无声杀手

真的，很常伤人不用真刀。
却会把人砍得遍体鳞伤。
而杀人也不用真子弹也能把人狠狠的杀死。
小至一个眼神，大至一声吆喝，都会伤透一个人的心。
所以真的学习与人和平相处，不是体贴他人一点。

40 Ways to Trigger Positive Thinking

Think good, feel good, do good

By Zuzu Perkal

  

 Each day you wake up with a choice. Reality is yours to create and transformation is at your doorstep. Will you decide to be grateful, spontaneous, enlightened, and joyous, or will you choose the alternative? We all have the power to set the tone for our own lives. The power of positive thinking cannot be underestimated. Each moment we are granted another opportunity for greatness.
Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina, uses the example of stumbling across a tiger to explain how negative thoughts can inhibit us. If you were to come face-to-face with a tiger, you would probably have immediate negative thoughts and feelings. Your body and mind would freeze up, as your awareness fine tunes itself to the tiger in front of you and the fear within you. In this moment, nothing else in the world would be of importance and your mind would tell you to run. When we experience negative emotions, our mind and focus narrows. Negativity is like survival instinct, we can only see what’s in front of us: Tunnel vision.
Instead of seeing the whole picture, we are only in tune to the things directly surrounding us. This example can be taken into everyday experiences when we have negative thoughts and emotions and our focus becomes directed on what’s right in front of us rather than being able to see the big picture. Imagine a time when you have been overly stressed about something. It’s possible, in the whirlwind of stress, you may not be able to be productive or indulge in happy thoughts. We become paralyzed in our negativity.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the law of attraction: the idea that what we put out into the universe, comes back to us. When we open ourselves up to the possibility of good things happening, they do! We have a choice. Every fleeting moment is another chance to switch thing around and to tap into the power of positivity.

Here Are A Few Ways to Stay Positive:

1. Think happy thoughts!
2. Call someone you care about and tell them something nice. When we are kind to others, we feel better about ourselves.
3. Wake up and tell yourself that you’re beautiful and you’re going to have a great day.
4. Do something that makes you feel good. Play outside, write in a journal, join a yoga or gym class, listen to your favorite song, or hang out with people you enjoy being around.
5. Find positive affirmations that make you feel good and repeat them throughout your day.
6. Listen to your gut. Do what feels right.
7. Remind yourself of how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are and be proud of yourself.
8. Daydream.
9. Tell yourself that it’s all going to work out… because it is!
10. Don’t forget that everything is temporary.
11. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy whatever moment you are in for what it is. The future is a series of “nows.”
12. Find happiness in the small things.
13. Praise the sun, moon, and stars—they’re watching over you.
14. Meditate!
15.  Take a vacation and spend the whole time spoiling yourself.
16. Play outside.
17. Move slower and enjoy more.
18. Exercise regularly.
19. Breathe.
20. Focus on what you want, not the things you don’t want.
21. Go to a museum or art gallery and take in the beauty that surrounds you.
22. Spark up a conversation with a stranger.
23. Give someone a compliment.
24. Smile at yourself in the mirror.
25. Be present. You are here now for a reason.
26. Let go of things that don’t really matter.
27. Live with gratitude.
28. Free yourself from fear of the unknown. Be adventurous.
29. Foster new relationships with positive individuals and absorb their energy.
30. Let go of old memories that no longer serve you.
31. Sit somewhere quiet and pay attention to your five sense. Settle in.
32. Tell someone you love them.
33. Believe in the magic that surrounds you.
34. Laugh!
35. Find things that inspire you and let them in.
36. Don’t forget that you’re awesome!
37. Expect less.
38. Live simply.
39. Every day is a new day filled with limitless possibilities.
40. Love yourself just the way you are.

Five ways to stop anxiety winning

Naomi PetersenTuesday 26 Jul 2016 1:02 pm


As anyone who suffers from anxiety knows, there is no quick fix or miracle cure.
I’ve experienced it throughout my life: overwhelmingly negative thoughts, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, night terrors.
Why does the tiny barman in my brain insist on serving me such an exciting symptomatic cocktail?
Everyone’s different obviously: I’m only qualified to talk about my own anxiety.
But here are five ways I’ve personally discovered not to let anxiety win:
Understand it
Go to the doctor.
Yes I know, it’s Anxiety 101, but it took me years to finally go and get some help.
I had a session with a psychiatrist, which was surprisingly un-scary (although newsflash: it’s not like the movies – there was no couch and I had to slum it in an upright chair!), and was referred for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).
It really helped, as gradually I started to understand my anxiety and learn how to deal with it better.
Own it
Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of.
I used to worry that people would think I was less fun.
But the way I see it now, this isn’t part of my personality.
I didn’t mean to put it in my shopping basket, it’s just an unexpected item in my bagging area.
What I mean by this confusing and lazy metaphor is that anxiety doesn’t define you. Own it, accept it, but don’t be embarrassed by it.
Share it
I’m not saying shout it from the rooftops (although actually, that does sound therapeutic: see you all on the roof!).
But if you’re finding it hard to cope, talk about it. Over a cuppa. And those posh German biscuits.
Mental illness shouldn’t be a taboo topic but it still is for many people.
Confide in your friends, family, colleagues, milkman. Help them understand what’s going on – it always makes me feel better.

(Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk)

Deflect it
When those negative thoughts are having a party inside my brain they are almost impossible to switch off, but I’ve discovered little distractions can dim the volume a bit.
I find colouring particularly calming.
It helps if you have some truly excellent pens and enjoy shopping for stationery more than any grown woman should admit to.
Laugh at it
At it, with it, just laugh. This is honestly the one that’s helped me the most.
Back in January 2013 my anxiety was trolling me hard.
I was in a permanent state of what I call ‘Towel Face’ (spending a prolonged amount of time in your towel post-shower because getting dressed is too overwhelming) and on a whim I signed up to an improvised comedy course.
Best decision I ever made. Spending three hours a week playing and laughing in a room full of funny people is an utterly joyous experience and I’ve never looked back.
I continued to throw myself into comedy and I’ve just written my own one-woman show, which is inspired in part by my own anxiety.
It’s a cliché for a reason – laughter IS the best medicine. So make it a top priority.
You can catch Naomi’s comedy show I Am Telling You I’m Not Going at The Edinburgh Festival Fringe from August 3-29 at The Pleasance Courtyard.

Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/26/five-ways-to-stop-anxiety-winning-6028418/#ixzz4oZr26UvS

5 Things Most People Get Wrong About Hormones: A Doctor Explains

by Dr. Sara GottfriedMay 27, 2016 11:33 AM
 
Hormones drive so many actions in the body, from your metabolism to mood to whether hair stays on your head. They’re complex. They’re interdependent. And in the decades that I’ve spent as a board-certified gynecologist helping women balance their hormones naturally, I’ve found that most people believe one or more of the following hormonal myths:

1. "I’m too young to have a hormone problem."

The problem: When I was younger, I also figured that menopause was some future cliff I’d fall from, around age fifty or so, in the distant future.
The truth: Not so. Your body has been prepared for the menopausal cliff for decades before, and it will pay future dividends for you to understand the more subtle hormone imbalances that begin as early as your late 20s. Most commonly, testosterone, DHEA, progesterone, and even estrogen can start to wane. In my 30s, I had signs of hormonal imbalance already—more frequent periods (every 26 days instead of the usual 28), PMS, deteriorating libido, and a growing waistline were the big clues.

2. "I feel flat (or fat, or fatigued). I must be doing something wrong."

The problem: It breaks my heart when a patient assumes that her moodiness or sense of depletion are a moral failure, and doesn’t look first for a biological explanation.
The truth: Before you go popping antidepressants or hunting down a therapist, know that biology is most likely to blame for many of your emotional symptoms. (That’s not to say you shouldn’t seek expert help if you have severe, long-term symptoms—please do.) But about 20 percent of women with mood issues and depression have problems with their thyroid. Low estrogen and progesterone can also cause your mood to tank.
For many women, a few tweaks to your hormones can help you feel like a completely different person.

3. "My doctor says hormones change too much for measurement to be meaningful."

The problem: In my medical education and residency, I was taught that measuring hormone levels is a waste of time and money, because hormone levels vary too much.
The truth: We track hormones such as estrogen, progesterone, thyroid, and testosterone when women are trying to conceive or are in the early months of pregnancy. I wondered why these numbers would be important indications of a woman’s health in one situation but not another? Wouldn’t my hormone levels be as reliable an indicator of my health after my pregnancies, as before them? Why the double standard?
In my 30s, when I was a frazzled new mom, harried wife, and busy doctor, I struggled with low energy, belly fat, a nonexistent libido, and a less-than-sunny disposition. It was only when I tested my hormones that I found they were seriously out of whack. In fact, my blood cortisol was three times what it should have been. I wouldn’t have known that hormones were the main culprit if I didn’t measure them.
You should measure your levels. too. What you measure improves. Your hormones may just be the most important plants in your garden for us to nurture and help bloom.

4. "I’m tired and gaining weight—I just need to accept that I’m getting older."

The problem: You may think it’s normal to feel this way as you get older. And if you’ve heard this from your doctor, you may be afraid to disagree for fear you don’t have any data to back you up. Don’t disempower yourself.
The truth: Too often, we think the problems we're having are age-related, but a simple test can indicate if they are hormone-related. For example, fatigue and weight gain are classic examples of low thyroid. Additionally, too many doctors mistake the symptom for the problem, and may put you on a nutritional and exercise regimen to manage your weight without going deeper and looking for the root cause of your symptoms.
This reminds me of the diagnosis for cataracts. Doctors used to tell patients complaining of blurry vision that they were just getting older, but now we take them seriously and send them straight to an ophthalmologist for further testing.

5. "My doctor says my hormone levels are normal."

The problem: Your doctor is old school and looking at the normal reference range for 95 percent of the population, not the optimal range.
The truth: Your doctor may be well intentioned, but under-informed. They may be using an outdated reference range, using "normal" reference ranges from their medical school days, and are unfamiliar with newer guidelines that in fact have a narrower optimal range (see the conventional versus optimal lab ranges below).
They may also be unaware of current findings, or they may just rely on the myth that numbers don’t lie. Too many doctors rely on a limited lab test more than what the patient is telling them.

Conventional lab ranges:

Free T3 (blood spot): 2.5-6.5 pg/ml.
Free T4 (blood spot): 0.7-2.5 ng/dL.
Estradiol (serum): Premenopause: depends on timing with cycle. Overall 15-350 pg/mL in premenopause. Postmenopause and not on hormones < 32.
Progesterone (serum): Luteal phase: 8 to 33 ng/mL.
Cortisol (serum): 7-28 ug/dL morning, 2-18 ug/dL afternoon.

Optimal lab ranges:

Free T3 (blood spot): Top half of normal range (varies by lab), 4.5-6.5 pg/ml.
Free T4 (blood spot): Top half of normal range (varies by lab), 1.45-2.5 pg/ml.
Estradiol (serum): Day 3: < 80; Day 14: 150-350; Postmenopause approximately 50 for bone strength.
Progesterone (serum): Luteal phase: 15-33 ng/mL.
Cortisol (serum): 10-15 ug/dL morning, 6-10 ug/dL afternoon.
“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. 
Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as self-evident.”
—Arthur Schopenhauer

How To Overcome Your Fear + Start Feeling Powerful, Alive & Worthy

by Kelly McNelisJuly 19, 2017 5:35 AM
 
It’s everywhere I turn—on the news, on my social-media feed, and in my daily conversations. It’s in the questions that keep me up at night, tossing and turning in an ocean of paranoid what-ifs. It’s in the words and labels we use when we’re sizing up ideas and people who might be a little different from us, who take us to that uncomfortable place just outside of our comfort zone. It’s also that nagging voice that continues to convince us that, as individuals and communities and nations, we are always going to be separate from one another. It’s that insidious belief that we are powerless to change any of this, so we may as well lock our doors, our minds, and our hearts.
I’m talking about fear.
We live in a fear-based culture. It’s in our daily lives. It’s in our political sphere. Hell, it may as well be in our drinking water. And we’re constantly making the choice to drink it.
Fear is a trickster, so it’s not always easy to recognize. It’s really good at camouflaging itself: as information, power, discernment, superiority, righteousness, or the voice of reason.
In order for us to truly recognize fear, to see it for what it is, we have to get incredibly honest with ourselves. And often, we need to be taken out of our usual environment to really grasp the hold that fear has over us.

We don’t have to let fear-based thoughts determine our destiny.

A recent trip to an impoverished Peruvian village high in the Andes is what offered me this revelation. There was a stark contrast between the slice of paradise I experienced—where people didn’t collar their dogs, "helicopter parent" their kids, obsess over the toxins in their environment, or wring their hands over how dangerous and violent the world is—and the reality I am steeped in as an American—where everyone seems to be drinking the Kool-Aid of fear.

I'm not saying that in the developed world, we have simply made up all these complications, nor am I suggesting that tragic devastation doesn’t occur in other parts of the world. Obviously, it does. However, our tendency to fixate on apocalyptic horror and to sweat the small stuff can make everything feel overwhelming and impossible to take any action around, when it absolutely does not have to be this way.

Fear is really good at camouflaging itself as information, power, discernment, superiority, righteousness, or the voice of reason.

Philosophers, politicians, and world travelers have all marveled at the fact that people who seem to have very little by Western standards have an indomitable capacity to be happy in ways that most of us cannot even fathom. Why is this?
I strongly believe that our obvious lack of joy, despite all the "stuff" we have in comparison to those poor villagers in Peru, is a result of the poison of fear.

Fear is the thing that makes us feel like we aren't enough.

We tend to project our basic internal fear onto the world in various ways. And, at the same time, fear is shoved onto us by our culture from a very early age. Played out on a larger stage, this dance between the fear we carry both within and without can look like everything from nasty internet trolls who cut into our deepest insecurities to self-help gurus who capitalize on our inherent sense of inadequacy. It can take the form of marketing folks who tell us that we need to keep buying stuff in order to feel and be better and politicians who convince us that the world is on fire.
When our sense of self is so fragile, everything around us can be perceived as a potential threat. And I’m talking about every single thing.
But, let’s face it, this perception is our own doing. Few of us understand that we are largely responsible for the "threats" that seem to surround us on all sides. Instead, we are shocked by media monstrosities and we point our fingers in blame and anger—at everyone but ourselves.
When we succumb over and over again to fear-based narratives, when we keep perpetuating the story that some unspeakable evil is out to get us, we actually contribute to creating a climate of fear.
When we are spoon-fed fear and trauma from infancy, other possibilities don’t seem to be within our grasp. But they are! It is totally within our power to step outside the matrix of fear.

It begins with simple awareness.

Even when we don’t think fear has a hold on us, it seeps into the way we perceive the world around us. For example, many women I know who are on a "personal development path" have been led to it because of trauma they’ve previously experienced. While I respect their desire for transformation, many of them fixate on their wounds until their pain has become their identity.
I know so many people who wear their battle scars with pride. But what if we honored ourselves in a different way?
Now, I absolutely understand the value of diving into our stories and experiences to discover who we are and to gain valuable insight, as well as strength. There is great power in acknowledging struggles that we have overcome and in celebrating our personal healing. However, what if we also acknowledged the ways that fear has affected the way we look at these experiences?
To me, fear is the thing that makes our most awful and painful moments stand out. When we define ourselves primarily on the basis of our wounds—even when we are recognizing the gifts we received as a result of those experiences—we are limiting ourselves. Often, we are acting from our unconscious fear of the same thing happening again. Many times we are still blaming the people and circumstances that led to our suffering. We are reliving the trauma in some way. We are continuing to get caught up in our own victimhood and giving credence to that big, bad monster of fear.
Most importantly, let’s remember that we are truly worth so much more than our wounds and self-imposed labels.

Focus on the here and now.

When we decide to peel ourselves from the bodysuit of fear that has strangled our possibilities, we make the powerful choice to see our reality for what it is—not for the stories that others have told us or the things we decided to believe about life at some distant point in the past. We start building the muscle to discern what is true and what is not, based on attention to the here and now—and a willingness to be with it, no matter what is happening.
When I was thousands of miles up in the mountains of Peru, I was struck by moments of severe panic in which I could barely breathe due to the high altitude. While I might have defaulted to getting immediate medical attention back home, I didn’t have that option here. "Relax, it’s going to be OK," people said. "You try relaxing!" I wanted to yell. I was pissed that nobody seemed to be taking my panic and fear as seriously as I was.
But eventually, I realized this attitude was actually a good thing.
Because nobody was reacting to my breathing troubles with the same panic as I was, it actually made me see that what I was experiencing—while not at all comfortable—was normal. I really was going to be fine.
I had this great a-ha moment. I realized that when fear arises, we automatically believe the stories it tells us are true. Our reptilian brain—hard-wired by hundreds of thousands of years of evolution to detect danger—still picks up the warning signals that we send it when we’re afraid, whether we are in imminent danger or not.

But fear makes no sense unless we are responding to imminent danger. It serves no purpose.

Now, many of us think that chronic worrying—about our kids, the environment, and the state of the world—means that we care. And some of us even subconsciously believe that if we do it enough, our world will change and our fear will dissipate. But buying into the climate of fear and adding fuel to its fire shouldn’t be mistaken for an effective way of "dealing: with it. It paralyzes our ability to take mindful action. It contributes to the very thing that robs us of true joy and the capacity to be present.
We can choose a different way. We can consciously apply our awareness, our knowledge, and our power of choice—in the moment when we can actually experience our power: now.

Choose to let go of fear.

We all have the power to rise beyond our learned helplessness. All it takes is the realization that we are fully accountable for our experience of life. We may not choose all the circumstances, but we can certainly choose how we react.
We are constantly defining our reality by virtue of past experiences and everything other people, especially authority figures, have told us.
So, with this realization, we have the choice to take a good, long look at our fear and to decide whether or not it serves us. This doesn’t require putting on rose-colored glasses or denying that we are scared. It just means that we don’t have to let fear-based thoughts determine our destiny.
Our fear doesn’t make us more powerful. It doesn’t make us more well-informed or more capable of instigating change. You can choose to be the kind of person who focuses on the latest act of random violence and laments how terrible things are. Or you can choose not to fall prey to fear-based information that keeps people stuck in a fight-or-flight response. You can take it a step further and choose to direct your energy into more meaningful pursuits that help make you, your community, and the world a better place.
I don’t care if you’re a certified hypochondriac. You are not your fear. Repeat after me: "I am not my fear."
Fear is not some absolute truth that you have to build your life around; it is merely the lens through which you have chosen to see your reality. And you have the choice to try on a different lens, to let your perception shift and your quality of life increase. You, too, can experience the same unadulterated joy that my friends in the Andes, who helped move me from severe panic into a state of serenity simply by modeling it to me, already know is well within our reach.
Fear takes so much out of us. Who could we be, what could we experience if we learned to let go of needless fear? What undreamed-of possibilities could we create in our lives? What seemingly insurmountable obstacles could we overcome? If we freed up our energy so that we could express our deepest core truths, what kind of beautiful world could we create together?
Want more insights on how to level up your life? Check out your July horoscope, then find out why holding on to past relationships is the worst thing you can do for yourself.

Beat Stress Like a Navy SEAL With This Ridiculously Easy Exercise

Control your breath, rule the day.

By Melody Wilding

Adjunct instructor, human behavior, City University of New York@MelodyWilding

 

Like most people, you probably deal with your fair share of workplace annoyances. From the meeting that gets rescheduled yet again to managing your overflowing inbox or navigating the tricky world of team dynamics, your stress levels may spike multiple times throughout a single day.
How are some people able to stay calm and productive in response to challenges while others are easily rattled?
To find answers, let's look to those who have mastered the art of composure under pressure: The U.S. Navy SEALs.

How Navy SEALS reduce stress.

There's no question that U.S. Navy SEALs face some of the most difficult situations any human could encounter. Because of this, they've developed ways to apply the emerging science of grit, resilience, and emotional regulation to effectively manage stress.
In fact, neural scans show that some SEALs have a remarkable ability to remain calm in response to threatening situations. Their brains respond differently to stress, activating neural centers related to emotional control instead of ones related to anxiety and fear.
Their secret? SEALs manage their physiology to better to control their psychology.
Researchers at Veterans Affairs put it this way:

Learning to control your physiology, to control your anticipatory responses as you remain in that situation, are the first steps to controlling your brain's response.

If you're thinking this is the result of some superhuman ability, think again. It may come down to managing one important aspect of well-being: your breathing.

A simple exercise to help you stay calm.

A practice that SEAL teams use in times of trouble is one you can borrow at your desk.
It's called box breathing or four-square breathing.
Here's how it works:

1. Breathe in for four seconds.
2. Hold air in your lungs for four seconds.
3. Exhale for four seconds.
4. Hold your breath, lungs emptied, for four seconds.

You can even find guided visualizations online to assist you in a box breathing practice if you're just getting started. The beauty of box breathing is that it's inconspicuous, meaning you can practice it anywhere, at anytime -- during negotiations, before delivering tough feedback, or even in the middle of a frustrating conversation, for example.
Recently I shared this tool with a client who is navigating her team through a rocky leadership transition. Meetings were fraught with chaos and morale was slipping, which my client felt responsible for as a manager. These worries were beginning to take a toll on her. The anxiety followed her home at night. She found herself becoming increasingly irritable, and knew she had to address it in a more productive way.
After practicing box breathing for just a few days, she experienced a major shift. Because box breathing improved her ability to regulate her emotions, she felt more in control and able to deal with challenges.
With renewed levelheadedness, she could communicate more effectively to advocate for her team during the transition -- even when upstream dynamics threatened to throw their progress off-course.
Give box breathing a try. Even though you're not on the battlefield, you may find this time-tested Navy SEAL technique helps you rule the day.

I Was Depressed & Anxious Until I Started Doing These 4 Things

by Kaia RomanJuly 17, 2017 5:40 AM

A few years back, I faced a devastating setback in my career that left me riddled with anxiety and overcome with depression. My self-esteem hit an all-time low when the business I had built went under.
As I sunk to rock bottom, my friend proposed a crazy idea. She suggested that if I made joy my top priority for one month, my entire life would turn around. At that point, joy seemed like a distant dream, but with no job, no plan, and no other ideas, I decided to give it a try.

The difference between joy and happiness.

You’ve maybe never thought about it before, but there is a distinct difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is a cognitive experience based in the brain’s cortex. It’s a state of mind, which comes and goes easily. Happiness activates the sympathetic nervous system, which activates the brain’s fight-or-flight response—it feels exciting and stimulating to the body.
Joy, on the other hand, is a subconscious experience, an emotion based in the brain’s limbic system. Joy activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which controls rest and relaxation—it feels calming and soothing to the body. Joy affects the entire body, down to the DNA, and can lower inflammation and increase immunity. Since the experience of joy has such a strong physical component, there are proven things you can do to help create it—almost like a formula.

My formula for joy.

For 30 days, I conducted an experiment in which I was the subject. I dedicated my daily actions for one month to the singular pursuit of joy by calling on the science behind hormones, mindfulness, and manifestation, synthesizing my findings into a calculated plan. I went after joy from all angles—from the scientific to the spiritual and everything in between. Here are my top four practices from the month of radical transformation:

1. Gratitude: Frequent appreciation increases dopamine and soothes the amygdala (fear sensor) in the brain.
2. Simple pleasures: Engaging in pleasant actions that stimulate all five senses brings attention to the body and away from stressful thoughts.
3. Mindfulness: Bringing attention to the present moment can release stress and increase calm.
4. Movement: Adopting a more active lifestyle is a proven way to increase the brain chemicals associated with well-being.

My "joy plan" (which eventually led me to write a book on joy; go figure) required simple steps every day and was not a quick fix. In order to make these small shifts effective long-term, they must become a lifestyle. Repetition is the key to forming new habits of thought in the brain, which then become new feelings, new actions, and eventually a new experience of life. Thirty days is just long enough to form new habits and put this lifestyle into place.
After spending a month with the sole purpose of creating joy in my life, I discovered that finding joy in my current state of affairs could change the actual circumstances in my life. I found joy despite my external conditions, and then those conditions morphed to match my joy.
My life changed in wonderful ways I never could have imagined. I’m now a mindfulness teacher for elementary school students. I make a living as a writer, doing work that I love from anywhere in the world.
Was this magic? A miracle? It could appear that way, but I believe it was simply science.
By intentionally practicing thinking new thoughts, which lead to new behaviors, we create new patterns in our brains, which ultimately translate into a new experience of life. Quantum physics has proved that, at the subatomic level, all matter is made of energy, and our thoughts influence the behavior of that energy. Essentially, our thoughts shift subatomic particles and create our physical world.
This is not just philosophy; this is physics. And I have tested this principle and seen the proof in my own life. By taking small steps to change my very negative state of mind, I created a radical shift in my emotional experience and—very quickly—a significant change in my reality.
You don’t have to set aside a whole month for the sole purpose of joy in order to create a Joy Plan in your life. It may sound like a crazy idea, but often crazy ideas are the ones you should listen to.
Another key to happiness is something that you've been taught NOT to do. Intrigued? Check out what it is here.

Science Says This 15-Minute Exercise Could Make You Happier and More Successful

Researchers gave students one assignment that may have put them on the track for greater success and it's something we should all take the time to do. 

By Eric Mack

Columnist, Inc.com@EricCMack

 

Taking as little as ten or fifteen minutes to write about what you value most and why could be the key to reducing stress and having a happier, healthier and more successful life overall.
It sounds too easy to be true, but research published this week in the journal Plos One found that's essentially what happened in a study of 221 undergraduate college students at Ohio State University.
Students in an undergraduate psychology statistics course were asked to complete a values affirmation exercise that asks them to rank a half dozen values such as relationships with family/friends, spiritual/religious values and science/pursuit of knowledge in order of personal importance.
Half of those students then spent ten to fifteen minutes writing about why their number one value was meaningful to them. The other half served as a control group that was instead asked to write about how their lowest ranked value could be important to someone else.
This exercise was completed once near the beginning of the course and repeated before the students' first exam.

Positive Results

The researchers found that students who completed the exercise and wrote about their core value did better on a test of their math literacy at the end of the course, compared to those in the control group. The control group also saw declines in their self-perception of their own math skills compared to the other group.
So what does taking the time to ponder your personal values have to do with math skills? According to the researchers, other studies have shown similar results and they believe the key is that when students take the time to consider their core priorities and identity, they are less stressed and find the unpopular math course to be less daunting.
"It has a snowball effect. Values affirmation is thought to help students get some early wins in class. That leads them to try harder and get more achievements and it creates a cycle of success," said Ellen Peters, lead author of the study and professor of psychology at Ohio State.
This compound effect was also found to carry-over outside the classroom, as the students with higher math literacy also scored higher on a financial literacy test and had healthier habits in life.

The Most Important Ten Minutes of Your Life

The study focuses on the benefits of higher levels of math literacy beyond just a college statistics course, but perhaps the most interesting finding for the rest of us beyond our university years is how the cascade of positive effects (or, more accurately, positive correlations) began with a simple psychological intervention.
The exercise of intentionally determining core priorities and taking the time to work out which priority is paramount above all others and why is something many of us probably have never even thought to do.
And yet the research finds that the simple clarity this can bring to your life might directly lead to more success and better decision-making.
It's logical really. If you think of your life like a skyscraper being built one story or one achievement upon the last, it only makes sense to take some time -- perhaps as little as ten minutes -- to make sure you've laid down a stable foundation to build upon.

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

6 Qualities of Extremely Likable People, According to Science

Are you interested in others? This would be a good start.

By Marcel Schwantes

Principal and founder, Leadership From the Core@MarcelSchwantes

 

There are so many factors to consider when it comes to being a person that will attract others to you. Perhaps showcasing your emotional intelligence and keeping your cool under pressure is a feature of your likability.
If you're looking to influence your boss, connect with people in high places, or expand your business and social networks, start paying attention to what science is saying will make you more likable.

1. Be curious and ask interesting questions.

Want to be the most interesting person in the room? In a previous article, I posed seven questions a person needs to ask that will ignite captivating conversations. But in order for that scenario to happen, curiosity is the social prerequisite.
Several studies published in the Greater Good Science Center reveal that curious people have better relationships and connect better with others. In fact, other people are more easily attracted and feel socially closer to individuals that display curiosity.
George Mason University psychologist Todd Kashdan, author of Curious?, conducted one of the studies and wasn't surprised by his findings: "Being interested is more important in cultivating a relationship and maintaining a relationship than being interesting; that's what gets the dialogue going. It's the secret juice of relationships," stated Kashdan.

2. Describe other people in the positive.

Research has found that when it comes to winning people over, lavishing them with positive comments will give others a positive perception of you. But beware: The reverse is true for negative comments.
The studies, conducted by Purdue University and published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, suggest that when someone says something, good or bad, about someone else, people tend to associate that trait with the person who made the statement.
So, for example, if you call another person dishonest, the people you're speaking to will tend to remember you, the speaker, as being less than honest.
On the flip side, when people hear someone describe someone else as, say, intelligent or funny, the brain conjures up an image of intelligence or humor. That somehow gets linked to a mental image of the speaker, so when the listeners are asked to recall the speaker later, the intelligence or humorous aspects are also activated and the speaker is remembered as a smart or funny person.

3. Make an immediate good first impression with your face.

While that sounds obvious enough, according to Donna Van Natten, the Body Language Dr., people can judge us in just a 10th of a second. And in two or more seconds, people's judgments of us tend to become more negative. In an in-depth interview to discuss her new book, Image Scrimmage, I asked her how we can avoid this. She said it comes down to two things: teeth and eyes. Here's Van Natten's explanation:

As visual beings, we seek to lock eyes with others for an immediate pupil, eye, and facial read, including exposed teeth, smiles, skin color, and physical stature. We know that smiles are universal and clear indicators of "it's OK, I'm safe." People need to work on their smiles. Some may have unhealthy teeth, and that's frustrating and impacts smiles and, too often, self-esteem. We judge the condition of our teeth for health, beauty, and economic status. We like to see teeth. So, smile! We also quickly seek eye contract and that's a struggle for some people. But, in our country, we are an eye-contact culture for a sign of trust. People aren't hopeless, but they are definitely making impressions and hopeful that we'll mirror each other--monkey see, monkey do. Try smiling at a stranger--they usually smile back or at least nod. In both cases, there's eye contact and a quick connection. We need this as humans.

4. Listen. Really listen.

Are you a good listener? Let me test you with two quick questions. Now, let's be honest...

• How often do you find yourself trying hard to avoid the bad habit of interrupting others while they are speaking?
• Do you find yourself tempted to jump in and finish someone else's sentence?

Active listening is one of the least-taught skills in leadership. As this historic study on human communication, published in Harvard Business Review decades ago, points out, we spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours in some form of communication, and of that time, 45 percent is spent listening.
Here's the bad news: When we talk to a friend, boss, co-worker, or customer for 10 minutes, we pay attention to less than half of the conversation. Within 48 hours, whatever information we've retained decreases to 25 percent. In other words, we often comprehend and retain only one-fourth of what we hear.
If you want to drive down the fast-track to likability, start actively listening to others with intent.
Boris Groysberg and Michael Slind make the need for good listening evident in their research published in the book Talk, Inc.
They found that the most effective leaders in more than 100 companies employ the principles of "organizational conversation." The secret? Operate your business as if it were two people having a conversation.
In their Harvard Business Review article "Leadership Is a Conversation," Groysberg and Slind state:

Leaders who take organizational conversation seriously know when to stop talking and start listening. Few behaviors enhance conversational intimacy as much as attending to what people say. True attentiveness signals respect for people of all ranks and roles, a sense of curiosity, and even a degree of humility.

5. Choose every opportunity to experience joy.

Ever been around people who are really positive and happy all the time? For your average mood swinger, they can be annoying as heck! But here's what you can learn from people who genuinely express joy: They choose to live and enjoy life to the fullest. You now find yourself wanting to be part of their tribe--to soak up their positive energy, passion, and enthusiasm for life. These are extremely likable people.
These are extremely likable people. They express their joy in making a positive difference in the lives of others. They visit nursing homes, share meals with lonely people, learn to surf, volunteer at homeless shelters, teach CPR classes, eat exotic foods, and pick up a new skill frequently.
They are also naturals at guiding others along the path they need to take and inspiring others to scale the mountain and meet their goals. They let people grapple with their issues, but will come alongside someone to cheer them on to success. You can't help but be empowered and feel happy yourself when in their company.

6. Don't pass judgment.

Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of the best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and president of TalentSmart, has collected research data from more than a million people to uncover the strengths of those who possess emotional intelligence (EQ).
Bradberry found that they are not only highly likable, but they outperform those who don't have EQ by a large margin. And one of their strengths is not passing judgment. Bradberry expands on this finding:

If you want to be likable you must be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen. Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace, where approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people's eyes. This doesn't require you believe what they believe or condone their behavior, it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.

Well stated. What a judgmental attitude will do is alienate your colleagues. A good strategy to increase one's self-awareness is to stop jumping to conclusions, get all the facts, and listen intently. Remember the saying, "When we judge, we invite judgment upon ourselves."

 

Neuroscientists and Psychologists Say You Should Do This If You Want to Feel Happier

Reading an adventure story can help you feel more satisfied and less stressed.

By Dina Spector

Feeling a little blue lately? A handful of recent research suggests you're not alone.
Thankfully, there may be something -- or several things -- you can do about it.
Researchers have known for decades that certain activities make us feel better, and they're just beginning to understand what happens in the brain to boost our mood.
A study published in the journal Nature on July 11 found that when people were given the option of spending money on themselves or another person, those who spent it on someone else had more activity in a brain area linked to the subjective feeling of happiness.
Scroll down to learn why, and to discover 24 other ways to feel happier.

Focus on others instead of yourself.

We've all been there. It's been a bad day and you feel the urge to buy your favorite comfort food or snag a new pair of shoes. However, studies suggest you'll feel happier if you spend that money on someone else.
The new study in Nature suggests that people feel happier after doing something generous because activity in the brain regions involved in helping others seems to override the activity in the regions linked with personal reward.
A 2008 experiment supports these findings -- for that study, volunteers were split into two groups and either splurged on themselves or another person. Those who got something for others were shown to be happier than those who bought something for themselves.
Donating your time can have the same effect. In a recent review of 40 studies done over the last 20 years, researchers found that volunteering was one of the most successful ways to boost psychological health. Volunteering was found to be linked with a reduced risk of depression, a higher amount of overall satisfaction, and even a reduced risk of death from of a physical illness as a consequence of mental distress.

Write down how you're feeling and what you're grateful for.

Keeping tabs on the things you feel lucky to have in your life is a great way to boost your mood.

In a recent study from psychologists at UC Davis, researchers had 3 groups of volunteers keep weekly journals focused on a single topic. One group wrote about events that happened that week, the second group wrote about hassles they experienced, and the last group wrote about things they were grateful for.
Ten weeks later, those in the gratitude-journal group reported feeling more optimistic and more satisfied with their lives than those in the other groups. They also reported fewer physical symptoms of discomfort, from runny noses to headaches.
Even just recording your feelings is a great way to clarify your thoughts, solve problems more efficiently, relieve stress, and more.
A team of psychologists recently studied brain scans of volunteers who wrote about an emotional experience for 20 minutes a day for four sessions. They compared the scans to those of volunteers who wrote down a neutral experience for the same amount of time. The brain scans of the first group showed neural activity in a part of the brain responsible for dampening strong emotional feelings, suggesting that the act of recording their experience calmed them. This same activity was absent in the volunteers who recorded a neutral experience.

Go on a hike or gaze at the stars.

Awe is a powerful (even awesome, you might say) human emotion. A handful of recent studies have found a link between experiencing a sense of awe -- like the feeling you get when looking at a starry sky or across a wide open valley -- with decreased stressedand higher levels of satisfaction.
People who've recently had an awe-inspiring experience are also more likely to say they feel more curious about the world around them and to act more generously toward others.

Drink coffee (not too much, though).

They don't call it "Central Perk" for nothing. As a central nervous system stimulant, caffeine doesn't just boost alertness, it can also improve your mood.

Several studies have even found a connectionbetween caffeine consumption and reduced risk of depression, as well as an even a lower risk of suicide. However, at least one of these studies found this connection with caffeinated coffee but not tea, though others found the same effect for tea as well.

Meditate.

You don't have to be Don Draper to reap the benefits of some peace and quiet.

Multiple studies suggest that meditating -- focusing intently and quietly on the present for set periods of time -- can help lessen feelings of depression and anxiety. Research in long term meditators (Buddhist monks, for example) shows that these peoples' brains are well developed in areas that could be linked to heightened awareness and emotional control.

While it's possible that people with such brains might be more likely to meditate in the first place, other studies show that people who complete a meditation program tend to show brain changes linked with self-awareness, perspective, and memory.

Read an adventure story.

You may be able to get some of the benefits of an awe-inspiring experience just by reading about someone else's. A small 2012 study found that people who read about someone else's adventure were more satisfied, less stressed, and more willing to volunteer to help others than people who were simply shown something that made them feel happy.

Get outside.

Stressed out? Head for a forest. One study found that a group of students sent into the trees for two nights had lower levels of cortisol -- a hormone often used as a marker for stress -- than those who spent the same two nights in a city.

In another study, researchers found a decrease in both heart rate and cortisol levels in people in the forest compared to those in urban areas. "Stressful states can be relieved by forest therapy," the researchers wrote in their paper.
A 2015 study also suggested that a brief walk in nature could chase away negative thoughts.
In the study, a group of 38 Northern Californians were split up into two groups -- one that took a 90-minute walk in nature and another that did the same walk in the city. The nature walkers reported having fewer negative thoughts about themselves after the walk, while the urban walkers reported no change.
What's more, fMRI brain scans of the participants who took nature walks revealed less activity in the subgenual prefrontal cortex (sgPFC), a brain region that may play a key role in some mood disorders and has been linked with patterns of negative thought. Those who went on the urban walk did not show any of these benefits, according to the study.

Work it out.

Exercise is proven to increase feel-good chemicals in the brain, reduce stress hormones, and relieve depression and anxiety according to Happify, a website and app that offers psychology-based games to increase your happiness.

You can achieve these positive changes in just a few minutes -- researchers at the University of Vermont found that just 20 minutes of exercise can give you mood-boosting benefits for up to 12 hours. Moreover, people who are active are happier and more satisfied with their lives.
The duration and location of your workout also affects how happy you feel afterward. Check out Happify for a guide to achieving your maximum happiness sweet spot.

Do things you usually enjoy -- even if you're not feeling happy.

Experiencing positive emotions -- whether or not you're already in good spirits -- not only appears to have the power to neutralize negative ones, but can also encourage people to be more proactive.
"Positive emotions may aid those feeling trapped or helpless in the midst of negative moods, thoughts, or behaviors ... spurring them to take positive action," a team of UC Riverside psychologists wrote in a recent paper summarizing these findings.

Participate in cultural activities.

Visiting a museum or seeing a concert is yet another way to boost your mood. A studythat examined 50,000 adults' levels of life satisfaction in Norway found that people who participated in more cultural activities reported lower levels of anxiety and depression. They also had a higher satisfaction with their overall quality of life. So go see a play or join a club!

Listen to sad songs.

Happiness is entirely subjective -- something that makes one person happy might affect someone else differently. However, listening to sad music seems to be linked with increased happiness around the globe.
In a study that looked at 772 people in the eastern and western hemispheres, researchers found that listening to sad music generated "beneficial emotional effects such as regulating negative emotion and mood as well as consolation."

Move to Norway.

Ok, moving to Norway might not make you happy, but people who live there are some of the happiest in the world, according to the World Happiness Report, a ranking compiled by an international team of economists, neuroscientists, and statisticians to measure global well-being.

According to the ranking, people in the happiest countries trust their governments and businesses, see themselves as free to make life decisions, and say they have good social support.

Set realistic goals.

If you like to make to-do lists, listen closely: When setting your goals, it's better to be specific and set goals you know you can achieve. For example, instead of setting a goal like "save the environment," try to recycle more.

That example was tested on a group of 127 volunteers in a 2014 study. The first group was provided a series of specific goals like "increase recycling," while the second group had broader goals like "save the environment." Even though the second group completed the same tasks as the first group, the people in the second group reported feeling less satisfied with themselves than the first group. The people in the second group also reported a lower overall sense of personal happiness from completing their goal, the scientists reported.

Make time for friends.

Spending time with friends may promote greater happiness than spending time with family, at least according to a recent study.
For the study, researchers used an app called the Mappiness app to determine how much happier people were when they were with their friends, parents, and children.
The app sent alerts asking people how happy they felt -- on an 11-point scale from "not at all" to "extremely" -- throughout the day. By analyzing over 3 million submissions from more than 50,000 volunteers, the researchers discovered that on average, people experienced an 8% increase in happiness when they were with friends, compared to a 1.4% increase with parents, and just a 0.7% increase when they were with their children.

Smile.

You've probably heard that smiling can make you feel happier. But the important thing is that the smile must be sincere. If you fake it, you might make yourself more unhappy, according to a 2011 study.

The study examined a group of city bus drivers over a period of two weeks. They found that employees who put on a fake smile for the job were in a worse mood by the end of the day. But drivers who genuinely smiled as a result of positive thoughts actually reported being in a better mood by the end of the day. So when you smile, make sure to mean it!

Forgive.

It's one thing to get upset over an injustice you suffered, but it's another thing to hold on to that emotion long-term. That's called a grudge, and it can easily consume you.
The reason grudges are bad for your happiness is that the negative emotions associated with those feelings eventually give way to resentment and thoughts of revenge. This leaves little room in your emotional repertoire for anything else, like happiness, according to the Mayo Clinic. What's more, decades of research have linked the simple act of forgiveness to better overall heart health, less psychological stress, improved physical ability, and longer life.
That's why it's always better to forgive and move on than hold a grudge.

Get intimate.

A 2004 study suggested that increasing the amount of intercourse you have from once a month to once a week gives the same amount of happiness as receiving an extra $50,000!

But beware: more sex doesn't necessarily mean more happiness, according to a report published in 2015. The researchers of the latest study found that couples who were asked to have more sex for the study reported that the sex was not enjoyable and did not make them happier.
The researchers therefore concluded that sex will only lead to happiness when a couple is having it for a meaningful reason. The frequency is less important than the purpose behind the act.

Be a realistic optimist.

People who have the positive attitude of optimists paired with the rational outlook of realists tend to be more successful and happy, according to psychologist Sophia Chou.

That's because so-called "realistic optimists" have the perfect blend of personality types to succeed. Unlike idealists, they are willing to face challenging situations with a clear view of reality, but will use creativity and a positive outlook to try to solve the problem.

Get your hands dirty.

Breathing in the smell of dirt may lift your spirits, according to a study that found that a bacteria commonly found in soil produces effects similar to antidepressant drugs.
The harmless bacteria, Mycobacterium vaccae, stimulated the release of serotonin in the brain after it was injected into mice. Low levels of serotonin is what causes depression in people.
In a human test, cancer patients reported increases in their quality of life when they were treated with the bacteria.
The findings "leave us wondering if we shouldn't all be spending more time playing in the dirt," lead author Chris Lowry of the University of Bristol said in a statement.

Avoid eating lunch at your desk.

Sad desk lunch can be a real downer. Scientists from the University of Sussex measured the happiness of employees after they ate lunch in different locations, and found that people were happiest about their work when they ate lunch on the beach. They were least happy about work when they ate at their desk.

Getting outside in the sun was key to staving off misery -- people who ate in parks had a more positive attitude about their jobs than those who chowed down at a restaurant or at home.

Hone your favorite skill.

Working hard to improve a skill or ability, such as learning to drive or solving a math problem, may increase stress in the short-term, but it makes people feel more content in the long run, a 2009 study reported.

"People often give up their goals because they are stressful, but we found that there is benefit at the end of the day from learning to do something well. And what's striking is that you don't have to reach your goal to see the benefits to your happiness and well-being," co-author Ryan Howell said in a statement.

Be patient -- happiness tends to increase with age.

When it comes to happiness, older people seem to know something that the rest of us don't. A number of studies have found that older people tend to be some of the happiest around.

The reason why, however, is still a mystery to scientists. Chances are, it's a combination of factors: One study in 2013 suggested that because older people are more experienced, they're therefore better at dealing with negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Another more recent study suggested the cause could be that older people are more trusting, which comes with a number of healthy psychological benefits that lead to happiness.

Whatever the reason, if you're not happy right now, you can rest assured that your chances of happiness in the future are good.

How I Learned To Control My Anxiety Through Running

By Fara Rosenzweig   Published May. 24, 2017

My public face showed confidence, happiness, and success. Behind my face were worry, fear, and loneliness.
I didn’t think anyone would understand. After all, I grew up in an excellent neighborhood, had a phenomenal education, and had a loving family. What could I be worried or fearful about, and why would I feel alone?
After many life changes and traumatic experiences, I unknowingly developed anxiety. For years, I could mask this. I dove headfirst into work, and I created a routine to keep me focused. Awake at 5 a.m., at the gym by 6 a.m. and at work by 8 a.m. Once I made it home from work 11 hours later, I would have some dinner, meal prep for the next day and then be in bed by 10 p.m. If my routine got out of whack, I was grumpy and anxious. I would panic about missing a workout, skipping meal prep, or being late to work. I was strict on myself, and if I missed something I felt overwhelmed. I eventually had to work on being less rigid with my life and accept it was okay to be a little out of routine.
Fast forward to January 2016, when I met my now-fiancé. The new relationship means schedules get out of whack. I was working from home, so of course, I had a strict schedule for myself. But, I wanted to make time for my relationship, which is when my panic attacks started to develop. Little situations seemed to overwhelm me. My emotions would get the best of me; my body would get stiff, my heart would pound through my chest, and I felt like the room was spinning.
I finally sought help from a therapist. Together we discovered and diagnosed my anxiety, which helped me understand my symptoms a bit more. For years, I didn’t realize how much I had masked but finally felt relief. However, knowing I had anxiety was not a cure-all answer or an excuse as to why I had panic attacks. I had to do my work to help ease my anxiousness.
My therapist recommended I exercise. I chuckled and said, “I do!” However, I realized my workouts had gone from seven days a week to three or four days a week. During my therapy sessions we also discussed family; past relationships, including when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me; eating disorders; fears; finances; etc. I acknowledged a lot of feelings that I had suppressed because I forced myself to just focus on school and work my whole life. I slowly started to lose friendships and not enjoy running like I once had.
One thing therapist told was that, since I worked from home, it was easy for me to isolate myself. Isolation is not good for anxiety. I needed to get back to running again. Even though I had been into sports my whole life, I used running and exercise more as a weight-loss or -control tool instead of a mental-health tool. So I took control of my running life again. But this time, I didn’t track my weight or log my miles or pace. Instead, I tracked how I felt after a good run or workout. I would track throughout the day how I felt emotionally. I could control my anxiety more on days that started with a run, moreso than days I didn’t run or would run in the evening. When I learned how to turn my anxious energy into a run, I could overcome my fears more easily. I felt more alert and aware and less fearful, especially on days I ran in the morning.

Running is not my cure to anxiety or nervousness—it’s my stability. I’m able to manage it much better, and I’m able to understand my emotions more. But I had to dig up emotions and learn about myself first to really understand how to live with these feelings and emotions. I discovered it’s okay to ask for help, something I was terrible at in my 20s. I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness, but I’ll let you in on a little secret—it’s not! I’ve learned it’s okay to mess up, it’s not the end of the world.
Another thing very important to running is managing you breath. I took those same breathing techniques and applied them to coping with my anxious moments when they happen.
Running has also taught me to clear my mind and listen to my body, which I use in real life when I feel it creep up.
Running has also taught me to let go of fear. Since running a half or full marathon is not scary to me, I use this mindset in my day-to-day life. Nothing is unattainable if I put my mind to it.
And in running you must be mindful; in everyday life (especially relationships), you need to be mindful too. And running boosts your moods, which is a bonus for day-to-day stress.
Some days are harder than others, but I’ve accepted my anxiety and have decided that I’m not going to let it take over my life. Each day, I set out for a run, and I feel more level-headed. I don’t feel alone, worried or fearful.