總覺得自己有憂鬱症嗎？：停止再把自己的情緒困擾輕易標籤成心理疾病。

July 23, 2015

或 許我們每個人都花了很多時間面對自己的人格、想辦法成長、療癒自己受的傷、讓自己的情緒保持在良好的狀態。但總是還會有許多不幸的事情發生，你或許會突然 經歷一陣悲傷、強烈的焦慮、一段時間的絕望、某些程度的困惑、身體的微恙、心中意義感的危機、一星期的不安等等。就所我們為自己做了許多，事情依然會接續 的發生，而影響我們。
情緒的改變常常讓我們感受到一陣強而有力但又痛苦的變化，好像自己斷了一隻手或是突然起了疹子一般。但當情緒上來時， 我們常常做的事情很奇怪。我們常常用這些狀態來定義我們自己；例如，”我不會說我最近有一點悲傷“，而是說“我好像有憂鬱症”，我們會把自己定義成有某種 問題的人。當我們有疹子時，我們會說“我有疹子”，而不會說“我就是疹子”。相反的，當我們經歷一陣悲傷時，我們常說“自己好像得了憂鬱症”，而不是說 “我最近比較悲傷”。這是我們常常口語上會說的方式，而這也是一個問題，我們常常把自己某種長時間的心情狀態，直接定位成某種疾病。

我 們現階段的分類心理疾病的方式，事實上讓我們無法好好描述或正確地描述人類的情緒狀態。這樣的疾病模式常常誤導我們去相信自己經歷到情緒上的痛苦，可能是 一種心理上的疾病。但事實是，這兩件事情全然地不同。我們也許本質上心理是很健康的，但卻要面對一些嚴重的情緒問題，就如同我們可能本質上身體是健康的， 但我們有時也要處理外部的受傷或是起疹子。所以，“我心理健康，但現階段正經歷情緒上的痛苦”，跟“我有憂鬱方面的心理疾病”是完全兩碼事。

我 們都可以很確定一件事情，當我們起疹子時，我們不會選擇用這件事情來定義自己，因為我們會知道這樣是一種錯誤，導致誤解的說法，因為沒有人會說自己就是疹 子。而悲傷難過也是我們心裡常發生的事情，但我們卻會因為常發生，就輕易地認定自己“就是憂鬱症”。這種直覺想法，好像是試圖把我們推離自己，反而無法看 清悲傷發生的原因是什麼，到底什麼根本的問題我們自己需要去面對。
舉個例子來說：想像看看有一個人心理感到很不安，因為她發現自己似乎沒有 能力去懷小孩。她持續地對這樣的失落感到傷痛，她也持續地為自己的情境感到罪惡感，然後她開始對社會與周遭的人感到生氣，包括自己的家庭成員，那些影響他 現在處境的人。她或許在生活中的許多面向都很堅強與健康，但對她而言這樣的痛苦就是無法停止。
在現實的情況中，悲傷影響了他們生活，讓他變 成一個看似憂傷的人，一個比別人更憂傷的人。同時間她也清楚自己情緒上的強處，她事實上也可以讓自己心情變好，但她就是無法輕易地消散自己心中的悲傷。結 果，奇怪的是，我們卻不知道該如何講述這個情緒的狀態與情境，因為我們所使用的疾病語言，與真正地描述自己的情緒狀態顯然是兩件事情。
當面 對的是生理上的問題，我們會說：”我感覺還ok，只是腿斷了“，或是“我的健康其實很好，只是季節性過敏真的讓我很難受”。我們會說：“我因為常常打電 腦，肩頸會酸痛，所以我嘗試每天做運動讓自己好一點，除此之外平常我感覺也還好”。所以，生理上的問題我們可以清楚地與我們本身存在的狀態區分，但顯然情 緒狀態對我們來說則比較難區分。
我們常常不會去說：“我在心情上的變化其實滿好的，但我只是現階段比較悲傷”。我們不會習慣去說：“我的心 情其實都不錯，但只是我一直會有些焦慮，當我想到要坐飛機時”。在前面的第一個例子，我們常常就會說自己有憂鬱症了，第二個例子我們就會說自己好像有恐慌 症。有時候我們甚至不知道，我們在口語上常常把自己形容成某種疾病失能一般。
當我們說：“我有憂郁症”、“我有過動症”、“我有恐慌症”、 “我有焦慮症”，諸如此類的時，我們不僅讓我們的個人福祉蒙上灰塵，更應該說我們完全忘記了個人福祉的重要性，我們看待自己好像很不好，而不是認為自己本 質是ok的，但只是有些議題需要自己注意。雖然說自己有些悲傷，但其實本質上是健康的有些奇怪，但這其實是事實狀態，事實是，我們大多數人情緒的狀態與變 化都是正常與自然的，但面對當下一段時間的悲傷或焦慮，我們應該花更多心力去關注到這個事實，而嘗試去提醒自己好的一面，以及如何面對當下的困難。
我 們應該多提醒自己許多事情都是會變化或過去的事件（雖然開頭很痛苦，但我們的感受也會隨時間沖淡），而這些事件也應該像我們身體上的受傷一樣去正視，去修 補，而不是只是冠上自己一個名稱，然後用這個名稱來代表自己的整體。當你面對悲傷或是意義上的危機時，我們的難受是自然的，但不代表我們就一定是，某個 “症”纏身了。
試著提醒自己一件簡單的事情。如果你經驗到不適，試著描述這些不安，告訴自己：“我其實大體而言還好，但只是心情有些悲傷”，而非直接把自己稱為有憂鬱症了。試著跟自己用新的方式對話，看自己的問題，而非用標籤取代自己的自然面貌。
總結
目標: 提醒自己當下所擁有的健康與福祉，然後承認自己只是有些困難需要去面對。
關鍵原則：對我們每個人來說，不去自稱是某種心理疾病是很重要的，當我們經歷到情緒或心理上的困擾時，告訴自己依然有一些能力去看見自己的困難，然後有效率地處理這些問題。
關鍵策略：試著用新的方式描述自己碰到的困難，新的方式去描述憂鬱或是焦慮的狀態。
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pinsoul + 編譯
（photo:Guillaume Amat's work）
參考資料：Eric R. Maisel Ph.D. Rethinking Psychology Blog

 http://www.pinsoul.com/blog-zh/2015/7/23

The 15 Things NOT to Do to Have a Better Life

Steps that amount to a recipe for failure if you can't stop doing them.

Post published by Atalanta Beaumont on May 06, 2015 in Handy Hints for Humans

 Everyone experiences setbacks. The most successful people freely admit they've failed many times. So what separates successful from unsuccessful individuals? The difference lies in how successful people respond to obstacles. Conversely, unsuccessful people allow failure to stunt their progress and growth.
There are many ways to respond when life throws you curveballs. Here are the top 15 things NOT to do in the face of failure:
1. Do look for someone to blame for every event in your life; never think about your own role in circumstances or how you could make things better.
2. Don't ever commit to anything wholeheartedly. Be cynical. Don’t believe in anything completely, yourself included.
3. Do go over and over events, how they should have been, how you should have behaved, how others should have responded. Remind yourself how you blew it. Especially dwell on events that are in the past and that you cannot change.
4. Do catastrophize or minimize anything and everything. Events are “nightmares” or “nothing." People are “ghastly or wonderful." Don’t be moderate or slow to judge about anything.
5. Don't tell anyone how you are feeling. Expect others to know. When your feelings boil over, shout a lot and use words such as “always” and “never” when describing your own and others’ behavior.
6. Do talk about other people behind their back. Spread gossip about others and don’t investigate the reality of events or worry about anyone’s feelings.
7. Do blurt out how you are feeling anywhere, any time, any place. After all, your feelings are your feelings.
8. Don’t set limits on how or when people can speak to you. Let them interrupt what you are doing, swear at you and complain to you publicly. Never confront them about how they are treating you.
9. Do everything as quickly as possible especially when dealing with tricky situations involving others. Don’t ask for extra time or think about how to approach things.
10. Do take everything personally. Hold grudges for as long as possible. Don’t tell the people involved what it is they have done. Build up your resentment as much as you can, stoking it up with reminders of past hurts and injustices.
11. Do be as hard as you can on yourself and others. Find yourself lacking. Tell yourself what an idiot you are. Remind yourself that you’ll never amount to anything and no-one likes you anyway.
12. Do delete this article. After all, who gets good advice from a website? Remind yourself that change is difficult; a leopard cannot change its spots.
13. Do be as grumpy as possible. Do not acknowledge other people if they say hello or thank you and definitely don’t smile or respond to any friendly overtures. Be suspicious.
14. Don't accept compliments. The person isn't sincere, they just want something or are passing the time of day. Just grunt or shrug. Don’t be gracious otherwise they might compliment you in the future.
15. Do eat junk food, smoke and drink when life gets hard. Certainly don’t relax or get any exercise—you simply haven’t got time!

3 Everyday Words That Make You Sound Pretty Rude in Emails

By Aja Frost

In one week, I’ve dramatically improved my professional communication skills.
Yes, I know, that’s a big claim—but it’s true. And the best part is that the changes I made were simple. I cut three words from my vocabulary: “actually,” “sorry,” and “me.”

1. Actually

My inspiration for getting rid of “actually” was Carolyn Kopprasch, Chief Happiness Officer at Buffer, who wrote a great blog post on the word.
Turns out that when I use “actually,” it’s usually because I’m correcting someone. The proof is in a recent email I sent to my editor.
Erin: That wording felt a little misleading, so I changed it.
Me: Actually, I pulled that sentence from the [company] website!
It’s not an awful response, but a better one would’ve been:
Thanks for your feedback! I used that sentence because I found it on their site.
The second communicates the same info while sounding more respectful and friendly.
“Actually” Alternatives: Definitely, got it, I see, great point, makes sense, understandable

2. Sorry

I try to stay away from saying ”sorry” in situations that don’t merit it: when I make a tiny mistake, when I state my opinion, or when someone points out something I missed.
However, now I’m not even using “sorry” during those times I’ve truly messed up. Instead, I’m saying, “I apologize.”
Because “sorry” is so overused, it tends to feel flippant and non-genuine. “I apologize,” on the other hand, is said rarely enough that it still carries a lot of weight. When I use it, people know what I’m saying is heartfelt.
Last week, I blanked on an important meeting. When my boss asked what happened, I didn’t say, “Sorry, I forgot!” I said, “I apologize—it totally slipped my mind. From now on, I’ll check my Google Calendar as soon as I get to my desk in the morning so that doesn’t happen again.”
Note: I didn’t just apologize, but I laid out my plan for avoiding making the same mistake again in the future. It goes a lot further than just, “Sorry, it won’t happen again.”
“Sorry” Alternatives: You’re right, I apologize, Going forward I will…, I understand why you’re upset

3. Me

It’s not just the word “me” I wanted to avoid. It was everything “me” represents—being internally focused, rather than concentrating on how I can help the people I interact with every day.
Here’s an email I was going to send, before I realized it had the off-limits word:
Hi Sean,
When you have a moment, could you please send me the info on next Wednesday’s campaign launch? I want to double-check a couple details before it goes live.
Thanks,
Aja
Here’s the re-written version:
Hi Sean,
When you have a moment, could you please send over next Wednesday’s campaign info? Double-checking a couple details before it goes live to make sure the client is happy!
Thanks,
Aja
While editing this message, I got rid of “I” as well. Reducing my use of “me” words forces me to focus on how what I’m doing is benefiting our mission and company as a whole, which ultimately makes my communication more effective (and the person receiving it more receptive).
“Me/myself/I” Alternatives: You, us, we, the team, our company, our department

17 Simple Habits That Make You Look More Professional

Unprofessional? Here are the behaviors that send the opposite, more positive message.

Executive editor, TheMid.com, and founder, ProGhostwriters.com@BillMurphyJr

 

(A quick note before we get started. I wrote the following in response to reader feedback to another column: 10 Bad Habits That Make You Look Really Unprofessional. This post is the counterpoint to that one.)
Here's a story from about 15 years ago. I was traveling from Seattle to Yakima for work, flying in a tiny commercial turboprop. There were only 10 or 12 passengers, and the cockpit was separated by a curtain rather than a door. We flew through the Cascade mountains in really rough weather, and the captain -- a pilot in his early 20s -- pulled the curtain aside.
"The tower is saying it's our choice to continue to Yakima or turn around," he yelled over the din of the engines, "But I think we're gonna give it a try."
What’s wrong with this picture, right? "I think" and "Give it a try" are pretty much the last things you want to hear a commercial airline pilot say, especially in a bad storm. My fellow passengers nearly revolted. The pilot quickly changed course (both literally and figuratively), and we flew back to Seattle.
I've told that story a few times over the years, usually for laughs. But remember: It wasn't the storm or the tiny plane or the air traffic control's apparent laissez-fair attitude that freaked us passengers out. It's that the pilot's attitude made him seem totally unprofessional -- and we all lost confidence in him.
Here are a few of the attributes you can demonstrate to make yourself seem more professional. I’m not saying they’re easy, but they are pretty simple. (Keep in mind, nobody demonstrates them all constantly. You’re only human. Just try to be the best human you can.)

1. Confidence

This was the biggest problem with the pilot's performance that day. Confidence without the ability to back it up is useless, but if you’re truly competent, own it.

2. Candor

Truly professional people are forthright. They assess the situation, calculate the risks, and offer a truthful opinion.

3. Self-awareness

This is a part of displaying confidence -- knowing who you are and where you fit in the world, and owning your strengths and weaknesses. If you do that, you can work to buttress the things you don't do as well.

4. Strategic thinking

One of the basic tenets of success is to start with the end in mind. Truly professional people identify their goals, then work backward to achieve them.

5. Anticipation

Be like Radar O'Reilly. Wait, you probably don't get that reference, because most people reading this probably weren't watching the television show M*A*S*H in the 1980s. (See? Self-awareness.) No problem. Just know that focusing on others' needs to the point that you can anticipate their challenges and solutions breeds confidence.

6. Caring

Related to anticipation: You can't truly help others if you can't bother to learn about their goals and fears.

7. Realism

"Promise me the world," the song goes. That may be a way to get the boy or girl of your dreams to pay attention, but it does nothing to make you look professional. Instead, promise the most you can, consistent with your ability to deliver.

8. Follow-through

See what I mean? These attributes are simple but not necessarily easy. Say you'll do something, then do it.

9. Enthusiasm

This one is inspired by reader comments, when I said Pollyannaishness was unprofessional. Smart enthusiasm, on the other hand, is a very positive quality. Colin Powell put it best: Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

10. Diligence

This is related to follow-through, but it's not exactly the same thing. Be persistent, demonstrate worth ethic, and "check small things." (That’s another Powellism, come to think of it.)

11. Performance

Nothing says "professional" like accomplishments, especially repeated accomplishments over time.

12. Discretion

Caring and self-awareness, combined with good communications ability, leads to prudence and the ability to be candid without giving offense.

13. Curiosity

No professional is ever finished learning. ‘Nuff said.

14. Risk-taking

I hesitated to put this on here, out of fear of giving the wrong impression. Risk-taking doesn't mean being risky in the negative sense. Instead it’s about the realization that all courses of action involve some risk, and balancing that realization against the paralyzation of inaction.

15. Humor

You don’t need to be hilarious, but you need a sense of humor; it demonstrates perspective.

16. Fitness

This is unfortunate but true. If someone looks as if he or she doesn’t care about their health, it’s a lot harder to project professionalism -- and with it, the notion that they care about other things.

17. Authenticity

It’s good entrepreneurial advice to “fake it till you make it,” but your performance needs to be grounded in truth. Otherwise, no matter your skills, your deficits, your interests -- or frankly, even the things you aren’t interested in -- people can tell.

The Only Excuse You’ll Ever Need (or Should Ever Use)

... and the research to back it up.

Post published by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. on Jul 18, 2015 in Fulfillment at Any Age

 Everyone makes excuses from time to time, and some of us do it more than others. Even if you feel like you’re an honest, hard-working, trustworthy individual (as most of us do), there will be situations in which you just don’t or can’t follow through on a promise. Whether it’s attending a family event, meeting a job deadline, going out with friends, or spending an evening helping the kids with homework, invariably we find ourselves feeling no choice but to use an “untruth” (i.e., a lie) in order to avoid disappointing others.
I will not offer guidance on how to be a more believable excuse-teller by fibbing more effectively. In fact, you might not appreciate the advice I’m providing at first, but if you choose to follow it, and make it a habit, you’ll be glad you did.
Here’s the advice, simple and unadulterated: Just tell the truth.
Not some version of the truth, or part of the truth, or truth that’s technically true but isn’t the real reason for your behavior. It’s got to be, as they say, “the whole truth."
If you do it, you’ll never again forget which excuses you made to whom, because the truth will be at the bottom of all your explanations. At an ethical level, telling the truth helps you to believe you’re a good and honest individual while allowing you to behave in ways consistent with that self-image.
Before getting to the reason for this advice, let’s look at three faux excuses that don’t measure up to the truth:

1. The version of the truth. You were late for a meeting due to lingering too long over your latte. There was a particularly busy rush hour that day, so you offer as your excuse, “Traffic was terrible today.”
2. Part of the truth. You don’t really want to go to the Jack-and-Jill wedding shower you were invited to, so you give as your excuse the fact that your family is coming into town that day. It is true they’re coming, but the shower will be long over by the time your folks arrive in town.
3. Technically the truth. Some lawyers are expert at giving reasons that are true but only in the technical sense of the word. It is possible, using this logic, that you only remembered your friend’s birthday 3 days after it was over. Your excuse may be that you think it’s much better to wish someone happy birthday in person. Technically that is true, but it’s not why you missed the big day.

In each of these cases, an honest excuse would have involved some loss of face or admission of fault; you’re not perfect after all. However, you would at least be spared the burden of having to remember all the surrounding details of the excuses you gave.
When communicated in a straightforward manner, being honest about the reason for your stumble allows the other individuals involved to feel empathy with you. If you provide an explanation that makes sense—and is 100% truthful—they should be more inclined to try to understand the situation from your perspective. Everyone is late sometimes, we all forget important occasions, and plenty of us prefer a Sunday afternoon alone than in the company of people opening presents.
Putting your reasoning out there in a relatable manner will be more likely to lead others to forgive you.
What the Research Says
Gettysburg College psychologist Christopher Barlett (2013) was interested in the kinds of excuses people make after they inadvertently hurt someone in an interpersonal situation. Maybe they bump into someone and dismiss it with, “I’m having a bad day,” or, “I just had a fight with my boyfriend.” Such excuses provide “mitigating information…defined as factors that may change an initially hostile attribution after a provocation into one that is less personally threatening” (p. 472). The intention of offering such an excuse is to reduce the likelihood that the victim of the shove becomes angry and aggressive.
But do these excuses actually work?
To answer this question, Barlett analyzed data from 15 studies based on a search of the literature for terms such as anger, misattribution, aggression, and reappraisal. Each study examined participants who manipulated mitigating information to reduce aggression toward them for some type of affront. In the studies, aggressive behavior was measured in a variety of ways, ranging from evaluations by the experimenter to the amount of time excuse-makers were exposed to a (faked) “shock" or keeping their hands in a bucket of ice water. All studies involved manipulating the information that participants received about the cause of the affront and whether apologies or excuses were more effective in reducing willingness to aggress than others.
Supporting the idea that an honest excuse is the best remedy for an affront, Barlett found that when the provocation wasn’t severe, mitigating information (the excuse) reduced aggression when it was considered honest and did not include an apology. The key to making an excuse work, Barlett concluded, is to make it effective in changing the offended person’s appraisal of the provocation.
An effective excuse is detailed enough to provide that key mitigating information and justifies why you thought or did what you did. An apology may seem lame to the recipient because it doesn’t provide that mitigating information. An honest excuse is the best. When you lie about the reasons for your behavior, it’s much more difficult to come up with an elaborate justification that will convince the other person to feel less angry toward you.
As long as the offending behavior isn’t too harsh (such as if you were to injure the other person), your best option is to share an honest, detailed excuse. Justifying your behavior won’t change what happened, but it can change the way the behavior is perceived. It will preserve your relationships and allow you to maintain harmony with loved ones.

What Anxiety Can Do for You

Anxiety may seem like your worst enemy, but it's more like a frenemy.

Post published by Kristen Lee Costa Ed.D., LICSW on Jun 16, 2015 in Reset 24/7

 Have you ever had a friend who makes you want to tear your hair out, but you still can’t seem to shake off? Even though it would simplify life, most of us know that we can’t always escape our frenemies—or our anxieties.
A frenemy (link is external) is someone who is both a friend and enemy, and who brings out the best and the worst in us. For example, our rivalry may fuel our competitive spirit and drive us to improve—or they can sabotage us and amplify our insecurities. They may drive us crazy, but for various reasons we either cannot—or don’t want to—escape them altogether.
Some say that maintaining such connections is more personally or socially beneficial than declaring such individuals to be full-fledged enemies; it's supposedly easier to keep someone in check when you're being nice. If you’ve ever had a frenemy, you know that managing this kind of love-hate relationship requires a bit of finesse.
Anxiety is a lot like a frenemy. It’s an inescapable part of life, but the problem is that many of us have an exclusively hate-hate relationship with it. We overlook any redeeming aspects that stem from it and lump everything into the Enemy column. But while it makes us uncomfortable, anxiety can also help us grow. It can serve as a motivating force, preventing us from becoming disengaged and propelling us into action. This becomes hard to remember when we are marinating in anxiety’s unsettling stew, but is essential to know so we can strategically harness the adrenaline it produces.
While frenemies are typically seen as enemies pretending to be friends, anxiety can be seen as a friend mistakenly disguised as an enemy. We almost always see stress and anxiety as destructive, but new research demonstrates that it is more of a friend than what we might suspect. A recent study (link is external)by Daniela Kaufer at University of California-Berkeley demonstrates that stress can actually prime the brain for improved performance and focus.
Anxiety can also reflect our values. If we’re worried about something, it is often because we are tuned in to the ways our work and relationships are affecting us. In today’s challenging job market, the fact that we are anxious often demonstrates that we are in the mix and taking risks, and may simply find ourselves over-stimulated because we are so driven to deliver an impact. We often mistake anxiety as a moral failing or sign of weakness, when in reality it’s actually much more likely a sign of courage and conscientiousness.
For greater self-awareness and growth, understand how to make friends with anxiety's helpful aspects, and how to manage its antagonistic side. To cultivate a healthier love-hate relationship with anxiety, we need to examine closely its opposing, distinctive characteristics:
The Friend Side:

1. Keeps us laser focused. Stress and anxiety often arise from “eustress,” which raises our adrenaline levels so that we are awake, engaged, and ready to perform. This energy keeps us focused and motivated enough to barrel through our checklists and remain productive.
2. Provides helpful advice. Even though anxiety’s advice is often dramatic and inaccurate, we shouldn’t completely dismiss it. When our brains and bodies go into overdrive, anxiety sends a clear message that we may need to make some changes so we can sustain ourselves long-term. Ignoring anxiety’s warning signs doesn’t do us any favors. We may not have to listen to everything (anxiety can certainly get carried away in the heat of the moment). We can, however, slow down and evaluate what to tweak to prevent stress saturation and burnout.
3. Facilitates growth. Anxiety is a powerful teacher, often stretching us beyond what we think we can handle. It reminds us that we’re gritty, tough, and capable of bouncing back even when the odds seem stacked against us. When we work through difficulties, we become more emotionally nimble and adept at coping with looming challenges. This can help us sustain excellence with our respective responsibilities and roles.

The Enemy Side:

1. Inflicts bodily harm. When we let anxiety hang around too long, we can unknowingly invite additional unwanted guests, such as disruptive health issues. Anxiety can make us sick if we spend too much time with it: Stress-related illness is rampant in the U.S. and across the globe, and we are more at risk for lifestyle illness than ever before.
2. Sabotages our relationships. Anxiety perpetuates insecurity, which can bring out the worst in us. When we are anxious, we're more inclined to take things personally, act needy, and be quick-tempered. This harms our communication and connection with our loved ones and colleagues.
3. Clobbers us with exhaustion and burnout. When stress-related cortisol continuously pumps through our systems, we feel depleted and wiped out. While adrenaline can be helpful, heighted amounts can be damaging over time. Burnout leads to suboptimal outcomes, and we can feel disengaged, cynical, and stuck. We lose needed momentum and clarity toward our goals and purpose.

We can’t be casual about our relationship with anxiety: We have to take its destructive tendencies seriously, without dismissing its redeeming qualities. Like any relationship, when we better understand the positive and negative dimensions, we become more agile and better equipped to navigate the push and pull they bring.

Source: Istock Photo

Anxiety, like our frenemies, can propel us into action or leave us perpetually worried with our hearts beating out of our chest. Which aspects of anxiety bring out the best in you? Befriending this side can facilitate positive change. Is the enemy side of anxiety eroding your sense of confidence and well-being? If so, what actions can you take to set boundaries and shield yourself from taking the bait of the unhelpful advice it’s trying to feed you?

人的差異在於業餘時間

此刻打盹，你將做夢；而此刻學習，你將圓夢
哈佛老師經常給學生這樣的告誡：如果你想在進入社會後，在任何時候任何場合下都能得心應手並且得到應有的評價，那麼你在哈佛的學習期間，就沒有曬太陽的時間。在哈佛廣為流傳的一句格言是“忙完秋收忙秋種，學習，學習，再學習。”
人的時間和精力都是有限的，所以，要利用時間抓緊學習，而不是將所有的業餘時間都用來打瞌睡。
有的人會這樣說：“我只是在業餘時間打盹而已，業餘時間幹嗎把自己弄得那麼緊張？”愛因斯坦就曾提出：“人的差異在於業餘時間。”我的一位在哈佛任教的朋友也告訴我說，只要知道一個青年怎樣度過他的業餘時間，就能預言出這個青年的前程怎樣。
20世紀初，在數學界有這樣一道難題，那就是2的76次方減去1的結果是不是人們所猜想的質數。很多科學家都在努力地攻克這一數學難關，但結果並不如願。1903年，在紐約的數學學會上，一位叫做科爾的科學家通過令人信服的運算論證，成功地證明了這道難題。ㄧ
人們在驚詫和贊許之余，向科爾問道：“您論證這個課題一共花了多少時間？”科爾回答：“3年內的全部星期天。”
同樣，加拿大醫學教育家奧斯勒也是利用業餘時間作出成就的典範。奧斯勒對人類最大的貢獻，就是成功地研究了第三種血細胞。他為了從繁忙的工作中擠出 時間讀書，規定自己在睡覺之前必須讀15分鐘的書。不管忙碌到多晚，都堅持這一習慣不改變。這個習慣他整整堅持了半個世紀，共讀了1000多本書，取得了 令人矚目的成績。
我荒廢的今日，正是昨天殞身之人祈求的明日
聞名於世的約翰霍普金斯學院的創始人、牛津大學醫學院的講座教授、被英國國王冊封為爵士的威廉。奧斯勒在年輕時，也曾為自己的前途感到迷茫。一次，他在讀書時看到了一句話，給了他很大的啟發。這句話是“最重要的就是不要去看遠方模糊的事，而是做手邊清楚的事。”
對此，哈佛提醒學生說“我荒廢的今日，正是昨天殞身之人祈求的明日”。明天再美好，也不如抓住眼下的今天多做點實事。
獲得哈佛大學榮譽學位的發明家、科學家本傑明。佛蘭克林有一次接到一個年輕人的求教電話，並與他約好了見面的時間和地點。當年輕人如約而至時，本傑明的房門大敞著，而眼前的房子裏卻亂七八糟、一片狼藉，年輕人很是意外。
沒等他開口，本傑明就招呼道：“你看我這房間，太不整潔了，請你在門外等候一分鐘，我收拾一下，你再進來吧。”然後本傑明就輕輕地關上了房門。
不到一分鐘的時間，本傑明就又打開了房門，熱情地把年輕人讓進客廳。這時，年輕人的眼前展現出另一番景象───房間內的一切已變得井然有序，而且有兩杯倒好的紅酒，在淡淡的香氣裏漾著微波。
年輕人在詫異中，還沒有把滿腹的有關人生和事業的疑難問題向本傑明講出來，本傑明就非常客氣地說道：“乾杯！你可以走了。”
手持酒杯的年輕人一下子愣住了，帶著一絲尷尬和遺憾說：“我還沒向您請教呢……”
“這些……難道還不夠嗎？”本傑明一邊微笑一邊掃視著自己的房間說，“你進來又有一分鐘了。”
“一分鐘……”年輕人若有所思地說，“我懂了，您讓我明白用一分鐘的時間可以做許多事情，可以改變許多事情的深刻道理。”
珍惜眼前的每一分每一秒，也就珍惜了所擁有的今天。哈佛的這句話實際上揭示了一種人生哲學，那就是人生要以珍惜的態度把握時間，從今天開始，從現在做起。
覺得為時已晚的時候，恰恰是最早的時候
安曼曾經是紐約港務局的工程師，工作多年後按規定退休。開始的時候，他很是失落。但他很快就高興起來，因為他有了一個偉大的想法。他想創辦一家自己的工程公司，要把辦公樓開到全球各個角落。
安曼開始一步一個腳印地實施著自己的計畫，設計的建築遍佈世界各地。在退休後的三十多年裏，他實踐著自己在工作中沒有機會嘗試的大膽和新奇的設計， 不停地創造著一個又一個令世人矚目的經典：埃塞俄比亞首都阿迪斯阿貝巴機場，華盛頓杜勒斯機場，伊朗高速公路系統，賓夕法尼亞州匹茲堡市中心建築群……這 些作品被當作大學建築系和工程系教科書上常用的範例，也是安曼偉大夢想的見證。86歲的時候，他完成最後一個作品───當時世界上最長的懸體公路橋─── 紐約韋拉紮諾海峽橋。
生活中，很多事情都是這樣，如果你願意開始，認清目標，打定主意去做一件事，永遠不會嫌晚。
今天不走，明天要跑
在哈佛，教授們會時常提醒學生們要做好時間管理，並列舉如下事例：
當今世界上最大的化學公司───杜邦公司的總裁格勞福特。格林瓦特，每天擠出一小時來研究蜂鳥，並用專門的設備給蜂鳥拍照。權威人士把他寫的關於蜂鳥的書稱為自然歷史叢書中的傑出作品。
休格。布萊克在進入美國議會前，並未受過高等教育。他從百忙中每天擠出一小時到國會圖書館去博覽群書，包括政治、歷史、哲學、詩歌等方面的書，數年如一日，就是在議會工作最忙的日子裏也從未間斷過。後來他成了美國最高法院的法官。
一位名叫尼古拉的希臘籍電梯維修工對現代科學很感興趣，他每天下班後到晚飯前，總要花一小時時間來攻讀核子物理學方面的書籍。隨著知識的積累，一個 念頭躍入他的腦海。1948年，他提出了建立一種新型粒子加速器的計畫。這種加速器比當時其他類型的加速器造價便宜而且更強有力。他把計畫遞交給美國原子 能委員會做試驗，又再經改進，這台加速器為美國節省了7000萬美元。尼古拉得到了1萬美元的獎勵，還被聘請到加州大學放射實驗室工作。
在人生的道路上，你停步不前，但有人卻在拼命趕路。也許當你站立的時候，他還在你的後面向前追趕，但當你再一回望時，已看不到他的身影了，因為，他已經跑到你的前面了，現在需要你來追趕他了。所以，你不能停步，你要不斷向前，不斷超越。
狗一樣地學，紳士一樣地玩
我們說要珍惜時間，努力為實現理想而打拼，但有一點要注意，那就是不要一味地拼命，也要有適度的休息和放鬆。對此，哈佛有個很貼切的說法，叫做“狗一樣地學，紳士一樣地玩”。話雖略顯粗俗，但揭示的道理卻很深刻。
在哈佛，雖然學習強度很大，學生們承受著很大的學習壓力，但他們也不提倡學生把所有的時間都用來學習。他們認為，學要盡力，玩也不能忽視。哈佛的學 生也說，哈佛的課餘生活要勝過正規學習。而哈佛也意識到適度的課外活動不但不會背離教育使命，而且還會給教育使命以支持。因此，他們提出要像“紳士一樣地 玩”。
在哈佛，學生們除了緊張地學習，還會參加學校組織的多種藝術活動，比如音樂會、戲劇演出、舞蹈表演及各種藝術展覽等，此外，哈佛每年還會舉辦藝術 節，以活躍學生的業餘生活。這些充滿著濃厚藝術氛圍的活動不僅讓學生接受了藝術教育和薰陶，而且提高了學生的藝術修養和審美能力。
哈佛的理念就是要求你在緊張的學習和工作後，能夠暫時地完全忘記它們，像投入工作那樣投入玩耍，盡情地放鬆。的確，在你盡心休閒的時候，所得到的體力和精力的恢復會為你下一階段的奮鬥增添無窮的動力。所以，在前進的路上，你不僅要勤奮努力，更要學會放鬆。
現在流的口水，將成為明天的眼淚
成功與安逸是不可兼得的，選擇了其一，就必定放棄了另一結局。正像哈佛所提醒的那樣：現在流的口水，將成為明天的眼淚。今天不努力，明天必定遭罪。
我的鄰居查理斯曾經在哈佛度過4年的大學時光，他現在就職於紐約的一家軟體公司，做他最擅長的行政管理工作,九九讀書人。不久前，他的公司被一家法 國公司兼併了。在兼併合同簽訂的當天，公司的新總裁宣佈：“我們不會隨意裁員，但如果你的法語太差，導致無法和其他員工交流，那麼，不管是多高職位的人， 我們都不得不請你離開。這個週末我們將進行一次法語考試，只有考試及格的人才能繼續在這裏工作。”
散會後，幾乎所有的人都擁向了圖書館，他們這時才意識到要趕快補習法語了。只有查理斯像平常一樣直接回家了，同事們都認為他已經準備放棄這份工作了，畢竟，哈佛的學習背景和公司管理層的工作經驗會幫助他輕而易舉地找到另一份不錯的工作。
然而，令所有人都想不到的是，考試結果出來後，這個在大家眼中沒有希望的人卻考了最高分。原來，查理斯在畢業後來到這家公司後，他在工作中發現與法 國人打交道的機會特別多，不會法語會使自己的工作受到很大的限制，所以，他很早就開始自學法語了。他利用可利用的一切時間，每天堅持學習，最終學有所獲。
在哈佛，你從來看不到學生在偷懶，在消磨時間。當若干年後回想起曾經的夢想時，希望帶給你的是無盡的欣慰笑容，而不是因蹉跎而流下的悔恨淚水。
投資未來的人，是忠於現實的人
作為世界知名的學府，哈佛十分強調要有長遠眼光，為未來投資。要投資未來，就要定好未來的投資方向，也就是要及早地設定人生目標。沒有目標，就談不到發展，更談不上成功。
哈佛大學曾進行過這樣一項跟蹤調查，物件是一群在智力、學歷和環境等方面條件差不多的年輕人。調查結果發現：27%的人沒有目標；60%的人目標模糊；10%的人有著清晰但比較短期的目標；其餘3%的人有著清晰而長遠的目標.
以後的歲月，他們行進在各自的人生旅途中。25年後，哈佛再次對這群學生進行了跟蹤調查。結果是這樣的：
3%的人，在25年間朝著一個方向不懈努力，幾乎都成為社會各界的成功人士，其中不乏行業領袖和社會精英；10%的人，他們的短期目標不斷地實現， 成為各個領域中的專業人士，大都生活在社會的中上層；60%的人，他們安穩地生活與工作，但都沒有什麼特別成績，幾乎都生活在社會的中下層；剩下27%的 人，他們的生活沒有目標，過得很不如意，並且常常在抱怨他人，抱怨社會，當然，也抱怨自己。
其實，他們之間的差別僅僅在於：25年前，他們中的一些人就已經知道自己最想要做的是什麼，而另一些人則不清楚或不很清楚。這個調查生動地說明了明確生活目標對於人生成功的重要意義。

來源：網路文章

7 Ways to Beat Self-Doubt

7. Stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Post published by Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. on Jul 01, 2015 in Hope for Relationships

 
Self-doubt can be a debilitating thought pattern that sabotages our chances for success. We all struggle with self-doubt at some point, but learning to overcome it frees us from negative thinking and allows us to live to our fullest potential.
Here are 7 techniques to help you live with confidence:
1. Find a mentor or someone who you can go to for advice (or venting).
Your thoughts are racing. You want to let some of them go, but you don’t know who to talk to. Who do you seek out? Find that person who really listens to you, understands you, and helps to place your feet back on the ground, whether it be a therapist, parent figure, sibling, or trusted friend. They can help identify and challenge your unhealthy beliefs without passing judgment.
2. Surround yourself with real friends.
You find yourself surrounded by a toxic group of friends. The environment is negative, competitive, and fake. They constantly try to bring you down to the level of their insecurities, and you are left with nothing but self-doubt. Sometimes it takes having a group of bad friends to truly recognize the ones who are good. Identify those friends who support you, advise you, and encourage you; the friends who think you are a star. Those friends are worth your time.
3. Forgive yourself.
Forgiving yourself is often harder than forgiving others. We constantly dwell on the times we failed or caused someone harm. We may play the victim and hold ourselves back from a life of betterment. Find that strength to overcome these shortcomings. Transfer the energy spent feeling guilt and self-criticism into the positive aspects of your life and move forward, because self-compassion is allowed.
4. Set reachable goals that you can accomplish.
Your goals should be ever evolving and changing. Give yourself permission to try new things, but don’t be unrealistic. You need that feeling of purpose and accomplishment, and it often takes baby-steps to get there. Your long-term success and health will be dependent on setting manageable, immediate goals. And always remember to reward yourself even for the small things.
5. Find your breath when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Seriously: Deep inhale, hard exhale. Life can become extremely overwhelming, and it is your job to mitigate the obstacles it throws your way. Deep breathing is an excellent daily habit to help reduce stress and self-doubt.
6. Write it down.
Write it all down. The therapeutic act of writing your thoughts—both positive and negative—will shed some light on what is really running through your mind. Take some time throughout the day to document everything from stress to accomplishment. If your negatives are overshadowing your greater positives, your journal will expose this. Be creative about how you document, but always speak the truth. A journal is an often-utilized therapeutic tool, but it can also be a good friend.
7. Stop trying to make everyone else happy.
You are caring, kind, and selfless, yet you are struggling to find your own happiness and esteem. Why? Because you are wasting too much time making everyone else happy, and you have none left for yourself. Your happiness is placed in the hands of everyone else, and let’s face it: People are hard to please. The result: You feel extreme self-doubt. Respect yourself first, and you will be surprised at the results.

5 Reasons We Act Impulsively

... and how to build willpower so we don't do it again.

Post published by Shahram Heshmat Ph.D. on Jul 16, 2015 in Science of Choice

Willpower refers to effort we make to control our impulsive behavior. Willpower can be viewed as a resource, implying that there is something in the deliberative mind that is limited. That is, engaging in acts of self-control draws from a limited resource of will that becomes depleted over time, just as a muscle becomes tired after a period of exertion. When resources are depleted, people tend to act on impulse and are more likely to be swayed by their desires, urges, and cravings, although they may regret in the long run. These are the 5 key factors that can temporarily weaken willpower and lead to impulsive reactions:

Source: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

1. Ego depletion.

Making a series of decisions that involve conflict—trying to impress others, responding kindly to rude behavior, or planning a wedding—leads to ego depletion, and ego depletion leads to a loss of motivation. Thus, at the end of a long day, people have fewer resources to overcome the urge to consume a tempting snack than at the beginning of the day. This explains why most diets are broken at night!  

2. Busyness (cognitive load).

The busier people are, the more likely they will behave impulsively. In a moment of stress, we often forget the names of people we know well. When our mind is preoccupied, our short-term mind guides our choices. This insight suggests that shoppers distracted by music or displays will be more likely to increase their impulse purchases. In contrast, being deliberate allows one to see the overall context and be less concerned with sensation.

3. Stress.

Coping with stress involves using willpower to control behavior. Daily stress can cripple the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive function that moderates concentration, planning, decision-making, and judgment. As a result, we lose the ability to be reflective, and begin to function on automatic default. For example, even with the best preparation, the pressure and anxiety of a lengthy exam (or interview) often causes test takers’ reasoning abilities to slow or even shut down entirely. This experience is known as blanking out, or choking under pressure.

4. Alcohol.

Intoxication reduces your resistance to temptation and weakens inhibitory control. Intoxication reduces self-awareness and narrows the scope of attention, limiting the ability to attend to multiple cues. As drinkers’ awareness declines, they lose self-control, so they eat more or smoke more as well.

5. Blood sugar.

Glucose is a vital part of willpower: Evidence shows that exerting willpower lowers blood sugar, which reduces the capacity for further self-control. Brains are energy hogs. Your brain uses about 20 percent of the energy your body consumes. Ironically, caloric restriction in dieting produces lower glucose, which undermines the willpower needed to resist food intake. The glucose itself doesn’t enter the brain, but it’s converted into neurotransmitters like serotonin. A lack of neurotransmitters increases impulsivity. For example, people with hypoglycemia, the tendency to have low blood sugar, are more likely to have trouble concentrating and controlling their negative emotions when provoked. Evidence (link is external)suggests that schoolchildren who skip breakfast perform worse on tests—but will do better after a snack.

The scarce-resource model of willpower provides insight into strategies that can be used to improve our self-control capacity. We need to treat willpower as a limited and important resource. We use the same supply of willpower to deal with frustrating traffic, tempting food, annoying colleagues, and disappointed children. Thus, resisting dessert at lunch can leave you with less willpower to deal with your annoying colleagues later.
A general guideline is to focus on one project at a time. Concentrating your effort on one or, at most, a few goals at a time increases the odds of success. For example, it makes no sense to decide that one is going to quit smoking and diet if one does not actually possess the necessary willpower. As the saying goes, “He who grasps at too much loses all.”
Finally, the willpower model suggests that self-control capacity can be built up through practice and training. Engaging in simple daily self-control exercises, such as avoiding unhealthy foods, lead to improved long-term maintenance of the behaviors. Further, the state of ego depletion can be reversed through rest or relaxation. Sleep deprivation may lead to chronic state of ego depletion and poor performance.

Why Lonely People Stay Lonely

By Melissa Dahl
 
 
Nobody likes feeling lonely, and some recent research suggests that the ache of isolation isn’t only a psychological problem; unwanted solitude impacts physical health, too. Loneliness increases a person’s risk of mortality by 26 percent, an effect comparable to the health risks posed by obesity, according to a study published this spring.
And because of this new evidence of the serious ramifications of loneliness, some researchers are investigating what it is, exactly, that makes lonely people stay lonely. In particular, could some behavior be at the root of their isolation? One long-held theory has been that people become socially isolated because of their poor social skills — and, presumably, as they spend more time alone, the few skills they do have start to erode from lack of use. But new research suggests that this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the socially isolated. Lonely people do understand social skills, and often outperform the non-lonely when asked to demonstrate that understanding. It’s just that when they’re in situations when they need those skills the most, they choke.
In a paper recently published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, Franklin & Marshall College professor Megan L. Knowles led four experiments that demonstrated lonely people’s tendency to choke when under social pressure. In one, Knowles and her team tested the social skills of 86 undergraduates, showing them 24 faces on a computer screen and asking them to name the basic human emotion each face was displaying: anger, fear, happiness, or sadness. She told some of the students that she was testing their social skills, and that people who failed at this task tended to have difficulty forming and maintaining friendships. But she framed the test differently for the rest of them, describing it as a this-is-all-theoretical kind of exercise.

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Before they started any of that, though, all the students completed surveys that measured how lonely they were. In the end, the lonelier students did worse than the non-lonely students on the emotion-reading task — but only when they were told they were being tested on their social skills. When the lonely were told they were just taking a general knowledge test, they performed better than the non-lonely. Previous research echoes these new results: Past studies have suggested, for example, that the lonelier people are, the better they are at accurately reading facial expressions and decoding tone of voice. As the theory goes, lonely people may be paying closer attention to emotional cues precisely because of their ache to belong somewhere and form interpersonal connections, which results in technically superior social skills.
But like a baseball pitcher with a mean case of the yips or a nervous test-taker sitting down for an exam, being hyperfocused on not screwing up can lead to over-thinking and second-guessing, which, of course, can end up causing the very screwup the person was so bent on avoiding. It’s largely a matter of reducing that performance anxiety, in other words, and Knowles and her colleagues did manage to find one way to do this for their lonely study participants, though, admittedly, it is maybe not exactly applicable outside of a lab. The researchers gave their volunteers an energy-drink-like beverage and told them that any jitters they felt were owing to the caffeine they’d just consumed. (In actuality, the beverage contained no caffeine, but no matter — the study participants believed that it did.) They then did the emotion-reading test, just like in the first experiment. Compared to scores from that first experiment, there was no discernible difference in scores for the non-lonely, but the researchers did see improvement among the lonely participants — even when the task had been framed as a social-skills test.
It may be difficult to trick yourself into believing your nerves are from caffeine and not the fact that you really, really, really want to make a good impression in some social setting, but there are other ways to change your own thinking about anxiety. One of my recent favorites is from Harvard Business School’s Alison Wood Brooks, who found that when she had people reframe their nerves as excitement, they subsequently performed better on some mildly terrifying task, like singing in public. At the very least, this current research presents a fairly new way to think about lonely people. It’s not that they need to brush up on the basics of social skills — that they’ve likely already got down. Instead, lonely people may need to focus more on getting out of their own heads, so they can actually use the skills they’ve got to form friendships and begin to find a way out of their isolation.

Nope, Not All Pimples Are Created Equally Meet the five types of acne troubling your skin.

 


All this month, YouTuber and acne expert Cassandra Bankson is giving you the low-down on what causes acne and what you can do to prevent it.


Acne is so difficult to treat because not all pimples are created equally. Between whiteheads, blackheads, and the ones that form deep down beneath your skin, acne can present itself in many different ways. Below are the five most common types of acne so you can identify and treat the underlying causes of your most annoying blemishes:

Whiteheads: Whiteheads, also known as closed condones, are pretty much unavoidable. But the good news is they're mild and easy to treat. Whiteheads form when dirt, bacteria, and oil enter a pore, creating the perfect conditions for acne bacteria to thrive. To combat the growing infection, the body creates pus which results in blocked and inflamed pores.
Blackheads: Blackheads, which are also called open condones, are almost identical to whiteheads, but without a layer of skin over the top. Because the larger opening is exposed to air, the white matter oxidizes and turns black. That's why when a blackhead is extracted, only the tip is black and the remainder is white.
[Read: Everyone Gets Pimples. So, Uh, Why Do We Feel So Alone and Ashamed by Them?]
Pustules: Pustules begin as whiteheads that get irritated or inflamed to the point that cell walls break, infecting surrounding pores and becoming a bigger pimple. They are more inflamed than whiteheads and filled with a yellow pus as opposed to white.
Cysts: Cysts, which are usually triggered by hormones, are generally more painful than other types of acne. They're typically buried underneath layers of skin and filled with a clear or cream-colored liquid pus. Attempting to pop them can rupture cell walls, infecting other surrounding cells. Sometimes, even without pressure, they can move naturally and invade nearby pores. Because of their location and hormonal relation, they're usually the toughest to treat.
Nodules: Nodules are similar to cysts, though less common and usually harder and more marble-like. Nodules can be calcified or form from old cysts that have hardened. They may even form on top of cysts on a shallower layer of skin. While cysts can affect someone without nodules, nodular acne is almost always accompanied by cysts. And, just like cystic acne, it can be very painful.
[Read: Here's Exactly How to Determine if You Need Topical or Oral Meds for Your Acne]
Depending on the type and severity of your acne, you may need to seek out professional advice to create a customized treatment plan. In the meantime, be sure to keep educating yourself on the many different types of acne and their treatments!

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