Jennifer Haupt One True Thing

From secret notes to 'kissing school' to keeping the bed warm.
Posted Apr 25, 2016 
 Pressmaster/ShutterstockWe all appreciate a bit of bling every once in awhile, but it’s the everyday thoughtful actions and romantic gestures that really add up to long-lasting love. A smile comes to my face every morning as I enter the kitchen and see that my husband has taken the time to empty the dishwasher before leaving for work. And over the past 25 years, I’ve learned that a perfect rose from our garden means more than any store-bought bouquet.
Here are 23 ways to say “I love you," from everyday thoughtfulness to romantic gestures, as reported by women whose marriages have long outlasted the honeymoon phase:
Show You Care
“Tom doesn’t eat desserts, but he dines out a lot for business. He always orders dessert just so he can bring it home to me.” — Lisa Daily, 38, Sarasota, Florida
“My husband takes care of my two Pugs, even though they are my dogs. He walks them, feeds them, plays with them—and has even grown to love them—to show how much he loves me.” — Diana Rohini LaVigne, 33, San Francisco
“After 23 years of marriage, my husband and I know which household duties the other one dislikes and we take those on. I would rather eat worms than fold laundry, and Ken is not a shopper or appointment-scheduler. Making the bed usually goes to whoever gets up last.” — Nancy A. Shenker, 50, Thornwood, New York
“Craig makes me a cup of herbal tea every morning. We sit for a few minutes before going our separate ways for work, talk about what we want to accomplish during the day, and say a prayer together. It's a lovely bonding time for us.” — Susanne Alexander, 50, Cleveland
“Some Saturdays, Bill takes our three kids to the movies or will ask them to help him with a project around our farm so that I can have some quiet time to read, take a bath, or just nap.” — Sharon Anne Waldrop, 44, Crawford, Georgia
“My husband brings me a hot water bottle before bed every night. I’m always cold and this simple gesture is a true sign of warmth and love.” -- Gail McMeekin, 55, Boston
"I hate to stop and get gas, so my husband fills my gas tank for me on a regular basis. Often, he get up early just so I have a full tank for the day." — Patty Briguglio, 52, Raleigh, North Carolina
“At night, my husband, Jim, sneaks into the bedroom and turns on the electric blanket on my side of the bed so it’s cozy warm when I hop in. In the morning, he gets up much earlier than I do—I love sleeping in and am not a morning person. But I try to get up before he leaves the house, just to give him a kiss good-bye.” — Doreen Orion, 47, Boulder, Colorado
Small Romantic Gestures That Add Up
“Every night, my husband makes up my side of the bed how I like it—an extra blanket, pillows making a backrest for reading—and turns the light on soft so when I come out of the shower I enter a quiet, romantic nest. We both have really demanding jobs, so we ebb and flow with dinner duty—cooking and cleaning up without even asking each other.” — Susan Harrow, 49, San Francisco
“My husband, Jerry, bought me a bottle of massage oil, and told me that whenever I need my shoulders rubbed I should just put it on his nightstand and he’ll gladly take the hint.” — Theresa Wilson, 30, Los Angeles
"Gustavo deposits little love notes in my pockets, purse, or suitcase if I'm traveling. He doesn't always do it, so it's a genuine surprise and it really makes my day. They usually just say, 'I love you,' or 'I'm thinking of you'—It doesn't take much to show you really care." -- Renee DeGross Valdes, 40, Decatur, Georgia
“Simon wanted to show me how much he loves me, so he dedicated an entire day to me as a surprise. He woke me up with coffee and pastries in bed. He had flowers delivered to my office—everyone was jealous. Then, he had dinner waiting when I came home. It was a perfect day and I truly felt special for every second.” — Rachel Harrison, 31, New York City
“On the nights that we stay home and watch TV, Jeff rubs my feet and I rub his head until I fall asleep sitting up. Other times we hold hands in bed until we fall asleep.” — Wendy Allen, 53, Santa Barbara, California
“When I travel for business my husband sneaks little notes in my suitcase from him and our two-year-old daughter, reminding me that they miss me and love me. He always hides them pretty well, so I’m surprised when one falls out of a pocket or folded item.” — Melinda Adamec, 36, Washington, DC
“My husband and I always send each other a morning e-mail from work saying something special to each other. It's a great way to start off the day.” — Carrie Carter, 53, Fenton, Michigan
“There are so many little ways that Hugo tells me he loves me. He reached for my hand as I walk by. He really listens to me and remembers what I say. He tells me my cooking is perfect, even when it’s not. I always try to show him that I not only love him, but that I appreciate him—with hugs, kisses and the liberal use of ‘thank you.’” — Nancy Davies, 47, Chicago
Get Creative
"My husband made me a birthday card with cut-out pictures of our children and added balloons coming from their mouths saying things like, ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, we want to thank you for all you do.’ Then he handed me another photo with our children in the front seat of a jeep, with another little poem: ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, we want to take a jeep tour with you.’ He had planned a weekend getaway, and I was so touched that he involved the children in a creative way to say the entire family appreciates me.” — Patti Merryman, 42, Keller, Texas
"A few weeks after a trip to Napa Valley with my husband, John, I received a mysterious letter at work. There was a note written on stationery from the hotel where we had stayed that simply said: ‘Tania, I just had to write today and tell you, I love you and think about you often. I really enjoyed our trip to California. I can't wait until our next little get-away. Love, John.’" — Tania Daniels, 35, Apple Valley, Minnesota
“My husband can tell when I'm tired and stressed out, and transforms into the 'Bath Boy.' He changes into a matching t-shirt and shorts, drapes a towel over his shoulder, and puts on a very professional demeanor. Then he runs a hot bath with plenty of bubbles, and proceeds to give me a spa-quality bath, pedicure, and manicure. There’s always jazz or romantic music playing in the background, and he totally focuses on me for as long as it takes.” — Diane Daniels, 42, Norwich, Connecticut
“John gives great birthday gifts. One year he made a heart-shaped cookie and put a beautiful necklace on it. But my favorite is a book of poems he wrote, and he reads one to me each year. This may not sound like much, but he has dyslexia so this means more to me than candy or jewelry ever could.” — Donna Richards, 39, Gaylesville, Alabama
"I went through terrible post-partum depression nine years ago and my husband, Paul, bought me a skateboard to give me something fun and carefree in my life. I've been sidewalk surfing ever since!" — Barb Odanaka, 39, Laguna Beach, California
"Last year, Richard and I gave each other a wonderful Valentine’s Gift: ‘Kissing School’! Each couple makes a nest out of blankets and pillows, and spends the entire day learning not just how to be a better kisser, but how to really connect through eye contact and touch. What a gift, being present, in the moment, together for the entire day.” — Debra Sea, 46, Portland, Oregon
"For my 30th birthday, my husband took me on a mystery weekend getaway to a resort in Sonoma where I’d always wanted to stay. At dinner, the maitre d' led us into a cavernous candle-lit room lined with wine bottles. In the center was a big wooden table with 10 guests—my closest friends from various walks of my life! It took my breath away; I had always wanted so many special people in my life to meet and never imagined something like that." — Carmella Lyman, 34, Napa, California
Jennifer Haupt is a freelance writer based in Bellevue, Washington.