The 10 Tech Commandments Everyone Must Follow

We've come a long way—and yet we still misuse reply all. Catherine Newman addresses new rules of etiquette that Siri cannot. 
 
 Rule No. 1: Share carefully.
In these days of posting, tagging, and connecting widely and instantly, it can be hard to remember how that affects other people. But no matter the medium, the basics of courtesy are the same: Follow the Golden Rule. That means being kind, respectful, trustworthy, and gracious—and trying to spare people’s feelings. (And don’t embarrass anyone! Would you want someone to post a picture of you wiping out on the ice-skating rink?) When it comes to social media, bear in mind how perniciously innocent posts can spread—and how broad the scope of potential exclusion has become. Ask yourself, “Who might see this? And how would they feel?” One basic rule: Don’t post party pictures. People who weren’t invited might feel bad, the hosts might feel bad in turn, and other guests might have privacy issues. Plus, you don’t want your teetotaling grandma to see you doing Jell-O shots.
Rule No. 2: In a similar vein, when you notice on Facebook that your child was left out of a classmate’s birthday party, let it go.
Social media doesn’t just increase our risk of hurting others. We are also increasingly likely to know when we’re being excluded—and, worse, when our kids are. I won’t tell you to get a thicker skin. Sensitivity and courtesy go hand in hand, after all. But do try not to fret. Chances are good that the host’s intentions aren’t mean, and there may be factors you’re unaware of (for example, the climbing-gym max is six kids, or it’s an all-boy party). If your child feels hurt, consider this a teachable moment—one that helps her understand how it feels to be left out and that fosters resilience in the face of disappointment.

Rule No. 3: A thank-you text is OK for a dinner party, but don’t give up your stationery.
It’s tempting to send a (faster, emoji-filled) thank-you via smartphone or e-mail, but for most situations I confess to agreeing with old-school Emily Post. One should—still—err on the side of the written thank-you note. Someone took the time to give you a gift or offer his or her care. You can take the time to express your gratitude. That said, changing times call for changes to the rule, so here’s mine: Consider the gifter. A young person had you to dinner or gave you concert tickets? Sure, a grateful e-mail or text should do the trick. Your grandmother mailed you a hand-crocheted blanket? Dig up a stamp. Gray areas include baby gifts and condolence notes. Traditional etiquette recommends traditional note writing, but if you’re exhausted or grieving, just do your best. Your supporters are there to shore you up, not to keep tallies. And any thank-you is better than no thank-you at all.

Rule No. 4: If you want your friend to stop looking at her phone while you’re having dinner, model good behavior—conspicuously.
Remember when the only distractions at a restaurant were the loud talker at the next table and the over-eager server who really wants you to get dessert? Now there are the dings and the vibrations of phones. “Be present” is an overused mantra but an underlived one. If you don’t want your friends prioritizing their virtual connections over your flesh-and-blood friendship, say as you sit down, “It’s so great to see you. I’m turning off my phone so I make sure I can focus.” Or propose it as an idea: “Hey, we see each other so rarely. What do you think about ditching our phones while we have this time together?"

Rule No. 5: Model smart smartphone behavior around your kids, too.
Here’s what you want your children to hear you say: “Hang on a sec. Let me put my phone down so I can pay attention to what you’re telling me.” Minimizing distractedness won’t just encourage the kids to do the same; it will also radically enrich the quality of your time with them. If that text or e-mail can wait until later—until the kids are asleep, say, or you’re back at your desk—then let it. Consider creating no-tech zones in the house (bedrooms, the dinner table) or no-tech times (breakfast, ride to school, family game night). Get out of the habit of experiencing everything via your online documentation of it. (“Let’s not even bring our phones to the lake!”) Power off and be with your kids while you can because—sob!—they’ll be grown and gone before you know it.

Rule No. 6: Follow your teen on Instagram and Facebook if you like, but be as respectful as possible.
It’s natural to want to keep tabs, check up, and ascertain that nothing inappropriate or dangerous is happening, which is why you might choose to observe your child’s social-media life. But observe is the key word here. Don’t insert yourself into the conversation or make your presence otherwise obvious. We remember how it felt when our parents butted in or loitered too long when it came to our social lives, right? Don’t be that parent. And in the interest of trust, do be transparent with your child about your plans and intentions. The point is not to trap your kid in bad behavior—it’s to be a quiet, caring presence in the background.

Rule No. 7: But your babysitter’s Instagram posts are none of your business.
It can be unsettling to see pictures of her (or him) doing something (off duty, of course) that you don’t totally approve of. But assuming the photo doesn’t show her murdering anyone—just doing the Electric Slide while wearing a lampshade on her head—then look away. And try not to be too moralizing. A responsible child-care worker is free to spend her off hours as she chooses. She should probably have the good sense to hide such posts, of course, but if her carousing is not affecting her work, chalk it up to social-media TMI and keep scrolling.

Rule No. 8: There’s a right way and a wrong way to video your preschooler’s graduation.
As comedian Louis CK puts it, parents’ devices end up blocking their vision of their actual child: “The resolution on the kid is unbelievable if you just look. It’s totally HD.” If you must capture the moment on your phone instead of just in your memory, move to the side of the venue and do your recording from there. (This goes for concerts and sporting events, too.) A parent trying to watch her precious Orphan No. 7 in a middle-school production of Oliver Twist doesn’t want to do it through a tiny screen focused on someone else’s kid.

Rule No. 9: Don’t extend a friend request to your boss.
Or your clients. Or your children’s teachers—without first checking with the school, which may have rules that you should obey. You don’t want professional contacts scrolling through your Bermuda vacation or ogling your daughter’s rhythmic-gymnastics performance. If they pursue you, however, and “no” feels impolitic, then adjust your account preferences to maintain a boundary between work and life. Then share selectively.

Rule No. 10: The sender can see that you’ve opened the Evite. RSVP right away.
Of course you’ll need to look at your calendar and check in with your plus one. Beyond that, though, there’s no reason not to respond ASAP. (Unless you’re waiting to see if a better offer comes along, which is—sorry!—just plain rude.) Figure out if you’re attending, then let the party throwers know so that they can plan accordingly. And if you’re declining? No need to write a dissertation about your busy social life. "So sorry we can’t make it. Have fun!” is plenty.

要活得像個人， 你便要有所堅持！致，吞聲忍氣的你

尊嚴不是用來犧牲的，
在權貴面前，
你越把自己看得卑微，
別人便越鄙視你的存在。

公義不是用來妥協的，
在惡勢力面前，
你退縮得越多，
能喘息的空間便越有限；
生活不是用來將就的，
在窘境之中，
你表現得越軟弱，
一些你配得擁有的東西就會離你越遠；

要活得像個人，
你便要有所堅持，
不能讓別人一再踐踏你的底線。
只有挺直了腰板，
你才肩負起上帝給予的重任，
你才能享受勇氣給予的回饙。
致，吞聲忍氣的你。

• 作者：崩井
• 粉絲團：崩井Soulswell
• 原標題：致，吞聲忍氣的你
• 圖片來源：Huey Lewis

一個人不寂寞嗎？「適應寂寞，一個人也很好，但也不放棄有兩個人走的時候。」

那天走在路上，借宿家中的沙發客問『一個人不寂寞嗎？』突然間腦子被雷打到了瞬間，只是這麼多年，似乎我也習慣了寂寞這件事情。
一個人看電影，吃著爆米花然後流淚到隔壁的先生遞上衛生紙。
一個人逛街，挑著衣服跟雜誌攤上的書籍，累了就找椅子休息。
一個人睡覺，覺得無聊就醒來看看書或是寫文章，不覺得害怕。
一個人悲傷，就試著努力跟自己對話，去找到內心真實的答案。
這麼多年，也習慣了寂寞，即使我一個人旅行，也不覺得寂寞，只是被人問起，內心還是會泛起淡淡的哀愁。
或許也有很多人跟我一樣，不覺得非要兩個人才能過活，一個人聽著喜歡的歌，看著喜歡的書，偶爾喝杯啤酒，人生也是可以很暢意的過。
只是內心還是有一個缺口，等待有緣的人來補滿那個洞，寧缺勿濫也不願意再投入一趟傷痕累累的戰役中，畢竟沒了花漾少年的感觸，也不想要追逐濃情蜜意的愛戀，有時候只要有人聽自己說話，或是聊聊日常就多可貴。
祝我，情人節快樂。
祝你，情人節快樂。
不管一個人還是兩個人，過去的還是未來的，我們都要快樂。
不管有沒有人愛，都應該擁抱自己，以及愛身邊的每一個人。
所以我只好回他『適應寂寞，一個人也很好，但也不放棄有兩個人走的時候。』

• 作者：雪兒 Cher
• 原標題：情人節快樂
• 粉絲團：雪兒旅行

What's Your Psychological I.Q.?

15 questions to discover what you really know.

Post published by Ronald E Riggio Ph.D. on Aug 31, 2014 in Cutting-Edge Leadership

 Here are some questions concerning common misconceptions:
1. Schizophrenia is:

• a. possessing multiple personalities.
• b. associated with violent outbursts and huge mood swings.
• c. a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior.

2. Which saying best represents the research on physical attraction and dating?

• a. Opposites attract.
• b. Birds of a feather flock together.
• c. My strengths compensate for your weaknesses (and vice versa).

3. Lie detector tests (polygraphs):

• a. are 90% accurate.
• b. can only be beaten by psychopaths.
• c. are prone to error, particularly for innocent people who are viewed as guilty.

4. When it comes to our brains:

• a. everything we experience is stored in it, but we can’t retrieve much of it.
• b. we only use about 10%; much of the rest of our brain is silent.
• c. research shows that there are no silent areas of the brain.

5. Hypnotized people are most like:

• a. people who are asleep.
• b. people who are awake and alert.
• c. robots who are unaware of what is going on around them.

True or False?
6. The best way to get rid of anger and aggression is through sports or hitting a punching bag.
7. Human memory works like a video camera, recording everything we experience.
8. The happy worker is the productive worker.
9. The insanity defense is used in less than 1% of criminal trials.
10. Attractive people are believed to be smarter and more successful than unattractive people.
Here are the really tough questions:
11. A researcher finds a correlation between children’s TV viewing and lowered reading scores. This means that:

• a. TV viewing is harmful and causes students to be lazy.
• b. poor parenting is the likely explanation.
• c. less intelligent children are more likely to watch TV than to read.
• d. the correlation does not allow us to make a causal determination.

12. Young children are often unable to distinguish others' perspectives from their own. According to developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, this is an example of:

• a. concrete-operational thinking.
• b. limits to short-term memory.
• c. poor ego development.
• d. pervasive egocentrism.

13. A farmworker is paid for every bushel of fruit that is picked. In terms of reinforcement theory, the worker is being paid on:

• a. an intermittent reinforcement schedule.
• b. a fixed interval schedule.
• c. a fixed ratio schedule.
• d. a variable interval schedule.

14. In a darkened room, a fixed pinpoint of light appears to move. This is called:

• a. the Purkinje reflex.
• b. the Ponzo illusion.
• c. the autokinetic effect.
• d. the optic motion theory.

15. A lesion in the Broca’s area of the frontal cortex of the brain will likely result in:

• a. expressive aphasia.
• b. apraxia.
• c. alexia.
• d. visual agnosia.

Answers
1. C, 2. B, 3. C, 4. C, 5. B
6. F, 7. F, 8. F, 9. T, 10. T
11. D, 12. D, 13. C, 14. C, 15. A.
Results

• Less than 8: Time to retake Psychology 101
• 8-10: Pretty good; you're ready for an upper-level course
• 11-12: You may be smarter than a freshman psychology major
• More than 13: You're a genius—of course, we’re not using “genius” in the scientific sense...

How We Fall Out of Love

Do we have a built-in mechanism for ending romantic relationships?

Post published by Romeo Vitelli Ph.D. on Mar 09, 2015 in Media Spotlight

 Love is universal, or at least it seems to be.
Every society has a romantic tradition, and the desire to form a long and (hopefully) lasting love with another human being is apparently an intrinsic part of being human.  But while monogamy seems to be the ideal for most people, attaining that ideal is easier said than done. Like it or not, humans aren't likely to stay with one romantic partner for their entire lives. No matter how a society chooses to define marriage, nearly half of all such partnerships end in divorce.
This is hardly unique to modern society: According to David Buss, (link is external) hunter-gatherer societies seem particularly prone to divorce. For example, members of the Ache society of Paraguay can report as many as 11 marriages by the time they reach adulthood (link is external).
For whatever reason, most romantic relationships are going to come to an end, whether harmoniously or not. 
Though we recognize that love is often fragile, it can be difficult to understand exactly why a romantic relationship comes to an end. For most people, this can be a traumatic experience, especially for the one who is caught unaware that a relationship is over. The shock and anger that can result from a bad breakup can take years to work through; learning to move on can be extremely difficult.
While there has been extensive research into the psychology of romantic love, is it possible to learn what can cause people to fall out of love with a significant other? For that matter, how is it possible to move on after such a relationship comes to an end? A new article published in Review of General Psychology (link is external) suggests that humans may actually have a mental mechanism in place for severing the emotional bond between romantic partners. Authors Brian Boutwell of Saint Louis University, J.C. Barnes of the University of Cincinnati, and Kevin Beaver of Florida State University suggest in their article that their concept of a "mate rejection module" is hardly new.
Evolutionary psychologists have long argued that the ability to end a relationship and prepare for a new one can have definite advantages in terms of improving the ability to reproduce successfully. While some species can mate for life, humans typically don't. Admittedly, there are enormous differences across cultures—and at different periods in history—which makes it difficult to pin down how the mate rejection module actually works. Not only have some cultures allowed multiple marriages, but ending a marriage has been extremely difficult in many times and places. Even with casual relationships that don't involve any formal declarations, moving on from one partner to the next one can still be tricky.
In their review, Boutwell and his co-authors suggest that there are can be separate mechanisms at work:

• First is what they called primary mate ejection, or the active decision to reject a mate.
• Secondary mate ejection involves coming to terms with being rejected and reaching the point at which a new romantic pairing becomes possible. 

Not surprisingly, there appear to be significant differences between males and females in terms of where and when their mate ejection modules are activated. When dealing with infidelity, for example, men and women may react very differently, depending in part on how serious the infidelity is considered to be. Since, in evolutionary terms, men are more sensitive to the possibility of raising someone else's child, they may be less prone to forgive sexual infidelity than women. On the other hand, women seem less prone to forgiving emotional infidelity—such as when a partner falls in love with another woman, rendering him no longer a "safe bet" in terms of supporting her children (or her). Studies examining how willing men and women are to forgive infidelity appear to support this gender difference.
The kind of resources that a woman has, and the opportunities within the culture in which she lives, can also affect how willing she is to eject a mate. If she is able to support herself, the decision to leave is often easier than if she might be left destitute following a split.
But is it possible to use neuroscience to understand how mate ejection works for men and women?
In their article, Boutwell and his colleagues examined some of the neurological underpinnings of romantic love, including fMRI studies showing that many of the brain pathways linked to being in love show strong similarities with pathways linked to addiction. (Didn't you always suspect that?)
These pathways include the orbitofrontal and prefrontal cortex, right ventral tegmental area, and the ventral striatum, all of which involve reward or pleasure areas of the brain. The love-addiction link also helps explain the acute distress people feel when rejected by a romantic partner, as well as why stalkers have so much trouble letting go of their romantic feelings.
While the feeling associated with mate ejection can resemble drug withdrawal in many ways, both primary and secondary mate ejection take place after a gradual process of overcoming these old feelings and preparing the brain for bonding to a new partner. Once mate ejection occurs (whether primary or secondary), parts of the prefrontal cortex begin the process of "learning" to prepare for a new romantic interest.
(An intriguing example of how brain biochemistry can affect mate ejection involves research looking at selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) anti-depressants.  By suppressing serotonin levels, the brain's dopamine and norepinephrine levels are affected as well. Not only does this lower testosterone levels, but it may also suppress romantic feelings. For men, this might trigger a preference for sexual variety and, as a result, increase the risk of infidelity. For now, Boutwell et al. simply raise this as a possible explanation for why men may become more sexually promiscuous as a side effect of using these medications, but it can also be help understand how biochemical changes could lead to relationship problems.)
There remain numerous unanswered questions about mate ejection:

• Is it the same for both homosexual and heterosexual relationships? While early studies suggest that it is, this is still largely open to debate. 
• Then there is the question of how mate ejection can be measured. Can the same brain pathways that seem to be involved in romantic love be linked to the decision to end a relationship? 
• And what about cases of obsessive love, such as erotomania? Could understanding more about mate ejection help with treatment of stalkers? 

All of these questions are potential areas for future research.
"Til death do us part" pairings do exist, of course, but for whatever reason, most romantic relationships will eventually come to an end. Whether the breakup that ends a love affair is mutual or one-sided, we all have the capacity to move on to someone else, even if coping with heartache and disappointment can be overwhelming at times. 
In many ways, ending a love affair is a lot like overcoming a drug addiction—and brain research seems to bear this out. However we first evolved the capacity for mate ejection, it seems to have become an important part of the human condition. Learning more about mate ejection may also provide the key to understanding how to keep love alive for as long as humanly possible.

只要能找到自己喜歡、對自己未來有幫助、同時別人也認為有價值的工作時，成功就離你不遠了

有一對老夫妻住的洋房很漂亮，前院又沒有圍牆，所以許多小朋友放學後，都喜歡跑到院子玩耍。當小朋友吵鬧的太厲害時，老先生或太太就會出來趕走小朋友，甚至有時會罵人。可是小朋友不久後又回來，依然我行我素，甚至變本加厲的玩，完全不顧主人的感受。
不管怎麼三令五申，小朋友還是會闖進院子胡鬧，讓兩位老人相當苦惱。突然一天，老夫妻想到了一個解決問題的方法。
有天下午等待小朋友鬧得差不多準備要回家的時候，老先生刻意走要前院，把小朋友叫住。當小朋友以為又要被罵，準備先溜為妙時，老先生說道：“大家不要跑，我有好消息要告訴你們！”小朋友聽到後停了下來，很好奇的想知道是什麼好消息。
老先生繼續說：“如果你們明天下午來鬧，並且鬧得很賣力，我就給你們每人100塊！”小朋友聽了都不相信，以為他在開玩笑，所以老先生一說完，小朋友都一哄而散的回家了。
因為小朋友真的很愛玩，第二天自動又跑到老先生家院子，而且又玩的很凶。黃昏時老先生走到院子，遵守信用的給每個小朋友100元。小朋友收到錢後，不敢相信玩鬧居然還有酬勞可以領，每個人都興奮的不得了！
老先生發完錢後又說：“如果你們明天鬧得更厲害，我會給每個人50元獎勵。”小朋友回家時，都盤算明天要怎麼鬧才能順利拿到50元。到了第三天，小朋友們果然使出看家本事，鬧得超級賣力，噪音大的像打雷一樣，差點沒讓老夫妻心臟病發作。
可是老先生仍然履行承諾，發了50元給他們，並說：“如果你們明天再來鬧，我就給每個人1塊錢。”頓時小朋友都沒反應。靜默片刻後，帶頭的小鬼頭終 於開口說：“鬧得這麼用力才給1塊錢，真小氣！我們以後再也不來了！”隨後率眾走人。看著小朋友離去的背影，老夫妻互相點頭微笑，為成功趕走這群搗蛋鬼而 感到高興。
我認識一位朋友，他29歲就當了聯邦快遞的臺灣總經理。有一次在他演講時，一位大四生想瞭解如何能像他一樣，在職場上少年得志。他立刻回答：“我想 最重要的工作態度就是不要計較。”我們在職場上太計較得失，年紀輕輕就找‘錢多、事少、離家近’的工作，就有可能喪失工作熱忱，也會把原來很有趣的事變成 苦差事。你有常聽說把苦差事經營為成功事業的例子嗎？
所以說只要能找到自己喜歡、對自己未來有幫助、同時別人也認為有價值的工作時，成功就離你不遠了。

作者：黑立言

How Do We Know What the Heart Wants?

Alternative theories of why we feel what we feel.

Post published by Paul Thagard Ph.D. on May 08, 2015 in Hot Thought

 In an episode of the television show Girls, a friend says to the main character, Hannah, that "the heart wants what the heart wants," to which she replies, “You do know who you're quoting, right?”
(I wondered too, and a search turned up three sources—a popular song by Selena Gomez, a justification by Woody Allen for his involvement with Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter, and a letter by the poet Emily Dickinson, which presumably is the true origin.)
But what does it mean to say that the heart wants what it wants? And is it true?
The heart is often used as a figure of speech (metonymy) for emotions, as in Pascal’s remark that the heart has its reasons that reason does not know. So I think that the meaning of the saying, “the heart wants what it wants,” is that emotions such as love are not under conscious, cognitive control. For example, you cannot simply decide to fall in love with somebody, no matter how suitable. Similarly, you cannot just decide to stop loving somebody, no matter how hopeless.
On the other hand, you can decide to do things that increase the likelihood that you will fall in love with someone, such as having deep, intimate conversations and gazing into each other’s eyes. And you might decide to try to fall out of love with someone by avoiding the person, focusing on negative features, and becoming attracted to someone else.
These occurrences are hard to explain using the two most common theories of emotions.
The cognitive appraisal theory of emotions says that emotions are judgments about how well a situation fits with your goals, so happiness is an estimate of goal satisfaction and sadness an estimate of goal dissatisfaction. By this theory, it should be fairly easy to control your emotions, because you can reappraise the situation and figure out whether falling in love accomplishes your relationship goals.
But emotions are never that simple.
The alternative theory of emotions is that they are just reactions to physiological changes, such as heart rate, breathing, and hormone levels. This physiological perception view of emotions fits well with the idea that the heart wants just what the heart wants, putting feelings outside of cognitive control. But mere physiology doesn’t explain how the brain differentiates among emotions that are physiologically similar, such as fear/anger and shame/guilt, nor how the brain produces socially complex emotions such as pride, gratitude, envy, and embarrassment.  

Source: Poprotskiy Alexey/Shutterstock

HThe problem is resolved by viewing emotions as a parallel brain process (link is external) that simultaneously performs and integrates cognitive appraisal and physiological perception. This integration can be performed by neural representations called semantic pointers that are capable of binding representations of the situation, bodily signals, and the results of evaluation of the situation with respect to goals.
This integration explains why emotions are partly, but only partly, controllable by cognition. Reappraisal performed by yourself or with the help of a friend or therapist may be limited in the extent it can modify physiological states. Physiological modification might be helped by other, more physical interventions, such as exercise, meditation, and medication.
By this interpretation, it is only partly true that the heart wants what the heart wants, because there is some limited capacity for cognitive reappraisal that contributes to emotional change.
But this capacity can sometimes bring about that the heart wants what the brain wants.

5 Secrets to Stress-Free Travel

• By Maura Anderson
• December 19, 2013
  
  
  

  Streamline Your Trip

  There’s a lot to dislike about the modern airport experience, and a lot of it is simply out of our control — security screenings, flight delays and cancellations, the people who insist on loudly subjecting the entire gate area to their conference call with the Dallas office.
  
  I travel often enough to know that the collective stress of getting on a plane — packing, checking bags, getting through security and to the gate on time — can reduce even savvy, multi-tasking professional women into puddles of frantic anxiety. After a particularly unnecessary meltdown in the Atlanta terminal a few years ago, I swore I’d never let air travel get the better of me again. I discovered that the key to making your experience more efficient and pleasant is mastering the things you can control. Getting access to all of the available information for your flight, avoiding lines or finding the shortest ones, making security screening as uncomplicated as possible and preparing ahead of time for worst-case travel scenarios can save you both time and stress. Here’s how.
  

  

   

  Prep Your Phone

  When you’re armed with the right apps, your smartphone can be your best friend when you travel. Here are some apps that get me to the airport and to my gate with minimum trouble:
  
  The free apps provided by airlines vary in their capabilities, but it’s always useful to have your carrier’s app installed in order to check in ahead of time and to contact customer service if you run into any problems. Then I’ll save my mobile boarding passes (if available) to Passbook, so they’re on my phone’s lock screen and always right there when I need them.
  
  Parking apps like AirportParking and Best Parking help me identify lots closest to the airport, provide driving directions and also offer discounts.
  
  While planning my trip, I’ll forward all of the components of my itinerary (airlines, hotel and rental car reservations, etc.) to TripIt via email and sync it with GateGuru, which keeps me updated on flight delays, gate info and current security screening wait times. Once I’m at the airport, I use GateGuru’s airport-specific maps, amenities lists and travellers’ tips to find my way around.
  
  If I have a connecting flight through JFK or Chicago O’Hare and know that I’ll arrive hungry and pressed for time, I use B4 You Board to have food ready to pick up at my stopover. It’s one less thing to worry about, especially when travelling with children.
   
  
  

  Dress and Pack Smarter

  Dressing for air travel involves several considerations that are usually at cross-purpose to each other: You want to wear bulkier things to save room in your luggage, for instance, yet you don’t want to take everything on and off at the security screening. You may never achieve a perfect balance, but I’ve developed a system to minimize time and hassle.
  
  Everything that needs to come out for screening (laptops and similarly sized electronics, liquids) stays in a small shoulder bag (my personal item that can accompany my carry-on luggage). There’s no reason to have to unzip one of those heavy wheel-aboard bags unless the TSA wants you to. I can always redistribute items between bags after I pass through the chaos of security.
  
  Since I usually don’t know if I’ll have to pass through an AIT (“nudie-scope”) machine or a metal detector, I find it easier to stash all of my jewelry, scarves, hats, belts and watches in a zippered coat pocket or bag and put them on only after I pass through security. Small packing cubes make it easy to store and locate the small stuff in my carry-on bag.
  
  The only time I’ll do TSA yoga — wiggling in and out of zippered or laced shoes while balanced precariously on either end of the conveyor belt — is when there’s absolutely no room in my luggage for my must-have sneakers or boots. All other times I depend on a pair of slip-on shoes. It’s a small thing, but it’s smart to make the screening process as simple as possible.
  
  And unless you’ve already invested in a TSA-friendly laptop bag, don’t bother spending the money. Even though I’ve traveled with a bag that meets all of the specifications, I’ve still been asked to remove the laptop from the bag more often than not. Somehow, the fact that I paid good money for a bag with a function that’s routinely ignored by the TSA makes removing my laptop doubly aggravating.
   
  
  

  Dodge the Crowds

  The quickest way to get to your gate is to check in online before you arrive at the airport and not check any luggage, but if this isn’t an option for you, curbside baggage check is always a better option than winding through crowded check-in lines with heavy bags. I used to feel guilty for “wasting” money on this “unnecessary luxury,” but if I’m already frustrated and frazzled before I even get to the counter, I know I won’t be on my A-game for the rest of my airline adventure. For the cost of a few bucks a bag, it’s worth it.
  
  If you still can’t bear the thought of paying good money simply to check in the bags you may already be paying additional fees for, search online to see if your airline and airport offer tag-it-yourself luggage checkin. (Of course, if you enjoy frequent flier status or have a credit card that waives luggage fees, you’re already a step ahead, but you’ll still have to go through the rigamarole of checking bags.)
  
  Once you’re done with your bags, check an app like GateGuru or MyTSA to find the security screening line in your terminal that has the shortest wait time. My default destination is always the screening line closest to first-class check in, which generally has the fewest people.
   
  
  

  Consider Pre-Check

  If you travel fairly frequently or simply can’t stand doing the remove-your-shoes-and-liquids TSA screening dance, you may want to consider their Pre-Check program. For $85 and a background check, approved program participants can enjoy five years of expedited security screening. The upside? Dedicated screening lanes, and you get to keep your clothes on and laptops and liquids in your carry-on bag. The downside? The program is not available in all airports, and that $85 fee adds up if you’re registering a family. There are also considerable privacy concerns, so be aware that the FBI will keep your fingerprints on file for 75 years, whether you’re approved or not.
  
  

  Be Ready for Disruption

  Even the best-laid travel strategies can go awry, so be prepared for the worst-case flight delay or cancellation scenarios. Avoid the chaos of the airport customer service counter, hunker down with a hot chocolate and use your carrier’s app or the handy airline contact list on the Kayak app to contact an agent directly.
  
  Depending on your airline’s contract of carriage, if your flight is delayed and you think the delay has nothing to do with the weather or the airport (a good clue is to check if your flight is the only one — or one of very few — that’s delayed), they may re-book you on a more timely flight provided by a competitor. It’s always worth asking about as airline representatives will generally just try to book you on their next flight out.
  
  In dire situations, I’ve been able to get to my destination after a canceled flight by using Skyscanner to find and book the next flight out. FlightStats is also handy, but only shows direct flights to your destination.
  
  In really dire situations — the times when everything is cancelled, the customer service desk is mobbed with angry travellers and there’s a 30-minute wait to get an agent on the phone — you may want to consider walking into your airline’s private lounge and purchasing a one-day pass. It’s not for sobbing into the free chardonnay, but rather to gain access to another set of less-harried customer service agents with a vested interest in getting their lounge visitors the best service possible.
  
  

  
  

吃冰淇淋的下午

给xy，

这里酷热，你那边怎样？

谷歌告诉我那边也是高温。

你那边是夏天了吧。

又是另一个夏天。

记得某年的一个夏天，我就伊媚给你冰淇淋。

今年的夏天还是一样热，冰淇淋还是那样美味。

我只能在这边，一个人享用。

吃多了，身材开始往横发展。

天天见面的人不会发觉。

久未见面的人，开头第一句话就是说，我胖了。

对女人，不管多大年龄，那句话可不是赞美的话。

其实自己早就知道。

穿上有腰头的衣服，都觉得好紧。

许多以前要当底腰裙来穿的裙子，现在都只能在穿上腰部时，方才能扣上。

发胖了。

要怪，只能怪岁月这把神刀手。

人到中年，不能不屈服与他。

十多岁少年人即使发胖还是漂亮。

四十多的胖妇，没有漂亮可言。

牢骚没地方发，只能写下来。

希望你能读到。

虽然那是不可能。

但茫茫网络世界，我还是情愿相信你能读到。

J

真正造成壓力的，到底是事情本身，還是你心中的這些火上加油、自我打擊的「相信」？紓壓第一步，來自於你的「相信」

患者求助精神科門診，排名第一的困擾就是「壓力」…
壓力的來源有千百種，但壓力之所以會造成「問題」，卻總是來自於一個共通的原因，即…當事人的「相信」！
很難想像，壓力這種東西，你「相信」它大它就大，「相信」它小它就小，「相信」造就了壓力的存在…若是不「相信」，它也有可能瞬間煙消雲散！
很難相信吧！請看下面的例子：
走在路上，一個陌生人撞到你卻沒有道歉，你會不會火冒三丈？
回過頭一看，「是一位盲人」，那把火又瞬間消散得無影無蹤…
記者訪問鋼索達人，為何在幾十層樓高的鋼纜上，可以毫無畏懼、來去自如？
達人答道：「如果是三十公分高的鋼索，任何人練習一個下午也能做到…而在我心中，鋼索永遠只有三十公分高。」
天后阿妹的舞台魅力無人能及，即使是在上萬人的演唱會上，她也從不怯場。她的秘訣是：「我永遠都以在卑南家鄉唱歌給家人聽的心境，來唱好每一首歌；在家人歡聚的時刻，沒有緊張，只有溫馨的情感交流……」
對於事物要如何相信，操之在我，為何非得要相信那個最有壓力的版本？「這種事情我做不來…」、「那個人讓我很不舒服…」、「如果 XXX 發生，我就會受不了…」
真正造成壓力的，到底是事情本身，還是你心中的這些火上加油、自我打擊的「相信」？
每個人都有情緒收放自如的能力，每個人也都可以培養出非凡的壓力調適能力；關鍵的第一步，就是將無益的「相信」轉換成有用的「相信」！

• 作者：大千綜合醫院南勢分院院長、精神科醫師 馬大元

單身，其實沒有你想的寂寞

過了三十的分水嶺，轉眼也單身好幾年，開始慢慢習慣長輩們那些不變的問候，也習慣找不到人一起去看電影的周末，更習慣了一個人坐在沙發上看著那些重播的電影配上一罐啤酒。
慢慢的自己也變成了異類，尤其在同學的婚禮上，能感受自己的與眾不同。
你說怎麼不找個人一起生活？
我想了想，搖搖頭。
說真的過久了單身的日子，並沒有一廂情願走入跟別人一起過生活。
你說這樣過活難道不會寂寞？
我想了想，點點頭。
看見電影裡面的男女主角生離死別，我哭得唏哩嘩啦怎麼能不寂寞。
只是哭完了，眼淚也乾了，轉身抱著枕頭就睡了。
只是人醒了，天光也亮了，拿起公事包就上班了。
仍相信愛情電影的故事情節，也眷戀青春記憶的戀語，只是單身也是一種選擇，並不覺的非要在亂世大海隨便抓個浮木才能找到幸福。
單身，可以獨自去旅行，揹起背包就去那些想去的國家。
單身，可與陌生人喝酒，聊著那些不同經歷背後的想法。
單身，可參加好玩聚會，然後沒有人吵著要你趕快回家。
單身，可以盡情做自己，因為除了你自己以外也剩自己。
你說其實很羨慕我單身，因為想去哪就去哪。
我說其實也羨慕你幸福，因為找到一個想安定的港灣。
只是我們其實都不用羨慕彼此，因為都是各自的選擇。
就像旅行，沒有最好的旅途，
唯有真實的走在路上，才能明白想去的方向。
單身，也只是尋找愛情的旅途，
不是一個終點，也不是句點，
我相信有一個人也在路上，同樣喜歡單身的感覺，
喜歡自己，偶爾覺得寂寞，但更懂得怎麼過生活。
或許當兩個單身的人碰在一起，突然開始喜歡一起的感覺，
這時候放開單身，到另外一個世界，也是不錯的選擇。
所以親愛的，單身，其實沒有你們想寂寞。
多了期待，我會好好過足每個單身的日子，
而不是等待終結單身的那一刻。

雪兒 https://www.facebook.com/cherstravel/