system to fight off these phlegmy intruders and maintain your health year-round.
In this episode, you’re going to get 5 quick and dirty tips to do just that!
What Is The Immune System?
Before we delve into the steps you can take to improve your immune system, let’s review what exactly the immune system is.At its most basic, your immune system is a system of biological structures and processes that protects you against disease.
Sponsor:
This episode is brought to you by NatureBox. Discover smarter snacking
with a new NatureBox each month. Get your first box FREE when you go to NatureBox.com/qdt.
More specifically, your immune system is comprised of 6 different
components that serve to protect you from the environment, shuttle
immune system cells around your body, and fight off foreign invaders.
These components are:-
Your lymph nodes and lymph system, which recognize and fight invading pathogens.
-
Your respiratory system, which moves mucus and contaminants upwards and outwards from your digestive tract.
-
Your skin, a relatively thin but effective barrier against invading pathogens.
-
Your white blood cells, which attack pathogens in your blood and other tissues of your body.
-
Your spleen, a major organ that helps protect you from bacterial infections.
-
Your stomach and intestines. Your stomach acid kills harmful bacteria and inside your gut reside good bacteria
that help to fight pathogens and absorb nutrients. Antibodies secreted
by your intestinal cells also help to fight off foreign invaders.
Tip #1: Increase Stress (the Good Kind)
You may have heard that stress is bad. But in reality, not all stress is actually bad for you. Mild amounts of stress, also known as hormesis, actually help your body and immune system to bounce back stronger. So what are some ways that you can stress your body throughout the day? Here are a few ideas:-
Exercise: As long as you don’t overdo it, lifting heavy stuff, moving, and sprinting are all great hormetic stressors.
-
Cold: You learned all about how to use cold throughout the day to burn fat in my episode How to Use Cold Weather to Lose Weight. Turns out, cold is a hormetic stressoer too!
-
Heat: I personally sit in the sauna one to two
times per week for 20-40 minutes to stress my body and produce what are
called “heat shock proteins.” You can learn more about that here.
-
Calorie restriction and fasting: Both moderate
calorie restriction as well as fasting can give you good, mild stress,
which is probably why these methods are also associated with
anti-aging. (By the way,
fasting doesn't mean going on a hunger strike for days. It simply means
not eating for a 24-hour period once a month, or avoiding eating between
8pm and 9am).
- Sunlight: While a nuclear disaster probably wouldn’t do your immune system any favors, mild radiation from the sun can. The sun produces healthy and balanced doses of UVA and UVB radiation, which in moderate amounts (30-60 minutes of sun exposure per day) can be great for your immune system.
Get-Fit
Guy has 30 tips to boost your immune system to avoid cold and flu
viruses this season. Learn how to make your immune system stronger using
stress, exercise, sleep, supplements, and even dirt! - See more at:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/prevention/30-ways-to-strengthen-your-immune-system?utm_source=realsimple&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=realsimple#sthash.GcFWk1I6.dpuf
Get-Fit
Guy has 30 tips to boost your immune system to avoid cold and flu
viruses this season. Learn how to make your immune system stronger using
stress, exercise, sleep, supplements, and even dirt! - See more at:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/prevention/30-ways-to-strengthen-your-immune-system?utm_source=realsimple&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=realsimple#sthash.GcFWk1I6.dpuf
Odds are - you've taken a few rough photos you wish you could take back, we all have. Fortunately, I am here to help. Use these easy tips to transform your photos from bad to fab.
Some days, your personality isn't vibrant enough to transmit photogenically, and in these instances, a pop of color will do magic.
Ladies: try a bright lip shade of lipstick, rosy cheeks or a bright scarf.
Guys: ditch the neutral shirt for one in a brighter shade or add a bright color square to a suit.
Tips:
- Choose a background a different color than your hair and outfit
- Check for damage control; make sure there aren't any awkward or distracting images behind you
Even if you're in a group, try to avoid the classic "arm around person next to you" move. It can be awkward for those around you, result in individuals becoming one giant blob and is sure to end up with a few randomly placed hands.
Tips:
- Hold a puppy in a sweater
- Hold a beverage
- Hands in pockets or on hips
- Gently tug at necklace or tie
Sometimes a slight tilt or a simple angle to a face makes a big difference. Even though you're super attractive, you likely have a 'good side,' the angle at which your face looks best on film.
If you don't yet know your angle, find it. Men and women, get in front of a mirror and practice different facial positioning. Take notice of how the light catches the planes of your face and where shadows fall. You will quickly take a preference to a few angles.
Once you know your angle, take full advantage of it and play it up.
It may feel ridiculous and unnatural when doing it, but it makes your face look thinner and hides any sign of a double chin.
Whether you're holding a puppy in a sweater, a beer, a slab of cake, or nothing at all, you can achieve the appearance of slim upper arms/minimize the appearance of arm flab, by simply holding your arms slightly away from your body. This keeps upper arm flab from flattening out and therefore appearing flabbier (much like thighs do when one sits on a couch).
As you can see here, thanks to the skinny arm trick, the arm on the right appears visibly slimmer than that on the left.
Then do the classic 'hand on hip' pose by placing hand on the hip facing more in the direction of the camera, or do as this model and get creative.
The ankle cross is also a good pose for sitting photographs. While standing is typically preferable, if you happen to find yourself sitting when a camera is pulled, sit up straight and cross your legs at the ankles for the most flattering look.
The fix: letting out a little (or a big) laugh as soon as someone is about to snap the picture.
Laughter, even if fake, will result in a natural, happy smile and lit up eyes ... and everyone looks better when they're happy!
Yes, you will feel, and likely look ridiculous, but only for the time being. Usually, you are taking photos not for now, but for the times you reflect on them later. You won't remember how silly you felt, you'll only notice how good you look.
Really want to take your selfie game to the next level? Purchase and use a Kootek, which is an extendable, wireless, bluetooth monopod Selfie Stick.
Attach it to your phone and selfie away!2014年12月23日
Everything will be better
Everything will become better and better.
So don't worry, be happy always.
See, there is always sunshine after rain.
Though it is raining, I will dancing under the rain.
So don't worry, be happy always.
See, there is always sunshine after rain.
Though it is raining, I will dancing under the rain.
2014年12月22日
Old ugly duckling
My life is still going on.
The same old way.
My dream never comes true.
I don't know whether this is because I am ugly or other reason.
The reality is my life still turn back to the old style.
The same old way.
My dream never comes true.
I don't know whether this is because I am ugly or other reason.
The reality is my life still turn back to the old style.
2014年12月11日
跟恐惧谈谈
有些人一听到恐惧的声音，就会抛下一切，对恐惧说：“来吧，进来坐吧。我正要做某一件事。这是我一直想做的，但是只要你认为不应该，我就把它忘掉。你想主宰我的心吗?好的，没有什么比你的话更重要。”这种作法就像在意识里把恐惧奉如上宾。在这里，我想建议另一种不同的作法——把恐惧看成一个出现在你门口、满心害怕的小孩。承认它，跟它谈话，找出它从哪里来，它想要什么。
你会发现，如果你要恐惧告诉你，它到底在烦恼什么，它往往会用这个句子开头：“万一如何如何，该怎么办?”
“万一我跟男友分手，今生再也找不到伴，那该怎么办?”
“万一我辞职了，再也找不到新工作，那该怎么办?”
“万一我告诉妈妈，我不喜欢她对我的态度，她从此不跟我讲话，那该怎么办?”
“万一我开了一家服装店，却没有顾客，最后破产了，那该怎么办?”
这些“万一”吓坏了我们，它使我们动弹不得，让我们远离当下。你想象你决定要做的事，将在未来给你带来不好的结果。
当你觉得恐惧，你往往没有活在当下，当你没有活在此时此刻，你就跟勇气与真实的自我失去了联系。
为了帮助你克服恐惧，让你不再害怕未来可能发生的事，我建议你采用跟恐惧讲话的作法。我称它做“耗尽恐惧”。这种作法非常简单。如果做得正确，它也会很有趣。以下是它的作法：
想象一下，我正在跟朋友里贝嘉谈话，讨论她的恐惧。她担心没法在她想从事的领域找到新工作。她要我跟她谈谈，赶走她的恐惧。我对里贝嘉说到的第一件事就是：“告诉我，你在害怕些什么。”
里贝嘉答道：“我害怕，要是我在没找到事以前，先把现在的工作辞掉，我会失业一段时间。”
我接下去问：“你害怕会发生什么事？”
里贝嘉说：“我会有很大的压力，必须找到新工作。”
“然后呢？”
“也许我会一直找，却怎么也找不到想要的工作。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我会没有钱付房屋贷款。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我必须卖掉房子。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我必须搬到狭小的公寓里去。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我必须接受某种卑贱的工作，像是端盘子或清洁妇的工作，以便生存下去。“
“然后呢？”
“然后我会厌恶这份差事，无法继续做下去，最后什么工作也没有。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我再也不会碰到好男人，因为我自卑得要命，而且必须靠社会救济金过活。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我会没有钱、没有爱情，我会非常忧郁、非常孤独。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我可能会从公寓里被踢出来，沦落街头，变成游民。”
“然后呢？”
“然后我会死掉，贫穷而孤独，没有人晓得我死了。”
我相信你明白，在这一刻，里贝嘉在嘲笑她自己。在谈话的过程中，她听见自己在想象最坏的情况。她也知道，她绝不会让这些事发生在自己身上。也许她会有几个月没有工作，但是这种情况若表示，她会失去自己的房子，或是会沦为游民，她当然不会坐以待毙。大多数人在这种情况发生前，都会采取行动来加以改善。
这个练习能让你耗尽心中最强烈的恐惧，把它们驱赶到最极端的程度。结果是：借着把感受化为言语，你会把它们看成特定的忧虑，而不是模糊、让人受不了的恐怖念头。让恐惧大声讲话，会消耗它的能量，让你更有力量去控制它。
再者，当你听到自己在讲述这些情绪，你会晓得，你不会让这种事情发生的。在这一刻，你的心会说：“我不会让这些事发生在我身上。”突然间，你再次掌握了自己的生活
几个月前，我向一大群观众发表演讲。快要讲完时，一位年龄跟我相当的女士站起身来发问。
“芭芭拉，”她用胆怯的口气问道：，“我很欣赏你。你能告诉我，你是怎么摆脱对失败的恐惧，变得像今天那么成功的吗?”
听到这个问题，我笑了。我不是在嘲笑她，而是在笑她那褒奖但不正确的假设，她假设我没有任何恐惧。“你可能想不到我会怎么回答你。”我说，“我没有摆脱我的恐惧。事实上，我现在的恐惧远比二十年前创业的时候还要强烈。那时，我所冒的风险比较小——对着十五名观众发表演说，写一份广告小册，跟某人谈谈他的问题。但是，我现在冒的风险比以前大得多——对着三千人发表演说，上电视，把我的观念跟两千万观众分享，写一本书，希望读者会喜欢它。风险比过去大多了，我的恐惧也比以前强烈得多。”
观众席中的这位女士，脸上露出震惊的表情：“但是你是怎么能表现得这么有自信?”她问。
“我有自信，不是因为我能排除这些恐惧，而是因为我能不在乎它们，该做的还是去做。”我回答。
每一次我开始去做没有做过的事，就觉得紧张害怕。我还记得我第一次带领讨论会，第一次在地方电视台上节目，第一次上全国电视台，第一次在研讨会上发表演讲，第一次跟出版商会面，第一次巡回推销新书，第一次写新闻稿。每一次我都觉得恐惧，因为我体会到某种新的经验，冒险跨出我的舒适区。每一次我把事情完成：心中的恐惧便奇迹似地消失。我的起点不是自信——给我自信的是找到勇气，去做我所害怕的事情，一次次地达成目标。
如果你要等恐惧自动消失，然后才去做新的事情，接受新的挑战，你会永远地等下去。
许多人有一个错误的观念，认为我们会在某一天早晨醒来，省察内心，发现自己的恐惧遽然消失，终于得到自由，能够去写书，换工作，开口跟配偶讨论严重的问题，回学校去念书，或是做一些以前不敢做的事。恐惧不会自己消失，尤其在你还没有去尝试新的事情时。事实上，只要你还活着，恐惧就不会消失。它是身体和心灵对某些经验的自然反应。所以，在你没有彻底活过以前，要等待恐惧自动消失，完全是没有道理的作法。我很喜欢哈里斯说过的话：
做了某件事而造成的懊悔，能够因时间而缓和;
因为没有做某件事而产生的痛悔，不是任何事物都能抚慰的。
观察恐惧。无论何时，只要你觉得害怕，就对自己说：我有恐惧，可是我不等于我的恐惧。我是观察恐惧的人。
这是一段美好的句子，当你有害怕的念头时，你可以重复地念出来。你可以一遍遍默想，或是大声说出来。我经常念诵这个处理恐惧的句子。我发现，只要专心想着它，几分钟后，我就感觉自己抽离了恐惧，在情绪和生理上都不再受到它的影响。
饿死恐惧，喂养勇气
以下是你能做的改变。这些作法能让你觉得比较不害怕，让你得到更大的勇气。我列出一张表，上面的作法能让你的梦想家更强壮，也能喂养你的勇气。同时，我列出你应该避免的事，因为你若不避开它们，它们就会养大你的恐惧。活得有勇气意味着，要排除下面那些列在前面的情境，让你的恐惧“饿死”，要创造后面那些情境，“喂饱”你的梦想家。
喂养恐惧的事情：
论断
不跟别人往来
筋疲力竭
思绪凌乱，感到困惑
生理的失调与混乱
跟消极的人在一起
吸毒、酗酒
饮食习惯不良
常看暴力与色情的影片
压榨自己
保留感受
处于封闭、拒绝改变的环境
喂养梦想家的事情：
爱
支持别人
休息
清晰的目标和计划
干净、有条理
跟积极的人在一起
投入大自然
健康均衡的饮食
阅读励志书籍，倾听励志录音带
奖励自己
分享感受
处于自觉、鼓励改变的环境
自由并不表示心里没有恐惧。它表示不在乎恐惧，该做的还是去做。
我不可以害怕。恐惧是心灵的杀手。恐惧是小小的坏死，却会带来生命彻底的死灭。我要面对我的恐惧。我要让它掠过我、穿越我。它走了以后，我要用内心之眼，看清它的路径。恐惧走过的地方，什么也没有留下。只有我留在这里。
恐惧走过的地方，什么也没有留下。只有我留在这里。
恐惧来过了，又走了。可是我还在这里，我的梦想、勇气和爱，只有它们留在这里。
你要了解，你的恐惧会来而复去。
让它们掠过你，穿越你。
然后，打开内心的眼睛，
你会看到真理：只有你留在这里……
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