10個簡易訣竅提昇你的文字魅力

文字：ChenNini  VOGUE.TW |  圖片：ChenNini、Montblanc |  來源：The Muse |  更新：8/20/2014  10 MONTHS AGO

 這已經無關乎你是否為職業寫手了，每個人隨時都需要透過文字傳達想法，無論寫卡片或e-mail、在部落格發表文章、上社群網站與人互動…。你可以大略算 算看一年中要寫多少文字，就知道文筆的重要。同樣一件事，有人描繪得活靈活現，有人卻平淡無奇；平平都是facebook的簡單po文，有人讚數每回被推 爆，有人卻只能得到親友的同情票。到底為什麼？精采的並不是故事本身，而是說故事的能力啊！Alexandra Franzen在職涯顧問機構《The Muse》，分享了提昇寫作文字魅力的10個簡易訣竅，並轉載至《時代Time》雜誌。以下翻譯成中文和大家分享討論。

1. 想清楚
在你坐下開始寫（任何東西）之前，問你自己：為何而寫？
希望這個文章能（對別人）產生什麼樣的結果？讓某人有更清亮的早晨？激勵你遭遇失敗的團隊？鼓勵大家支持你的會議內容？
最好的寫作應有一個清楚明晰的動機。選擇它─並且做到。

2. 抓住重點
在商業的世界裡，簡潔是金。（In the business world, brevity is gold.）
若你還在找尋重點當中掙扎，花點時間想想你要寫給誰看，並根據以下說明來為自己建立一套準則。
我寫作的原因是：
我想讓你知道的是：
我想要你做的是：
抓住這三個重點，讓自己在寫作時不會偏離正軌。

3. 拆開講述
愛因斯坦Albert Einstein曾說：「若你無法對一個六歲孩童解釋，那你便是自己也搞不懂。」
想像你是要寫給一群小孩看─他們沒耐心、易分心、對難懂術語毫無容忍力。你可以在現實世界中，藉由與一群小孩對話來練習，試著解釋你在生活中做些什麼。很快地你會發現你講述的內容，是清楚並讓人感興趣的─或不是。

4. 在快樂之下寫作
你可曾注意到，在你倍感壓力的「強迫」自己要寫出某些精采作品時，通常總是不成功嗎？研究顯示，快樂和放鬆是產生創意的關鍵，就是當身體產生多巴胺（腦內分泌物，傳遞興奮快樂情緒）的時刻。例如你可以沖澡、播放充滿能量的音樂、點上香氛蠟燭…等。

5. 限定寫作時間
對多數人而言，花愈長的時間煩惱要寫什麼，反而會得到更糟的結果。
當你有寫作的明確理由，並感到快樂且放鬆，你的第一版草稿作品通常就是最棒的，沒有必要做沒完沒了的反覆回想。
你可以為自己定時，把收件夾清乾淨，限定自己兩分鐘要寫完一封e-mail等等。

6. 問自己「我的英雄會怎麼寫？」
若你寫到敏感的部份，正在掙扎該如何表達出最適當的語氣或情緒時，可以想想你心中的英雄/偶像會怎麼寫。「Mister Rogers在這種情況下會怎麼寫？」「達賴喇嘛會怎麼說？」「Richard Branson（Virgin維京集團執行長）會如何回覆這些e-mail？」

7. 有力的結尾
在茫茫信件海中浮沈？問題建立在問題上，你是否從不做出決定性的行動？試著做出決策，而不是讓你的文字總是開放式結尾。
可以做：「就我的意見來說，以下的方法是最好的選擇。如果你同意，請回覆我『yes』，我將會開始進行。」
不要做：「那麼，你們怎麼想？我開放大家提供想法。」

8. 使用魔力文字
“All I need from you right now.”（現在我只需要你給…） 把這些文字作為你回應的起頭。例如：「我很興奮你即將發表我們的年會主題。現在我只需要你給我演講標題、大頭照以及自傳。」
這些具有魔力的文字給予你的讀者一個清楚的指示，讓他們感到輕鬆。（只要這樣就好？沒問題。完成！）

9. 大聲朗誦
如果可以的話，大聲唸出你寫的文字。它們聽起來像是真人寫的，還是生硬、機械式的電腦文字？句子是否過長到要把人絆倒了？有任何拼寫錯誤或重複的單詞？如果有，修改並再重新唸出來。若擔心吵到同事，也可以在心裡默唸。

10. 做一個Daymaker
英文裡有一句說法是「make someone’s day」，意思是讓某人的一天很快樂。提供別人正面積極的元素，做個讓人愉快的人。
任何你寫的東西─e-mail、簡訊、社群上的文字─你有機會讓別人的一天過得開心，也有機會選擇不這麼做。通常它只需要短短幾個好意的文字，貼心的稱讚，或是觀察入微的提醒，讓人們想到「對，我需要它。」
把成為「Daymaker」當做你成功的目標─除了寫作之外，還有任何你做的事情。無論你的文筆完美與否，你的心意都會閃閃發光。

擺脫職業倦怠期！六個熱愛工作的秘密

文字：silvia (Translated by Erika)   |  圖片：Daniel Bruno Grandl  |  來源：TPG |  更新：3/30/2015  3 MONTHS AGO

閉起眼睛仔細想想你的「工作」。上 班開心嗎？還是個災難？只要在職場就難免有高潮起伏，如果你發現開始「害怕」上班，也許你就是處在低潮撞牆期—但這時的你只需要知道：這很正常，每個人都 是如此，根據荷蘭的研究，接近30～40歲的員工工作滿意度和疲勞指數更高於20多歲和40歲以上的員工。

只是這樣的心情不但會影響工作表現，更會讓自己壟罩在負面低氣壓中，我們訪問人力資源專家、壓力管理師、管理學院教授和工作諮詢師，整理出以下方法，幫助你擺脫職業倦怠期。

 1. 假裝自己職場新鮮人&剛到新職位
工作的初始階段總是是令人振奮的，因為要學習事務很多，因此我們在學習新東西時通常會覺得更有動力，因此尋找新的項目來學習，像 是上台演講的技巧；另外，當一份新工作開始時，你總會比較有心思打扮自己，想呈現煥然一新的面貌，這同時也會鼓勵、提振自己的心情。最後，當你處在新環境 時，你會有動機去認識新同事、尋找新嗜好，就連站起來，晃過辦公室一圈也會感覺有所不同。

 2. 工作在於效率，不是時間長短
別再玩『誰工作時間比較長』的無聊遊戲了，這種競爭遊戲只會讓老闆認為你很無聊，也會讓自己疲憊不堪，然後你就開始害怕自己的工作。你應該專注在你的工作上，集中時間將待辦事項處理完成，高效率完成的同時也會讓自己有相當的成就感。

 3. 做自己喜歡的事
別以為自己能夠成功地平衡『生活』和『工作』！要知道工作占了你多數的時間，但不代表工作等同於生活。不管是彈烏克麗麗還是練瑜珈，就是找件你喜歡做的事情，別讓工作填滿了你所有時間和心思。

 4. 開創自己想要的工作
有種策略叫做『訂製工作』，意思是自己重新定義自己的工作，這可以增進工作成就感和滿意度。
試試以下三個『重新定義』的方法：
i） 改變你的工作方式，例如回覆各種mail讓你覺得無趣，試著用不同方式傳達
ii） 改變你與他人的互動方式，像是多與你喜歡、同類型的人互動，也許你們可以教學相長
iii） 找到工作的意義，如果你認為你做的事情很有意義，它就會帶給你不同的滿足感。

 5. 學會婉拒
許多人不懂得如何『婉拒』，因為他們害怕拒絕他人是不禮貌的行為，想當然爾就會接下許多任務，這樣反而阻礙了原本自己的份內工 作，甚至還需要用到額外的時間（加班）；因此學會『婉拒』的技巧非常重要，像是你可以表示『你很願意接手Project B，但是現在正忙於Project A』。

  6. 捫心自問：「少了什麼？」
仔細想想，工作上哪一件事是真的令你快樂的，也許是主導某個項目並試著傳達給你的主管。你需要對你自己百分之百的誠實：如果不想工作是唯一讓你開心的事，也許你該換工作了。

關於人生：18個讓你活得更精彩的方法

生活在世上，我們時常會被棘手的現實壓得喘不過去，為了金錢、地位和名聲而過分汲汲營營，卻忘了富足的人生，不是來自於那些外在的名利，而是讓自己每天都不後悔、快樂的活著。網路作家Amanda Pellegrino與大家分享18個值得實踐、並且能讓你的生活過得更理想的方法，期望你在新的一年能也能幸福的過每一天。

 

1. 不停止前進

無論是到另一個城市、國家、甚至是世界的另一端，勇敢的離開熟悉的故鄉。去一個你不曾去過、沒有人認識你的地方，讓自己不斷歸零後再重新出發。用心 去感受新生命、放下過去所建立起的成見、去了解不同的文化與生活方式。因為只有不斷的讓自己保持移動，你才能更認識這個世界並發現內在的自己。

2. 大膽的去愛

你是否曾經用百分之百的熱情去愛某樣事物？這個對象可以是你的另一半、最親密的好友、你的工作、一本書、那款你唯一鍾情的啤酒、最愛的酒吧、跑步時總是讓你感到身心舒暢的路線、甚至是公園裡那張你最愛的長椅。當你全心去愛時，才能感受到自己擁有的無限力量與熱情。

3. 踏出舒適圈

回想過去，許多時候讓你印象最深刻的事情，總是那些在一開始讓你感到不舒服、頭皮發麻甚至胃痛的經驗。選擇安逸平淡的過生活、不逼自己去嘗試陌生、 害怕的事情也許能讓你覺得日子過得很輕鬆，但這樣的生活說到底不過就是乏味的人生。勇於踏出舒適圈，去接觸新的人事物才能為日子增添趣味與數不盡的回憶。

4. 用心工作，更要盡情玩

雖然大家都說要在工作與生活間找到平衡，但其實我們都心知肚明，多數情況下這樣的平衡極難達成。你必須學會在工作之餘為自己創造生活的情趣，也許不 一定是向上司抵抗、拒絕加班這樣激烈的做法，但可以試試在春天時的午餐時間，不要像往常一樣待在辦公室吃著一成不變的便當，準備一些三明治、帶一本你愛的 書到公園裡坐著，在溫暖的陽光下讓自己好好休息；或是盡可能在周一到周四間把工作處理完成，周五準時下班和姊妹們來個Friday Night；如果你能用一百分的態度工作，更要用兩百分的精力讓生活變得美好！

5. 學會和自己獨處

雖然像是和孤單、寂寞畫上等號一般，獨處聽起來有那麼點令人害怕，但卻是生活中不可或缺的時刻。在充滿嘈雜與分不清的外界聲音裡待久了，常常會讓人心中感到混亂。我們都需要學會與自己一個人相處，才能有時間去消化、並思考自我和人生中真正重要的事情。
( Date Yourself：不要怕別人的眼光，你也應該來一場和自己的約會 )

6. 永遠不要輕易妥協

我們都明白，人生中不如意的事十之八九，你可能在職場上不順利，遇見糟糕的上司，甚至是做著自己毫無熱情的工作；或是在感情中載浮載沉，讓你不再想 花心思尋覓那個Mr. Right；然而跟爛工作妥協只因為薪資不錯、隨便跟一個覺得還可以的人在一起只因為你實在懶惰，而對方剛好在這時出現，這樣的做法也許輕鬆，但到頭來你 也只能過著還可以的日子，而不是那個其實你值得擁有、並且充滿熱情的人生。

7. 為自己的健康負責

年輕時我們都曾經覺得自己所向無敵，時不時就和朋友在半夜出去吃著麻辣鍋、喝酒跳舞。對於健康這個概念，雖然我們心裡都有底，卻還是豪不在乎。從孩 子蛻變成大人的一環，其實也是你開始意識到自己必須對身體負責的時刻，了解到身體只有這一個，如果不用心去對待，只能待往後疾病纏身再悔恨不已。健康的飲 食和良好的運動習慣你我都從小聽到大，現在正是實踐的最佳時間點！

8. 為社會無私的奉獻

也許你時常抱怨自己太窮，沒錢買新鞋、無法和朋友去新開的餐廳，但在抱怨的同時，其實多數人依舊享受著舒適的物質生活，只是人性的慾望無窮，我們總 覺得不滿足、想要更多。然而，當你用心去注意你所生存的世界時，會發現這個世界上有太多比我們更不幸的人，才會明白你已經擁有許多。了解自己能夠平穩的活 在這個社會上其實源自於許多人的幫助，進而付出自己的心力回饋時，無論是到社區協助清掃、協助偏鄉孩童學習、到醫院做志工服務，都能讓你理解真正的富有， 來自於心靈層次的滿足。

9. 大膽的去約會吧

別對約會說「不」！我們都知道第一次約會是有點令人緊張，常常在見到另一個人之前，就因為自己心裡莫名的恐懼或假想而退縮。但要認識一個人，最好的 方法永遠都是面對面交談，即使只是去間不怎麼特別的餐廳，別想那麼多，就當作認識新朋友勇敢的赴約吧！藉由不斷的約會，你才能更清楚知道自己想要或不想要 和什麼樣的人交往，況且就算最後無法做男女朋友，這個人或許卻成為你的好朋友、工作上的連結或任何意想不到的關係。

10. 勇於面對心碎

我們都討厭分手、害怕心痛的感受，但那些心碎欲絕的時刻同時也證明你曾用力愛過。「殺不死你的，都讓你更堅強」，大膽面對心痛，放肆的流淚後，再勇敢的站起來，擁抱更好的自己與嶄新的戀情。

11. 對時事關心

從小到大我們都很懂得滿足自己的需求，了解那些和自己緊密相關的事。但對於這個世界上正在發生的那些事件，你是否曾經關心甚至期許自己也能付出一些心力過？因為戰爭發生在距離自己幾萬公里的遠處，不代表你就能忽視。過好自己的生活之餘，也學會用心感受這個世界。

12. 探索自己的喜好

如果你覺得茫然，不知道人生的方向，那就勇敢去嘗試新事物吧！去上烘培課、加入路跑團體、在世界各地自助旅行，藉由不同的經歷去了解自己的熱情所 在。時常聽見朋友在累壞的一天過後，回家仍堅持準備烘培食材，說什麼也要在睡前烤一個蛋糕，只因為這樣會讓他感到快樂、忘卻一天的疲憊。趁年輕時多方探 索，不斷與內在的自己對話，因為能夠找到自己的熱情真的是件相當幸福的事。

13. 大量閱讀

讀很多的書！閱讀能帶你認識這個世界、了解自我。透過書籍，你會發現許多過去不曾出現的想法與感受。養成閱讀的習慣，它會讓你的人生更加豐富！

14. 養成寫日記的習慣

紀錄生活中發生過的大小事能讓你在回頭看時，重新發現自己曾經活得如此精采。無論是那個你曾經曖昧過的對象為你做過的貼心舉動、或是那場糟透了的約 會、還是被上司大罵的那天，你躲在洗手間默默哭泣。寫日記不僅能幫助我們保存生活的回憶，還能讓你抒發情緒。很多時候文字反而是傾吐內心感受最好的工具。

15. 將金錢花在美好的事物上

勤儉是一種美德，但老是把錢存起來只因為擁有錢能讓你感到安心，反而會使你錯過許多好玩的經驗與回憶。豐富的人生來自於生命中累積起的美好故事，如果心中有想做的事，就別只想著開銷，錢可以再存，錯過的事情卻無法重來！

16. 記得與親朋好友保持聯繫

隨著年紀增長，我們不再是那個和父母同住，每天上學就能見到好朋友的孩子。因為距離遙遠，每個人都有自己的工作，常常一忙起來就讓你忘了關心身邊那 些愛你的人，這種時候更要提醒自己，無論是一通電話、一則訊息，花時間去聯繫他們，畢竟人是群居動物，人與人之間的愛與關懷永遠都是讓生活溫暖而美好的 事。

17. 寫下人生的願望清單

將你的夢想一一列下來，放在顯眼的地方能讓你時時刻刻提醒自己：生活中還有許多美好的事物等著你去發現。切記永遠要對世界與人生保持好奇心，不停的去夢想並努力將之實踐。

18. 去愛那個真實的自己

我們都不完美，很多時候生活是一場又一場的考驗，讓我們發現自己的渺小與脆弱。回憶過往的人生，一定都曾經歷過許多愚蠢又尷尬的時刻，讓你好想問自 己當時到底在想些什麼。但愛自己，不僅是愛光鮮亮麗的那面，更要去愛那個其實也有缺陷但卻是如此真實的自己。唯有學會接受全部的自我，你才算是真正踏上人 生道路。

Healthy Living Challenge：讓上班日也變有趣，人人都可上手的簡易生活提案

前陣子我們分享過《下班後的一週舒壓計畫》 為上班族規劃讓生活變得更充實，不要一回家就倒在沙發上看電視的方法，不過要過得更健康快樂其實比你想得更容易，除了每週空出時間運動，多以蔬果替代甜 食，其實還有許多其他層面可以讓我們用有趣的方式健康生活，諸如遠離電子產品多和自己與親愛的人們相處，或是每週都小小放縱一下都是讓活得更健康快樂的方 法。HelloGiggles網站分享週一至週五的健康生活提案，簡單又有趣，相信實行後你也會因此而覺得心情都豁然開朗了。

 星期一：讓自己遠離電子產品

別像平常一樣忙著低頭滑Facebook、看Instagram上的人們發生了什麼事，好像擔心自己會錯過什麼似的。今天就讓自己實際找朋友出來吃飯聊天，或是把專注盯著的東西變成一本書吧！你會發現一天沒看社群網站對你的生活真的毫無影響，而且還會因此感到放鬆許多。

星期二：找好姊妹們一起來個Dance Party，或是一個人在家大唱大跳吧

播放你最愛的曲子，瘋狂的讓自己大唱大跳直到筋疲力盡，和好姊妹們一起這麼做真的會超好玩，即使是一個人也能徹底釋放壓力，而且還能燃燒脂肪！

星期三：和好朋友一起分享甜點

有什麼事情比得上和好朋友一起吃甜點還幸福呢？健康生活中同時需要快樂的元素，一點甜蜜的享受絕對能讓一整天的心情都明亮起來！跟朋友一人一半，不僅少了罪惡感又能享受美味，如果你想一個人獨吞甜點，不如就把另一半留下來明天吃吧！

星期四：午飯後，花十分鐘的時間去外頭散散步

在住家或公司附近走走，不要一整天都把自己關在室內，多呼吸新鮮空氣。我們每天都花太多時間盯著螢幕，花十分鐘或許能為一天帶來很大的不同，回去後也能因為重新充電讓你工作起來更有效率。

星期五：至少有一餐不要有電子產品在旁邊

不要盯著電腦或手機吃飯，好好專心看著眼前著食物吧！到了一週上班的最後一天，就不要再坐在電腦桌前，走去附近的新餐廳吃飯，或是到一直都很喜歡的咖啡廳試試他們的新產品，一天當中讓自己有點不一樣的事物可以期待，會讓你工作時心情都愉悅起來。

 http://www.adaymag.com/2015/06/29/tips-to-have-a-healthy-and-happy-week.html

How to Be Courageous

Being afraid and acting anyway is a form of nobility, and all of us can do it.

Post published by Susan Cain on Jun 25, 2015 in Quiet: The Power of Introverts

 When Yves Biggoer-Burger was in the second grade, he witnessed a group of peers teasing an overweight girl. Drawing himself up to his full 8-year-old height, he stood by her side and said: “Guys, she might be bigger than you, but she’s definitely not as stupid.”
The boys slunk away, shame-faced.
Many of us can remember times in our childhood—and our adulthood, too—when we would have liked to act as bravely as Yves did. But we couldn’t muster the courage. Maybe we weren’t lion-hearted or quick-witted enough. Maybe we thought that courage belongs to an elect class of noble souls and daredevils and not the likes of us.
I have felt all of these things.
But this is a mistake not only for those who might benefit from our courage but also for our very own selves. Courage helps us grow and give. And it’s available to us all.
This post is not about how to take monumentally brave actions, like Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani education activist who was shot for her efforts, or like a firefighter rushing into a burning building. It is instead about understanding what courage really is and training ourselves to perform small, daily acts of bravery.

Source: Quiet Revolution

Courage means being afraid and acting anyway, not that you’d know this from looking around at our culture, which celebrates fearlessness. (There are over 50 books titled Fearless on Amazon as of this writing.) If you tend to be fearful, you probably assume that you’re not courageous. Courage researchers Cynthia Pury and Charles Starkey reviewed the citations for valor of 74 recipients of the Carnegie Medal for heroic actions and found not a single mention of the words fear, afraid, or worried. This isn’t surprising; the psychologist Avril Thorne found that listeners embrace traumatic stories emphasizing bravery or compassion, but not those focusing on fear or sadness. Yet we all know that fear is a universally powerful emotion, and we all know how terrible terror feels. Thus, we should grasp that feeling afraid and acting anyway is a form of nobility.
Courage is a habit, a muscle you can exercise. Most of us aren’t born courageous, so we shouldn’t expect to magically acquire it without practice. As Brene Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection:

“Courage is…a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.”

Source: Nadino/Shutterstock

Get in the habit of deciding what you think about things and speaking from that place of conviction. Practice saying what you think about small, inconsequential things: pleasantly, politely—but firmly.
Notice every time you do something that you’re scared to do—something your body is telling you not to do. You’ll start to realize that you do these things all the time. You’re already much braver than you think. This is particularly true of shy people for whom daily life requires them to smile in the face of fear. Here is one of my favorite quotes, by Charles Darwin: “A shy man no doubt dreads the notice of strangers, but can hardly be said to be afraid of them. He may be as bold as a hero in battle, and yet have no self-confidence about trifles in the presence of strangers.”
Focus on the people or cause you’re standing up for. It’s easier to be courageous on behalf of others than it is for your own sake. Here is one of my favorite examples—a fellow Princeton grad named John Burford, who rushed a fraternity, was horrified by its dangerous hazing practices and wrote a letter to the school paper describing his experiences. It was a hugely courageous act. At the time, all of Burford’s friends were members of the college Greek system. But he focused not on the risk to his own social standing but on the safety of future students: “Ultimately,” he explained, “what I wasn’t OK with was the possibility of being remembered…as ‘that guy who knew what fraternities at Princeton did, and could have spoken up, and then somebody died because of his fucking cowardice.’”
Find courage in numbers. It’s much easier to act in the company of even one other person who feels the way you do. The hardest thing in the world is to dissent solo. Sometimes, you’ll have to go it alone, of course. But often, this isn’t necessary.
Learn to attend to positive signals and to discount negative ones. Many of us have a “negativity bias” that causes us to pay more attention to disapproval than to positive reinforcement. Be aware of this, and gently steer your mind to positive stimuli. When I first started my public speaking career, I tended to focus on whichever audience member had the most disgruntled expression on her face. These days, though I still hope to please everyone, I’m much more attuned to those who seem happy to be there.
Find role models of quietly courageous people. I’m a huge believer in the power of role models for just about anything you hope to do or become. When you’re trying to stretch yourself beyond your apparent limits, there’s a part of you that wonders whether it can actually be done. A role model is a constant reminder that the answer is yes. Channel that person until it feels natural to channel your very own self. And if you don’t have a role model handy, try Miep Gies, the quiet and ordinary woman who sheltered Anne Frank in her attic for two years. “I don’t want to be considered a hero,” said Gies.“Imagine [if] young people would grow up with the feeling that you have to be a hero to do your human duty. I am afraid nobody would ever help other people, because who is a hero? I was not. I was just an ordinary housewife and secretary.”
It was exactly Gies’ ordinariness that made her courage all the more noteworthy and attainable for us all.

The 10 Things Happily Married Couples Do

Living together under one roof is tough. Here's how to make it work.
The Editors of Prevention June 26, 2015
 

You agreed to stick it out through sickness and in health and for richer or poorer, but marital vows don't address the other big things that can untie your knot—boredom, feeling out of touch—or worse, platonic friendship instead of an in-love partnership. While honeymoon headiness will inevitably decline, that doesn't mean your relationship has to nosedive as well. In fact, some of marriage's best highlights—raising a family and developing a deeper, more profound connection—require years of togetherness.
Fortunately, there are many things you can do to ensure your relationship stays strong over time. Here, you'll find expert advice culled from studies about the habits of the nation's happiest couples.
1. Shake Up Date Night
"Weekly dinners at your favorite neighborhood bistro won't stoke your passion," says Stony Brook University social psychologist Arthur Aron, PhD. According to his research, novelty is the spice of life—and a key ingredient of a good marriage. You don't have to give up your favorite couple-time activities, but do make an effort to inject some new plans into the mix: a hike, a cooking class, a weekend camping. Just pick something you've never done before (or recently) together. Rewarding experiences flood your brain with dopamine, a mood-boosting chemical. "If your partner is present, that feeling becomes a positive association," says Aron.
2. Ask This Question Every Day
"How was your day?" It sounds cliché, but if this nightly ritual has fallen off your radar after years of marriage, consider bringing it back. "Sharing this little chat every night really can improve your relationship," says psychologist Angela Hicks, PhD, of Westminster University. She's found that couples who discuss recent positive events with each other feel happier the next day, with increased feelings of intimacy and connection to their partners.
3. Laugh Over Inside Jokes
Insider moments only the two of you appreciate are healthy for your bond. In one study, experts asked 52 couples to reminisce about fun times they had experienced both alone and together; those who liked to recall shared laughs were most satisfied with their relationships. "When people laugh at the same thing, they validate each other's opinions," says lead author Doris Bazzini, PhD. "And inside jokes or pet names—things others just don't 'get'—strengthen ties between couples." Bonding over these moments builds a reservoir of joyful memories that can serve as a buffer against tough times.
4. Don't Freak Out Over A Fight
If you've been under each other's skin more than usual (and more than you'd like), it's not necessarily time to panic or rush to a marriage counselor. According to a University of Michigan study, feeling irritated with one another is almost always a sign that you're healthfully engaged, not drifting apart. "It means you've become comfortable expressing yourself over time," says study coauthor Kira Birditt, PhD. "Relationships that are close and positive can also be very irritating." That said, if you or your spouse resorts to name-calling or frequent yelling, such behavior may be a sign of a problem worth addressing.
5. And When You Do Argue, Fight Right
Resolving a marital dispute without damaging your relationship may boil down to a single choice of words. When researchers recently studied disagreements among 154 couples (all married 15 or more years), they found that pairs who used plural pronouns—such as we, us, and our—during an argument were more likely to express positive feelings and report less mental stress afterward. Conversely, those who preferred using "I" during a spat were more likely to have negative emotions and report marital dissatisfaction. "Using ‘we language’ during a disagreement may help couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries," says study lead Benjamin Seider.
6. Celebrate Each Other's Successes
Do you smile when your partner comes home and shares news of a work achievement? If so, you get a thumbs up from UCLA psychologists, who note that the way you receive your significant other's exciting news may be even more important than how you react during a crisis. In a study of 79 couples, partners who shared excitement for each other's achievements had the most satisfying relationships. A celebration provides the opportunity to boost ego and reinforce your status as a team, say the authors, so break out those Champagne flutes and start saluting yourselves more often.
7. Sweat With Your Spouse
Working out with your husband kills two big birds with one healthy stone: You’ll get fit and your sex life will improve. One study found that 94 percent of couples stuck to a fitness program when they did it together. You can keep each other motivated, and it’s exciting to explore new fitness activities, like biking or hiking, together. Other research shows that couples enjoy sex more when they’re physically active—workouts relieve stress, boost energy, and give body confidence a lift, all great for your libido.
8. Listen, Don't Just Wait To Talk
Men typically get a bad rap for never listening, but women can be equal offenders. In fact, Harvard researchers say that couples who express the most empathy and affection are most likely to stay together for the long haul. To become a better listener, try these tips from marriage counselor Harville Hendrix, PhD:
Be a mirror. When your partner expresses his or her feelings, show that you're listening by paraphrasing. Start with "Let me see if I've got that: You feel..."
Resist the urge to interrupt. "This shows your partner that he or she can feel open and safe with you," says Hendrix.
Validate each other's point of view. Finish with "I can imagine that because of [fill in the situation], you feel [angry, sad, guilty, etc.]."
9. Get Closer To Each Other's Friends
Of course you’re tight with the couple friends you share, but we bet your partner has close work friends or longtime buddies you don’t know very well—and research suggests you should. The more a couple's friends and family intermingle, the happier spouses are, according to research that examined the social circles of 347 couples. "Including your spouse in your network of friends is nearly as important for marital happiness as making each other feel like a part of your families," says expert Kenneth Leonard, PhD, a professor of psychiatry at SUNY Buffalo.
10. Rekindle Romance In Bed
Staying intimate and romantically connected is one of the surest things you can do for a lasting marriage. But about one-third of couples in America suffer from low sex drive or desire, and getting things back on track isn’t always as simple as splurging on a new negligee or booking a bed-and-breakfast getaway. However, many experts agree that simply putting sex back on your radar can help—the more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it.
This article originally appeared on Prevention.

堅持做這十件事，五年後你會感謝自己!!

1、閱讀
閱讀一本好書能幫助你許多。它能把一些專家花費數年而得出的知識在數天內傳授給你。
閱讀把你的思想升級到了一個新的層面。它豐富了你的想像力並學會用不同角度來看到事物。它還能幫你擴展詞彙，理解複雜的內容。
嘗試每個月讀一本書， 學會快速閱讀的技巧。讀你感興趣的東西，可以是小說，非小說，博客，新聞或者是Quora的回答。
2、旅遊
我最近和我的朋友們一起去了喜馬拉雅。這段冒險經歷徹底的改變了我對於生命的認識。像這個世界學習最好的方法莫過於探索未去過的地方。當你開始與不同文化的人交流並且理解他們的價值觀世界觀，你對這個世界的理解也會有所改變。
那些五年後的自己會感謝自己現在堅持做的事
你們常聽到“當你還年輕時去旅行”這個建議，然後你開始遐想，設計了不少旅行計劃，接著等待著可以去實現它的那天。但是那一天不會到來，當你越來越成熟，你的責任會增重，你的激情會消退。不要把你的時間和金錢花費在物品上，
把它們投資在經歷裡。
3、學習
在網絡課程時代，學什麼都變得非常簡單。我們是如此的幸運，生活在了一個動動手指既能獲取知識的時代，我們要好好的利用這些機會，每天都學一些新知識。
學習不同的東西，並不局限於你所感興趣的，這能讓你擴展你的眼界。我是一個軟件工程師但是在Coursera裡我最喜歡的卻是理財和心理學。一旦你停止學習，就會停滯不前。所以不要停止學習。
4、社交
現在是最有可能結識一生摯友的年紀。社交在你獲得生活中和職場中的成功起到了關鍵的作用。你在群體中待的時間越長，你就越有可能影響身邊的人。
不要把你的朋友圈局限於某一些朋友，與一些有趣、名譽好的人社交。如果你放棄這些機會，你也許就不會認識到你職場中的伯樂。
5、創造
沒有什麼事情比把自己的想像變成現實更讓人有成就感了。創造力不僅對你的成功而且對你的自我滿足有著關鍵的作用。一些在我生命中最高興的時刻就是當我的創造結出了果實。
把自己變成一個創意機器。每天思考一兩個點子，在日記中記錄下。說不定在未來這些點子會為你的人生指引方向。
6、分享
即使你成了世界上最成功的人，如果沒人能夠與你分享你的喜悅，你也不會成為一個快樂的人。我們每個人都會有自己的人生經驗和知識，這些經驗能夠啟發他人，但是多數人並不會把這些經驗與他人分享。
來 看一下在各行各業中的傑出任務，他們只是在自己的行業中出色嗎？他們是世上最有才華的人嗎？我想他們大多數人並不是。他們是些勇於實踐並且不怕與其他人分 享知識和經驗的人。他們會樂於討論他們的想法和建議，在網上寫博客，出書來啟發他人。如果不分享你的只是，即使你在你的行業中做得十分出色，你也不會成為 一個有名譽、傑出的人。
7、保持健康
你的健康是你生命中最重要的事，不要忽視他，否則他會在未來反咬你一口。擁有充足的睡眠，不要整天坐著，有一項你熱愛的運動並且能經常做這項運動。
垃圾食品會慢慢的消耗著你的健康，所以不要吃快餐。不要有壞習慣，例如吸煙和長期飲酒。現在是最好的時間來塑造自己。現在並不會花太大代價來養成好的習慣，這個代價會隨著你的年齡增長而變得越來越難。
8、錢
學 校並不教我們如何用錢、如何理財，這反倒成為了我們想變得富有的阻礙。我們在學校中被教育去學會一門技能，並能夠以此來找到工作。一旦你有了一份體面的工 作，你就不會太在意錢了。但是這並不完全正確。即使有一份好工作也無法解決所有關於錢的問題。如果你沒在理財方面接受過教育，你會有不少負債，比如貸款， 信用卡（知乎精選5章）。這些負債縮減了你的存款，然後你就會想著升職加薪。
你可以讀Rich Dad Poor
Dad這本書，作者告訴了我們富人是如何讓錢為自己服務，而中產階級和平困的人如何為錢奔波一生的。你必須教育自己如何用錢才能變得富有。
9、尋找良師
很 多人相信他們能夠自己解決生活中遇到的問題。你可以閱讀書籍，看勵志電影，與智者交談來尋找最適合自己的生活。但是只有這些，並無法幫助你成功。你將需要 一位良師，在你生活的關鍵時刻來指引你。你的良師會是你生活中尊重的人，並且精通於你所求幫助的領域。你可以擁有很多良師，在困境時，你可以向他們尋求幫 助，也許他們在人生的某一刻也遇到過這樣的問題。
舉個例子，在我還在大專時，我有一位學長，他教我如何選課，去申請哪些實習……
如果沒有他的幫助，我相信我不會有如此的成就。我如今在職場中也有一位良師，我能夠從他的經歷中學習如何處事，變得更成功。
10、不要拖延
大多數人都有拖延症，有些是小事，比如打掃房間，買菜，洗衣烘衣。但是也有一些重要的事情比如去健身房鍛煉，為考試複習，定期付費。
拖延症的成因主要是高估了自己的能力，低估了這項任務所花的時間。拖延症成了我們獨立發展的最大阻礙。你必須要改掉這習慣，長期的拖延症總有一天會毀掉你。

（本文内容来源于网络 版权归原作者所有）

4 Lifestyle Changes That Will Boost Your Mental Health

Research proves an undeniable mind-body connection.

Post published by David Sack M.D. on Apr 21, 2015 in Where Science Meets the Steps

 When we seek help for a mental health condition, we can expect to hear about various medications and treatment options, but what’s often missing from the conversation is any talk of lifestyle changes. In a recent University of Illinois study (link is external), about half of those with symptoms of mental illness reported that they receive no wellness advice from their health care provider.
That’s a lamentable oversight because lifestyle changes—things as simple as nutrition and exercise (link is external)—can have a significant impact on quality of life, for any of us, but especially for those dealing with issues such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. They can also help minimize the development of risk factors that can lead to conditions like diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, all of which are seen at higher rates in those with mental illness, the study noted.
If you are dealing with a mental health challenge, take the initiative when speaking to your clinician. Ask for specifics on what changes you can safely make in your daily life to improve your mental health; there’s no single answer. But research has shown that lifestyle changes in several key categories can pay healthy dividends for most. Among the most powerful:
1. Enhance Your Diet
Research shows that our diet can influence our mental health, for both good and bad. Fruits and vegetable are associated with better mental well-being, according to recent research (link is external) from the University of Warwick. That’s important because mental well-being—feelings of optimism, happiness, self-esteem and resilience—can help protect not only against mental health problems but physical ones as well.
Fatty foods, on the other hand, may increase the risk for psychiatric symptoms by changing the bacteria that live in our gut, according to new research (link is external). A study done with mice showed increased anxiety, impaired memory, repetitive behavior, and brain inflammation as a result of a high-fat diet. Some fats, however, fall into the “good” category. Omega-3 fatty acids such as are found in salmon, for example, may help (link is external) with some forms of depression.
Sugar, of course, should have only a minimal place in your diet. Not only can it spark rapid weight gain and an addictive response in some, it has been linked to higher rates of depression and can make mental health symptoms worse, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (link is external) (NAMI).
2. Make Exercise a Priority
You’ll want to check with your doctor before you start any exercise regime, but physical activity has been shown to have significant benefits for those dealing with mental health issues. A Southern Methodist University study (link is external) labeled exercise a magic drug for those with anxiety and depression disorders and called on doctors to more widely prescribe it. Research (link is external) shows even low levels of activity—things such as walking or gardening for half an hour a day—can help ward off depression now and even later in life. Exercise has also been shown (link is external) to improve the mental and physical health of those with schizophrenia. (One note: If you have bipolar disorder, be aware that exercise can trigger mania in some. Get your doctor’s OK before adding new forms of physical activity to your life.)
As a bonus, exercise helps not only with mental health and fitness but also with weight control. This is especially important because weight gain is a side effect of many medications for mental illness. Extra pounds may not only make you less healthy and more prone to developing illnesses such as diabetes, they can also add to your mental distress.
3. Practice Techniques to Reduce Stress
Stress (link is external)feeds mental illness, and mental illness feeds stress. Taking steps to minimize the stress in your life can help slow this vicious cycle. Consider adopting techniques such as mindfulness meditation; a Carnegie Mellon University study (link is external) found that even 25 minutes a day for three days in a row can reduce stress and build resilience. And a Johns Hopkins research analysis (link is external)determined that meditation can improve symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Yoga is another powerful choice for stress reduction, as well as being good exercise. A Queen’s University study (link is external) found it can even help us view the world in a less negative, less threatening way, which can be a huge benefit for those with mental health disorders. (Again, a note for those with bipolar disorder: A recent study (link is external) found risks as well as benefits in yoga. According to a recent study, some with bipolar disorder found it a “life-changing” positive, while a minority reported it can intensify both high and low moods.)
4. Get Enough Sleep
We all crave a refreshing night’s sleep, but don’t always get it. We can boost our odds by committing ourselves to good sleep hygiene (link is external). That means going to bed and getting up at a consistent time, getting sufficient exercise (earlier in the day rather than late at night), avoiding heavy evening meals and caffeine, practicing relaxation techniques, and forgoing activities that get in the way of our shuteye, such as those Netflix marathons. If you’re still having trouble, don’t turn automatically to sleep aids, which research (link is external) shows may actually shorten your lifespan. See your doctor or a sleep specialist for help.
Making lifestyle changes in support of your sleep is well worth the effort. Poor sleep has multiple negatives: Studies show fatigue makes it harder to choose healthy foods, it’s been linked to obesity and cell damage (link is external), and it can make mental illness symptoms worse. Sleep deprivation has been shown, for example, to trigger schizophrenia symptoms (link is external). Consistently good sleep, on the other hand, can help keep stress at bay, as well as boost mood, protect the brain (link is external) and give us the energy we need to deal with all that life throws at us.

Source: Photo purchased from iStock, used with permission.

Micro Actions Can Lead to Macro Changes: Make Your Bed

To change your life in a big way, find some small wins.

Post published by Richard Smith Ph.D. on Jun 04, 2015 in Joy and Pain 

 Who among us has not vowed with absolute sincerity and conviction to change a bad habit—only to fail miserably? I don't want to underestimate the challenges of self-change, but here’s an idea: Start making your bed.
Successful major changes often result from taking small, repeated actions first.

Source: http://lifehacker.com/the-proper-way-to-make-your-bed-the-navy-seal-way-1672236856#

Sometimes we set our goals too high: We want to lose weight, and so we vow to cut out all desserts, completely. We want to get into shape, and so we plan on getting up at the crack of dawn every day to go running. Maybe we are so disgusted with some aspect of ourselves that we think this intense feeling will sustain such plans. But for a multitude of reasons, we still fail. Our commitment vanishes as if our emotionally-charged vows were mere puffs of hot air. With each successive failure, whatever resolve we thought we had seems more hollow. Soon, even our disgust with ourselves is disgusting.
Small, consistent actions are more reliable. We have the ability and resources to complete and continue small actions. Any form of success, even if trifling and incremental, is important at first. Momentum builds on any success; nothing succeeds like success, and it feels great, too. Disgust and its memory soon dissipate, as these positive changes spill over into other domains needing and waiting for growth.
Starting small has a long history in different arenas; William James discussed it in his writing on habit (link is external). For an innovative contemporary take, I recommend Charles Duhigg's The Power of Habit. He cites evidence suggesting that the simple action of making one’s bed, when performed consistently, starts “a process that, over time, transforms everything” (Duhigg, 2012, p. 100). He calls such actions “keystone” actions.
A recent study by social psychologist Sung Hee Kim supports this idea. Kim advises undergraduate psychology majors at the University of Kentucky and has a keen interest in finding ways to help students follow good advice. To that end, she surveyed the various “micro” actions—those requiring little time, effort, or resources—that students engaged in which resulted in positive “macro” life changes.
Often, students recalled small actions, performed consistently, that they believed produced lasting, broader changes. The kind of micro actions ranged from getting up a bit earlier (10–20 minutes) in the morning and briefly reviewing course material, to writing down plans and assignments in a planner. Positive changes associated with getting up earlier, for example, included finding time to eat breakfast, reducing stress because of full class attendance, better grades, and enhanced self confidence.
On average, students reported that it took 21 days to notice such changes. Most students also reported that they had continued the action for an average of 9 months and believed the action was highly likely to continue. Although this study relied on self-reports, it provides thought-provoking material. These students’ small actions, requiring so little time and effort, seemed to foster good habits quickly and substantial self changes long-term.

Source: lightwavemedia/Shutterstock

別怪運動沒成果！9件健身教練希望你停止做的事情

已經跑步、健身了一段時間，卻好像看不到顯著的成果，讓你不禁開始懷疑究竟是哪個環節出了錯，甚至萌生不想運動的念頭？事實上，問題根源可能就出在你意想不到的習慣，一起來看看由多位頂尖教練所點出、影響運動成效的常見問題！

你總是千篇一律
如果你總是做一樣的運動、路跑距離永遠都是5公里、啞鈴永遠都使用一樣的磅數，就別怪在健身房裡花了這麼多時間卻看不到成績！人體會對相同的訓練內容產生適應與慣性，導致進步幅度有限，最理想的訓練菜單就是不斷變化，別讓單一運動侷限。

你討厭你正在作的訓練
不少健身教練分享道，他看到他的學員持續做他們本身並不喜歡的運動，只因為他們覺得自己必須這麼做。如果你的行程表總是被你討厭的運動所填滿，最有可能發 生的事情就是翹課、找藉口不運動的機率大增！事實上，目前可選擇的運動型態是非常多元的，如果你不喜歡跑步，那就試試看游泳、飛輪、跳舞或拳擊，同樣都能 達到運動目的！千萬別因為你不喜歡某項運動就給自己找藉口不運動，找到最適合自己的方法才是正確的態度。

你的心態不正確
這是許多新手在開始運動前常見的心態：「我還沒準備好，等我準備好了再去」、「健身房的人身材都好棒，我應該要先變瘦一點再去運動」。此外，還有一些人會 在剛開始運動時就給自己安排強度過高、過於密集的訓練，心態不外乎是想迎頭趕上已經健身一段時間的人，或者趕緊見到成果以彌補之前不運動的時光，導致的結 果不是受傷就是肌肉疲勞導致沒辦法持續。如果你發現自己也有這樣的問題，請提醒自己循序漸進，千萬別揠苗助長。

你的運動密度安排得太即興
如果你想要明顯的運動成效並且維持這樣的效果，關鍵就在於持續。給自己安排長期的、固定的運動繼話，不要只是心血來潮或者要去度假前才刻苦訓練個一個禮拜，接下來又回到原本不運動的生活！建議可以以一周為單位，在每周日就先安排好下一周的運動計畫。

你只想到運動
想要擁有健康與好身材，光靠運動是不夠的！平日的飲食習慣、每回運動前後的營養補充都非常重要，請把自己的身體想像成一部需要燃料才能運作的機器，而你的責任就是提供正確的營養讓它能有效率的運作，千萬別一昧的節食！

你總是跳過熱身
運動前的熱身到底重不重要？雖然年輕時可能沒感覺，不過別忘了每個關節、肌肉都有使用壽命與極限，機器都會故障、更何況是人體！即使只是看似輕鬆的慢跑，也請別忽略在每次開始前先以伸展或滾筒幫助身體熱起來、做好運動的準備。

你在運動後喜歡以大餐犒賞自己
每回結束運動課程後，你總是認為辛勤又全身痠痛的自己值得來份大餐慰勞一下，事實上如果攝取的熱量和運動量不成正比，又或者在睡前給腸胃增加過大的負擔，不但對身體沒有幫助，甚至可能致胖並且影響隔天的精神狀況與表現。

你睡不夠
缺乏睡眠很可能是你在健身過程中最大的阻礙，不少健身教練指出他們的學員平常過著非常忙碌的生活，而睡覺經常被他們排在待辦事項的最後一項，導致在訓練當 中以及訓練之後，他們經常感到十分疲倦，完全沒有容光煥發的感受，運動表現也持續下降、受傷機率也隨之提高。睡眠對於肌肉的成長及恢復具有極大影響，你必 須讓身體有足夠時間休息、重整與恢復，才能讓自己變得更強壯。

你不收操
許多人在結束運動後只想趕快回家休息，因此收操經常被忽略。收操的目的是幫助減緩心跳頻率並且舒展全身筋骨、放鬆緊繃的肌肉，身體後續也能更快、更有效率的恢復，可別為了節省5~10的分鐘而小看收操的重要性。

 http://www.vogue.com.tw/beauty/massage/content-20607.html

How to Face Your Fears, One Step at a Time

Step out of your comfort zone and see how far you can go.

Post published by Amy Morin on Jun 19, 2015 in What Mentally Strong People Don't D
 
As a psychotherapist, anxiety disorders—especially phobias—are my favorite problem to treat. When people step into my office with a debilitating fear, I'm confident that a little hard work and a willingness to step outside their comfort zone can help them conquer their anxiety.
Anxiety disorders are very common. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates 18% of the adult population experiences an anxiety disorder every year. Approximately 9% of adults experience a phobia of some kind.
Whether you’re terrified of shaking hands because you’re afraid of germs, or the thought of public speaking makes you weak in the knees, it’s possible to overcome your fear once and for all. If your situation is on the mild end of the spectrum—perhaps you take the stairs because you’re terrified of elevators—you may be able to conquer your fear without the help of a professional.
Face Your Fear Systematically
Countless research studies (link is external) have shown that exposure therapy is an effective way to treat conditions ranging from post-traumatic stress disorder to obsessive compulsive disorder. In order for it to be effective, however, the exposure should be applied in an incremental manner.
The key to overcoming a debilitating fear is to start by doing something that is only slightly anxiety-provoking. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 meaning no anxiety and 10 being equal to sheer terror, look for something that would raise your anxiety to level 4. Then, keep doing that activity until your anxiety decreases.
If you suffered from arachnophobia—the fear of spiders—you might start by looking at pictures of spiders. Eventually, your anxiety would dissipate and you could move onto the next step—perhaps watching a video of a spider. Eventually, you could sit in the same room with a spider who is safely placed in jar with a secure lid.
The intention of exposure therapy is to keep working slowly and steadily until you reach your ultimate goal. For someone with a fear of public speaking, the ultimate goal might be to offer one comment each week during a meeting. For someone else, the it might be giving a presentation in front of an audience of thousands. But either way, it’s important to define what success looks like to you.
Practice Imaginal Exposure When Necessary
Sometimes it’s impossible—or at least a lot more complicated—to use in vivo therapy. If you’re afraid of flying in an airplane for example, it’s unlikely that a commercial airline is going to let you practice sitting on a plane for hours as you try to desensitize yourself to your fears.
In cases where real-life desensitization isn’t practical, imaginal exposure can be used. Visualizing yourself being exposed to what terrifies you can produce a spike in your anxiety. With consistent practice, visualization can desensitize you and make it easier to face your fear in real life.
Seek Professional Help 
Unfortunately, many people suffering from serious anxiety disorders don’t seek treatment. As a result, they miss opportunities to advance their careers, or their social lives suffer. If your anxiety is interfering with your daily life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists who specialize in treating anxiety disorders often have access to a variety of specialized techniques, ranging from biofeedback to virtual reality exposure therapy. In some cases, medication can also be used to help alleviate symptoms.
Imagine how productive could you be if you conquered your fears. When you’re no longer plagued by worrisome thoughts, and don’t need to waste time and energy trying to avoid things that make you anxious, you can invest your resources into reaching your greatest potential.

走路人人都會，要怎麼走才能變瘦變健康？

文字：yoyo  VOGUE.TW |  來源：時報出版 |  更新：4/9/2015  2 MONTHS AGO

 隨著運動的風氣日盛，對現代人越來越樂於跑步，但你可能不知道，比起跑步，健走更為溫和安全，同樣也能達到瘦身的效果。只是走路 人人都會，要怎麼走才能有效果呢？在《神奇健走力》一書中，提到健走其實是一種十分講究姿勢、速度和時間的運動，從健康層面而言，健走分為以舒心和愉悅情 緒為主要目的，速度在每分鐘九十步以內的「慢速健走」，以及以強身健體為主要目的，根據運動強度、運動頻率與運動量達到目標心率的「中、快速健走」。

Q1.怎樣健走最好？
健走運動屬於有氧運動，想持續二十分鐘、甚至六十分鐘以上都沒問題，但要消耗體內脂肪達到減脂目的，運動時間必須持續三十分鐘以上。建議選擇一個固定的時間，每天最少半小時，最好是一個小時。而最重要的關鍵，還是長期堅持。

Q2.什麼時候走最好？
運動醫學曾研究，早晨剛起來時，身體各臟器仍未完全運轉，這時候運動對心血管比較脆弱的人來說有點危險。這也是為什麼很多心腦血 管病人多在深夜和淩晨發作。因此，下午3~4點是不錯是健走時間，因為身體各個部分都已經舒展開了。若是上班族的話，建議晚飯後開始健走，每次走一小時。 大家可以注意健走一個小時，身體發生的奇妙變化，身體會開始發熱，肚子空蕩蕩的，有點飢餓感。

Q3.需要控制飲食嗎？
「日行萬步路，飯吃八分飽」怎樣判斷自己已經吃了八分飽呢？有一個很簡單的方法，就是在吃得差不多時，站起來。站起來如果感覺剛 好飽，就是八分飽；如果坐著感覺飽了，那就是十分飽甚至吃多了。健走前一定要吃主食，例如米飯、麵食，其中的碳水化合物是運動的源動力可為我們提供充足能 量。因此運動結束後也可補充一些富含碳水化合物的食品，像是餅乾、麥片或低脂優酪乳都是不錯選擇。

Q4.哪些地方適合健走？
進行戶外健走時，最好選擇空氣清新度達標的地方。一般來說，空氣中負離子濃度晴天比陰天高，夏天比冬天高，上午比下午高，海濱、高山、森林及綠地則比城市高出五到十倍。因此，公園、海邊、森林等處空氣都比較清新，最適合健走。

Q5.完成了健走卻沒有效果？
堅持下去，才是關鍵！在特定的某一天走完一萬步是很容易，但是三百六十五天每天堅持一萬步就很不簡單。堅持每天一萬步，等於建立一個新的生活習慣，啟動後的前三十天至關重要。尤其一定要做到以下5件事：

1.三十天內，每天都要走足一萬步，一步也不能差，一天也不能間隔。連續堅持三十天就能看到初期成果。肥胖的朋友腰圍不知不覺間變細了；瘦弱的朋友會發現不像以前那樣容易生病了。感受到效果是堅持下去的最大動力。

2.若可以達到一萬步，那就挑戰初期的三十天內，每天至少走到一萬五千步。要把一個人從以前的狀態中徹底拉出來，需要更大的強度，找到走路的感覺和樂趣。

3.建立相互監督的環境非常重要，可以說是堅持每天一萬步中最重要的一點。在每天一萬步的初期，大多數人需要在相互監督的情況下才能養成習慣。

4.充分利用零碎時間。零碎時間加在一起是非常可觀的，只要控制速度，保持一定強度，還是能增強身體機能。

5.不要給自己找藉口。放棄第一次就會放棄第二次，一個好的習慣就此終止，能不能堅持每天走萬步，不是時間問題，而是態度問題。只要我們不為自己找藉口，每天一萬步其實是很容易做到的。

12 Things Successful Women Do Differently

The Huffington Post  |  By Emma Gray

Posted: 08/26/2013 8:59 am EDT Updated: 03/04/2014 1:59 pm EST 

 Every woman has her own definition of success. But there are certain traits that most successful women share.
I spend a good part of my work day reading and writing about women who have achieved great things -- and I make it a point to surround myself with women who are well on their way to doing so.
Here are 12 things I've learned that successful women do differently:
1. They are deeply passionate about what they do.
"Without passion, all the skill in the world won't lift you above craft," wrote dancer Twyla Tharp in her book, The Creative Habit. If you don't love what you do, you're probably not going to be motivated to go above and beyond, to innovate and to stand out in the workplace. But if you're passionate about your career, it will make putting time and effort into it pleasurable, not a chore.
2. They don't expect perfection -- of themselves or those around them.
Research has shown that wasting time and energy trying to be "perfect" only leads to unhappiness. Successful women know that that they can't do everything well all the time. Beating yourself up for your perceived flaws will only dampen your abilities at work, not to mention your mental health. "We each, if we're lucky, will have our chance to leave a mark on the world, but we are trying too hard to be perfect," wrote Barnard president Debora Spar in an op-ed for Glamour magazine. "So don't emulate Wonder Woman; think about what's wonderful to you instead. Then boldly, audaciously, joyfully, leave the rest behind."

3. Often, they become the boss.
Many successful women have figured out that if you're the boss, you can set your own rules. As editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan Joanna Coles said at the Third Metric Conference in June: "The higher you go in a corporation, the easier it is ... The truth is you get more control." And when you're in control, you have the ability to create a more sane, happy and balanced workplace for yourself and your employees.
4. They marry well -- or not at all.
Successful women know the value of a true partnership. As Sheryl Sandberg observed in Lean In: "I don’t know of a single woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully -- and I mean fully -- supportive of her career." And many successful women forgo marriage all together. Despite not being wed, women like Oprah Winfrey, Condoleezza Rice and Diane Keaton seem to be doing just fine.

5. They believe that they will be successful.
Not to go all "If you build it, he will come," on you, but believing in your own success -- no matter how crazy your idea might seem -- is integral to achieving it. Kay Koplovitz, founder of the USA Network, echoed this sentiment in a July interview. "You have to be comfortable that you can think your way through and actually execute your way through to the desired outcome," she said. "I expected to be successful." Bottom line? Confidence -- and faith in yourself -- is key.
6. They're not afraid to take risks.
Sheryl Sandberg says that all women should ask themselves the question: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Affecting change -- in your career and beyond -- requires the ability to stop playing it safe every once in awhile. Successful women don't make reckless decisions, but they do know how to take a calculated risk. Sandberg took her own advice, and wrote the bestseller, Lean In.

7. They know that failure goes hand-in-hand with success.
"Failure is not the opposite of success but a stepping stone to success," was the advice given to Arianna Huffington by her mother, Elli Stassinopoulos. Successful women know that you can't excel all the time, and that an inevitable part of taking leaps in your career is falling down sometimes. For example, 12 publishers rejected J.K. Rowling's first Harry Potter book. But that didn't stop her from continuing to send it out.
8. They take care of themselves physically.
"My morning run is when my head is most clear and when I synthesize all of the things that are going on in my head," Jessica Herrin, founder of Stella and Dot, told The Huffington Post. Many successful women have spoken about the value of regular exercise -- not because they are trying to be thin, but because they know that exercise relieves stress, releases endorphins and increases energy. "If I didn't run, swim, or lift weights, I almost certainly would have killed someone by this point in my life," wrote Debora Spar.

9. They know that their to-do lists will never be completed, and they're okay with that.
Sometimes you can be more productive by accepting that you're simply not going to get everything done. Learning to let go of certain goals, responsibilities and tasks can be difficult, but freeing. Arianna Huffington has spoken about how finally allowing herself to cross unrealistic goals off her lifelong "to do" list -- in her case, learning German and becoming an expert skiier -- relieved her of a huge burden. "Getting rid of the anxiety of perpetually unmet expectations was so great," she said.
10. They make sure to schedule alone time.
Research has shown that women tend to prioritize domestic responsibilities such as housework and child care over themselves. Successful women know that they need to schedule alone time the same way they plan meetings, family dinners and networking events. "I’ve found if I don’t literally put pen to paper (or create a Google calendar appointment) and carve out an hour for myself, it never happens," Mary Kate McGrath, editor in chief of PureWow told The Daily Muse in March. "So that’s what I do. I literally invite myself to manicures or an extra 20 minutes in bed, and I’ve been known to take myself out for a Manhattan once in a while, too. (I’m a great date.) And my new rule: I’m not allowed to cancel on myself."

11. They know how to foster genuine relationships -- and keep them strong.
Having a support network is key to being successful. Keeping up your friendships and forming new ones at every place you work makes you happier and helps your career later on. In 2009, Diablo Cody told the New York Times about the importance of her relationships with fellow female filmmakers Lorene Scafaria, Dana Fox and Liz Meriwether. "They helped me be excited for things when I was kind of shellshocked," she said. "They were the ones who had to literally take me aside at the 'Juno' premiere and say: 'This is fun. You will never forget this. Please enjoy yourself.'"
12. They express gratitude to those around them.
No woman's success happens in a vacuum. Wildly successful women acknowledge those that support them every day -- both in their home lives and at the office. And that graciousness not only makes them better people, but fosters loyalty from their employees. Oprah is one powerful woman who understands the value of appreciating her employees. In 2009, she took her entire staff and their families on a Mediterranean cruise.

我與自己的16個約會：喜歡獨處的你不妨嘗試一下

你喜歡獨處嗎？一到週末，不少人都會積極地去邀約朋友吃飯、逛街、看電影，就算不想出門，也 都會叫朋友過來家裡作客，說白了其實就是害怕孤單。慢慢地，我們習慣了這種熱鬧的生活方式，於是便忘了其實偶爾我們也應該為自己留點獨處的時間，去沉澱自 己，去自私地、無所顧忌地做自己想做的事。下面是16件適合一個人去做的事，也歡迎大家一起來留言分享一下你獨處時最愛的節目。

1.去看一部你期待已久但朋友都不感興趣的電影

自己一個人去看電影，無論那部電影是特別催淚，會讓你眼淚流個不停，亦或是你喜歡但卻毫無營養的爛片都無所謂，因為你不需要擔心身邊人怎麼看，還沒習慣獨處的朋友最好選擇一早或者是午後場，人會相對少一點。

2.一個人去旅行

和別人一起去旅行，要去哪裡、要吃什麼都必須有商有量，所以難免會需要妥協。想擁有一場完全隨你心意的旅行嗎？那麼真的不妨考慮下不找旅伴，不一定要去很遠，哪怕是周邊的國家、城市都可以。感興趣的朋友請參考《世界上15個最適合獨自旅行的地方》。

Blackseanews

3.請自己去一家有格調的餐廳用餐

帶上一本你想看很久的書去一家你期待已久的餐廳用餐吧。放下手機，為自己騰出兩個小時來享用“精神食糧”與美食，絕對是一種享受，而且不用擔心有人 會分掉你的食物。因為是一個人，所以不推薦去那種特別多人的餐廳，最好能有格調一點，安靜一點，價格稍貴些也沒關係，就當是在犒勞自己。

4.去逛博物館、藝術館、書店

博物館、藝術館，如果你並不是愛好者，那麼很多時候都是因為學校要求的才會去，但如果碰上有趣的展覽，那麼真的不妨一個人去欣賞一下，這樣的活動可以豐富你的見識。如果你對這些無感，書店會是另一個好選擇。

Sarah Kunst

5.請自己去做Spa

活著不容易，因此我們更應該學會寵愛自己。如果你實在不習慣一個人的約會，那麼去做Spa或者按摩吧，不需要擔心別人的眼光，可以自己好好放鬆一下。

6.瘋狂煲劇

既然是“約會”，自然要和平常窩在電腦前煲劇要有區別，比方說在零食飲品方面，錢包允許的話最好買一些精緻高級一點的小吃來代替薯片這類零食，然後 用漂亮的餐盤裝好，飲品的話，可以是雞尾酒、紅酒，或者是自製的特飲，然後換上睡衣，窩在沙發上煲劇，如果是秋冬季的話，記得為自己準備一張保暖毯和兩個 抱枕。

7.去聽音樂會

不是演唱會哦，而是那種小眾一點的音樂會，或者是清吧裡的表演，一個人去，點一杯喜歡的飲品，叫一份下酒的小吃，慢慢去感受整個氛圍。因為是一個人的約會，所以更能夠認真地去專注於台上的表演。

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8.一個人去唱K

心情不好想發洩的時候，不妨考慮下一個人去唱K，好像韓國就有那種適合一個人去的K房，如果你所在的城市沒有，那麼可以挑選一家你和朋友平常不會去的，這樣的話心理壓力會小很多。 

9.坐在路邊咖啡店觀察來往的路人

聽起來很無聊，但對於想要理清思緒或者找靈感的創作者來說，這會是一個不錯的選擇。午後去咖啡廳坐坐，然後選個靠窗的位置坐下，聽著歌、看著來往的路人，感受著他們的故事，感覺會很奇妙。

10.完成你一直拖拉著的事

不要再給藉口自己，在這屬於你的一天裡努力去完成一直拖拖拉拉做不完的事情吧，比方說更新的你簡歷、看完看了一半就丟在一邊的書、整理好你的衣櫃等等，相信我，完成之後你會感覺如釋重負，而且特別有成就感。

11.挑戰自己

比方說去報名參加為期一天的興趣課程，或者是跑一場馬拉松，總之就是要利用這個機會去讓自己變得更加出色。

12.去爬山或者去海灘

多親近一下大自然，不要帶旅伴，一個人背上背包去放空，清理一下腦袋裡的雜念和煩惱，享受最純粹的時光。

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13.嘗試新菜譜

學做菜，最怕就是辛苦做出來，別人卻大呼難吃，所以不妨趁著獨處的時間躲進廚房提升烹飪技能。搞砸了？沒關係，反正只有你自己知道，你可以邊做邊寫 筆記，直到烹調到最理想的狀態。記得哦，開始前要為自己準備好一杯飲料，比方說紅酒或者特飲，然後聽著歌來做，好心情會幫助提升成功率。

14.去嘗試一種新的健身課程

比方說Zumba、Booty Barre，最好是氣氛比較活躍的那種，這樣比較能夠調動起積極性，讓時間過得更快。

15.進行有目的性的逛街

你很清楚自己要買什麼，這種情況下如果帶上朋友一起去逛街，會減慢你的速度，畢竟別人也會忍不住挑選起來，難道你會自私地要求你不感興趣的店別人就不給進去看嗎？所以最好就是一個人出動。

반윤희

16.洗泡泡浴

如果家裡有浴缸，不妨洗個泡泡浴，準備好放鬆的音樂、飲品、雜誌或者平板電腦，點上蠟燭，然後一邊敷面膜一邊享受精油泡泡浴，感覺無聊的話還可以邊泡邊看電影或者網購。

「她們相信自己」，這些是成功女性都擁有的12項特質

社會上的成功女性總是為我們帶來激勵人心的力量，她們勇於在這個依舊是由男性主導的社會走出屬於自己的路，也設下典範讓我們知道每個女孩其實都擁有無限潛力，不應該在傳統價值下就束縛了自己的可能性。雖然每個人對於成功都有不同的定義，但時常撰寫相關文章的網路作家Emma Gray發現這些女性其實有許多相似處，一起來看看以下12點成功女性都擁有的特質，希望每個女孩都能勇於活出自我，找到人生的熱情所在。

 

1. 她們極度熱愛所做的事

「缺乏熱情，就算擁有再多技巧也無法將你變成」，知名舞者Twyla Tharp在她的書中《The Creative Habit》寫道。如果你不愛自己所做的事情，恐怕也很難有促使你想更進步、超越自己的動力出現，相反的，若你對於從事的職業充滿熱情，那麼每個所付出的 努力都會是享受的過程，而非僅是義務而已。

2. 她們並不期待自己或他人是完美無缺的

研究顯示將時間與精力花在試圖成為「完美」上最終只會導致不快樂而已，成功的女性深知自己不可能每件事都做到盡善盡美，責備自己做得不夠好只會降低 工作上的表現，更別提心理上的影響了。「如果夠幸運，我們每個人都有機會在這世界上留下痕跡，但多數人卻花了太多力氣在讓自己變得更完美上。別跟其他人 比，你該想的是自己所擁有的美好特質，勇敢的、無畏的、快樂的…，剩下的都不重要。」，美國女子大學巴納德學院校長Debora Spar受訪時表示。

3. 她們常會選擇當主導的人

許多成功女性都明白，只有成為主導者才能夠用自己的方式做事。女性雜誌Cosmopolitan主編Joanna Coles 就曾說過：「其實你在一間公司爬得越高，事情也會變得更容易…，因為你獲得了更多控制權。」，掌握主導權的人才有能力為員工與自身創造出內心嚮往的平衡、 快樂、專注的工作環境。

4. 她們擁有美好的婚姻關係，要不則是不結婚

成功的女性們了解真正健康的伴侶關係之重要性。Facebook營運長Sheryl Sandberg就在書中寫道：「我至今從未遇過任何一個站在領導階層的女性，她們的伴侶不是全然、徹底的支持她們的職業。」，同樣的，也有需多成功女性 選擇完全不要婚姻，諸如Oprah Winfrey、Condoleezza Rice及Diane Keaton，她們在職業上相當有成就，生活看來也過得十分美好。

5. 她們相信自己會成功

無論你的想法有多瘋狂，相信自己會成功是達成目標的關鍵。USA Network創辦人Kay Koplovitz說過：「你要知道你可以想像這一切成功的樣貌，並且實際執行去達成。我總是抱著會成功的期望，自信跟對自己的信念是關鍵。」

6. 她們不害怕承擔風險

Sheryl Sandberg告訴所有女性，每個人都該問自己這個問題「如果今你無所畏懼，那你會想做什麼？」，無論是在職場或其他事物上，如果想超越自己就不該老是 躲在庇蔭下打安全牌。成功女性不會冒然行事，但她們會在經過理性分析後敢於承擔風險。Sandberg自身就是這麼做的最佳例證，也寫出了暢銷著作 《Lean In》。

7. 她們知道失敗與成功兩者是並行的

「失敗並不是成功的反面，而是走向成功前的基石之一。」，Arianna Huffington的母親曾給過她這樣的鼓勵。成功女性深知自己不可能事事如意，有時候在成功前偶爾讓自己跌跤是無可避免的，《Harry Potter》作者J.K. Rowing正是最好的例子，即使被12家出版社拒絕，她也不曾停止投稿。

8. 她們懂得照顧自己的身體

「晨跑的時間是我一天當中頭腦最清晰、也最能組織所有事物的時候。」，Stella and Dot創辦人Jessica Herrin受The Huffington Post訪問時表示。許多成功女性都曾公開提及規律運動的重要性，不是因為想瘦身，而是明白透過運動能釋放壓力、產生腦內啡並增強體能。另外Debora Spar也曾寫道：「如果我沒有跑步；游泳或去舉重的話，現在可能早就去殺人了。」

9. 她們知道要把每天的代辦是做完是不可能的事，也欣然接受這個事實

有時候接受自己無法把全部的事情處理完反而能讓你做事起來更有效率，學會放下某些目標、責任或工作不是件容易的事，但卻會為你帶來更多自由的感受。 Arianna Huffington曾經說過自己終於捨棄那些人生中不實際的代辦清單，諸如學會德文、成為專業溜冰好手，就像是肩上的巨石突然被搬走了。「能夠擺脫焦慮 跟這些無法達成的期待的感覺實在太棒了。」

10. 她們會為自己預留一個人的時間

研究顯示女性常會將家事及照顧孩子這些事情擺在第一位，但成功的女性知道自己必須為自己安排個人時間，重要性就像是她們在安排會議、家庭聚餐、社交 活動一樣。「我發現要是自己不在行事曆上記下哪時候要留時間一個人，就永遠不會做到。」，PureWow主編Mary Kate McGrath向The Daily Muse表示。「我會跟自己約會，像是一個人去做指甲或是讓自己在床上多待20分鐘，每隔一段時間就會讓自己離開曼哈頓，而我最新的原則是：絕對不行取消 自己的約會。」

11. 她們懂得灌溉真摯的友情、維繫緊密關係

擁有一個支持你的圈子是成功的關鍵之一，維繫友情並在每個工作場合都建立起新的友誼會讓你活得更快樂，對未來事業也會有所幫助。2009年時 Diablo Cody曾告訴New York Times和其他製片女性Lorene Scafaria、Dana Fox及Liz Meriwether之間的感情對她來說有多重要「當我進入疲乏狀態時，是她們幫助我重新燃起對事物的熱情。在《Juno》首映當天，她們甚至把我帶到一 旁告訴我：『會很有趣的，你絕對不會忘記接下來要發生的事，好好讓自己享受好嗎？』」

12. 她們總是對身邊的人表達感激

成功絕無法只憑一己之力，那些有所成就的女性會記住支持她的人們，無論是在家中或公司，而懂得感激不僅使她成為好的人，同時也會培養員工忠誠度。Oprah就相當了解感激員工的價值，她還曾帶著全體職員及他們的家人一起享受地中海郵輪行程。

One Exercise Sure to Make You Feel Better About Yourself

With a minimum of effort, change the way you see your world.

Post published by Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D. on Jan 17, 2015 in Living Forward

 I have been treating patients using cognitive therapies for almost 15 years, and one of the most successful exercises I have ever seen work to help them re-engage their sense of well-being is so simple that each and every time I convince someone to do it, I am still remarkably struck by how effective it is.
Before I share this exercise with you, I want you to know that the difficult part is not doing the activity. It is making yourself believe that the activity will have enough benefit that you will put forth the actual effort to do it, and experience the results.
Often when I give this assignment to patients, they come back for two or three weeks afterward, still not having tried it. That's OK; I'm so certain they will not try it initially, that I generally don’t even assign it until I have been working with them for several weeks and have had sufficient time to coach them into understanding the benefits of shifting their attention and thinking; how it relates to brain functioning; and how it affects their mood, so that they understand the value of what I am asking them to do.
OK, so what is the exercise?

• Keep a pad of paper next to your bed and every night before you go to sleep, write down three things you liked about yourself that day.
• In the morning, read the list before you get out of bed.
• Do this everyday for 30 days.

These don’t have to be big things, like I am a kind person; they can be simple, such as I like that I held the door for my co-worker, or I like that I didn’t lose my temper in traffic today, or I like that I am making the effort to try this exercise even if I’m not sure it will work...
For someone who is depressed, this activity feels like a lot of effort. Why? Research shows that people with depression have what is referred to as an attentional bias for negative self-relevant materials. They also have impaired attentional control, which means that once a negative schema is activated, they tend to ruminate on it and have difficulty disengaging and shifting their attention to something else; consequently, there is sustained negative affect.⁽¹⁾ Essentially, people with depression generally spend a good deal of time thinking about what they don’t like about themselves—and they have a hard time stopping.
The more time you spend thinking about something, the more active it becomes in your mental space—and the easier it becomes to access. Also, the more you think of something, the more it primes your brain to keep looking for similar things in your environment, creating a selective filter that not only causes you to sift your environment for things that match up with what you are thinking about, it actually causes you to distort ambiguous information in a way that matches up with your dominant thoughts.
Someone with depression who goes to a party might get 10 compliments, but if one person mentions the shirt he is wearing is “interesting,” that person may likely go home and fixate on the ambiguous comment and turn it into a stream of thinking like this: I wonder what was wrong with my shirt, I probably looked silly in it, I bet they all thought I looked like an idiot. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ever get anything right? This is so humiliating. The 10 compliments have long been forgotten.
So how will this exercise help you?
Research also shows that it requires more attentional effort to disengage from a negative thought process than a neutral one.⁽²⁾ This simple-to-do but nonetheless effortful exercise essentially helps you build the strength to disengage from any negative thought stream; redirects your attention to positive aspects of yourself; and retrains your selective attention bias.
As you do this, you not only start to become aware of more of your positive attributes, they become more available to you as you interpret events around you. Compliments become something you can hear and accept because they are more congruent with your new view of yourself. You start to interpret events occurring around you in a less self-critical way. If you stick with it, over time this has a compounding effect that elevates your overall sense of self-worth—and, subsequently, your well-being.
But remember: There is no benefit to your mental health in just understanding how the exercise works, just as there is no benefit to your physical health in knowing how to use a treadmill. The benefit comes from the doing.

贏家邏輯：愛在心中口要開

文字：tianesu  VOGUE.TW |  來源：好優文化《贏家邏輯》 |  其他：作者/徐渭文 |  更新：6/19/2015  2 DAYS AGO

 贏家的邏輯，其實就是策略的規劃，我們每個人都是策略的使用者，隨時都面臨著不同的行動選擇，隨時都在計算著應當採取何種行動。 在《贏家邏輯》一書當中，透過日常生活中常見的例子讓大家了解「贏家怎麼想」，如果希望成功，要先能夠改變自己的思考邏輯，才能在職場、生活、情場掌握勝 局！


愛在心中口要開
愛情的規則是先動的一方占有主動優勢。不管女方貌若天仙，還是男方英俊瀟灑，身陷愛情賽局中的人，別因此自慚形穢，只要把握主動權，率先表達愛意，就很有可能獲得對方青睞。
有個男孩非常喜歡一個女孩，但他把感情藏在心裡，不敢說出口。後來另一個男孩先告白，女孩就和先表達愛意的男孩談戀愛了。不敢說出口的男孩後悔不已，因為他沒有遵循愛情裡的規則──要採取先動策略。

如果一個人看《新娘百分百》（Notting Hill）到三分之二時還沒有熱淚盈眶，那他一定沒有真正渴望過愛情。
大牌影星安娜‧史考特走進倫敦諾丁山的一家小書店，一杯柳橙汁使離婚後愛情生活一直空白的威廉‧薩克，意外的得到了安娜的吻，兩 人相愛了。 然而威廉‧薩克是個害羞的男人，或者說是一個不主動的男人，所以只能由安娜採取主動。第一次去他家，她出門後又回來；在車站再次邂逅，她邀請他去自己家 裡；之後為躲避記者跟蹤，她到他家過夜，也是她主動走到他床邊；後來因為前男友介入，她和他有了誤會，也是她主動上門要求重修舊好…… 那個憨厚純良的男人，或許覺得這種幸福是不真實的，一次次缺乏愛的勇氣，一次次躲避愛情的大駕光臨。

那些禁不住熱淚盈眶的觀眾，一定了解女主角內心的溫柔和焦急：主動、我得主動，否則我的愛情就要不翼而飛了。
或許我們在生活裡也有這樣的經歷，「思君子兮未敢言」、「心念君兮君不知」，彷彿誰都能看出自己的心意，除了心愛的那個人之外。害羞的人只敢傻傻地在一旁觀望自己的愛情，像局外人一樣不敢介入。
在經濟學上有一個先動優勢，指在一個賽局行為中，先行動者往往比後行動者占有優勢，從而獲得更多收益。也就是說，第一個到達海邊 的人可以得到牡蠣，而第二個人得到的只有貝殼。或許我們可以把它理解為先下手為強。例如第一個說「我愛你」的人，總是比之後其他追求者更讓我們印象深刻， 哪怕那時只和他在校園裡牽牽手、散散步，到很老的時候，我們也不會忘記他（她）。

但愛情中，先動優勢往往會形成慣性。一個人主動了第一次，以後就得永遠主動下去，他（她）愛的那個人已經習慣任何事都由他（她）發起，這或許是個性使然，也或許是習慣使然。
共鳴和分享式的愛情才會有持久的生命力。當一個人在一場戀愛中，發現對方只是一個道具，這個愛情故事基本上只有他一個人在唱獨角戲，這將是多麼遺憾的事情。
所以在愛情裡，要耍一點小伎倆，先主動，占有了優勢後，不妨把腳步放慢，讓對方跟上來。兩個人步調一致了，愛情才能經營得好。《新娘百分百》的結局，威廉‧薩克鼓起勇氣直闖記者會，在關鍵時刻向心上人表達了自己的心聲，贏得美人歸，這就是進步。

在愛情賽局中，先表白與採取主動，是追求戀人的最好策略。

哪裡來的自信？讓你越來越美麗7秘訣

文字：Yoyo Su, Tori Hsu  VOGUE.TW |  來源：TPG |  更新：5/19/2014  1 YEAR AGO

 自信是每個人精神和動力的堡壘，有自信的女孩走路有風，笑起來溫暖人心；或許她們不是美若天仙，也不會總在路上撿到錢，那是哪來 的自信讓她們總是有道亮晶晶的光芒打在她們身上？其實在生活中，不管是處事態度還是身體的保養，都對自信的養成非常重要，就算是現在才開始努力也不遲。因 為套句老話：「相由心生」，心漂亮了，人就美了！

1.化妝有助自信提升
外國研究就指出，逾9成的女性在使用美妝產品時，自信感會大幅提升，更別說能讓雙眼更迷人的睫毛膏或是存在感十足的唇膏了。所以，別經常素顏出門溜達，就算只是簡單的淡妝，也能使你有整天的好心情。

2.美不是鑽牛角尖
鏡子能清楚反映出一個人的形體，它應該是我們的好夥伴，而不是讓人沮喪的工具。人不是完美的，自信不是靠吹毛求疵能達成，減短你在鏡子前盯著身體細節觀望的時間，因為你可能會對些許的瑕疵感到憂慮或失望。而當你從鏡子裡觀詳自己時，只要著重在最喜歡的特徵就好。

3.運動的習慣
其實運動不僅是個風潮，它更是建立健康身體和活力的來源。不管是快走、慢跑、拳擊或是瑜珈，除了能加速代謝達到流汗的運動效果，其中產生的啡肽效應能愉悅神經，讓我們感到紓壓。一方面讓身體曲線更緊致，還能創造快樂心情，可以說是最自然的療法了。

4.嘗試重量訓練
女生們可能會被重訓給嚇到，難不成要練出卜派般的肌肉，才能自我感覺良好嗎？！不是的，其實女生的體質和男生不同，適當範圍內的重量訓練，只會強化細節肌肉，讓妳更有線條。而身體的狀態自然也會影響妳的心理，肌肉的鍛鍊的過程也會使妳的意志力更堅強。

5.開始正面思考
女生們聚在一起，關於外表的討論肯定少不了。「哎呀，該減肥了」、「天阿！我的皮膚變好差」…，這些句子甚至變成招呼開場白。但是，這樣的話題該停止了。人不愛美天誅地滅，與其讓這樣互相較勁的氣氛傳染，不如將話題轉致更正面的話語導向，多稱讚別人。

6.重視與自己的相處時間
自信的人都能從容的與自己相處，就算孤身一人，也能自得其樂。與朋友家人外出、相聚是很快樂的事情，但妳的生活應該以自己為重心。爬山、閱讀、Spa…，這些活動不只讓妳獲得清靜的時光，也給自己空間思考和計劃。

7.不要發懶
或許妳沒發現，肢體動作和思考其實有關連！上班上課，的確讓人在閒暇時刻想癱軟發呆，但這樣的動作不但不利於放鬆，還讓妳越發懶散。所以疲累的時候，可以拉拉筋泡個澡恢復精神，但千萬不要像條無骨蟲賴在沙發上一整天。