骂人

觉得很失望。

A能够一天工作7小时，却有4小时以上都是在外面开遛。

他的藉口是上银行，实际上是在咖啡店喝茶聊天，看人打桌球等等。

而我一天工作7小时，却要7小时被困在办工室里。

工作这样久，只是今天一个下午没来（通知了A），还回答的极之不爽快。

说：“若是K市的老板要他出外办事，办工室没人，他办不了，怎么办？”

这样的藉口都敢说的出来的乌龟王八蛋。

作帐的人怎么现在都不会算了。

自己天天迟到早退，一直外出，都不算。

我的缺席就算的清清楚楚。

10 Things to Say to Generate Good Feelings

The more you give, the more you'll get.

Post published by Susan Heitler Ph.D. on Jul 20, 2012 in Resolution, Not Conflict

 At any moment, you can send people positive vibes or negative vibes. You can hug, connecting with people in a positive way, physically and also verbally. Or, you can push people away or knock them down, again either physically or via verbal complaints, disagreement, or blame. (link is external)
Love as a verb involves the emanation of positive energy. Expressions of thanks, gratitude and appreciation, along with a sincere interest in others' lives—and warm smiles—all send forth positive energy. The more positive emanations you send people, the more they will feel appreciated, and appreciate you in return.
Overdoing the positivity with excessive gushing, like sunshine that is too intense, can be off-putting, but for the most part, people who emanate positive vibes feel "warm." Whether it's your boss, employee, or colleague, or your friend, relative, or partner, warm people feel safe to share with, and, like gentle sunshine, radiate good feelings. Their positivity makes you want to talk with them more; they establish good vibes as a relationship standard.
Positive people avoid being critical or argumentative, negating what you say, or responding dismissively to what you say. Those are the habits of negative people. Interacting with someone who is often negative, or being in a group with a leader who sends forth negative words and vibes, can be a downer. Their energy makes others feel insecure, ignored, criticized, irritated, or depressed. Time shared with someone who exudes toxic energy can be downright unpleasant. (If you are living in a household with bickering or outright fights, you'd best learn how to stop arguing (link is external).) Positive individuals and leaders, by contrast, convey interest in your perspective and well-being, along with an appreciation of what you do and say.
You can decide to be more positive. 
The following is a list of sentence starters that launch good vibes. (I'm sure you could add more.) Consider deciding to add some of them to your conversational routine, especially if it feels like your close relationships need a bit of rekindling (link is external), and see what happens:

1. Yes...
   "Yes, going swimming sounds great." ["Yes... but.." has the opposite impact; but negates the positivity of the Yes.]
    
2. I agree...
   "I agree that it's too hot to do any exercise other than swimming today."
    
3. I appreciate...
   "I appreciate your willingness to pack a lunch."
    
4. Thank you for...
   "Thanks so much for getting me moving. I was stuck on my couch all day."
    
5. I like (love, enjoy) ...
   "I like that suit! Looks terrific!"
    
6. That makes sense to me...
   "Bringing lunch makes sense to me because the food at the pool is so expensive."
    
7. I'm pleased (happy, delighted) that...
   "I'm delighted that you invited those guys to join us."
    
8. Good! (Excellent! Great! Wow! Cool! Terrific!, etc.)
   "Great! Let's hop in the car."
    
9. How...?/What...?
   These open-ended question words convey warmth and positive views of the other person: "How have you felt about driving since your accident?" "What have you heard lately from your Mom?"
    
10. Positive non-verbals. Positive words have even more impact when spoken in an enthusiastic tone of voice, with positive facial expressions. Smiles, laughter, playfulness, "eye hugs" from eye contact—and, with intimates, hugs and other physical expressions of affection—go a long way toward generating good feelings.

Another tip: Eliminate as many negatives as you can, including words like but, no, not, don't like, and attitudes that are critical, sarcastic, or blaming, all of which will drag down the emotional tone of an interaction, undermining whatever positives you bring.
Of course, every sentence you say need not radiate good vibes; overdone or insincere gushing would be counter-productive. But sprinkling a generous seasoning of positive expressions into your interactions can warm your relationships and brighten how people feel when they talk with you, whether you're dealing with a salesperson or co-worker, or a loved one or child at home.
Emanate positive vibes, even to yourself, and affection and appreciation will return your way. Everyone will enjoy the sunshine!
(Note: Giving positivity is one of four essential arenas of skills that keep relationships positive. Be sure also to develop your skills in the other three communication skill-sets (link is external). That way your smiles and positive words will express genuine inner feelings of well-being as well as outward expression of goodwill.)

Why Writing by Hand Could Change Your Life

New research makes a strong defense of a dying art.

Post published by Temma Ehrenfeld on Apr 23, 2015 in Open Gently

 The debut of the Remington typewriter in 1873 radically altered how people could communicate thoughts. Since then, we have debated whether handwriting was still necessary. Today, kids tap keyboards and phones but rarely, if ever, write by hand even a thank-you card.
However, there’s still good reason for mastering this diminishing craft.
Writing by hand is easier than using a keyboard—and more fruitful. In one study, (link is external)second-graders wrote more words, faster, by pen than by keyboard; fourth- and sixth-graders were more likely to write complete sentences with a pen. Other research (link is external)found that kids produce more ideas when writing by hand and that hand-written essays are more coherent and thoughtful—as well as grammatical.
Does this phenomenon affect us only after we learn to read or at the onset of our education? In another experiment (link is external), five-year-olds who couldn’t read or write printed, typed, or traced letters and shapes. When they saw the letters and shapes during a brain scan, a part of the brain known as the “reading circuit” lit up only after printing, not after typing or tracing.
While literate adults recognize letters despite changes in font, size, or case, children may learn to do that by writing, the authors suggest. The reason may lie in the fact that writing by hand requires several finger movements, compared to hitting a key. According to co-author Virginia Berninger, a professor of educational psychology at the University of Washington, those finger movements activate parts of the brain that help us think.
The case for teaching children cursive, however, is less clear, since at that stage of development they have already learned to recognize letters. According to a report from the Miami-Dade public school system, most schools currently teach cursive handwriting for 10-to-15 minutes a day in the spring of second or third grade. Until the 1970s, penmanship was typically a distinct daily lesson from first through sixth grade—and a separate grade entry on report cards. When handwritten essays were introduced on the SAT in 2006, only 15 percent of the almost 1.5 million students who took the test wrote their answers in cursive, the Miami-Dade report notes; the others printed. (The Common Core curriculum doesn’t require cursive at all, and some states have abandoned teaching it altogether.)
Even many adults who grew up learning to write by hand hate it and have long since abandoned trying to write legible cursive. But their ineptitude should not prevent them from articulating their thoughts; Victor Hugo, James Joyce, and Lord Byron were all scrawlers. Mastering cursive again would actually make it easier to write—the fastest hand-writers use a mix of cursive and print, according to literacy and handwriting expert Steve Graham. Some argue (link is external) that learning cursive is helpful for people with dyslexia. It is also a form of self-expression, since writers develop idiosyncrasies, although there is no good evidence (link is external) that we can reliably assess personality by examining handwriting samples.
Will we have lost something important if the next generation of Americans never send hand-written thank-you notes or post a shopping list on a refrigerator? Could you recognize your own child’s handwriting? In a completely non-scientific poll, I asked several parents and none could definitively say yes. While the art of handwriting is dying out, and may require additional effort to learn initially, that extra attention could benefit both children and adults in terms of literacy, retention, and articulation.
— Virginia W. Berninger, Ph.D.
Robert D. Abbott, Ph.D.
Amy Augsburger, Ph.D.
Noelia Garcia, Ph.D.

How We Decide Who's Creepy

New research into our 'creepiness detector' explains a lot.

Post published by Frank T McAndrew Ph.D. on May 19, 2015 in Out of the Ooze

 "That guy is so creepy," we occasionally say about other people. But what does that really mean and why do we say it? Our “creepy” reaction is both unpleasant and confusing, and according to one study (Leander, et al, 2012), it may even be accompanied by physical symptoms such as feeling cold or chilly. Following casual conversation with colleagues about the psychology underlying creepiness, I decided explore what's been studied about the phenomenon. Given how frequently creepiness is discussed in everyday life, I was amazed that no one had yet studied it in a scientific way. The little bit of research that was at all relevant focused on how we respond to things such as weird nonverbal behaviors, and being socially excluded. These studies did not use the word creepiness, but their results implied that our “creepiness detector” may in fact be a defense against some sort of threat.
Creepiness may be related to the “agency-detection” mechanisms proposed by evolutionary psychologists. These mechanisms evolved to protect us from harm at the hands of predators and enemies. If you are walking down a dark city street and hear the sound of something moving in a dark alley, you will respond with a heightened level of arousal and sharply focused attention and behave as if there is a willful “agent” present who is about to do you harm. If it turns out to be just a gust of wind or a stray cat, you lost little by over-reacting, but if you failed to activate the alarm response and a true threat was present, the cost of your miscalculation could be high.
We evolved to err on the side of detecting threats in such ambiguous situations.
What, then, does our creepiness detector warn us about? It cannot just be a clear warning of physical or social harm. A mugger who points a gun in your face and demands money is terrifying. A rival who threatens to destroy your reputation by revealing secret information about you fills you with dread. Most of us would not use the word “creepy” to refer to either of these situations, yet in both cases there is no ambiguity about the presence of threat. I believe that creepiness is anxiety aroused by the ambiguity of whether there is something to fear, and/or by the ambiguity of the precise nature of the threat—sexual, physical violence, or contamination, for example—that might be present.
Only when we are confronted with uncertainty about threat do we get “creeped out." Our uncertainty paralyzes us about how to respond. For example, it would be considered rude, and strange, to run away in the middle of a conversation with someone is sending out a creepy vibe but is actually harmless; it could be perilous to ignore your intuition and engage with that individual if he is dangerous. This ambivalence may leave you frozen in place, wallowing in creepiness. Yet this reaction could still be adaptive if it helps you maintain vigilance during such periods of uncertainty and manage the balance between self-preservation and social obligation.
I began to identify the components of creepiness. Since there was no previous body of research to build upon, I decided to pursue this question in a study with one of my students, Sara Koehnke. Our study was unavoidably exploratory in nature, but we had a few hypotheses:

1. If creepiness communicates potential threat, males should be more likely to be perceived as creepy than females, since males are generally more violent and physically threatening to more people (see McAndrew, 2009).
2. Related to the first prediction, females should be more likely than males to perceive some sort of sexual threat from a "creepy" person.
3. Occupations that signal a fascination with threatening stimuli, such as death or "non-normative" sex, may attract individuals that would be comfortable in such a work environment. Hence, some occupations should be perceived as creepier than other occupations.
4. Since we hypothesize that creepiness is a function of uncertainty about threat, non-normative nonverbal behaviors and behaviors or characteristics associated with unpredictability will be positively associated with perceptions of creepiness.

We recruited volunteers to fill out an online survey through Facebook, and ended up with a sample of 1,341 individuals (1,029 females, 312 males) ranging in age from 18 to 77 with a mean age of 28.97 (SD = 11.34). In the first section of the survey, our participants rated the likelihood that a hypothetical “creepy person” would exhibit 44 different behaviors, such as unusual patterns of eye contact or physical characteristics like visible tattoos. In the second section of the survey, participants rated the creepiness of 21 different occupations, and in the third section, they simply listed two hobbies that they thought were creepy. In the final section, participants expressed their level of agreement with 15 statements about the nature of creepy people.
Our study confirmed the following:

• Perceived creepy people are more likely to be males than females.
• Females are more likely to perceive sexual threat from creepy people.
• Occupations do differ in level of perceived creepiness. Clowns, taxidermists, sex-shop owners, and funeral directors were at the top of the list.
• Unpredictability is an important component of perceived creepiness.
• A variety of non-normative physical characteristics and nonverbal behaviors contribute to perceptions of creepiness.
• Participants did not believe that most creepy people realize they are creepy, nor did they believe that creepy people necessarily have bad intentions. However, they also believed that creepy people could not change.
• The most frequently mentioned creepy hobbies involved collecting things, such as dolls, insects, or body parts such as teeth. Bones or fingernails were considered especially creepy; the second most frequently mentioned creepy hobby involved some variation of "watching," such as taking pictures of people, watching children, pornography, and even bird watching.

The results are consistent with the idea that creepiness is a response to the ambiguity of threat. Non-normative non-verbal and emotional behaviors, unusual physical characteristics and hobbies, or suspect occupations set off our “creepiness detector." Men are considered more likely to be creepy by males and females alike; women are more likely to perceive sexual threat from creepy people.
We have not yet published our results, but we have presented at several conferences. And I plan to expand my study from creepy people to creepy places: We become uneasy, for example, in environments that are dark and/or offer a lot of hiding places for potential predators and also lack clear, unobstructed views of the landscape. These environmental qualities have been called “prospect” and "refuge” by British geographer Jay Appleton. Fear of crime and a pervasive sense of unease are experienced in environments with less than optimal combinations of prospect and refuge. In creepy places as with creepy people, I expect to find that it is not the clear presence of danger that creeps us out, but rather the uncertainty of whether danger is present or not.

肩頸一直都這麼硬！！ 「9個動作」解救你的頸椎，低頭族的福音！

2015-05-25 / 作者 : 貝貝 / 77120

今天小編要推薦9個簡單的小動作，回家的捷運上就可以開始做，有助於緩解一天工作和學習的疲勞，解救頸椎哦~

This Simple Trick Can Help You Concentrate at Work

One step closer to becoming employee of the month.

By Samantha Zabell

 

 

Feeling trapped at work? Head to the nearest window and try to find a park or tree to stare at for a bit—new research from University of Melbourne suggests that looking at greenery could boost concentration. What’s more, you don’t even need to take a long break—just 40 seconds can make a difference.

Researchers gave 150 students a boring computer task, and then offered them a 40-second break halfway through the experiment. Half of the students were shown an image of a plain, concrete roof; the other half saw a roof with a flowering meadow. Once they resumed their number-punching activity, the students who saw the greenery made fewer errors and demonstrated higher levels of concentration than the other group. While this experiment used students, these findings, published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology, seem to apply to anyone spending all day indoors at a desk.

"It's really important to have micro-breaks. It's something that a lot of us do naturally when we're stressed or mentally fatigued," lead researcher Dr. Kate Lee said in a statement. "There's a reason you look out the window and seek nature, it can help you concentrate on your work and to maintain performance across the workday.”

If you don’t work near a park, there are other ways to reap the benefits of greenery while sitting at your desk—a recent UK study, for instance, found that office plants were correlated with a 15 percent productivity boost. And even just looking out the window can help, according to researchers from Northwestern Medicine, who found in one study that workers who were exposed to natural light slept better and experienced higher quality of life.

Next, Lee’s team plans to investigate the relationship between green workplaces and employee creativity and helpfulness.

先練習小退休，安排時間享用人生

先練習小退休，安排時間享用人生
最好的退休準備，就是趁年輕的時候，給自己「小退休」的機會，練習一旦自己完全擁有時間跟自由，要怎麼享用人生。
「小退休」可以用很多種不同的方式，在不同的人生階段出現。可以是年輕人的「間隔年」（gap year） ， 可以是青年的海外打工度假， 也可以是在職涯中脫離傳統朝九晚五、尋找適合自己的工作模式。
一位原本在台灣是穩定的上班族， 工作了幾年後決定於二○一三年出發到韓國打工度假的讀者朋友，曾經跟我分享她的韓國經驗：
「因為考慮到服務業多少會有業績壓力，不想在國外賺錢賺得有壓力，我選擇了沒有壓力、安全、又高薪的工廠。工廠大部分在京畿道，距離首爾才一個多小時，我 在工廠工作了八、九個月，存了不少錢，中途還出國玩呢！當然我也很會花，因為韓國的化妝品、衣服真的很好買，又有一堆美味甜點。我現在把存的那些錢拿來繳 學費，去語言堂上課，真的很開心又充實地享受首爾生活，我很開心自己撐過來，也感謝自己當初選擇先苦後甘是對的。」
在年輕的時候， 有過這樣的練習， 知道如何做選擇， 就好像學會騎腳踏車， 一旦學會了，無論中間有多久沒有再騎車，你的身體都不會忘記那種感受。在醫學上，這種記憶叫做程序記憶（procedural memory），又稱為內隱記憶（implicit memory），指關於技術、過程、或「如何做」的記憶，一旦內化，可以非常持久。除了騎腳踏車之外，鍵盤打字、使用樂器或是游泳都屬於程序記憶，通常不 容易改變，且可以在不自覺的情況下啟動。
聽起來雖然簡單，但是只知道理論上怎麼騎腳踏車（還不簡單？不過就是保持平衡，一直踩踏板嗎？）卻沒有實際上學習過騎腳踏車的人，在需要的時候，就不可能有這種能力。
這是為什麼，在海外打工度假的人，學習的不只是年輕人的自立，同時也學會了退休後如何享用人生的方法。
《1份工作11種視野：改變你未來命運的絕對工作術》
褚士瑩◎著

生命和諧的2項原則：莫為小事抓狂、這些都是芝麻小事 文字：tianesu VOGUE.TW | 圖片：TPG | 來源：時報出版《練習當好命人》 | 更新：4/29/2015 29 DAYS AGO

我這一代最偉大的發現就是，一個人可以藉由改變自己的態度，來改變一生。──美國心理學、哲學始祖 威廉．詹姆斯（William James）
在《練習當好命人》書裡，分享非常明確的策略，幫助你用更優雅的態度來面對人生。這些也是作者最喜歡的人生態度：隨順因緣的人生 態度。每一條方法其實都很簡單，但是卻很有用，可以指引你走向更寬廣的視野，以及更放鬆的生活態度。你會發現，許多策略不僅可以用來應付個別事件，還可以 用來處理許多生命中的難關。只要你願意試試這些方法，你將能學會生命和諧的兩項原則：（一）莫為小事抓狂，（二）這些都是芝麻小事。當你把這些想法納入你 的生活時，你就可以開始創造一個更心平氣和、更有愛心的自己。



別浪費精力為小事抓狂
我們經常為了一些事情抓狂，但其實仔細想一想，這些都不是什麼大不了的事。我們只是在鑽牛角尖，把問題擴大而已。比方說，有個陌 生人在路上突然超車到我們前面，就一整天無法釋懷，還說服自己應該要生氣。我們不斷地在心中假想衝突的畫面，有些人還會四處告訴別人這件倒楣事，就是不肯 輕易忘懷。
不妨同情一下這個人，並且記住匆匆忙忙有多痛苦。這樣一來，我們既可以維持自己內心的平衡，還可以避免把別人的問題扯到自己的身上來。
我們的日常生活中，每天都有許多類似的「小事」，像是不得不排隊，或是聽偏頗的批評而無法辯白，或是吃重的工作都落到自己頭上 等。如果我們能學會不要為小事煩惱，就可以獲得莫大的回報。許多人就是浪費了太多的精力在「為小事抓狂」，結果完全忽略了生命的神奇與美妙。當你決心朝這 個目標去努力，你就會發現，你有更多的精力可以讓自己變得更慈愛溫柔。

不必執著於非得完成所有事情不可
有許多人過日子的方式，好像有一個祕密目標，非要把一切事情都做完不可。我們熬夜、早起、不敢放縱逸樂、讓我們所愛的人一直等下 去。可悲的是，我看過太多人就是因為讓他們所愛的人等太久，最後對方終於放棄了這段感情。以前，我就是這個樣子。我們通常會說服自己，忙得不可開交只是暫 時的，一旦做完了該做的事，我們就能平靜放鬆，並且心情愉快。事實上，這樣的境界永遠不會到來，因為舊的事情剛做完，新的立刻接踵而至。
「待辦清單」只意味著你有些事情尚待處理，並不表示你得全部辦完。人永遠都有沒打完的電話、未結案的計畫、未完成的工作。事實 上，我們甚至可以說，一個滿滿的待辦清單才是成功的要素，因為這表示你的時間很寶貴！人生的目的並非完成所有事情，而是去享受生命旅途上的每一步，過著充 滿愛的生活，我就比較不會執著於非得完成所有事情不可的念頭。記住，在你離開人世的那一天，還是會留下未辦完的事需要別人代勞，而且也一定會有人來代勞 的！別浪費生命中的每一分每一秒，在做無謂的惋惜。


停止怪罪他人，你會重新獲得掌控權
當事情不符合我們的期望時，許多人都會做這樣的假設：「這一定是別人的錯。」放眼望去，到處都可以看到這樣的事情：東西不見了， 一定是有人動了它；車子狀況不對，一定是修車廠沒修好；入不敷出，一定是你的配偶太會花錢了；房子一團糟，所以一定只有你一個人在收拾整理；計畫耽擱了， 所以你的同事一定沒盡到他該盡的責任等等。
這類怪罪他人的想法已經在我們的文化中變成稀鬆平常的事。在個人的層面上，它讓我們不必為自己的行為、問題或幸福負全責；從社會 層面說來，它導致了草率的訴訟與荒謬的藉口，讓罪犯消遙法外。當我們陷入怪罪他人的習性時，我們會將自己的憤怒、挫折、沮喪、壓力和不快樂都歸咎到他人頭 上。
說到個人的幸福，當你怪罪別人時，你是無法得到安寧的。有時別人和或環境當然也加重了我們的問題，可是，我們自己應該利用這個機 會為自己的幸福負責。時勢不會造就一個人，時勢只是讓人流露出本性。當你不再怪罪他人時，人生也會變得比較有趣，比較容易掌握。試試看會發生什麼事。


即使離開人世，還是會有沒做完的事
你什麼時候會死亡呢？五十年後，二十年後，十年後，五年後，今天？上次我問這個問題時，沒人答覆我。我常常在想，每次聽新聞的時 候，都不曉得那個在下班途中出車禍的人，是否記得告訴家人他有多愛他們？他生前不知過得好不好？懂不懂得愛？或許唯一可以確定的是，他一定還有尚未完成的 事情。
事實上，沒人知道我們能夠活多久。但悲哀的是，我們的所作所為，卻好像以為自己可以活一輩子。我們拖延了內心想做的事：告訴我們 深愛的人我們有多關心他們、花一些時間獨處、拜訪好朋友、徒步旅行、跑馬拉松賽跑、寫一封真心誠意的信、帶女兒去釣魚、學打坐、成為一個懂得傾聽的人等 等。我們想出各種複雜的理由來讓自己的行為合理化，浪費時間和精力去做一些無關痛癢的事。我們一再說自己不行，結果自己就真的不行。
建議你把每一天當作臨終之日來活，應該是很恰當的。這個建議不是要你去冒險，或是拋棄責任；而是要提醒你，生命何等珍貴。
有位朋友曾經說過：「人生太重要了，不應該過得太嚴肅。」十年後，我終於知道他是對的。我希望這本書能夠繼續幫助你。請不要忘記最基本的訣竅：別為小事抓狂！

設計 居然差這麼多？只要 3 個步驟 教你把女友拍成身高 170 的長腿正妹！

 你時常聽到女孩對男生說：「你怎麼把我拍得照麼醜！這麼矮啦！」，很多女生都需要一個會拍照的男朋友，居住在上海的大陸女生「蕾蕾爱上纯天然 」就在網路上分享自己如何把別人調教成拍照高手，讓自己美一張照片出來都是長腿正妹，即使拍照的人都是完全不會用相機，也能夠輕鬆上手。

1.拍照設備－廣角（有拉長的效果）
廣角在我們的生活中隨處可見，手機，自拍神器都是廣角，當然如果你有單反的廣角鏡那就更加的完美了。

2.構圖比例
經過這幾年地不斷實踐，總結了黃金比例給大家參考，只要記住：腳貼底，頭留空，腿交叉，170就在眼前。

a) 腳要貼底
如左圖腳一定要緊貼照片底邊，不要裁掉，右圖的錯誤示範就是千萬別把人物放在中間，不然差不多的姿勢，瞬間就矮了 20 公分。

▼腳貼到底的重要性

b) 頭要留空
腳貼邊很重要，但是只有腳貼邊還是不夠的，頭上要留空間，我對比了很多自己和別的照片，留空在30%到70%都可以，但最好的還是40%-50%，如果空 間留的太多會顯得人小，如果少了，人就明顯有壓迫的感覺，所以從下圖不難可以看出，第一張天空留60%人比較小，而最後一張留25%的顯得明顯擁擠了。

3.腿並攏交叉

▼同樣的原理都可以用在橫過來坐著和站著的照片

女孩們看完是不是覺得超實用？沒想到原來要把腿拍長，居然只要這麼簡單的 3 個步驟，快將這篇傳給男朋友看，親手把他調教成拍照達人，拜託把我拍高一點，姐的長腿就靠你了！
 http://www.juksy.com/archives/45341

4 Steps to Shake a Bad Mood

Expert advice to retake control of your mood, and your day.

Post published by Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. on May 12, 2015 in Hope for Relationships

 Everyone experiences a bad mood or a case of the blues sometimes. If you wake up feeling down, or catch yourself slipping into a state of melancholy throughout the day, remember that we each have ultimate control over our moods. Regardless of what is going on around you, these 4 steps can quickly help lift your spirits:

1. Go outside. Sometimes the last thing we want to do when we’re feeling down in the dumps is to step outside of our current situation. But instead of dwelling in your funk, try going for a quick walk, even just for five minutes around the block. Draw in a few deep breaths of fresh air. Notice the natural world around you; observe any flowers blooming, animals being active, and the sound and feeling of the wind. Whatever the weather, nature has an amazing healing effect on the human psyche and spirit.
    
2. Listen to uplifting music. Music can instantly transport you to a different state of feeling and being. Try creating a playlist of favorite songs that put a smile on your face. Try to select songs that have an upbeat tempo and lyrics—songs that would make up the score to sunlight piercing through dark clouds. When you feel down, push PLAY and let this soundtrack get you back on a happier path.
    
3. Make a gratitude list. That which we focus on becomes our reality. Sometimes we feel blue because we get bogged down thinking about our shortcomings and misfortunes. Instead, make a list of 10 things you are grateful for, right now, in this very moment. Who are the people that support you? What events in your life have brought you lasting joy? In what ways is your life abundant? Everyone has real answers to these questions. Dig deep and reflect on the things and people that bring light to your life.
    
4. Call a friend. It’s easy to compartmentalize our friendships and assign them exclusively to texts and Facebook messages. While these types of communication are easy and convenient, they lack the human connection that truly fuels our souls. Sometimes, the thing we need most when we are in a funk is to hear the sound of a friend’s voice, as a reminder that you have real connections in this world. Think through your Rolodex of friends and relatives—especially the most upbeat and positive people—and give one a call.

While simple, these four activities can provide relief from a bad mood or a case of the blues. For some of us, however, the dark cloud never lifts. If you or someone you love is struggling and constantly feeling down, they could be suffering from depression and may need professional help.

To: Choo

珠，

你的情绪化、不平、妒忌、愤怒、不安、紧张、失眠等等消极的感觉，这一切都是暂时的。

面对环境，人们难免会有坏情绪。

珠，你已经做到最好了。

珠，其实你很棒。

你说，你一无所有。

其实物质的丰足并不是一切。

身外物，生不带来死不带去，只要有衣有食，我们也就应当知足。

你说，为什么别人怎么在工作上会获得如此成就，而自己却没法做到。

工作就是一分工作罢了，尽自己最大的努力，如果成绩依然未获得赞赏，那也可以通过自己那一关，我已经尽力了。

没升职没加薪，这一次不要紧。

不怕，因为下次一定轮到你。

那只是时间上的问题。

退一步海阔天空。

你说，老久了至今仍情归无处。

不，不是时间的问题。

你的等待只为了得到一个更好的人。

等时间到了，转角处，必然遇见。

现在所有的预备都是为了那日的相遇，所以，珠，不急。

给自己多一点时间，多一点沉淀。

珠，你就会好象美酒，越久越醇。

所以，一切事慢慢来，不急不急。

沉着的应对生话上面临的大小事。

快乐的，乐观的，带着微笑生活着，虽然有时候真的没有什么可以笑的事。

珠，试着在平淡的生活里发现可以让你微笑的事物。

也许偶尔你发觉不到，不要紧，这一次伪装的微笑，肯定会带来下一妙真诚的微笑。

珠，快乐要自己去寻找，勇敢的出去。

如果这一天你失败了，也不要紧。

一试再试，成功必定属于你。

珠，祝你快乐。

A letter written to myself

This morning I feel wonderful.
Afternoon I am in a bad mood.
I am thinking over and over:  why my life is such a rubbish?
It looks like everybody is having a wonderful life.
Except me.
I am still in my old pace.
Lousy job, no friend, no money, no partner ..... I have nothing.
I am jealous when somebody has a salary raise.
I am jealous when everybody has his own goal.

How to Meditate

Follow these five-minute mediation techniques for a clear, calm mind. 

By Sharon Liao

 

The Routine

We know, we know. You’re too wound up to meditate. You don’t have time. It’s not your thing. But before you roll your eyes and get on with addressing those 500 holiday cards, consider this: A study published this past June in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience reported that the practice can reduce anxiety levels by up to 22 percent. Research has also suggested that meditating can actually form new and permanent neural connections in the brain. “Meditation trains your mind to focus on the moment instead of worrying about what occurred in the past or what could happen in the future,” says Janet Nima Taylor, an American Buddhist nun in Kansas City, Missouri, and the author of Meditation for Non-meditators. The amazing thing? All you need is five minutes a day. “Anyone can do it, and the more consistent you are, the easier it will become,” says Taylor, who devised the routine on this page. So take a timer, a notepad, and a pen to a quiet room with soft (but not dim) lighting. Sit up straight in a comfortable chair, remove your shoes and socks, and get started.

Minute 1: Breathe Deeply

Rest your hands on the tops of your thighs with legs hip-distance apart and feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes, or leave them open, allowing your gaze to rest, unfocused, a few feet in front of you. Taylor recommends meditating both ways (on different days or in a single session): Shutting your eyes helps you to focus on the inner workings of your body, while leaving them open strengthens your ability to stay serene amid external distractions. Observe how your feet feel on the floor; they may seem tingly, or you may sense the hardness of the wood against your toes. Now deepen your breathing (either through the nose, the mouth, or both, whichever comes naturally), inhaling for a count of four and exhaling for a count of six.

Minute 2: Find Your Natural Pace

Stop counting and allow your breathing to fall into an easy rhythm. Pay attention to what your breaths feel like—not overly deep or too shallow—and compare that with your usual cadence. (Most people tend to take short, weak breaths throughout the day, which deprives the blood of oxygen and, in turn, can lower energy levels.) Tune in to the rising and falling sensation in your body. You should experience it from your belly to your shoulders.

Minute 3: Stay Focused

Continue to be aware of your breathing. If random thoughts (shopping lists, work deadlines) pop into your head, don’t push them out or linger on them. Instead imagine each one as a harmless floating cloud. This visualization technique helps you to acknowledge your worries without responding to them emotionally. If a thought still doesn’t drift away from your mind, jot it down on the notepad. Then turn back to your meditation.

Minute 4: Relax

Release your focus on your breathing and simply sit. Remind yourself that there’s nothing to do, fix, or change.

Minute 5: Give Thanks

Think about something that you’re grateful for, such as spending time with friends or having the chance to meditate. Then gradually transition your thoughts to how you physically feel: the relaxed state of your muscles and the steadiness of your heartbeat. Open your eyes (if you had them closed), stand up, and tackle the rest of your day—calm, cool, and collected.

你跑步時也會「側腹痛」嗎？專家教你一個動作立馬不痛！

許多人在上體育課跑步時，會感覺側腹部出現劇烈疼痛的現象，這種疼痛通常俗稱為「側腹痛」。

很多人不喜歡跑步，就是因為有時候跑一跑側腹部會痛到不行！相信這個經驗應該大家都有過吧？

關於這類的側腹疼痛，科學家給它取了個很專業的名字叫「運動引起的下腹部短暫疼痛」（ETAP），但一般我們都稱這個症狀為岔氣。。。這到底怎麼回事？又如何克服呢？

到底為什麼會造成「側腹痛」呢？

一般來說，造成運動中腹痛的原因有下面幾個：

1、沒有做好熱身活動

劇烈運動前，要充分做好熱身活動，這是體育運動中不可忽視的一個重要環節。熱身活動做得不好，內臟器官就不能適應急劇的肌肉工作，容易引起腹部某些器官的機能紊亂，造成局部疼痛。

2、長時間的劇烈運動

這時，由於心臟功能降低，血液迴流受阻而瘀積在肝臟內，引起肝部疼痛。或者由於呼吸動作不協調，橫隔肌產生異常活動或疲勞而致痛，也就是平時說的「岔氣」。

但因為會側腹痛，我們就真的不能跑步了嗎？

快速緩解疼痛的5個妙方：

1、運動前確保大部分食物已經消化，並不再額外補充高滲透壓飲料，也就是說，飯後不要馬上運動。

2、運動前充分舒展身體，有助於減少岔氣發生的！

你可以這樣做：舉高右手的同時並儘可能向左傾斜拉伸，保持30秒後，放鬆，再換左手上舉向右拉伸。

3、岔氣時請減慢運動節奏直至其消退。

4、呼吸方式改為「踏左腳時吐氣」

5、若跑步時還是會痛，你可以試著對岔氣的部位進行按壓按摩，並使身體盡量前傾，使得橫膈膜能夠被盡量拉伸，這有助於緩解疼痛。

一般來說，照著上面的方法來做，疼痛都可以得到緩解。但如果還是沒有效果，反而越來越痛，就應該考慮到可能是與疾病有關了，要立即停止運動，快去看醫生吧！

母亲老了 千万别对他们说这样的十句话

文章导读: 关于感恩母爱的文章，送给正在奋斗的80后一代。我们的母亲老了 千万别对他们说这样的十句话。你留意过自己的父母吗？你关心过你自己的父母吗?
 
母亲老了 千万别对他们说这样的十句话

 

不管他们是否养育过你，至少母亲曾十月怀胎并把你生到这个世界上，能看到这世界的一切，美的、丑的、恶的、好的，都是上帝和父母赐予你的，不要做会让自己后悔的事，请好好对自己的父母，不要等到他们不在了，才懂得珍惜。那时！一切就再也来不及了。

记住！永远不要对父母说这十句话

 

1.好了，好了，知道，真罗嗦！（可怜天下父母心，父母的“罗嗦”其实是一种幸福。）

 

2.有事吗，没事？那挂了啊。（父母打电话，也许只想说说话，我们能否明白他们的用意，不要匆忙挂了电话？）

 

3.说了你也不懂，别问了！（他们只是想和我们说说话）

 

4.跟你说了多少次不要你做，做又做不好。（一些他们已经力不能及的事，我们因为关心而制止，但不要这样让他们觉得自己很无用。）

 

5.你们那一套，早就过时了。（父母的建议，也许不能起到作用，可我们是否能换一种回应的方式。）

 

6.叫你别收拾我的房间，你看，东西找都找不到！（自己的房间还是自己收拾好，不收拾，也不要拂了老人的好意。）

 

7.我要吃什么我知道，别夹了！（盼着我们回家的父母总想把所有关心融在特意做的菜里，我们默默领情就好。）

 

8.说了别吃这些剩菜了，怎么老不听啊！（他们一辈子的节约习惯，很难改，让他们每次尽量少做点菜就好。）

 

9.我自己有分寸，不要老说了，烦不烦!

 

10.这些东西说了不要了，堆在这里做什么啊！

 

突然想到了自己的母亲，不禁黯然泪下，突然很感动，很想哭，为了孩子健康快乐成长，爸爸妈妈付出了很多。可是我们又为了父母做了什么呢？你留意过父母的变化吗？让爱充满世界。

 

你留意过自己的父母吗？你关心过你自己的父母吗?

 

如果有一天，你发现父亲的花草树木已渐荒废，如果有一天，你发现家中的地板衣柜经常沾满灰尘；

如果有一天，你发现母亲煮的菜太咸太难吃，如果有一天，你发现父母经常忘记关瓦斯；

如果有一天，你发现老父老母的一些习惯不再是习惯时，就像他们不再想要天天洗澡时；

如果有一天，你发现父母不再爱吃青脆的蔬果，如果有一天，你发现父母爱吃煮得烂烂的菜；

如果有一天，你发现父母喜欢吃稀饭，如果有一天，你发现他们过马路行动反应都慢了；

如果有一天，你发现吃饭时间他们老是咳个不停，千万别误以为他们感冒或着凉，（那是吞咽神经老化的现象）

如果有一天，你发觉他们不再爱出门……

 

如果有那么一天，我要告诉你，你要警觉父母真的老了，器官已经退化到需要别人照料了，如果你不能照料，请你替他们找人照料，并请你请你千万要常常控望，记得常回家看看，不要让他们觉得被遗弃了。

 

每 个人都会老，父母比我们先老，我们要用角色互换的心情去照料他们，才会有耐心，才不会有怨言，当父母不能照顾自己的时候，为人子女要警觉，他们可能会大小 便失禁，可能会很多事情做不好，如果房间有异味，可能他们自己也闻不到，请不要嫌他脏或嫌他臭，为人子女的只能帮他清理，并请维持他们的“自尊心”。

 

当他们不爱洗澡时，请抽空定期帮他们洗身体，因为纵使他们自己洗也不可能洗干净，当我们享爱食物的时候，请替他们准备一份大小适当，容易咀嚼的一小碗，因为他们不爱吃可能是牙齿咬不动了。

从我们出生开始，喂奶换尿布、生病的不眠不休照料，教我们生活基本能力，供给读书，吃喝玩乐和补习，关心和行动永远都不停歇。

 

如果有一天，他们真的动不了了，角色互换不也是应该的吗？为人子女者要切记，看父母就是看自己的未来，孝顺要及时，树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在。

經常沒來由的沮喪、煩躁或憤怒影響睡眠甚至是日常生活？六招讓你情緒平穩睡好覺 文字：silvia (Translated by Erika) | 來源：MONTROSE, TPG, NIKE | 更新：3/30/2015 1 MONTH AGO

身體不會說話，所以它常常用不同的方式讓你知道哪部位出了問題，像是發燒或疼痛都是，但你知道，其實情緒莫名的煩躁和低落、焦 慮、失眠也是種警訊嗎？執業20年的精神科醫生Julie Holland表示常常有病患和她說「我一直到凌晨四點都睡不著，但是我好累。」、「我每天都不想起床，而且我覺得我不在乎任何事了。」又或者是「我一直 處在憤怒狀態－但是我不知道為什麼！」

隨著世代的轉變，現在的病患則是更加焦慮煩躁、更難入睡，甚至有幻聽或幻覺。如果你也有這樣的情況，請開始面對這些症狀吧！但是別擔心，改善的方法相當簡單，只要小小的改變，你會發現其實擁有好心情、睡好覺是很簡單的！



 1. 聰明吃，還能快樂瘦
不正確的節食或是單一食物不攝取的節食方式也會造成情緒的喜怒無常，但其實只要遵照幾個基本原則，「節食」是OK的：
i） 從蔬菜中取得纖維質而非水果，因為選錯了水果反而吃進過多的糖分。
ii） 天然食物永遠比加工食物來的好，簡單來說，就是看得出食物的原型。
iii） 如果要節食，蛋白質的攝取該比碳水化合物來的多，但不是完全不吃碳水化合物。 有研究比照了兩組「激烈節食（包含加工食品）」和和「選擇性節食」的成年人，結果顯示，「選擇性節食」處理憂鬱的效率比另一組高出58%。如果可以，每天 請攝取大量的蔬菜（像是沙拉、燙青菜等），並多吃能增加抵抗力的食物，像是薑、藍莓、黑巧克力、綠茶、紅葡萄酒…另外還有富含omega-3的食物，如鮭 魚，大比目魚和亞麻籽等，已有許多研究顯示，這些食物有助於改善情緒和焦慮。



　2. 行光合作用吧！
不只植物需要曬太陽行光合作用，其實人也需要！一週至少有3天可以在戶外待上20分鐘，曬曬太陽、享受一下陽光。現在有大約三分 之一的忙碌現代人缺乏維生素D而不自知－維生素D缺乏症，而缺乏的一大原因來自於「沒有曬太陽」，準確地說是陽光中的中波紫外線B光。缺乏維生素D不但會 骨軟化和骨質疏鬆症，也會造成心情憂鬱，像有些輕微憂鬱症或躁鬱症患者便是缺乏維生素D，這時醫生就會在處方裡加上維生素D以提振病患的心情。 但注意了，曬太陽也有分時段，並非在正中午時在太陽底下曝曬，只要在可以接受的範圍，享受陽光即可，另外，也別老是帶著那時髦的墨鏡，你的視網膜也是需要 曬曬太陽，發揮抗憂鬱的效果。



 3. 定期的有氧運動
運動可說是治百病。研究顯示，有氧運動可以有效的改善情緒和提振精神，以基本的333原則（一星期運動3天，每次至少30分鐘，心跳達到每分鐘130下）去執行，不用多久就可以有顯著的效果。
小提醒：睡前3小時內別運動，避免影響交感神經和副交感神經變得亢奮而睡不著。



 4. 每天至少睡7～9小時
當然，連續的睡7～9小時是最好的，如果可以的話盡量別午睡，這樣會打亂夜間的睡眠品質，但如果真的累到不行，就打個盹吧，盡量在下午三點前「睡完」，一次別太久，大約25分鐘，最多最多就90分鐘。

 5. 額外補充營養素
如果以上方法都不管用，可以借助點外力。在許多健康食品專賣店可以找到色氨酸（L-tryptophan）和5-羥基色胺酸 （5-hydroxytryptophan／5HTP），這兩樣人體都不能自行合成，作用是提高血清素的生產，達到穩定情緒及促進睡眠品質的作用，就像維 生素B6一樣；另外還能服用鎂補充劑，許多女人常有缺鎂的問題，缺鎂也會造成焦慮、失眠，在生理期時則會有腹脹的不適；而適當的補充鈣可以減少煩躁感。

6. 正視「經前症候群」
一個月拜訪一次的好朋友常常也會帶來不少問題，許多人就深受經前症候群影響，但請正視這個問題，它很可能是身體發出的警訊，有不少方法或處方可以改善；如果經前症候群在經期開始後沒有改善的話，請就醫，嚴重的話它可是憂鬱症。

睡前習慣聽歌曲？讓你放鬆安穩睡一覺的19首舒眠歌曲 文字：Alice Cheng, Eileen Lee VOGUE.TW | 來源：Spotify | 更新：4/15/20

許多人會在睡前藉由音樂放鬆身心，舒適平穩的進入夢鄉，有趣的是，雖然每個人的生活習慣和喜愛的音樂類型都不相同，但是睡前選擇 的舒眠音樂往往有著相同的調性。Spotify分析全球超過280萬組的舒眠歌單，發現英國創作歌手紅髮艾德Ed Sheeran是全球樂迷的頭號首選，溫柔又浪漫的招牌抒情歌曲《Thinking Out Loud》，在眾多舒眠歌曲中，點播率遙遙領先，被公認為最能放鬆的歌曲。

國家睡眠基金會首席研究員Max Hirshkowitz表示，音樂是相當個人導向的東西，即便是同樣的情感經驗，對於每個人也都會產生不同的感觸，不論是令人情緒激昂或輕鬆紓壓的音樂， 越能吸引自己注意的旋律或歌曲，它越能產生影響，因此，除了直白動聽的《Thinking Out Loud》之外，紅髮艾德Ed Sheeran的其他歌曲，像是《I See Fire》、《Give Me Love》和《The A Team》，也是美國舒眠排行榜的常客，至於台灣聽眾則對旋律優美的《D大調卡農Canon in D》情有獨鍾，Spotify緊接帶來一份舒眠歌單，希望藉由音樂確保大家能擁有最高的睡眠品質，幫助大家選擇最適合自己的睡前音樂。

台灣舒眠歌曲榜
1. Jonann Pachelbel《Pachelbel Canon In D - Solo Piano》
2. John Legend《All of Me》
3. Baby Lullaby《Deep Sleep》
4. Adam Levine《Lost Stars》
5. Yiruma《River Flows In You》

全球舒眠歌曲榜
1. Ed Sheeran《Thinking Out Loud》
2. Sam Smith《Stay With Me》
3. Ellie Goulding《Love Me Like You Do》
4. Ed Sheeran《I See Fire》
5. Sam Smith《I'm Not the Only One》
6. Rain Sounds《Rain for Sleep》
7. John Legend《All of Me》
8. The Weeknd《Earned It》
9. Passenger《Let Her Go》
10. Birdy《Skinny Love》
11. A Great Big World, Christina Aguilera《Say Something》
12. Rihanna, Paul McCartney, Kanye West《FourFiveSeconds》
13. Ed Sheeran《The A Team》
14. Ed Sheeran《Tenerife Sea》
15. Ed Sheeran《Give Me Love》
16. Sam Smith《Lay Me Down》
17. Coldplay《Fix You》
18. Ed Sheeran《Photograph》
19. Ed Sheeran《Kiss Me》

6 Signs That Fear is Holding You Back

Fear lets you see only the downside, and that won't get you very far.

Post published by Matthew B. James Ph.D. on May 17, 2015 in Focus on Forgiveness

 Fear is a basic human emotion. It was wired into our systems for a beneficial purpose—to signal us in times of danger and prepare us physically so we could accomplish what is necessary for survival.
When warranted, fear can be one of our most vital resources.
But as Helen Keller said, "Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold."
These days, fear has become big business rather than a helpful, valuable resource.
We live in a climate fueled by fear. The media manipulates fear to earn higher ratings with headlines such as "Will Ebola Hit Your Neighborhood?" while merchandisers tap our fear to sell products. Politicians stir up fear to accumulate votes, religious leaders employ fear to keep flocks in line, and parents wield fear to keep kids from misbehaving. Fear is woven into the fabric of our lives, perhaps affecting modern adults even more than it did our caveman ancestors.
A recent article in the New York Observer recently claimed that “fear is the new normal. (link is external)”[1] Fear influences the choices we make. Yet making decisions motivated by fear is flawed, if not dangerous; it will never lead to the healthy, fulfilling lives we crave.
What is the primary motivating factor in your life? Here are 6 clues that you may be fueled by fear not freedom:

1. Fear sees only the downside. While nearly every choice has an upside and a downside, someone in a fearful state only identifies the worst that could happen. Considering a blind date? It might be awkward or boring. Have an opportunity for a new job? You might not be qualified because it's too difficult. Like the addictive gambler who sees only wealth and riches as he approaches the roulette wheel, fear sees only failure and pain.
2. Fear doesn’t let you stop to think it through. Fear tells you to react immediately. If a wooly mammoth were chasing an early human ancestor, this response could save a life. But today, when you’re trying to decide whether to accept a lowball offer on your house or to have a particular medical procedure, stepping back to analyze the options is a good thing.
3. Fear tells us to avoid anything new or unknown. Whereas fear used to appear only in response to real threats to survival, now its alarm sounds whenever we stick a toe outside our “comfort zone.” Fear prefers that we stay in a familiar—even if painful—situation, rather than step into the unknown. For example, fear could dictate that we stay in an abusive relationship or dead-end job. 
4. Fear constricts rather than expands who we are. Fear tells us not to smile at strangers or speak our opinions too loudly. Instead of pushing our boundaries, fear encourages us to avoid any potential failure or rejection. For example, we should not write that book, ask for that date, or apply for that promotion. If it was up to fear, we would hide in bed instead of growing into who we could be.
5. Fear obscures your intuition. Great decision-makers often talk about trusting their “gut instincts.” There’s no room for that small, still voice when fear is present. All you can hear are the spiraling thoughts coursing through your mind. When you’re consumed with fear, gut instincts are hard if not impossible to recognize.
6. Fear often keeps us from making any decision at all. A wise person once said, “Choose a path or a path will be chosen for you.” Fear is the root of some people's "decidophobia," the fear of making decisions. While most individuals do not freeze in the face of any choice, fear keeps many second-guessing themselves into avoiding decisions whenever they can. Of course, no decision at all becomes a decision!

If fear dictates your decisions, what can you do?
First, recognize when you’re coming from fear using the checklist above. Give yourself time and space to hear other voices besides fear’s in any decision. Consider making a concrete list of pros and cons in a given situation. Then, wait until you’re in a better place to make whatever decision you need to make. In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) (link is external), we call that better state a “resourceful state,” when you feel strong, capable and clear.
If the fear persists, get help to release it. Fear that is chronic and unwarranted stems from a previous “root cause” event that is captive in the unconscious. Using something like the Mental Emotional Release®  (link is external) process can rid you of that inappropriate fear and allow you to make empowered decisions.
Make your next decision from a place of freedom. As Marcus Aurelius said, "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live."

6 Tips to Beat Loneliness for Good

Expert tips for finding love, and recognizing affection right in front of you.

Post published by Barbara Markway Ph.D. on May 18, 2015 in Living the Questions

 We humans have a compelling need to be social. We need close relationships in our lives and when we feel disconnected or isolated from the people we love, the result is the troubling state we call loneliness. For some, loneliness is an occasional annoyance, but for others, it can become a painful, even debilitating condition.
Fortunately, loneliness (link is external) is not inevitable. To combat it, and invite more affection and intimacy into your life, these 6 tips can help:

1. Be open to intimacy. One way to encourage more affection and intimacy from others is to express more ourselves. Yet many people avoid doing so. We might hold back because we fear being hurt, or because we worry that others won’t love us as much as we love them. To combat loneliness, identify your fears and then reframe them so that you see affection as an opportunity rather than a risk.
    
2. Invite, rather than demand. When we want others to be more affectionate, it may seem most straightforward to demand it, saying, for example, “I need you to start telling me you love me more often.” Although that tactic may be efficient, it is rarely effective, because it fails to consider why the person is not affectionate in the first place. A more effective alternative is to invite and encourage intimacy in ways that feel natural to the other person. It also helps to let the person see you being affectionate with others.
    
3. Acknowledge the affection you already receive. One reason people feel lonely is that they look for intimacy only in certain forms. They fail to recognize expressions of affection they are already receiving. A woman may feel lonely because her husband doesn’t say “I love you” as often as she wants, yet she may not recognize that he expresses his love in many instrumental ways, such as by taking care of household needs. Even if she longs for more expressive forms of intimacy, she can combat her loneliness by acknowledging gestures of affection that she currently overlooks.
    
4. Nurture affection from a variety of sources. It’s common to focus all our hopes and expectations for love on a single target, such as a spouse, but no one person is capable of meeting all of our social needs. While we might encourage more intimacy within a particular relationship, we can also combat loneliness by opening ourselves up to a wider range of close connections.
    
5. Avoid toxic affection. Some of us may become so hungry for companionship that we are willing to accept it even when it comes with strings attached. Conditional love—what I call "toxic affection"—isn’t genuine and actually inhibits true intimacy. An important part of decreasing loneliness, therefore, is refusing offers of affection that come with unwanted obligations.
    
6. Keep your expectations optimistic but realistic. For many of us, loneliness isn’t the kind of problem we can resolve overnight. It takes sustained effort, and not every tactic will be successful. When working to develop closer, more affectionate relationships, stay optimistic and recognize that change is possible. Nonetheless, it is also important to be realistic and acknowledge when a change in strategy is warranted.

為什麼寂寞與不安老愛發作，將注意力放在提升自己的部分，而不是等待他人的滋潤或撫慰

親愛的，在看這篇文章前，我想先讓妳知道，無論我說了什麼，先不要指責與批判自己，我希 望妳做的是：反思。如果我們可以在每一次的發作過程有更多自我認識，我們自然可以降低發作的頻率，自然可以提高對自己的自信，因為每個人都喜歡自己可以是 情緒收放自如的狀態，因為這樣看起來很成熟很穩定。
那麼寂寞與不安，是怎麼發生的？
從另一個角度來說，它是一種對於自己匱乏的東西過度放大的結果。
為什麼你會容易專注在自己被忽略了這件事呢？
為什麼你會不斷想沒有人可以陪你這件事呢？
當你一直看著匱乏的部分，它將讓妳越加匱乏，因為妳會開始覺得不公平，妳會開始失望或憤怒，妳會開始越要越多，變成填不滿的黑洞。
那妳說，就不去看它嗎？不是的。
首先，先看見自己的寂寞與不安，先在當下照顧好自己的情緒。(練習照顧情緒可以看這篇: 寂寞與不安症候群：枯等別人安慰的現代人)
接著，就是去探索它怎麼發生，也就是我說的內在匱乏感，那種覺得內心空洞的感覺。妳要一次次去反思，那個急切的渴望來自哪裡，那個不滿足的需求何以這麼大？
是因為小時候父母太忙都沒時間陪妳嗎？讓妳很害怕一個人？
還是過習慣要什麼有什麼的生活，習慣有人一直寵溺妳？
或者其實妳一點都不喜歡自己，所以無法忍受與自己獨處？
然後，在看見這些源由之後，妳可以怎麼做？
在承認這些事實與照顧好情緒之後，開始從對他人的渴望中慢慢抽離，開始一點一滴將專注回到自己身上，去問自己：「親愛的，我可以怎麼做，讓你不這麼寂寞與不安？」，然後真誠地聽自己內在的聲音，真誠地與自己友好，並真心的希望自己不感到寂寞。
然後將注意力放在提升自己的部分，而不是等待他人或嗷嗷待哺的渴望被滋潤或撫慰，妳需要找到妳的重心與渴望投注的熱情，妳也要找到妳可以去付出和給予愛的方式，或者轉而專注在妳擁有的部分，而讓自己的豐盛感越來越壯大。
親愛的，一切都從反思開始，唯有妳看見自己了，看清楚一切了，妳才知道怎麼調整起，妳才能更具控制感的去改變成妳想要的樣子，妳就能在下一次寂寞與不安將要發作時，照顧好自己並且重新聚焦。別怕！我相信妳做得到。

• 作者：吳姵瑩 Chloe Wu (諮商心理師)
• 原標題：為什麼寂寞與不安老愛發作
• 粉絲團：親愛的，妳好嗎？-吳姵瑩身心靈成長工作室

如果找不到兩個人好好過，一個人也該好好活

一改過去給感情的建議，劈頭就說「關於感情，你自己想清楚。」

對面的你看起來有些不捨，表情很猶豫，你知道我在說些什麼，卻也沒辦法輕易放下這段感情，只是每次吵架後你都會來找我，然後哭著說「為什麼我要愛的這麼委屈。」

親愛的，說真的我們認識了數十年，我了解你像是前世的情人，你的愛情走來一段又一段，那些痛苦的記憶我也曾經跟你一起經歷，直到碰到了他，你又開始展開了笑容。

初次的戀愛讓你愛到快放棄生命，曾經折磨到身體骨瘦如柴。
再次的戀愛讓你愛到快要崩潰，再踏入另外一個家門前逃了出來。
這次的戀愛讓你以為找到靠岸，只是多年過去了依然感覺寂寞。

我不是兩性專家，更不是什麼心理諮商師，只是你多年又多年的好友，除了給你一次又一次的擁抱，聽你一次又一次的哭訴，我常在想那到底有什麼辦法讓你走出愛與不愛的漩渦。

十幾歲的戀愛，就像言情小說一樣濃情蜜意，受了傷就覺得世界就要滅亡；
二十幾歲的戀愛，就像推理小說一樣爾虞我詐，現實面總是壓垮最後一道牆；
三十幾歲的戀愛，就像散文一樣，看清了許多事，也不再執著許多事，卻也不想離開愛情這兩個字，但最終呢？

每個人都想遇到「對」的人，往往就以為身邊這個是「對」的人，只是每次受委屈的時候就覺得「對」的人似乎不是對的人，卻沒有勇氣放下這個「錯」的人。

不再像十幾歲時分手的一刀兩斷，二十幾歲離開前的肝腸寸斷，三十歲的離開是害怕身邊少了人陪伴，只是有時例行性「陪伴」，會讓人寂寞到比獨自一人還要悲慘。

親愛的，你問我為什麼一直單身？是不是找不到那個「對的人」？
我搖搖頭，只是再找一個能夠陪伴我的人。

對我來說，三十歲後的愛情早已經不需要轟轟烈烈的纏綿，也不需要時時刻刻的相戀，但需要有人能懂你、陪你、放手讓你，我覺得比起愛上一個不願意陪你尊重你的人來的好多了。

你說真的能找到這樣的人嗎？似乎對愛情已經少了希望。

我說你如果要繼續這樣的偶爾抓狂的愛情，我也只能默默祝福，當然絕對不會拒絕你電話來哭訴，只是過了很多年後，你確定這樣的愛情還是你要的嗎？

而我一直都知道自己要的感情是什麼，所以即使單身，也能好好過。

如果你能找到跟他一起陪伴下去的方法，我會真心祝福。但是女人又有多少個十年能耗在一段不對的愛情裡面呢？如果找不到兩個人好好過，一個人也該好好活。
雪兒 https://www.facebook.com/cherstravel

真正讓人恢復精神的“休息模式” 保健養生 健康人生 2014-09-25 14:57

為甚麼你睡了11個小時仍然覺得疲累？為甚麼你花了好幾千去島國度假並沒有增加生活的熱情？說去KTV、去夜店、去遊樂園就能忘掉不快，更帶勁地開始新的一天，但是盡興歸來心裡只剩空虛？

我們真的明白休息的含義嗎？我們休息對了嗎？你理解的休息是甚麼？睡一個飽覺？一陣瘋玩？到KTV釋放飯後的一串飽嗝？

休息的真正含義是恢覆疲勞，放鬆神經，當你重新投入工作與學習的時候覺得又是一個精力充沛的新人。

如果你的休息方式並不能為你帶來這些，那麼，無論這些活動的名字聽起來有多輕鬆，看上去有多High，它都是一種錯誤。拋棄它們，來一場休息革命！

首先，來看看我們對休息有哪些誤解

一、腦力勞動者，補瞌睡對你沒甚麼用

你寫了一天的文案，主持了一天的會議，當一切都結束了，你嘆到：太累了，這一天我要睡個好覺。我們的常識使得我們對疲勞的第一反應就是“去躺躺吧”，但這是一個陷阱。

睡眠的確是一種有效的休息方式，但它主要對睡眠不足或體力勞動者適用。對體力勞動者來說，“疲 勞”主要是由體內產生大量酸性物質引起，如果十分疲勞，應採取靜的休息方式。通過睡覺，可以把失去的能量補充回來，把堆積的廢物排除出去。如果不是很累， 也可以在床上先躺一躺，閉目靜息，讓全身肌肉和神經完全放鬆後，再起來活動活動。

但如果你是坐辦公室的，大腦皮層極度興奮，而身體卻處於低興奮狀態，對待這種疲勞，睡眠能起到 的作用不大，（除非你是熬夜加班，連正常睡眠時間都達不到）因為你需要的不是通過“靜止”恢覆體能，而是要找個事兒把神經放鬆下來。這樣你可以理解為甚麼 你週末兩天不出門依舊無精打采，而只需下班後遊泳半小時就神采奕奕。

二、不必停下來，只是換一下

既然睡覺不能幫助我們休息大腦，那甚麼辦法才可以？答案是不停止活動，而只是改變活動的內容。大腦皮質的一百多億神經細胞，功能都不一樣，它們以不同的方式排列組合成各不相同的聯合功能區，這一區域活動，另一區域就休息。

所以，通過改換活動內容，就能使大腦的不同區域得到休息。心理生理學家謝切諾夫做過一個實驗， 為了消除右手的疲勞，他採取兩種方式——一種是讓兩隻手靜止休息，另一種是在右手靜止的同時又讓左手適當活動，然後在疲勞測量器上對右手的握力進行測試。 結果表明，在左手活動的情況下，右手的疲勞消除得更快。這證明變換人的活動內容確實是積極的休息方式。

比如你星期五寫了5個小時的企劃案，最好第二天去給你的盆栽們剪枝而不是睡到太陽曬屁股。還有一點，當你無法選擇由腦力勞動轉入體力勞動時，你不妨在腦力勞動內部轉換。

法國傑出的啟蒙思想家盧梭就講過他的心得：“我本不是一個生來適於研究學問的人，因為我用功的 時間稍長一些就感到疲倦，甚至我不能一連半小時集中精力於一個問題上。但是，我連續研究幾個不同的問題，即使是不間斷，我也能夠輕鬆愉快地一個一個地尋思 下去，這一個問題可以消除另一個問題所帶來的疲勞，用不著休息一下腦筋。於是，我就在我的治學中充份利用我所發現的這一特點，對一些問題交替進行研究。這 樣，即使我整天用功也不覺得疲倦了。”

所以，這天你要是有好幾個問題要處理，最好交替進行，而不要處理完一個再開始的二個，那樣會很快被耗盡。

三、最好的休息，是讓你重燃生活的熱情

我們的疲憊主要來自對現有的一層不變的生活的厭倦。所以最好的休息項目就是那些讓我們重新找到 生活和工作熱情的活動。如果你幹完一件事，能夠幸福地感嘆“明天又是新的一天。”那這件事對你來說就是最好的恢覆熱情，調節情緒的方法。但可惜，我們缺乏 對“休息”的想象力。我們能想出來的休息方法不是癡睡就是傻玩。

以下是一些活動清單，基本思路是以“做”來解決“累”，用積極休息取代消極放縱。當然，最適合你的方法還是要你自己探索。事實上如果你覺得打掃比坐過山車是更好的放鬆，那麼就去吧，別管世界上的其他人都在玩甚麼。

也許你可以：

1. 花兩小時讀一本讓你開懷的漫畫或小說，來代替去唱KTV。

2. 試著放棄在週六晚上去酒吧，10點入睡，然後7點起床，去沒有人的街上走走，或是看看你從來沒有機會看到的早間劇場，你會發現這一天可以和過去的千萬個週末有所不同。

3. 不要再去你已經去過無數次的度假村找樂子了。找一條你從沒去過的街道，把它走完。你會發現這個你感到膩味的城市，你並沒有完全體會到它的妙處。

4. 旅行，而不是換個地方消遣。去一個地方對那個地方本身心存好奇，對自己這趟行程心存美意，感受自己經驗範圍以外的人生樣貌。而不是坐了5小時飛機，只是換個地方打麻將，換個地方遊泳，換個地方打球……

5. 從這個週末起學習一項新的技藝，比如彈電子琴，打鼓……每週末練習1小時以上。

6. 去社交。不要以為它總是令人疲憊的。雖然和看書比起來，它稍有點令人緊張，但也能讓你更興奮，更有認同感。你必須每周有兩三天是和工作圈子和親戚外的人打 交道。它讓你在朝九晚五的機械運行中不至失去活潑的天性。女性朋友們尤為需要走出去和朋友聚會，這些時刻你不再是滿臉寫著“效率”的中性人，而是一個裙裾 飛揚的魅力焦點。

7. 做點困難的事，如果你是精神超級緊張的人。心理學家發現解除神經緊張的方法，是去處理需要神經緊張才能解決的問題。曾經一位精神即將崩潰的總經理找到一位 醫師給出治療建議，結果他得到的處方是去動物園當馴獅師，結果一個月後他完全康復了。所以壓力特別大的時候你可以為自己再找份工作，但不要是和你職業類似 的。比如去孤兒院做義工，或者去一個覆雜的機械工廠從學徒做起，或者做一道超級覆雜的數學題。

往往珍惜生命的人，會不顧任何代價，去求得一個休息。休息十天、半個月，他們回來了，再看呀，是多麼神奇的一種變化！他們簡直是一個新生的人了。生機勃勃，精神飽滿，懷著新的希望，新的計劃，新的生命憧憬，他們己消除疲勞，獲得了從新起航的動力。

花些時間休息，可以使你獲得大量的精力、體力，使你取得從事任何工作，應付各種問題的力量，使你對於生命，能有一個愉快正確的認識，如此真正的休息才可以讓你走更長遠的路。

工作不應該成為生活的全部，工作只是為了更好的生活。我們應該是工作的主人，絕不是工作的奴隸。

星洲網‧2014.09.25

點看全文: http://life.sinchew.com.my/node/13579?tid=41#ixzz3bEKgL0Ar
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The 10 Tech Commandments Everyone Must Follow

We've come a long way—and yet we still misuse reply all. Catherine Newman addresses new rules of etiquette that Siri cannot. 
 
 Rule No. 1: Share carefully.
In these days of posting, tagging, and connecting widely and instantly, it can be hard to remember how that affects other people. But no matter the medium, the basics of courtesy are the same: Follow the Golden Rule. That means being kind, respectful, trustworthy, and gracious—and trying to spare people’s feelings. (And don’t embarrass anyone! Would you want someone to post a picture of you wiping out on the ice-skating rink?) When it comes to social media, bear in mind how perniciously innocent posts can spread—and how broad the scope of potential exclusion has become. Ask yourself, “Who might see this? And how would they feel?” One basic rule: Don’t post party pictures. People who weren’t invited might feel bad, the hosts might feel bad in turn, and other guests might have privacy issues. Plus, you don’t want your teetotaling grandma to see you doing Jell-O shots.
Rule No. 2: In a similar vein, when you notice on Facebook that your child was left out of a classmate’s birthday party, let it go.
Social media doesn’t just increase our risk of hurting others. We are also increasingly likely to know when we’re being excluded—and, worse, when our kids are. I won’t tell you to get a thicker skin. Sensitivity and courtesy go hand in hand, after all. But do try not to fret. Chances are good that the host’s intentions aren’t mean, and there may be factors you’re unaware of (for example, the climbing-gym max is six kids, or it’s an all-boy party). If your child feels hurt, consider this a teachable moment—one that helps her understand how it feels to be left out and that fosters resilience in the face of disappointment.

Rule No. 3: A thank-you text is OK for a dinner party, but don’t give up your stationery.
It’s tempting to send a (faster, emoji-filled) thank-you via smartphone or e-mail, but for most situations I confess to agreeing with old-school Emily Post. One should—still—err on the side of the written thank-you note. Someone took the time to give you a gift or offer his or her care. You can take the time to express your gratitude. That said, changing times call for changes to the rule, so here’s mine: Consider the gifter. A young person had you to dinner or gave you concert tickets? Sure, a grateful e-mail or text should do the trick. Your grandmother mailed you a hand-crocheted blanket? Dig up a stamp. Gray areas include baby gifts and condolence notes. Traditional etiquette recommends traditional note writing, but if you’re exhausted or grieving, just do your best. Your supporters are there to shore you up, not to keep tallies. And any thank-you is better than no thank-you at all.

Rule No. 4: If you want your friend to stop looking at her phone while you’re having dinner, model good behavior—conspicuously.
Remember when the only distractions at a restaurant were the loud talker at the next table and the over-eager server who really wants you to get dessert? Now there are the dings and the vibrations of phones. “Be present” is an overused mantra but an underlived one. If you don’t want your friends prioritizing their virtual connections over your flesh-and-blood friendship, say as you sit down, “It’s so great to see you. I’m turning off my phone so I make sure I can focus.” Or propose it as an idea: “Hey, we see each other so rarely. What do you think about ditching our phones while we have this time together?"

Rule No. 5: Model smart smartphone behavior around your kids, too.
Here’s what you want your children to hear you say: “Hang on a sec. Let me put my phone down so I can pay attention to what you’re telling me.” Minimizing distractedness won’t just encourage the kids to do the same; it will also radically enrich the quality of your time with them. If that text or e-mail can wait until later—until the kids are asleep, say, or you’re back at your desk—then let it. Consider creating no-tech zones in the house (bedrooms, the dinner table) or no-tech times (breakfast, ride to school, family game night). Get out of the habit of experiencing everything via your online documentation of it. (“Let’s not even bring our phones to the lake!”) Power off and be with your kids while you can because—sob!—they’ll be grown and gone before you know it.

Rule No. 6: Follow your teen on Instagram and Facebook if you like, but be as respectful as possible.
It’s natural to want to keep tabs, check up, and ascertain that nothing inappropriate or dangerous is happening, which is why you might choose to observe your child’s social-media life. But observe is the key word here. Don’t insert yourself into the conversation or make your presence otherwise obvious. We remember how it felt when our parents butted in or loitered too long when it came to our social lives, right? Don’t be that parent. And in the interest of trust, do be transparent with your child about your plans and intentions. The point is not to trap your kid in bad behavior—it’s to be a quiet, caring presence in the background.

Rule No. 7: But your babysitter’s Instagram posts are none of your business.
It can be unsettling to see pictures of her (or him) doing something (off duty, of course) that you don’t totally approve of. But assuming the photo doesn’t show her murdering anyone—just doing the Electric Slide while wearing a lampshade on her head—then look away. And try not to be too moralizing. A responsible child-care worker is free to spend her off hours as she chooses. She should probably have the good sense to hide such posts, of course, but if her carousing is not affecting her work, chalk it up to social-media TMI and keep scrolling.

Rule No. 8: There’s a right way and a wrong way to video your preschooler’s graduation.
As comedian Louis CK puts it, parents’ devices end up blocking their vision of their actual child: “The resolution on the kid is unbelievable if you just look. It’s totally HD.” If you must capture the moment on your phone instead of just in your memory, move to the side of the venue and do your recording from there. (This goes for concerts and sporting events, too.) A parent trying to watch her precious Orphan No. 7 in a middle-school production of Oliver Twist doesn’t want to do it through a tiny screen focused on someone else’s kid.

Rule No. 9: Don’t extend a friend request to your boss.
Or your clients. Or your children’s teachers—without first checking with the school, which may have rules that you should obey. You don’t want professional contacts scrolling through your Bermuda vacation or ogling your daughter’s rhythmic-gymnastics performance. If they pursue you, however, and “no” feels impolitic, then adjust your account preferences to maintain a boundary between work and life. Then share selectively.

Rule No. 10: The sender can see that you’ve opened the Evite. RSVP right away.
Of course you’ll need to look at your calendar and check in with your plus one. Beyond that, though, there’s no reason not to respond ASAP. (Unless you’re waiting to see if a better offer comes along, which is—sorry!—just plain rude.) Figure out if you’re attending, then let the party throwers know so that they can plan accordingly. And if you’re declining? No need to write a dissertation about your busy social life. "So sorry we can’t make it. Have fun!” is plenty.