My Gap Year – 壯遊吧！一年的空白，增加一生的色彩

26歲，我辭職旅行一年。現在回想起來，是人生中最珍貴的一段經歷。也多虧了這段經歷，才得以從根本沒興趣的工作中解脫，得到前往新領域的門票。
國外把這樣的一年叫做Gap Year，不唸書，不工作，不急著趕人生的路。一個空檔年，專門空下來探索人生，建立自己與別人不同的經歷與故事。
不一定要去旅行，可以當志工，當農夫，挑戰馬拉松，總之盡量做一些想做但平常沒有機會做的事，挑戰新的可能性。
很多人會選擇在Gap Year 來場壯遊，因為我們生來對這個世界感到好奇，
也很多人選擇回到祖籍地尋根，因為我們對自己也好奇。
可是在台灣，空檔年可能會被視為：不長進，遊手好閒，不務正業，逃避現實。在老一輩的觀念裡，光是一年不工作就已經天理難容，還想出去玩到處花錢！
壯遊，與別人不同的經歷與故事？
父母會很直接的告訴你：『你就不能跟別人一樣嗎？穩定的工作就很好了。』
很多人危言聳聽，說得好像膽敢違背社會的規則，接著就會萬劫不復，但其實真的挑戰過體制就會知道，你以為擋在前面的那座堅不可破的牆，根本不是真的，是想像出來的。
我非常肯定Gap Year 的價值，而且我覺得，要去要趁早。
還記得旅行的過程中，到處可見旅人攤開大地圖，確認自己的方向，畢竟在人生地不熟的地方瞎走，走錯方向反而會離目標越來越遠。
可是人生呢？在人生的旅途裡，其實一切也是充滿未知，
我們如果只知道一直向前，卻從來不曾停下來想想自己要到哪裡，會不會其實早就錯了方向，離幸福越來越遠呢？
你 ， 找 到 方 向 了 嗎 ？
還記得在中國，我被旅伴白菜從內蒙古帶到了黑龍江省，漠河，這個全中國最北的縣。
那時已經十月底，非常冷，還遇上了全線停電停水。其實我搞不太清楚自己為何來到這裡，漠河感覺不太熱鬧，風景也不特別漂亮，但白菜很興奮。
她說：『這就叫做找北。』
在漠河的商場裡，除了食物之外，我們還買了很多保養品，因為天乾地凍的，肌膚實在難受。消費滿額還獲得贈品：現剖珍珠一顆。我們貼了點錢請擺攤的大嬸做成項鍊，結果被大嬸狠狠訓了一頓：
『妳們來這裡幹嘛？這裡很冷，又什麼都沒有。』
『又是來找北的是吧？』
『一堆年輕人來找北，我真是搞不懂你們！』
『我問妳，找著了北又如何？』
我被唸的滿頭霧水，真想請問大嬸妳是在憤慨什麼？回台灣後上網查資料才知道，中國有句俗語叫做：『找不著北。』
找不著北就是找不到方向，因為北極星是探險家夜晚辨識方向最重要的指標，不只限於地裡的方向，當人生迷網時，愛情無法抉擇時，不知道該選擇怎樣的工作時。
都可以說：『我找不著北。』
這麼一來就很清楚，為什麼中國旅遊青年們，就算受凍，也非得到漠河不可。因為到了漠河，就是到了中國最北，就是找著了北，找著了北，精神上，就好像找到了人生的方向。
串珍珠的大嬸顯然很不以為然，畢竟她就住在漠河，難道她的一生因此就不會迷惑了嗎？
顯然不是，我看她脾氣這麼暴躁，生活可能有很多不順心。
如果能回到過去，我想要告訴她，在台灣，指引方向的東西叫做"指南針"，各項為人處事的參考，叫做"指南"。說不定這個大嬸，會因此興起想去南方海灘曬太陽的慾望。放鬆一下，就比較不會在工作時亂吼客戶。
旅 行 ， 就 是 從 自 己 活 膩 的 地 方 ， 到 別 人 活 膩 的 地 方 。
我在古巴認識了韓國的朋友，到首爾旅遊前，我請教他關於首爾塔的問題。他很直白的告訴我：『我不知道，我沒去過。』
我嚇了一跳，因為那位朋友是土生土長的首爾人，在首爾渡過四十年的人生，竟然沒去過首爾塔，也從來沒想過去看看。真是太誇張了，我挖苦了他幾句。
幾個月後，韓國朋友要來台灣玩，他跟我打聽101的觀景台。這下換我尷尬了。
『我不知道，我沒上去過。』
這下換他挖苦我了。
再怎麼說，首爾塔在南山，不在市區，他沒去過也是情有可原，但101離我上班的地方，距離只有 2.5公里，用走的都走的到。為什麼呢？後來我一直在想，為什麼我上去過首爾塔，卻沒登過101。
是我貴遠賤近了嗎？
後來我才知道，花太多力氣在生存的時候，就沒有力氣去生活。我們為了日子好過，很可能選擇把自己麻痺，不去聽，不去看，不去想，不介意。
我 們 很 容 易 忽 略 身 邊 的 美 好 ，
就 如 同 我 們 不 容 易 看 見 自 己 擁 有 的 一 切 。
說來奇怪，不管是哪一段旅程，去哪些地方，回台灣的那一天，往往讓我留下最深刻的印象。
我還記得從曼谷飛回台的那天，空中看台灣，白雲籠罩著山脈，真的好美，也記得從中國回台灣的那天，我的fb終於可以使用，我卻在機場得知一個很優秀的朋友的死訊，最後哭著過海關。
當然我也不可能忘記從古巴到歐洲到曼谷，三次轉機，終於回到台灣，一出機場，我第一個念頭就是：我要去錦州街吃碳烤鹹酥雞。
然後我就知道，我對這個地方，有著很深很深的歸屬感。可是我還是一次次的旅行，人家會說：『你說你愛台灣，為什麼出走？』
後來才知道，原來我們不是想走出台灣，是想走出困境，是想找到答案。
這 世 界 有 張 地 圖 ， 每 個 人 心 裡 也 有 一 張 地 圖 。
每個人都會問我，為什麼想去古巴跟北韓，一開始我也很難說清楚，後來慢慢的就越來越明白了，也開始對左派，對無政府主義，對各種的團體起了好奇心，書櫃裡的書，也從文學作品，慢慢轉換為社會人文。
旅人選擇去的地方，就是問題，也是答案。
有些人覺得旅行沒有賺錢來得重要，有些人覺得旅行並不如大家說的收穫那麼多，或許大家說的都少都有點道理，但我覺得，旅行有其特別的，不可抹滅的價值。
旅行，是思考的實踐。
探索世界，其實也是在探索自己。
找旅行的方向，也是在找心的方向。
而不管最後收穫是什麼，旅行本身就具有他的意義，
因為我們做出了選擇，跨出了那一步。
當然，不一定每個人都會在旅程過後煥然一新，以我自己為例，在旅歸的第一年，過得比之前人生任何一年更痛苦。因為在旅行中那麼自由，可以做那麼多事，回到現實生活反而覺得不自在了。
還記得年初去馬來西亞沙巴的時候，還覺得好無聊，比不上古巴。可是，不放棄繼續思索的過程中，我突然了解到。
壯麗的那場旅行已經結束了，但那不是一件哀傷的事，因為經歷過的事情並不會消失，而我的人生卻才正要開始呢！
我要去尋找，下一個我想去的地方，我要付出我的心力，在我在乎的事情上。而這一切的一切，其實跟我當初去旅遊的原因還是一樣的。
如 果 有 兩 條 路 ， 一 定 要 選 艱 苦 的 那 條 ，
它 會 把 你 最 好 的 那 些 東 西 給 榨 出來 。
沙特說：『唯一需要被捍衛的自由，就是選擇的自由。』
『上帝已死，靈魂也不存在，沒有既定的命運，人的價值，展現在他的選擇上。』
我們可以選擇不相信，不相信行動會帶來改變，選擇什麼都不做，如此一來就真的什麼都不會改變。
但我們也可以選擇為自己踏出一步，去尋找一種可能性。
世 界 這 麼 大 ，為 何 不 去 看 一 看 ？
—
作者：摸泥可
粉絲團:https://www.facebook.com/morningc725
部落格:http://morningc725.blogspot.tw/

Why Stress Gets to Us, and How to Make It Stop

New research reveals who stress hurts, and who's immune.

Post published by Juliana Breines Ph.D. on Jan 28, 2015 in In Love and War

 Consider the following two questions:
1. During the past 12 months, would you say that you experienced a lot of stress, a moderate amount of stress, relatively little stress, or almost no stress at all?
2. During the past 12 months, how much effect has stress had on your health—a lot, some, hardly any, or none?
In 1998, over 20,000 Americans responded to these two questions, among others, as part of a national survey (link is external). A little over half of the respondents reported experiencing moderate amounts of stress or a lot of stress, and around one-third reported that stress had at least some effect on their health. The researchers then used death records to track their respondents' mortality between 1998 and 2006.
Surprisingly, stress levels alone didn't predict mortality risk—stress was only associated with mortality for respondents who also believed that stress affected their health. Participants who were stressed and who felt that stress affected their health were 43% more likely to die before 2006, compared to those who scored low on both of these measures.
Another study (link is external), which tracked thousands of British civil servants from 1985 to 2003, found similar results: Participants who felt that their health had been significantly affected by stress were twice as likely to have a heart attack—and to die from one—over the 18-year period, compared to participants who didn't believe that stress affected their health.
In both studies, researchers controlled for a range of health risk factors, including stress levels, suggesting that, independent of how much stress participants experienced and what their health status was to begin with, their perceptions of the harmfulness of stress adversely affected their health.
It's possible, though, that those who believed stress affected their health and those who didn't were different from one another in unmeasured ways. For example, those who believed that stress affected their health may have noticed a direct connection between stress and physical symptoms—that is, they could have been correct about stress affecting their health—whereas others may simply not have experienced that connection in their own lives. Different forms of stress can affect health in different ways, and individuals may differ in their vulnerability to stress-related health effects.
Still, these results are shocking. Is it possible that this belief alone could have such strong biological effects?
It may be that the belief that stress harms health makes stress even more stressful. An experience that is already stressful becomes even more stressful when we worry that it could also make us sick. Research has shown that the more an experience is perceived as threatening (link is external) or dangerous, the greater the magnitude of the psychological and biological response. Over time, repeated heightened responses can increase biological wear-and-tear (link is external)and, in turn, increase disease risk.
Another possibility is that people who believe stress affects their health may feel a lower sense of control over their health, which has been linked with poor health outcomes (link is external). However, the reverse could also be true: Individuals who believe that stress affects health may be more likely to blame themselves for health problems, thinking that they should be able to reduce their stress levels but have failed to do so. And self-blame may further jeopardize health: Research suggests, for example, that self-blame is associated with impaired immune functioning (link is external) among workers and increased symptoms of anxiety and depression (link is external)among women with breast cancer.
Besides potentially creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, the other problem with the belief that stress harms health is that it's not entirely true.
The body's stress response evolved to help us meet the demands of our environment and to increase our likelihood of survival in dangerous situations. There have probably been plenty of times in your life when the adrenaline rush of a stressful situation got you moving faster and thinking clearer—and maybe even saved your life. Stress-related arousal may help us perform better on exams (link is external) and other challenging tasks, and research suggests that people who have experienced moderate stress in their lives are less likely to suffer harmful biological consequences, such as DNA damage (link is external), from subsequent stress. Even severe forms of stress can have upsides—they can make us stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate towards others who are going through stressful experiences.
This is not to say that we should seek out stressful experiences, but given that stress is a common and inevitable part of life, we may as well try to find a way to live peacefully with it, rather than seeing it as the enemy.
When we're constantly battling stress, we're destined to lose.

5 Silver Linings You Can Find in Hard Times

Finding strength, clarity, and joy even in the most unlikely places.

Post published by Juliana Breines Ph.D. on Apr 30, 2015 in In Love and War

 Major negative life events, such as the death of a loved one, the dissolution of an important relationship, or the diagnosis of a serious illness, can be painful and isolating. But these experiences can also sometimes bring about unexpected positive changes. Here are 5 of them:
1. You become more compassionate and less judgmental.
Experiencing suffering yourself can make you more compassionate towards others who are suffering. Often, when witnessing others’ hardships, people look for reasons to blame the victim for their plight (e.g., “He’s struggling financially because he doesn’t work hard enough," or, "She’s sick because she worked too hard and didn’t take care of herself’), thereby reducing their own sense of vulnerability. But when you’ve suffered deeply, you’re more likely to recognize that everyone is vulnerable, and that bad things happen to good people all the time. Someone else’s suffering no longer represents a threat, but rather can be a source of connection and kinship.
2. You discover that you’re stronger than you thought you were.
In the early stages of a negative life event, you may think to yourself, “There’s no way I can get through this.” But somehow, day by day, you manage to put one foot in front of the other, despite the pain you may feel. One of the things that hardship does is show you your true strength—the strength you didn’t know you had until it was really tested. Supporting this idea, research on affective forecasting (link is external) suggests that we tend to overestimate how devastated we’ll be by negative life events and how long the pain will last—in other words, we’re more resilient than we think.
3. You learn who your true friends are.
In difficult times, certain relationships are likely to deepen, while others may fade away. Discovering that some people are fair-weather friends, disappearing when you need them most, can be painful, but it’s also an opportunity to develop a new appreciation for the people who do stick around, and to focus your energy on those relationships. Research suggests that sometimes even weaker social ties— (link is external)people you weren’t very close with to begin with—can rise to the occasion and prove to be very supportive in high stress situations.
4. You get greater clarity on what you want in life.
Sometimes a crisis can jolt you into re-evaluating your life in a major way. It can force you to ask yourself if you’re really doing what makes you happy and spending your time how you want to, or with the people you want to spend it with. Jarring as these re-evaluations can be, they can push you to make positive changes that may not have seemed like realistic possibilities before, for one reason or another—fear of failure, concerns about what other people would think, or just the inertia of the status quo (link is external). But these factors just don’t carry as much weight when the reality that life is fragile and unpredictable takes hold.
5. You find joy in unexpected places.
When your world is shaken up, it can cast a dark cloud over everything, making it difficult to enjoy what you once enjoyed. But sometimes joy can sneak up on you in the most unexpected ways and remind you that there is still beauty in the world, despite all the suffering.

9 Ways to Get Past Self-Pity

How to stop a downward spiral before it starts.

Post published by Amy Morin on May 08, 2015 in What Mentally Strong People Don't Do

 Whether you’ve been rejected by a love interest or you’re overwhelmed by a looming deadline, throwing a pity party won’t help. In fact, feeling sorry for yourself can be downright self-destructive. It makes overcoming adversity difficult—if not impossible—and it keeps you stuck.
Mentally strong people refuse to allow self-pity to sabotage their goals. Instead, they use life’s inevitable hardships as a way to grow stronger and become better. Here are 9 ways they avoid the trap:
1. They Face Their Feelings
Mentally strong people allow themselves to experience emotions like grief, disappointment, and loneliness head-on. They do not distract themselves from uncomfortable emotions by questioning whether their problems are "fair," or by convincing themselves they’ve suffered more than those around them. They know the best way to deal with discomfort is to just get through it.
2. They Recognize Warning Signs of the Downward Spiral
When you focus on everything that is going wrong, your thoughts become exaggeratedly negative, and those thoughts will negatively affect your behavior if you dwell on them. The combination of negative thinking and inactivity fuels further feelings of self-pity. Mentally strong people recognize when they are at risk of becoming caught in a downward spiral and take action to prevent themselves from living a pitiful life.
3. They Question Their Perceptions
Our emotional state influences how we perceive reality. When you feel sorry for yourself, you likely focus on the bad things going on in your life, while overlooking the good. Mentally strong people question whether their thoughts represent reality. They ask themselves questions like, “Is my luck always bad?” or, “Is my entire life really ruined?” Such questions allow them to recognize when their outlook isn’t realistic, and to create a more realistic perception of their situation.
4. They Turn Their Negative Thoughts Into Behavioral Experiments
Mentally strong people don’t allow negative thoughts to turn into self-fulfilling prophecies; they perform behavioral experiments to prove those thoughts wrong. When they find themselves thinking things like, “I could never put on a presentation as good as this one,” they respond with, “Challenge accepted!”
5. They Reserve their Resources for Productive Activities
Every minute you dwell on self-pity is 60 seconds you delay working on a solution to your problems. Mentally strong people refuse to waste precious time and energy on their misery. Instead, they devote their finite resources to productive activities that can improve the situation.
6. They Practice Gratitude
It’s hard to feel self-pity and gratitude at the same time. Self-pity is about thinking, “I deserve better." Gratitude is about thinking, “I have more than I need.” Mentally strong people recognize all that they have to be grateful for in life—right down to the fresh air to breathe and clean water to drink.
7. They Help Other People
It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re busy helping those who are less fortunate. Problems like demanding customers or declining sales don’t seem so bad when you’re reminded that there are people who lack food and shelter. Rather than ruminate on their own inconveniences, mentally strong people strive to improve the lives of others.
8. They Refuse to Complain
Venting to other people about the magnitude of your problems fuels feelings of self-pity. Mentally strong people don’t try to gain sympathy from others by complaining about their difficult circumstances. Instead, they either take action to make things better, or accept the situations that they cannot change.
9. They Maintain an Optimistic Outlook
Some of life’s problems cannot be prevented or solved. The loss of loved ones, natural disasters, and certain health conditions are problems most of us will face at one time or another, but mentally strong people keep an optimistic outlook about their ability to handle whatever life throws their way.
Build Mental Strength

Developing mental strength is similar to building physical strength. If you wanted to become physically strong you would need good habits, like lifting weights. You would also need to get rid of bad habits, like eating too many sweets. Developing mental strength also requires you to have good habits—and to give up destructive ones, like self-pity. By developing an increased ability to regulate your thoughts, managing your emotions, and behaving productively despite your circumstances, you will grow stronger and become better.

19 Natural Remedies for Anxiety

Proven ways to control the symptoms of anxiety without medication.

 

No Rx needed

by Robert A. Barnett
You're anxious, worried, freaked. You're upset about (pick one): money, health, work, family, love. Your heart is beating fast, your breathing is shallow and rapid, your mind is imagining doom, and you wish you could just relax…now! Whether you have a full-blown anxiety disorder or are just freaking out, you may not want to try medication—at least not yet.

There are many safe nondrug remedies for anxiety, from mind-body techniques to supplements to calming teas. Some start working right away, while others may help lessen anxiety over time.

Chamomile

If you have a jittery moment, a cuppa chamomile tea might help calm you down. Some compounds in chamomile (Matricaria recutita) bind to the same brain receptors as drugs like Valium.

You can also take it as a supplement, typically standardized to contain 1.2% apigenin (an active ingredient), along with dried chamomile flowers. In one study at the University of Pennsylvania Medical Center, in Philadelphia, patients with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) who took chamomile supplements for eight weeks had a significant decrease in anxiety symptoms compared to patients taking placebo.
 

L-theanine (or green tea)

They say Japanese Buddhist monks could meditate for hours, both alert and relaxed. One reason may have been an amino acid in their green tea called L-theanine, says Mark Blumenthal, of the American Botanical Council.

Research shows that L-theanine helps curb a rising heart rate and blood pressure, and a few small human studies have found that it reduces anxiety. In one study, anxiety-prone subjects were calmer and more focused during a test if they took 200 milligrams of L-theanine beforehand.

You can get that much L-theanine from green tea, but you'll have to drink many cups—as few as five, as many as 20.

Hops

Yes, it's in beer, but you won't get the tranquilizing benefits of the bitter herb hops (Humulus lupulus) from a brew. The sedative compound in hops is a volatile oil, so you get it in extracts and tinctures—and as aromatherapy in hops pillows.

"It's very bitter, so you don't see it in tea much, unless combined with chamomile or mint," says Blumenthal. Hops is often used as a sedative, to promote sleep, often with another herb, valerian. Note: Don't take sedative herbs if you are taking a prescription tranquilizer or sedative, and let your doctor know any supplements you are taking.

Valerian

Some herbal supplements reduce anxiety without making you sleepy (such as L-theanine), while others are sedatives. Valerian (Valeriana officinalis) is squarely in the second category. It is a sleep aid, for insomnia. It contains sedative compounds; the German government has approved it as a treatment for sleep problems.

Valerian smells kind of nasty, so most people take it as a capsule or tincture, rather than a tea. If you want to try it, take it in the evening—not before you go to work! Valerian is often combined with other sedative herbs such as hops, chamomile, and lemon balm.
 

Lemon balm

Named after the Greek word for "honey bee," lemon balm (Melissa officinalis), has been used at least since the Middle Ages to reduce stress and anxiety, and help with sleep. In one study of healthy volunteers, those who took standardized lemon balm extracts (600 mg) were more calm and alert than those who took a placebo.

While it's generally safe, be aware that some studies have found that taking too much can actually make you more anxious. So follow directions and start with the smallest dose. Lemon balm is sold as a tea, capsule, and tincture. It's often combined with other calming herbs such as hops, chamomile, and valerian.
 

Exercise

Exercise is safe, good for the brain, and a powerful antidote to depression and anxiety, both immediately and in the long term. "If you exercise on a regular basis, you'll have more self-esteem and feel healthier," says Drew Ramsey, MD, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital, Columbia University, who blogs at www.DrewRamseyMD.com.

"One of the major causes of anxiety is worrying about illness and health, and that dissipates when you are fit."
 

The 21-minute cure

Twenty-one minutes: That's about how long it takes for exercise to reliably reduce anxiety, studies show, give or take a minute. "If you're really anxious and you hop on a treadmill, you will feel more calm after the workout," Dr. Ramsey says.

"I generally ask my patients to spend 20 to 30 minutes in an activity that gets their heart rate up, whether it's a treadmill or elliptical or stair stepping—anything you like. If you rowed in college, get back to rowing. If you don't exercise, start taking brisk walks."
 

Passionflower

In spite of the name, this herb won't help you in love. It's a sedative; the German government has approved it for nervous restlessness. Some studies find that it can reduce symptoms of anxiety as effectively as prescription drugs. It's often used for insomnia.

Like other sedatives, it can cause sleepiness and drowsiness, so don't take it—or valerian, hops, kava, lemon balm, or other sedative herbs—when you are also taking a prescription sedative.

Be careful about using more than one sedative herb at a time, and don't take passionflower for longer than one month at a time.

Lavender

The intoxicating (but safe) aroma of lavender (Lavandula hybrida) may be an "emotional" anti-inflammatory. In one study, Greek dental patients were less anxious if the waiting room was scented with lavender oil. In a Florida study, students who inhaled lavender oil scent before an exam has less anxiety—although some students said it made their minds "fuzzy" during the test.

In one German study, a specially formulated lavender pill (not available in the U.S.) was shown to reduce anxiety symptoms in people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as effectively as lorazepam (brand name: Ativan), an anti-anxiety medication in the same class as Valium.
 

Hold your breath!

Ok, let it out now. We're not recommending that you turn blue, but yoga breathing has been shown to be effective in lowering stress and anxiety. In his bestselling 2011 book Spontaneous Happiness, Andrew Weil, MD, introduced a classic yoga breathing technique he calls the 4-7-8 breath.

One reason it works is that you can't breathe deeply and be anxious at the same time. To do the 4-7-8 breath, exhale completely through your mouth, then inhale through your nose for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven. Now let it out slowly through your mouth for a count of eight. Repeat at least twice a day.
 

Eat something, quick

"Almost universally, people get more anxious and irritable when they are hungry," says Dr. Ramsey, coauthor of The Happiness Diet. "When you get an anxiety attack, it may mean your blood sugar is dropping. The best thing to do is to have a quick sustaining snack, like a handful of walnuts, or a piece of dark chocolate, along with a glass of water or a nice cup of hot tea."

In the long term, diet is key to reducing anxiety, says Dr. Ramsey. His advice: Eat a whole-foods, plant-based diet with carefully selected meat and seafood, plenty of leafy greens (such as kale) to get folate, and a wide variety of phytonutrients to help reduce anxiety.
 

Eat breakfast

Stop starving yourself, advises Dr. Ramsey. "Many people with anxiety disorders skip breakfast. I recommend that people eat things like eggs, which are a satiating and filling protein, and are nature's top source of choline. Low levels of choline are associated with increased anxiety."
 

Eat omega-3s

You know fish oils are good for the heart, and perhaps they protect against depression. Add anxiety to the list. In one study, students who took 2.5 milligrams a day of mixed omega-3 fatty acids for 12 weeks had less anxiety before an exam than students taking placebo.

Experts generally recommend that you get your omega-3s from food whenever possible. Oily, cold-water fishes like salmon are the best sources of the fatty acids; a six-ounce piece of grilled wild salmon contains about 3.75 grams.

Other good choices: anchovies, sardines, and mussels.
 

Stop catastrophizing

When you're attacked by anxiety, it's easy to get into a mind set known as "catastrophic thinking" or "catastrophizing." Your mind goes to the bad terrible really horrible just unbearable things and what if they really do happen? "You think, ‘This could really ruin my life,'" says Dr. Ramsey.

Instead, take a few deep breaths, walk around the block, and consider the real probability that this problem will really spin out into catastrophe. How likely is it that you'll lose your job, never talk to your sister again, go bankrupt?

Chances are a catastrophic outcome is a lot less likely than you think when you're consumed with anxiety. "Very few events really change the trajectory of your life," says Dr. Ramsey.
 

Get hot

Ever wonder why you feel so relaxed after a spell in the sauna or a steam room? Heating up your body reduces muscle tension and anxiety, research finds. Sensations of warmth may alter neural circuits that control mood, including those that affect the neurotransmitter serotonin. Warming up may be one of the ways that exercise—not to mention curling up by a fire with a cozy cup of tea—boosts mood.

As one group of researchers put it, "Whether lying on the beach in the midday sun on a Caribbean island, grabbing a few minutes in the sauna or spa after work, or sitting in a hot bath or Jacuzzi in the evening, we often associate feeling warm with a sense of relaxation and well-being."
 

Take a 'forest bath'

The Japanese call it Shinrin-yoku, literally "forest bath." You and I know it as a walk in the woods. Japanese researchers measured body changes in people who walked for about 20 minutes in a beautiful forest, with the woodsy smells and the sounds of a running stream.

The forest bathers had lower stress hormone levels after their walk than they did after a comparable walk in an urban area.
 

Learn mindfulness meditation

Mindfulness meditation, originally a Buddhist practice but now a mainstream therapy, is particularly effective in treating anxiety, says Teresa M. Edenfield, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in the Veterans Administration Medical Center in Durham, N.C., who often uses it to treat anxiety patients. "The act of practicing mindful awareness allows one to experience the true essence of each moment as it really occurs, rather than what is expected or feared," she says.

How to begin? You can start by simply "paying attention to the present moment, intentionally, with curiosity, and with an effort to attend non-judgmentally," Edenfield says.
 

Breath and question

To stay mindful, ask yourself simple questions while practicing breathing exercises, Edenfield suggests. "Sit in a comfortable place, close your eyes, and focus on how your breath feels coming in and out of your body. Now ask yourself silent questions while focusing on the breath."

What is the temperature of the air as it enters your nose? How does your breath feel different as it leaves your body? How does the air feel as it fills your lungs?
 

Give yourself credit

Are you having anxious thoughts? Congratulations. You're aware of your emotional state, and that awareness is the first step in reducing anxiety, says Edenfield.

"Remember to give yourself credit for being aware that you are having anxious thoughts, and probably body changes. This is truly a skill of mindfulness that must be learned, and is essential in making the next steps of intervening through strategies such as positive self-talk, cognitive reframing, or the use of mindfulness or relaxation strategies."

What Happens To Our Brains When We Exercise And How It Makes Us Happier

There's more to the mood-boosting properties of exercise than endorphins.

By Leo Widrich

Exercise has been touted to be a cure for nearly everything in life, from depression, to memory loss, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s and more. At the same time, similar to the topic of sleep, I found myself having very little specific and scientific knowledge about what exercise really does to our bodies and our brains.
"Yes, yes, I know all about it, that’s the thing with the endorphins, that makes you feel good and why we should exercise and stuff, right?" is what I can hear myself say to someone bringing this up. I would pick up things here and there, yet really digging into the connection of exercise and how it effects us has never been something I’ve done.
Inspired by a recent post from Joel on what makes us happy I’ve set out to uncover the connection between our feeling of happiness and exercising regularly.

What triggers happiness in our brain when we exercise?

Most of us are aware of what happens to the body when we exercise. We build more muscle or more stamina. We feel how daily activities like climbing stairs becomes easier if we exercise regularly. When it comes to our brain and mood though, the connection isn’t so clear.
The line around our "endorphins are released" is more something I throw around to sound smart, without really knowing what it means. Here is what actually happens:
If you start exercising, your brain recognizes this as a moment of stress. As your heart pressure increases, the brain thinks you are either fighting the enemy or fleeing from it. To protect yourself and your brain from stress, you release a protein called BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor). This BDNF has a protective and also reparative element to your memory neurons and acts as a reset switch. That’s why we often feel so at ease and things are clear after exercising and eventually happy.
At the same time, endorphins, another chemical to fight stress, is released in your brain. Your endorphins main purpose is this writes researcher McGovern:

These endorphins tend to minimize the discomfort of exercise, block the feeling of pain and are even associated with a feeling of euphoria.

Overall, there is a lot going on inside our brain and it is in fact oftentimes a lot more active than when we are just sitting down or actually concentrating mentally:

So, BDNF and endorphins are the reasons exercise makes us feel so good. The somewhat scary part is that they have a very similar and addictive behavior like morphine, heroine or nicotine. The only difference? Well, it’s actually good for us.

The key to maximize happiness through exercise: don’t do more, but focus on when

Now here is where it all gets interesting. We know the basic foundations of why exercising makes us happy and what happens inside our brain cells. The most important part to uncover now, is of course how we can trigger this in an optimal and longer lasting way.
A recent study from Penn State university shed some light on the matter and the results are more than surprising. They found that to be more productive and happier on a given work day, it doesn’t matter so much, if you work-out regularly, if you haven’t worked out on that particular day:

"Those who had exercised during the preceding month but not on the day of testing generally did better on the memory test than those who had been sedentary, but did not perform nearly as well as those who had worked out that morning."

New York Times best-selling author Gretchen Reynolds has written a whole book about the subject matter titled "The first 20 minutes". To get the highest level of happiness and benefits for health, the key is not to become a professional athlete. On the contrary, a much smaller amount is needed to reach the level where happiness and productivity in every day life peaks:

"The first 20 minutes of moving around, if someone has been really sedentary, provide most of the health benefits. You get prolonged life, reduced disease risk — all of those things come in in the first 20 minutes of being active."

So really, you can relax and don’t have to be on the look-out for the next killer work-out. All you have to do is get some focused 20 minutes in to get the full happiness boost every day:

"On exercise days, people’s mood significantly improved after exercising. Mood stayed about the same on days they didn’t, with the exception of people’s sense of calm which deteriorated." (University of Bristol)

How to get into a consistent exercise habit: The dance with the endorphins

Now, that’s all nice to hear you might say, starting to exercise regularly or even daily is still easier written than done. At end of the day, there is quite a lot of focus required to help you get into the habit of exercising daily. The most important part to note first, is that exercise is a "keystone" habit according to Charles Duhigg, New York Times bestselling author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business. This means that daily exercise can pave the way not only for happiness, but also growth in all other areas of your life.
In a recent post from Joel, he wrote about the power of daily exercise for his everyday life. Coincidentally, he follows the above rules very accurately and exercises daily before doing anything else. He writes:

By 9:30am, I’ve done an hour of coding on the most important task I have right now on Buffer, I’ve been to the gym and had a great session, and I’ve done 30 minutes of emails. It’s only 9:30am and I’ve already succeeded, and I feel fantastic.

I’ve spoken lots to Joel about his habit of exercising and here are some of the most important things to do, in order to set yourself up for success and make your daily exercise fun:
Put your gym clothes right over your alarm clock or phone when you go to bed:
This technique sounds rather simple, but has been one of the most powerful ones. If you put everything the way you want it for the gym before you go to sleep and put your alarm under your gym clothes, you will have a much easier time to convince yourself to put your gym clothes on.
Track your exercises and log them at the same time after every exercise: When you try to exercise regularly, the key is to make it a habit. One way to achieve this is to create a so called "reward", that will remind you of the good feelings you get from exercising. In our big list of top web apps, we have a full section on fitness apps that might be handy. Try out Fitocracy or RunKeeper to log your work-outs. Try to have a very clear logging process in place. Log your work-out just before you go into the shower or exactly when you walk out of the gym.
Think about starting small and then start even smaller: Here is a little secret. When I first started exercising, I did it with five minutes per day, three times a week. Can you imagine that? Five minutes of timed exercise, three times a week? That’s nothing, you might be thinking. And you are right, because the task is so easy and anyone can succeed with it, you can really start to make a habit out of it. Try no more than five or 10 minutes if you are getting started.
There are lots more great ideas for how you can create a habit from Joel in his post on the exercise habit, be sure to check it out, it might be a lot of help here. I am sure that if you dedicate just very little time, you can get into an awesome exercise routine that makes you happier, more productive and relaxed than ever before.

Quick last fact: You get the highest level of happiness with exercise if you are just starting out

As a quick last fact, exercise, the increase of the BDNF proteins in your brain acts as a mood enhancer. The effects are similar to drug addiction one study found. So when you start exercising, the feeling of euphoria is the highest:

"The release of endorphins has an addictive effect, and more exercise is needed to achieve the same level of euphoria over time." (McGovern)

So this means that if you have never exercised before or not for a long time, your happiness gains will be the highest if you start now.
Exercise and how it affects our level of happiness is an absolutely exciting topic for me. Have you played around with this too and seen any results? I would love to hear your thoughts on how exercise and happiness work together.

Handmade: Use knitting, crocheting to exercise brain

Jocelynn Brown, The Detroit News 4:59 p.m. EDT May 14, 2015
 
 Dr. Charles Huebner, a rheumatalogist who lives in Petosky, feels there’s more to being healthy than a well-balanced diet and exercise. He thinks it’s also important for one to engage in activities that help sustain good mental health.
Huebner, who’s just beginning to learn to knit and crochet, says, “Things like knitting and crocheting are so important for our overall mental health. There’s a connection between the mind and body. I try to eat a really healthy diet and exercise, but I wasn’t doing anything that was relaxing. We have to balance ourselves where we can really think and meditate.”
Having tried his hand at knitting and “dabbling in a little crocheting” over the past four months, Huebner, 61, finds both to be much-needed stress relievers. “I can see I definitely want to continue doing this for a lot of reasons. It’s creative, relaxing and it’s easy,” he says. “It’s really stressful being a doctor these days because of the insurance companies — all the rules and regulations, the difficulty of meeting those rules and regulations, taking care of a lot of patients and trying to run a business. It’s a high rate of physician burnout now.”
A practitioner of rheumatalogy since 1990, Huebner taught himself to knit by watching Youtube videos after seeing his female employees and patients either reading, crocheting or knitting. Some of his patients have shown him how to do the purl stitch, however, he hasn’t used it with a project. His wife, Melanie Manary, an M.D. who’s “knitted in the past,” told him what size needle he needed to use with the yarn he purchased at Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Huebner is hoping to develop his skills to the point where he can make things to give as gifts, like his male patient who made him the “most beautiful white afghan.” He’s looking at learning how to make socks and sweaters that he can give to others. The first thing he knitted was a large square which helped him learn how to cast on and bind off. He’s currently knitting a garter stitch scarf, which he sometimes works on during his lunch hour. He says, “I’m going to give it to my wife. She’s the light of my life.”
Although he’s yet to complete a crocheted project, Huebner says he’s trying to decide which needleart he likes better. He considers both to be “great activities,” but admits he’s “leaning toward the crochet because it seems like it goes faster, and you only have to have one needle.”
Feeling a little regretful about not having learned to knit and crochet sooner, Huebner says he’s trying to let his two sons “know that real men can do things like knitting and feel good about ourselves.”
Detroit News Staff Writer Jocelynn Brown is a longtime Metro Detroit crafter. You can reach her at (313) 222-2150 or jbrown@detroitnews.com. For more craft news and giveaways,visit her blog at detroitnews.com/crafts.

Regular Exercise Boosts Brain Function, Reducing Stress, Improving Memory, And More

May 7, 2015 12:18 PM By Lizette Borreli

 

The benefits of exercise go beyond the body and extend to the brain, from improving learning and mental performance to preventing age-related neurodegenerative diseases. Fix.com

We all know the physical benefits that come with exercise, from weight maintenance to stronger muscles. Working out, though, nourishes the body mentally as well. In fact, physical activity has a myriad of benefits when it comes to our brain health, ranging from improving learning and mental performance to preventing dementia, Alzheimer’s, and brain aging.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends adults get at least two and a half hours of moderate cardio and two days of muscle strengthening every week. However, only 50 percent of adults aged 18 and over meet the Physical Activity Guidelines for aerobic physical activity compared to the 24 percent for muscle-strengthening activity, and 20 percent for both of these exercises. Regardless of age or fitness level, research has shown regular exercise does yield mental health benefits.
Fix.com, a lifestyle blog that brings expert content about everything in and around the home, visualized the many positive effects of exercise on the brain, in the infographic “Your Brain on Exercise.” Physical activity helps boost blood flow throughout the body, including the brain. This causes brain cells to become better at connecting with one another.
The effects of aerobic activity on the brain should not be overlooked. Aerobic training has been found to increase connectivity in the temporal lobe in a year, in a group of college-aged young adults by simply walking. Meanwhile, a more vigorous intensity aerobic exercise, like running for 30 minutes, led to faster reaction times and vocabulary learning. Women who were aged 65 and over were less likely to develop cognitive decline if they were physically active.
The mental benefits of exercise are not just for adults, but for kids, too. Exercise is crucial for kids’ developing brains. Those who get more exercise tend to get better grades, have better concentration, and even get a better night’s sleep.
Overall, the benefits of exercise provide neuroprotective benefits that tune up our brain health over the years. Physical activity becomes like a fertilizer for the brain, nourishing it to improve attention, memory, accuracy, and how we process information.
When we exercise we’re not only strengthening our bodies, but also our brain power.

This is Your Brain on Exercise

Regular workouts are worth a lot more than a six-pack. Getting physical can also help your mind.

By Abigail Wise

We all know the slew of physical benefits that come along with staying active. From a healthier heart to stronger muscles, it’s no surprise that the CDC recommends adults get at least two and a half hours of moderate cardio and two days of muscle strengthening every week. But the perks of exercise extend far beyond the body. It turns out, there’s also a long list of mental benefits of breaking a sweat.
Exercise may protect the brain from stress-induced depression.
New research from the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden sought to explore the connection between exercise and why it helps us stress less. When researchers tested mice, they found that those with high levels of a protein found in well-trained muscles also had more KAT enzymes, stress busters that help metabolize the stress chemical kynurenine, Forbes reports. In other words, the study suggests that those with well-exercised muscles are better at ridding their body of the stress that can later lead to depression.
“Our initial research hypothesis was that trained muscle would produce a substance with beneficial effects on the brain. We actually found the opposite: well-trained muscle produces an enzyme that purges the body of harmful substances. So in this context the muscle’s function is reminiscent of that of the kidney or the liver,” Jorge Ruas, principal investigator at the Department of Physiology and Pharmacology at the Karolinska Institutet, told a university publication.
It can get your creative juices flowing.
Not only can exercise make you less stressed and happier overall, but it can also help spark ideas. “I come up with my best ideas when I’m running,” team runner with The North Face and a Ph.D. candidate focusing on nutrition and exercise physiology Stephanie Howe says.
But you don’t necessarily have to run a 100-mile race like Howe to reap the benefits. Stanford University researchers found that even doing something as simple as walking at a comfortable pace may increase creativity by as much as 60 percent.
Exercise may keep your brain sharp.
Research published in Nature suggests that people who exercise more have increased gray matter volume in their brains. Gray matter houses nerons important to memory. Other research found more gray matter in the frontal, temporal, and parietal cortexes of the brains of more physically fit people.
"The frontal areas of the brain have a lot to do with what people call higher-level cognition," psychologist Arthur F. Kramer of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign told ABC News. The frontal lobe is where we make decisions, problem-solve, control behavior, and regulate emotion. The temporal is responsible for memory, emotions, hearing, learning and languages, and the parietal is for processing sensory information and where letters come together to make words and our words form thoughts.
Exercise offers a serious self-esteem boost.
Working out on a regular basis not only changes your physical appearance, but it also affects the way you see yourself. Seventy percent of those who exercise every day feel good about their physical appearance, while only 50 percent of those who exercise one day a week report the same, according to a Gallup poll earlier this year. That means hitting the pavement multiple times a week can seriously increase your confidence.
“It’s when you’re suffering that you find yourself and learn to push through. It’s a confidence boost,” says Howe. “People who don’t exercise regularly don’t get to the point where they feel that. Otherwise everyone would [exercise.]”

10 Keys to Making Up Your Mind

What to do when you have no idea what to do.

Post published by Juliana Breines Ph.D. on May 05, 2015 in In Love and War

 

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Like the poet Robert Frost, we face decisions every day that determine our future. Depending on circumstance, some choices may seem impossible. If you are stuck at a crossroads, new research on decision-making can help. Read on for 10 tips to help take you from confusion to clarity:

Source: Blend Images/Shutterstock

1. Do your homework.
Even if you're inclined to make a gut-driven decision, rather than a fact-based one, educating yourself is an vital first step. Gather as much information as possible about your options and lay it out in an organized way. Research shows that gut feelings tend to be more accurate when they’re made by experts (link is external), so becoming an expert on the topic at hand can make your intuition more reliable.
2. Talk to people who have made similar choices.
Talk to a range of people who have taken the various paths you are considering—and who are willing to speak honestly about them. While no one person's experience will be exactly like yours, there should be much to learn from them. Research suggests that this approach can help you make more accurate predictions (link is external)about your own reactions to potential future events.
3. Take post-decision dissonance into account.
Research suggests that people tend to view a chosen path more positively once they have embarked on it. It's called post-decision dissonance (link is external), a phenomenon which keeps people from consciously recognizing or admitting when they made a mistake. Post-decision dissonance may affect your decision-making and bias your attitudes in the direction that you are already moving.
4. Ask yourself what you would choose if no one else cared.
For many decisions, the needs and desires of loved ones are central concerns and should carry weight. Often, however, we are unduly influenced by external factors such as what will give us the most prestige or what “people” will think. If you fall prey to these sticky thoughts, try imagining a scenario in which no one else knows or cares what decision you make. Identify which intrinsic goals (link is external) are aligned with what you really want, not what others dictate.
5. Don’t let fear drive you, but don’t ignore it either.
To create the lives we want, we have to take risks, sometimes big ones. But to say that you should never make decisions based on fear is overly simplistic. Fear protects us from danger, but when it comes to major life decisions, we need to keep fear in check. Research shows that focusing on avoiding fear in lieu of pursuing what we want is associated with loneliness and insecurity. For example, to decide whether to stay in a romantic relationship, choose because of what it is, not what it is not.
6. Look for alternatives.
Often we focus only on the options already considered, but neglect potential alternatives (link is external). Instead, ask yourself, Are there variations on your current options that could work? Are there totally different paths worth investigating? For example, when trying to decide between two potential romantic partners, consider choosing no one—if you are highly conflicted, it might be a sign that neither option is right and there is someone better out there for you.
7. Stop thinking about it for awhile.
Ruminating over a decision can drive you a little crazy. Getting bogged down in the details can also interfere with your ability to gain clarity on what you really want. Research suggests that distracting yourself (link is external)from a decision for a little while and coming back to it with a fresh eye can help you make the right move (provided you are already well-informed—simply avoiding a decision altogether because it’s too stressful is unlikely to help).
8. Give each option a test run.
Research suggests that people tend to make decisions differently depending on whether they happen to be in a happy or sad mood. To bypass this problem, imagine that you made a decision and sit with that choice for a few days. This strategy allows you to observe how you feel about it when you are in a range of different situations.
9. Consider how your future self may feel about your decision.
In his TED talk (link is external), psychologist Daniel Gilbert argued, "All of us are walking around with the illusion that...we have just recently become the people that we were always meant to be and will be for the rest of our lives.” In his research, he found that people tend to underestimate how much their values, personalities, preferences, and hobbies will change over the next 10 years. Our “end of history illusion” (link is external) may motivate us to choose what’s best for our current rather than our future selves. Although it’s difficult to predict exactly what our future selves will want, consider the possibility that they may want something different than what we want right now.
10. Accept that there may be no perfect decision.
Making a tough decision can be especially stressful when you imagine that there is only one “right” choice and you just need to figure out what it is. But the truth is often that each option has good and bad sides. Whichever way you go, you may feel a degree of sadness, loss, and regret. That doesn’t mean you made the wrong call. 

5 Things You Need to Know About Resilience

How you think about yourself is a major factor.

Post published by Peg Streep on Mar 02, 2015 in Tech Support

 When it comes to resilience, the playing field isn't level: One person fails at a venture and goes down for the count, while another immediately starts planning a comeback. A divorce proves to be impossible for one person to recover from while, for someone else, it becomes just a small but telling detail in a larger, and fuller, life story.
A setback is framed as inspiration in one scenario, and a slide down the slope in another.
Why are some of us better than others at dealing with the moments that can potentially break us? What does it mean to be truly emotionally and cognitively resilient?
In the end, it may come down to a number of factors, all worth considering if you wish to build up your resilience—and all backed by research. It’s worth remembering that at the entrance to the Delphic Oracle—whom the ancient Greeks consulted before any undertaking—were the words, “Know Thyself.” A bit of introspection is still useful in the 21st century, and will give you a good sense of your own ability to withstand a shower, storm, or a tsunami.
1. Humans are hardwired to react to the bad.
As the renowned study by Roy Baumeister and others puts it, “Bad is Stronger Than Good.” From an evolutionary point of view, this makes perfect sense: a Pollyanna approach wouldn’t have helped our forebears in a world where the challenges were largely physical. With survival in mind, nature didn’t want Paleo men or women to ignore or underestimate possible danger; the benefit lay in having an individual react quickly and decisively and then to put the incident into their memory. Similarly, from an evolutionary point of view, the hard-hitting nature of negative events also encouraged humans to seek support from each other in times of difficulty and to forge cooperative bonds.
How much stronger is bad than good? Well, the ratio that pops up most frequently in the literature is 5 to 1, which is a pretty hefty imbalance; it appears in research as various as John Gottman’s studies of marriage and studies of mood and productivity at work.
2. Your skill at managing negativity determines your resilience.
Even though negative events affect us more, they happen far less frequently than positive ones—thankfully. But from the point of view of various personality theories, we're not equally adept when real trouble comes our way. According to one theory, people oriented toward approach goals—who are comfortable meeting challenges and worry more about accomplishment than about failure—recover from losses and setbacks with much greater facility and less stress than their avoidantly-oriented colleagues. Worrying about potential failures and taking on life in a perpetual defensive crouch also make the avoidant less resilient when bad news shows up at their door; they are more likely to go down for the count. (Keep in mind that all of us will, at various points, take either an approach or avoidant stance; it’s your basic temperament that’s at issue here.)
Another theory of personality distinguishes between those who are “action-oriented” and “state-oriented.” The action-oriented control their negative emotions and don’t let them spill over; they’re capable of summoning up positive self-views and attitudes in times of stress, and aren’t as reliant on external cues as the state-oriented. In contrast, the state-oriented are easily overwhelmed by negative feelings and thoughts, and tend to stew and ruminate, hesitate or procrastinate, when the going gets tough.  By definition, they are less resilient.
One study showed that these dispositions can be demonstrated in very literal ways: Participants filled out questionnaires which identified them as either action or state- oriented; half were then asked to visualize experiences with a demanding person and to write about them, identifying the person with initials to make it more vivid, while the other half performed the same exercise focused on an accepting person in their lives. All of the participants were then exposed to schematized images of happy, sad, or neutral faces. It turned out that action-oriented individuals could pick out the happy faces faster than the state-oriented ones. Then all the participants were asked to respond to a list of positive and negative traits, checking each item as “me” or “not me.”
The action-oriented weren’t fazed by visualizing a demanding person, nor did the recollection spill over to their self-assessment—which was not the case for state-oriented people, whose self-esteem emerged the worse for wear. Interestingly, the action-oriented weren’t influenced by visualizing an accepting person but state-oriented people were, and it increased their resilience to being overrun by stress. This and other research suggests that actively seeking out ways to relax under stress may help the state-oriented when they’re under fire.
Seen from this point of view, resilience seems less like a trait than a lack of vulnerability to the influence of negative events—or evidence of a capacity to manage its impact.
3. How you define yourself matters a great deal.
Research bears out what may be just a common-sense observation: The more central the loss or setback is to your core definition of self is, the harder the hit. That’s why, according to the work of Patricia Linville, people who have more varied and complex definitions of self fare better in times of reversal, because there are more aspects of the self untouched by the debacle. Before you do an inventory, consider Linville’s definitions of these mental representations of self (which can be positive or negative)—specific events or behaviors, traits, roles, membership in groups you identify with, physical features, goals, memories and relationships. A man who has experienced a major career setback, for example, but has a relatively complex vision of self (involved father and spouse, brother, alderman in his church, community activist, golfer, cabinetmaker, aspiring screenwriter, pick-up basketball player) will feel more resilient than someone who largely defines himself by his work and his role as a provider.
Taking this into account, resilience may not be a character trait in the way the culture tends to frame it, but may depend on both personality and the way we think about our ourselves.
4. Abstract thinking may increase resilience.
Let’s imagine for a moment that you’ve suffered the loss of an important relationship—perhaps the key emotional connection in your life—and you are struggling to find a way to get out of bed and on to your future. In their book, Charles S. Carver and Michael F. Scheier note that thinking about a future goal in more abstract and general terms may inculcate resilience and perhaps even aid recovery and success in achieving it. Instead of focusing on replacing the specifics of what’s been lost, thinking about it generally opens up many more ways of achieving the goal you have. Instead of thinking, “I want to be able to eat dinner with a lover and fall asleep curled up” or, “I want someone to be there when I walk through the door,” recognizing that it’s emotional closeness that you yearn for makes it possible to think of all the different connections you might cultivate that would give you that sense. This has the effect of not only opening up numerous possibilities which the hunt for a single replacement for your lost love would not, but also of increasing your resilience in the wake of a bad or painful event.
5. Do you sweat the small stuff?
There’s s quotation variously attributed to Anton Chekhov or Clifford Odets although neither appears to have said or written it: “Any idiot can deal with a crisis; it’s the day-to-day living that wears you out.” While that’s not entirely true, there is evidence that resilience and psychological well-being are worn down by those everyday hassles, especially if they are part of a repetitive pattern, even in the absence of life-changing cataclysms. Different factors affect our ability to be resilient to quotidian wear-and-tear, including level of education, income, feelings of mastery or control over the environment, and the amount of social support one has.
For example, while better-educated individuals report more daily stress than less-educated ones, they nonetheless report far fewer physical and other symptoms. Researchers have found marked differences in both the stressors and their effects, depending on age and gender; it will surprise no one that younger and middle-aged people are more stressed in the day-to-day than the 60-plus cohort. While women were more likely to be stressed by problems arising from their network of friends and family, men were more likely to mention their work as a factor. Younger people tended to be more stressed by overloads of excessive demands on time and energy than older ones; younger men reported more stress stemming from interactions with coworkers. Of course, if these stressors co-exist with other negative major life events—an illness in the family, a decline in your own health, a divorce—the challenge to your resilience may be even greater.
One way to become more resilient is to become more conscious of the chinks in your own armor and to discover what in your personality and approach to life makes it harder for you to get through the squalls and storms life sometimes kicks up. It may be useful to recognize that resilience is as much a state of mind as anything else.