3 Reasons You Should Never Go on a Diet

Jennifer Rollin MSW, LGSW Mindful Musings

Research shows a surprising percentage of us simply can't keep it off long-term.

Posted Oct 12, 2015 

 Diet culture is everywhere. From the Paleo fanatics to the clean-eating enthusiasts and Weight Watchers evangelists, thousands exalt the benefits of various diet plans. I use the word "diet" in this context to refer to any set of restrictive food rules (barring true medical and ethical concerns). If you are feeling guilt and shame about your food choices, it is likely that you are approaching the experience of eating from a "diet mentality."
The word "diet" often has a negative connotation, so many people prefer to say they are making a “lifestyle change.” But if your lifestyle change entails rigid food rules that invoke guilt when broken, you are probably on a diet, even if in disguise. And the truth is, the diet industry wants us to "fail" so that we will continue to purchase their products. When you jump on the latest fad bandwagon, you support a multi-billion dollar industry that profits by convincing us we are inherently flawed.
Here, then, are 3 reasons you shouldn't go on another diet:
1. Diets do not help you maintain weight loss long-term.
The idea that people fail at diets because of a lack of willpower is a myth perpetuated by the diet industry. Powerful biological factors essentially ensure that your attempt at dieting will fail (link is external). Researcher Traci Mann, who has studied dieting for more than 20 years, found that there are metabolic, hormonal, and neurological changes that contribute (link is external) to "diet failure."
According to Mann, "When you are dieting, you actually become more likely to notice food. . . But you don't just notice (link is external) it—it actually begins to look more appetizing and tempting." Mann also stated that as you begin to lose weight, "the hormones that make you feel hungry increase" and "the hormones that help you feel full, or the level of those rather, decreases (link is external)."
Lastly, she explains, when you diet, "Your metabolism slows down. Your body uses calories in the most efficient way possible. . . When your body finds a way to run itself on fewer calories there tends to be more left over, and those get stored  (link is external)as fat."
Thus, it is no surprise that studies show that 95 percent of people will "fail" at diets (link is external). Most people can lose weight in the short-term; however, over time the majority will regain the weight they lost—and potentially gain (link is external)even more. Working to suppress your weight below your natural body weight is an ultimately a fruitless effort—in fact, it's an utter waste of time.
Even if you are among the 5 percent of people who can maintain a suppressed weight long-term, think about what you may be giving up in order to achieve this: What good does it do to have an "ideal body" if you are sacrificing eating out, socializing with friends, and your interests outside of calorie-counting and obsessive exercise.
2. Weight loss is not the key to increased happiness.
As stated above, diets do not work if your aim is maintaining weight loss in the long-term. However, I have a problem with the very idea of weight loss as a goal, because tying your happiness to something external is a recipe for discontent.
As clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior says: "It's not the external achievement of some goal that's going to make us happy. You think that will automatically change your life in some meaningful (link is external) way, but it could be that your life pretty much remains the same."
For argument's sake, let's say that you had your "ideal body" and were supremely happy with your appearance. The reality of life remains that our bodies will change as we age, so, ultimately, putting all of your worth and value into your appearance is akin to boarding a sinking ship.
Additionally, people want to be thin because of the meaning they assign to it. There is a pervasive, unspoken societal belief that we can control our world, relationships, and self-esteem through our weight. It makes sense that in a world full of uncertainty, people would desire to focus on something tangible they falsely believe they can control.
However, weight set-point theory holds that your body will work to maintain its set-point weight range (link is external) through powerful biological and psychological mechanisms. Further, we cannot control our external environment through our attempts at manipulating our weight. What if instead of trying to manipulate or control your weight, you focused on loving and accepting your body exactly as it is now?
Counting calories, obsessing about your body fat, and reading diet books is likely taking time away from more meaningful pursuits. Think about all of the other passions you could explore if you gave up the goal of weight loss. What if you poured all that time, money, and energy into something that could actually make a difference in the world?
3. Losing weight will not make you healthier.
You can be considered overweight and be healthy. You can also be considered thin and be unhealthy. A person's weight (link is external) is simply not a good barometer of their overall health. According to an article in The Nutrition Journal by Dr. Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor, "Most epidemiological studies (link is external)find that people who are overweight or moderately obese live at least as long as normal weight people, and often longer."
Shifting your goal from weight loss to adopting more healthful habits is one way you can work to improve your health. As Bacon and Aphramor wrote, "As indicated by research  (link is external)conducted by one of the authors and many other investigators, most health indicators can be improved through changing health behaviors, regardless of whether weight is lost."
We all want to believe there is some magic solution that will help us to discover true health and happiness. But the reality is that restrictive food rules and weight loss is not the answer to what we seek.
I challenge you to really think about what is behind your desire to lose weight, because the truth is, you can find love, feel great about yourself, and make a difference in this world at any size.

This Could Be the Way to Get People to Appreciate You

 

 

A creative study reveals who gets applauded, and why.

Posted Nov 07, 2015

Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. Fulfillment at Any Age

  When people work hard or achieve results that benefit others, it’s natural to want at least a little appreciation. You may feel that you do more than your share of effort around the house, but your partner or family hardly seem to notice. At work, you may believe that the long hours you put in go above and beyond the call of duty and deserve positive feedback from your boss or coworkers.
When appreciation doesn’t come to you, it’s natural to feel resentful. It’s even more natural to resent it when someone else gets credit for your efforts, or just gets more attention in general for accomplishing the same amount as you.
Feeling unappreciated can easily translate into a series of counterproductive behaviors: You can get snarky and start making disparaging remarks about others or become so angry that you try to sabotage the efforts of others. At the extreme, you may leave or quit. While these are all natural reactions, they’re not particularly useful in getting you the attention you've rightfully earned.
It’s important to clarify here that we’re not looking at narcissistic entitlement, but at legitimate situations in which you’ve done something worthwhile that no one seems to notice. Either you’ve been so good at what you do so that people take you for granted; you’re ignored by people who are themselves are narcissistically entitled (and therefore want to take credit for what you’ve done); or you aren’t doing enough of a PR job getting others to recognize you.
The psychological literature isn’t especially helpful in providing solutions to the problem of how you position yourself to get the credit you’ve earned. One study on applause, however, provides some intriguing leads. University of Vienna anthropologist Markus Koppensteiner and colleagues (2014) examined the question of what leads people to applaud a politician giving a public speech.
Applause is a form of recognition we use primarily to show appreciation for a speaker, performer, or honoree. Some performances call for “applause-plus” in the form of a standing ovation, and others for “golf claps,” or a near-silent pressing of the hands together. In either case, you’ve increased the target’s sense of worth. Koppensteiner and his team used applause as a sign of an audience’s reactions to the subtle facial and body language cues given off by politicians to see which lead people to applaud.
Taking so-called “thin slices” (short segments) of behavior, the Austrian team randomly selected 60 speeches to the German parliament from 30 male and 30 female legislators. The researchers wanted to extract the cues that led to applause or no applause by focusing only on the speaker’s body movements. A computer program generated stick-figure movies of the politicians—therefore, the researchers were able to eliminate all other cues such as appearance, age, gender, or other possible influences on applause.
Participants didn’t actually applaud after watching the short video segments. (Who could applaud at a stick figure?) Instead, they rated the animations on the Five Factor personality traits of openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, as well as on overall trustworthiness, dominance, and competence. The researchers then correlated the personality ratings with the outcome of the speech in Parliament and whether the legislator received applause or boos.
Stop a minute and ask yourself who you tend to applaud for: Is it someone “nice," i.e., agreeable and outgoing? Or do you appreciate a speaker who seems trustworthy and competent? Do you become suspicious when a domineering type clamors for your attention? Do you have to like people in order to applaud their efforts?
The findings from this creative study show that the people we applaud for aren’t necessarily the people we like. The German parliament speakers who received applause from their colleagues were the ones whose body movements showed that they were dominant, extroverted (outgoing) and—surprisingly—low on agreeableness (in other words, not that nice). In fact, Koppensteiner and his coauthors suggest that the downright unfriendly and aggressive people are more likely to draw outward shows of support.
Left unanswered is the question of whether applause triggers these displays of dominance and aggressiveness or vice versa. It’s possible that, encouraged by applause, such politicians became more likely to assert their presence in the room. Also, these were nonverbal displays, and we don’t know how much what the politicians actually said influenced audience reactions.
Still, the moral of the story is that a communicating a strong presence through your body movements is what spurs people to put their hands together for you. If you’re not a politician or performer, how can you translate this finding into practical advice? You’ve probably been taught that the way to get others to like, and hence appreciate, you is by appearing to be nice. You’ve probably also learned that people will be more likely to recognize your efforts when you don’t seem to be asking for it.
It’s time to turn that advice on its head.
In real life, you obviously can’t go around waving your arms and pounding your fist to get other people to appreciate you. If you’re feeling underappreciated, though, perhaps it’s time to think about the way that you present yourself to those around you. Getting people to pay attention to you may be a matter of showing your leadership qualities. Perhaps no one knows what your worthwhile efforts have been because these efforts take place behind the scenes. If your feelings of resentment then lead you to retreat even further, you’ll almost definitely not get the attention your work deserves next time, either.
Doing something well because you enjoy doing it may provide all the satisfaction you need. However, getting the recognition you've earned may provide you with that extra boost we all need once in a while to maximize our feelings of fulfillment.

How To De-Stress In Under 2 Minutes

This technique can help lower your blood pressure and calm you down.

By Jada Green November 11, 2015

 

You’ve probably been told to calm down and “take a deep breath” at some point in your life. Maybe you rolled your eyes at the advice, but science shows that this trick really can help you relax.

First, some breathing basics: When you inhale, you trigger your sympathetic nervous system to kick in—the one that’s wired to boost your heart rate and blood pressure, says Bill Hartman, P.T., C.S.C.S., Men’s Health’s sports medicine advisor.

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But on an exhale, you kick-start your parasympathetic nervous system, which lowers your heart rate and BP, he says.

So when you’re stressed, slowing down your breathing and focusing on that exhale sends your body into a parasympathetic resting stage, helping you unwind, says Hartman.  

Related: 52 Ways To Chase Stress Away

Deep breathing also calms you down because it forces you to redirect your attention to your body—not the stuff around you that’s stressing you out, says Christina Vestergaard, M.D., M.P.H., a pulmonologist at Massachusetts General Hospital. 

Feeling a little tense? Try this “4-7-8” breathing exercise from Andrew Weil, M.D., founder and director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine: Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for four counts. Hold your breath for seven counts. Then, exhale while mentally counting to eight. Repeat the cycle three more times. (That’ll take you less than 2 minutes.)

Here’s why this works: When you breathe in through your nose, it helps enhance your breath’s calming effects because sensory receptors for the parasympathetic response are located in your nostrils and sinuses, Hartman says.

(Want more cool science you can actually use? Check out The Better Man Project, the brand-new book from the Editor in Chief of Men’s Health. It’s jam-packed with more than 2,000 awesome life tips to help you become stronger, happier, and sexier.)

Holding in your breath increases carbon dioxide in your blood stream, which relaxes your blood vessels and lowers your blood pressure. 

In fact, you might find that you naturally hold your breath sometimes, like when you’re watching TV at night after a hard day’s work. That could be your brain’s way of helping you de-stress. 

So give the 4-7-8 technique a shot: It could be like an all-natural chill pill for your body.

More Smiles + 8 Hours Of Sleep + 15 Other Healthy Habits That Will Change Your Life

Relatively simple, daily practices can bring great happiness and success to anyone.

By Lewis Howes November 10, 2015

 

Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." That old Greek understood how important positive habits are to overcoming adversity and enduring the quest to become a champion. I have learned that champions aren’t just born; champions can be made when they embrace and commit to life-changing positive habits.

Inspired by others, I decided to examine my own habits. I saw how quickly positive habits built strength and resulted in a deeper sense of belief—in myself, in my vision, and even spiritually. This process wasn't easy at first. I never got into any of the obvious things we think of when we talk about bad habits—drugs, drinking, or smoking—because from an early age I saw what they did to my brother and realized I didn't want to make those same mistakes. I wasn't perfect by any stretch (and achieving greatness isn't about being perfect anyway), but my bad habits were less clear.

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Discover The 8 Secret Principles Of Greatness To Transform Your Life

It took a lot of time and constant feedback to realize what wasn't working in my life, and it will be an ongoing journey until the day I die. (You can discover the 8 principles of greatness that I used to transform my life at the free Unleash Your Greatness online summit I'm hosting.) Over the years, I began adding positive habits and noticed a dramatic change in my results and the way I felt internally as well. Some of these include:

• Constantly expressing gratitude
• Smiling at as many people as possible
• Going to bed early
• Getting 7 to 8 hours of committed sleep
• Making my bed in the morning
• Staying organized
• Acknowledging myself and others
• Loving people wherever they are on their personal journey
• Eating clean
• Training my body
• Saving and investing my money wisely
• Meditating
• Visualizing my results and creating a game plan
• Respecting others
• Investing in my personal growth
• Preparing before big moments
• Surrounding myself with inspiring people

Staying consistent with positive habits can be a challenge. I still go back and forth on them. There have been many times where I was working out intensely and in the best shape of my life, and then for whatever reason, I got off track. Before I knew it, 3 or 4 months would go by, and all of a sudden, I’d find myself exhausted halfway up a flight of stairs! The key to surviving and then thriving after these moments is to not beat yourself up when you do break a habit. Rather, you need to reconnect to your vision to refamiliarize yourself with why it’s important to stay true to your positive habits in the first place.

The tricky part about habits is that any one of them (good or bad), when you look at them individually, doesn’t seem all that critical. It’s when you take them in combination or as a whole that they become incredibly powerful. They can easily and shockingly thwart the same amount of progress that they can create. This is why we admire people with great self-discipline. It’s not because they were born great. It’s because they learned the power of habits and applied that power to create a lifestyle that supports the best version of themselves.

2016來臨前，告別單身的5大擄心攻略！

文字：Jasmine  VOGUE.TW |  來源：理奧客,凱擘影藝 |  更新：11/11/2015  13 HOURS

2016即將到來，新的一年有什麼新願望呢？聽身邊單身的女性朋友，不外 乎想找個溫暖的肩膀靠，但說得簡單，一來找不到貨源、二來真遇到了，又不知如何下手。某個記者會場合，偶然採訪到情感達人「理奧客」，身為《GQ》駐站部 落客、《姊妹淘》專欄作家、《真愛橋》駐站專家，對兩性關係有著精闢的觀察與理解，他給女性朋友整理出5大攻略，試試看，搞不好能在2015年最後的倒數 時刻，依偎在「親愛的」旁邊一起過。

 

 1. 尋找獵物的最佳場合，參加座談會

這類場合出現的男生，並沒有尋找另一半的心裡設定，最能自然的交朋友。建議提早到會場後，先仔細搜尋看似否有適合人選，接著不經意將包包放在他旁邊座位上、占完位子離開去廁所，直到快開始前、再匆匆趕回座位，能引起對方注意，同時又不像刻意有挑過。

 

==> 加分指點：選擇創業型座談會，會參加的男生大多對事業有拼勁，有上進的特質，個性也會比較主動。

 

 2. 從「筆記」開啟話題

坐一起卻未必會攀談，建議像是座談會，可從筆記開啟話題，例如：「我剛剛有個地方沒抄到，可以借我看一下嗎？」高招一點，找機會一起拍照，之後藉故要傳照片「我可以加你line嗎？」。

 

 3. 要到line之後可主動聯絡，頻率1周1次

身為新時代女性，要到聯絡方式當然可主動出擊，用生活話題像是食物或酒，拍張照傳給對方當開場，搭配「今天吃/喝到這個真不賴！」回的話當然成 功一半，如果沒回也不要氣餒，下禮拜再傳一次（絕對不要太密集，讓男生覺得占優勢。）連續三個禮拜都沒有回應，就可以放棄，再找新目標。

 

==> 加分指點：開始聊天後，要謹記「秒讀晚回」。太快急著回應，同樣讓男生不珍惜，舉例：早上收到的簡訊可以立刻讀，但直到下午再回覆就好。

 

 4.  出席派對的必勝4步

年末有許多派對是認識對象的好時機，看到目標，對上眼那一剎那注視3秒，(千萬不可飄走，會讓對方覺得妳沒興趣)，接著眼神慢慢往下看再往上， 據說這有羞澀印象很加分。兩步驟都不要忘了搭配笑容，如果還沒反應，第三步是放棄注視，在男生所處的3-5公尺範圍內，做些其他事，如點酒或跟朋友寒暄， 最後一步，跟其他異性聊得開心，這四招做足，如果對方有興趣，一定會主動來攀談。

 

 5. 桃紅OR紅妝容最招桃花

比起短瀏海、民族風、小碎花，「紅眼妝」「紅唇」對男生來說都是看得懂的潮流，也具有吸引力，參加派對不妨試試。

 

失業了？看招！

 文／廖美惠    http://www.oc.org/big5_txt/oc0065/voicefromtheunemployed-irisliao.htm

美國勞工部公佈，2004年1月份美國的失業率為5.6%。這數字，不只是報紙上的一個報導，更是數以百萬個失業家庭的真實痛苦感受......

沒有失業過的人，大概很難体會失業人的痛。來自社會的壓力、家人的壓力、自己的壓力，失業人的心聲，如人飲水，冷暖自知。

康乃爾大學菲利斯‧莫思(PhyllisMoen)教授認為，當今社會是一個工作導向的社會。比方說，當你遇見一個人，人家首先問及的三個問題，之一可能就是“你在哪裡高就？”工作已經成為人們定位別人和自己的方式了。一旦失業，突然好像就什時麼都不是了！

90年初，美國的失業，主要以藍領階級為主。2000之後，資訊、通訊產業突然急轉直下，中年高科技人員面臨失業窘境者日多。這些人面臨的不僅是財務上的壓力，更有內心的不安全感，和自我價值被否定的恐懼感。

當真正面臨失業，如何接招？請看以下三篇真實的故事：

故事一：

夫妻同心走過失業－－控制支出

一天中午，張美麗的先生突然提早回到家中，說是身体不舒服。他默默地上二樓房間休息，直到晚餐才下樓。

“我失業了！”當先生說出這話時，美麗幾乎不敢接受這個事實！

失業就像一場感冒

失業的前三個月，美麗鎮日眉頭深鎖，鬱鬱寡歡。先生是家裡的唯一經濟來源，沒有收入怎麼辦？

倒是先生看得開，經常安慰開導她，說：“失業就像感冒一樣，誰能保證不得感冒呢？多經過幾次，就有抗体了！何況全球到處是不景氣的病毒！感冒就要多休息，然後攝取多種養分(充實技能)，準備好了，調養夠了，就可以出去打戰了！”

對于先生提出的這個“失業像感冒”理論，美麗覺得有道理。但是“總不能全家一直‘感冒’下去吧？”美麗決定出去試一試找工作。她大學學的是 會計，研究所修的是電腦科系。過去多年她一直是全職的家庭主婦，電腦技術已經多年沒碰，並且市場上的電腦專家都一籮筐失業了，美麗知道她只能找會計工作 了。兩個星期後，美麗順利找到一個食品工廠的會計工作。

簡簡單單過生活

美麗的另一個動作，就是檢查家中的儲蓄，做出節流計劃表。

美麗和先生取得共識，除房貸、水電等固定支出外，一律只用現金，停用一切信用卡，這樣容易控制支出。

兩個孩子分別是九歲和十二歲，平日被各種才藝補習課排滿。鋼琴課、美術課、小提琴課、英文課、數學課、游泳課一律暫停，點共省下了約七百元。

過去都是由美麗督促孩子的學習，現在則由先生負責。他不但成了孩子的家教，還是孩子的游泳與網球教練。

並且，先生每日仍按照平日時間起床。梳理整齊，過去他總是一早就出門，現在則和全家一起吃早餐。過去由美麗擔任司機接送孩子上下學，現在改由先生當司機了！

停掉兩支到期的手機七十元，停掉有線電視省五十元，高速網路改為電話線撥接節省卅元，少打國際電話改用網路電話卡節約四十元，減少外出吃飯 省一百五十元，停定書刊、報紙、不買衣服、不看電影，娛樂費用每月平均省二百元。用現金買菜，每月控制省下四百元，人壽保險改為定期險，每月少支出二百 元。且幸兩部汽車的貸款已經付清，也沒有任何信用卡欠債。

除了房貸地稅共一千四百元不能省之外，其它費用一律嚴格控制支出，包括嚴控水電煤氣。美麗把家中開銷從四千元，硬是降到二千元。“家有危難，一切從簡”，美麗把兩個孩子叫到面前，告訴孩子家中經濟情況。孩子雖小，倒是很懂事，令美麗感到欣慰。

“過去我們愛亂買東西，看上喜歡就買，其實是買我們想要的(want)，而不是買我們必要的(need)。”美麗把廚房的櫃子打開，就發現還有一大堆罐頭，都快過期了。

“失業這段日子，沙發破了一個小洞，自己補補；車庫窗戶破了，用塑膠布套上擋風；接受別人送的舊衣服、舊家俱；孩子的生日蛋糕自己做；儘量不出去外食。一星期五十元伙食費，已能保證全家三餐的營養，把物慾降到最原始最低需求，体驗簡簡單單的生活。”

塞翁失馬　焉知非福

儘管美麗的先生心理承受能力很強，但是失業一年多，情緒還是有低落的時候。“以前他忙著上班，渴望休假時可以好好地打網球過個癮；失業了，有時間了，卻又沒心情了！”美麗感嘆，男人真命苦，忙時苦，閒時亦苦。

“如果我表現出憂慮，會造成先生心理壓力。”美麗知道媽媽的心情是家裡的溫度計，“一個家不能兩個成人都‘生病’了”和十五個月前相比，美麗已變得更勇敢、樂觀、獨立。

“以前我總是害怕萬一先生失業，我們一定要賣房子才能過下去。沒想到，我們不賣房子，也能安然度過了。感謝這個失業的機會，先生有更多時間陪我們，夫妻更彼此体諒，全家更融洽。

要平安度過失業期，還有一個重要的秘訣就是，物質可以減少，但是愛不能減少，我真的体會到了！”

靠著失業金、少數積蓄和美麗每月一千多元的薪水，他們全家的物質生活或許沒有以前豐足，但是精神生活卻更豐富了。春天，全家一起在後院種花種菜，夏天，帶著三明治，騎著腳踏車到附近公園野餐。秋天，全家一起到Seven Lake賞楓，冬天陪孩子堆雪人。

去年年底，美麗的先生找到了工作，成為政府機構的公務員。美麗相信政府機構“病毒”應該少一些，先生這一次不會這麼快再“感冒”了！

故事二：

思考人生的下半場－－心理建設

“沒有經歷過失戀，就無法真正体會戀愛的甜美；沒有嚐過酸甜苦辣，也無法品出佳餚。

人生又像一場球賽，如果終場輸了，上半場得高分又有何用？當我在工作上衝鋒陷陣的時候，常聽不到神的聲音。面臨中年失業，或許是神要讓我做中場休息檢討，讓我省思人生的下半場該怎麼走，什麼是有意義且豐富的人生。”失業了卅個月的王啟明說。

憤怒自責交錯煎熬

兩年半前，當他接到離職通知時，王啟明並沒有特別驚訝，從幾個月前公司就已開始延緩發薪水、降薪了－－這家原被看好的通訊設備Start-up公司，撐不到三年就關門了！

四十六歲，這個不大不小的尷尬年齡，失業的打擊非同小可。高不成低不就的窘境，創業沒有資金，轉行是“新兵”，從頭開始競爭力更差，体力不如二三十歲的年輕人。

失業的前兩三個月，王啟明雖有一點恐懼不安，但靠著意志力，似乎還很有信心，覺得一定可以找到新工作。六個月之後，慢慢開始懷疑，但仍不放棄。

失業一年多時，情緒則走到了谷底，出現強烈的憤怒並且敏感。經濟壓力增大，家人著急自己更急。又像“刺蝟”一般，不讓別人靠近。莫名的憤怒、失望、自責交相煎熬，強烈覺到失去自我價值，看不到未來......失業中最痛苦的就是這個時候。

失業兩年後就開始麻木了，消沉的人可能會採取逃避甚至放棄的方式。王啟明則說，他是靠著自己的信仰，走過來的。

打破超人形象

“面對失業，我也經歷了和他人一樣的掙扎。我也摸索過一段走不出來的時期！”王啟明說。他曾經對上帝憤怒，質問為什麼別人失業很快就找到工作，他卻要失業這麼久！

“但是我終于理解，中年男人遲早都會面臨失去工作的危機，同樣的壓力，有些人把危機變為轉機，有些人則灰心喪志最後一厥不振。這與你的心中是否充滿信心、盼望，有很大關係。”

王啟明給朋友的印象，一向是“超人硬漢”，不但有專業強，而且手巧，運動細胞發達，談笑風生，唱作俱佳，足智多謀，像會七十二變的孫悟空，沒有事情難得了他。只要有他在，肯定場面熱鬧、笑聲不斷。

“我不想再帶著超人的面具了，我也不要再壓抑自己了，我只想做我自己！我想神也希望我用最真實的面目來信靠他！而且無論在什麼樣的處境裡，基督徒都‘在耶穌基督裡有盼望’，永不絕望。”王啟明說。

工作不是生命全部

面對卅個月的失業煎熬，王啟明說：“沒有人願意選擇失業或生病，但是神卻允許苦難發生，一定有他的美意。經過苦難，重新再看世界，我們會有不一樣的眼光。我想，透過苦難，人學會了謙卑。

“其實失業也算不了什麼苦難，只能算是一時的困難。和我們上一輩的人所吃的苦相比，這點難處算啥！我不會一輩子失業的，有一天當我回頭看這段失業的日子，我想我到時候會体會上帝的心意！”

王啟明話鋒一轉又說：“在我人生的上半場，我們這些號稱是搞技術的科技人，花在工作的時間上很多，但是與家人、與自然、與神相處的時間卻少。

“失業期間我省察到：工作不是生命的全部。很多人只顧追求事業成功，為積蓄財富而疲于奔命，忽略家庭生活，也無視大自然的美。我想，有一天他們回頭看，他們一定會說情願少做工作，多花時間陪伴妻兒，多些時間出去走走看看！”

不管今年暑假能否找到工作，王啟明表示，他仍會像往年一樣，帶著全家出去旅行。“人家坐飛機，我可以開車；人家住大飯店，我可以住帳棚；人家吃大餐，我可以自己煮麵條！

“我不能因為沒有工程師的頭銜，就連丈夫、父親，或基本的‘人’的角色，也不知道該如何扮演了吧？”王啟明又露出往日的樂觀。

“我感謝有一個愛我到底的妻子和家庭。兩年多了，而且不知道還要等多久才有工作。但他們卻一直支持我......

“我知道我的價值，不是靠工作來肯定的，我不會因為失業就覺得自己一無是處。我不怕黑暗的長，也不怕黑暗的苦，我相信上帝沒有離棄我，他會帶我走過苦難。”道完這一段失業心情，王啟明的嘴角，禁不住露出孩子般歡樂的笑容。

故事三：

需在豐年預備荒年－－重新覓職

“早上八點，當我聽到隔壁鄰居發動汽車，準備去上班，我有種無法忍受的感覺。我恐慌得不敢起床。別人有班可以上，而我呢？......”李宏君如此描這他第一次失業時的感受。

四十二歲的李宏君，在出生後十個月，得了小兒麻痺症，被剝奪了正常走路的機會。但是，雖然雙腳不便，他卻從小立下志願，長大要當一名建築工程師。

大學土木工程系畢業後，李宏君赴美國紐約州立大學，繼續專攻“結構工程”。六年前進入波士頓一家以亞洲市場為主的工程公司。不料亞洲金融風暴發生，公司業績一落千丈。李宏君被迫離職，面對生平第一次失業，李宏君幾乎招架不住。

從土木工程到電腦

“1996年春天，三班制的現場工人減少為兩班，到了夏天只剩下一班；秋天開始，辦公室職員被裁；冬天連工程師也要走路了！”李宏君說。雖然知道公司業績逐漸下滑，但是沒想到，最後公司是用強迫他離職的方式，使他無法申請失業金。

“當時這份工作待遇不錯，職位也和我專長吻合。我覺得我剛要開始一展長才，竟這麼年輕就碰到失業，我一點心理準備都沒有！”李宏君搖著頭說。

因為這次失業，李宏君意識到自己必須轉業。雖然土木工程是他的興趣，但是礙于各種限制，必須承認，要在美國生存，一定要找出自己的強勢和弱處。

經過一個月的思索，李宏君決定轉行進入電腦業。透過上課、自修及過去的電腦基礎，李宏君找到一個資料庫相關工作。“資料庫是一個企業的資訊核心，且可以應用在不同產業，值得我投資學習。”

投出兩千封履歷表

過去幾年，李宏君或被動或主動地轉換過數份工作，從軟体公司到電腦硬件銷售，從童裝到醫療設備公司。每換一個行業，他都學習到一項新的技能。

高科技行業的科技和知識的不斷更新，使這個行業中的工作人員，更易被淘汰。經過第一次失業，李宏君已有了隨時失業的心理準備。“有人預計，現代的年輕人，一生有五次到七次的職業轉換無法避免。我才四十二歲就已經換六次公司了，我強迫自己一直學習下去。”

九一一之後經濟下滑，造成各行各業強大壓力。大環境不景氣，造成企業刪減人事費用。2002年李宏君再度失業，“2002年的Job Marketing(就業市場)幾乎是死的，各公司的招聘全停頓了！”李宏君說他投出近二千封履歷表，都石沉大海。

失業的前三個月，李宏君每天上網八個小時去找工作。三個月之後，李宏君醒悟要把自己交給上帝，要學會安息和等待。當他開始這樣的時候，邀他去面試的電話竟增加了。

“通過這些面試，我才知道各產業的需要及自己哪裡不足，這些是寶貴的經驗。”上百次的面試失敗，並沒有吞噬李宏君的信心和希望。在內心深處，他知道上帝有他的時間。

2002年11月透過獵頭公司(Headhunter)，李宏君以短聘顧問身份，進入一家日本公司，2002年12月，李宏君完成終身大事。

自己跌倒自己站起來

2003年4月到11月，李宏君第三度失業。在這八個月當中，李宏君表示，並沒有像前兩次失業一樣焦慮不安。

失業期間，他的妻子也失業了，並且檢查出罹患乳癌最初期。雙重打擊使全家陷入信心的考驗。

“還好及早發現，已經切除癌細胞，算是脫離危險了！”所幸，失業期間李宏君自費在原公司買保險，免去一筆龐大手術費。

遇到失業或重大疾病，人會感到失望、沮喪，但只有兩條路可走：一是站起來面對問題，一是繼續陷下去難過、抱怨。“不要因昨天的沮喪，讓明天的夢想黯然失色。”抱著這樣的信念，同時失業的李宏君夫婦，選擇了第一條路。

人不可能一生都不跌倒，跌倒有時是好的，會讓你成長，比如，學會防範未然。固定儲蓄、不斷進修、保持人際關係、了解不同產業的特色......在豐年就要預備荒年！“李宏君如此分析，尋找對策，再調整自己。

李宏君在五歲那一年，進入“振興復健中心”，“在那裡，我們被訓練自己跌倒自己站起來。甚至在還沒有被別人推倒的時候，自己先跌下去，以此學習跌倒時怎樣保護頭部不受傷，然後再站起來。” 李宏君說，面對失業，也當如此。

“面對失業，第一個反應是感到恐懼，這是很正常的。但是，不要像無頭蒼蠅一樣到處撞亂碰。要安靜下來，盡心盡力做你能做的部分，剩下來的就交給上帝！」李宏君以失業過來人，分享自己的心境。

結語

雖經歷失業，也經歷成長，經歷愛，經歷祝福。誰說失業中，只有苦難呢？□

□

作者現住美國紐澤西。本文人物均為化名

9 Signs You're Not Getting Enough B12

By Karen Cicero


As you age, your body's ability to absorb vitamin B12 from food slows—4 out of every 100 women ages 40 to 59 are B12 deficient, and many more are borderline. But celebrating another birthday isn't the only cause: Avoiding meat, taking certain drugs—like Metformin (commonly prescribed to people with type 2 diabetes or polycystic ovarian syndrome) or some common heartburn medications—and even having weight-loss surgery all up your odds. (Here are 7 essential vitamins you need as you age.) The result of coming up short on the vitamin can be anything from intense fatigue to wonky vision. (The Power Nutrient Solution is the first-ever plan that tackles the root cause of virtually every major ailment and health condition today.) If the symptoms here sound familiar, ask your doctor to run a blood test to check your levels. If they're low, a supplement or injections will have you back to your old self in a couple of weeks.
 

You can barely stay awake in the afternoon—even if you slept eight hours.

"Fatigue is one of the first signs of B12 deficiency," says Lisa Cimperman, RD, a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. That's because your body relies on the vitamin to make red blood cells, which carry oxygen to your organs. And without enough oxygen in your cells you'll feel tired no matter how long you sleep. Fatigue can mean a number of things, though, so you can't assume you're B12 deficient if feeling sleepy is your only ailment—doctors usually get tipped off if you've got fatigue in addition to a couple other symptoms.
 

That grocery bag feels like a million pounds.

 Without getting oxygen from red blood cells, your muscles will feel like mush. "My job is very demanding, so I kept thinking that maybe my body is just tired; maybe I'm not eating right," says Chantal Mossess, 31. "But six months ago I learned that my weakness and sluggishness was caused by not having enough B12."

 

You experience strange sensations.

 "It felt like electricity was running from my head to my feet," says Melanie Karmazin, 44, who was eventually diagnosed with a B12 deficiency. Other sufferers report numbness and a "pins and needles" sensation. (Here are the top 10 most painful conditions.) These weird pains are all a result of nerve damage, which is triggered by low oxygen levels in cells.

 

You put your keys in the fridge.

Or have to think hard to remember your niece's name. You may be worried that it's early dementia, but sometimes low B12 is to blame. "At one point I couldn't remember how to write a check," says Pauline Smith,* 56, who was diagnosed with low levels. "I've seen this deficiency mistaken for Alzheimer's in elderly patients," notes Cimperman. (Cut your Alzheimer's risk by eating these nutrient rich foods.) "But once they have a blood test and it reveals a B12 deficiency, they start taking a supplement and their symptoms start to fade."

 

You feel wobbly or dizzy.

 Being off-kilter is another common symptom. "I would get dizzy just walking up the stairs," says Mossess. One Turkish study compared the vitamin B12 levels of patients who sought treatment in the ER for dizziness to 100 healthy volunteers. The result: Those dizzy patients had 40% less B12 than the volunteers.

 

Your skin looks pale.

If your rosy complexion now has a yellow cast, low B12 may be the culprit. With a deficiency, the red blood cells that you do have are very fragile and easily broken, causing a release of bilirubin pigment which gives skin a yellow hue.

 

Your tongue is smooth and red.

 About half of people with a severe B12 deficiency lose the papillae—those little bumps—on their tongues, especially around the edges. Patients also complain of burning and soreness, particularly on the back of the tongue. And since most of those papillae contain taste buds, if you lose a lot of them even your favorite foods are going to taste blah. In fact, "women with a B12 deficiency may actually lose weight because food doesn't taste as good to them anymore," says Angela Grassi, RD, a dietitian at the PCOS Nutrition Center in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania.

 

Every little thing makes you cry or worried. 

Do you feel more down or anxious than ever? "A lack of B12 wreaks havoc on your mood, possibly leading to depression or anxiety," says Grassi. Doctors aren't sure exactly why it increases your risk for depression, but it may have something to do with the fact that B12 is involved in the synthesis of brain chemicals, such as serotonin and dopamine, which help regulate mood.

 

Something's up with your eyes.

 In extreme cases, lack of B12 can damage the optic nerve or plug up the blood vessels in the retina, causing blurry vision, double vision, sensitivity to light, and even vision loss. Says Smith: "The first symptom of retinal damage I noticed was a shadow in my right eye that affected my field of vision. I saw even more shadows until I got my B12 levels up."

 

Do We Find Happiness or Does Happiness Find Us?

Galen Guengerich Ph.D. The Search for Meaning

Plus: Research that reveals who does it best and why.

Posted Oct 27, 2015 

 Relationship guru Maggie Scarf relates a story about a memorable party she and her husband once gave. As she tells it, a somewhat plastered guest overturned a punch bowl, which landed in the leek soup. Two couples left with the wrong spouses, several noisy quarrels broke out, and Scarf herself seriously considered leaving and staying at the neighbors’ for the night, since none of the guests would have noticed anyway.
After all the guests had finally departed, Scarf and her husband stood and looked at the river of litter and debris that remained. Their gaze met and Scarf opened her mouth to say something like, “I wish I were dead,” or “Can’t we move to Alaska?” But her husband spoke first: “Wasn’t that the best party, ever? Everyone had a wonderful time!”
Scarf recounted this story in a New Republic article about happiness and how one goes about getting it—an article prompted by a conversation with her then-teenage daughter, Susie. Like most parents who have run out of answers, Scarf quoted someone else as final authority. In this case, she took refuge in the words of psychoanalyst and philosopher Viktor Frankl, who said that happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue.
Susie was not impressed. She said she couldn’t buy into such a point of view because it would be buying into a passive way of life. Scarf countered with another quote, this one from Nathaniel Hawthorne:

“Happiness is like a butterfly, which, if you chase after it, will elude you. If, however, you sit quietly and wait, it will come and light upon your shoulder.”

But Susie wasn't impressed by Hawthorne’s wisdom, either. She suggested that instead of waiting for the butterfly to land on her head, she would pick up a butterfly net and go after it.
While I tend to agree with Susie, Hawthorne does have a point: The root of the word happiness means “chance” or “good luck.” On these terms, the butterfly might land or it might not, and nothing you or I can do will increase the odds of either happening. Even so, I’m unwilling to sit idly by waiting for the best things in life to happen to come my way.
Maybe our fevered pursuit of happiness sometimes sets the wrong goal or employs the wrong tactics. But my own view is that butterflies are more likely to land on our shoulders if we put ourselves in the places where the butterflies happen to be. The chance of happiness favors those who make themselves available to it.
That said, we shouldn’t dismiss too quickly Maggie Scarf’s story about how her reaction to the party and the punch bowl differed from her husband’s. Research cited in the current issue of Scientific American Mind finds that two groups of people can look at the same evidence and come away with remarkably different emotional reactions. In this case, the subjects of the study—some of them young adults aged 18 to 25; the others older adults age 60 and above—were asked to watch videos about skin cancer, which contained disturbing images of scars and scenes of surgery. Special gaze-tracking instruments showed that the older adults focused significantly less on the disturbing images in the videos than younger adults did. Similar studies have corroborated the tendency of older people to focus more on the positive aspects of experiences—and to remember experiences in a more positive light—than younger people.
While this dynamic appears generally to be true when comparing older adults to younger adults, the same diversity of perspective can be found among people of similar ages. Put simply, we tend to see what we’re looking for—or what we want to see.
In terms of the butterfly analogy, we are more likely to find butterflies if we are running around with a net looking for them. (Or, as I like to say, life will always give you sufficient evidence to convict it of whatever you charge it with.)
This is not to suggest that we should try to disguise or deny bad things when they happen: When something terrible happens, it’s terrible. But even in the most difficult situations, we can inevitably find good things to acknowledge, as well. It won’t make the bad things go way, but focusing on the good that remains can give us courage and comfort. Focusing on the good things in our lives is a sure way to increase our experience of happiness.