It's all about perspective. Here's how you can manage yours.
When we think of Plan B, we often think of it as a back-up plan. And a
back-up plan is almost always a second choice. Plan A is, of course,
our top goal, or even our dream. When we invest deeply, but in spite of
our best efforts Plan A doesn't work out, we feel disappointed. We may
even feel grief. Some may call this a lost dream, and it often is.
Recovering from lost
dreams, such as the loss of a relationship or a valued job, is not easy. Depending on our
attachment
to the dream, and the circumstances surrounding its loss, recovery can
take significant time and effort. However, when we are able to move
forward with our lives in spite of a loss, these challenges can
sometimes result in unanticipated and even far superior opportunities.
In other words,
life can work out even better than we first imagined. Although some of our losses are legitimately regretful, in some cases Plan A can retrospectively look like a dodged bullet.
Take Bill, for example: He was deeply in
love
with Lisa, a girl he courted for years. For reasons he could not put
into words, and in spite of experiences that could have led him to think
otherwise, Bill believed Lisa was the girl of his dreams. He simply
could not imagine life without her. Bill was relentless in his
devotion—not only to Lisa, but also to his vision of life with Lisa.
Unfortunately, in time, the circumstances became too clear for him to
ignore, and he made the painful decision to say goodbye.
It is very possible to become attached to the
idea of a person, place, or thing. Over time, we can convince ourselves that this idea or perception
is
reality. In actuality, our perceptions are colored by many factors—and
it is only when we reach some clarity that we can see a bigger, more
accurate picture.
Even so, letting go is not easy.
Bill sought counseling after his breakup because he was not
sleeping
well, his work was suffering, and he was frustrated with intrusive
thoughts about his choice. All to be expected. The good news is that,
although it took time, Bill did turn the corner. He grew to see the
relationship, and Lisa, through a different lens, and in doing so
re-claimed his responsibility for his own well-being and ensured his own
sense of dignity. Moreover, he refocused his energy toward new
directions, and found doors of opportunity and satisfaction he didn't
know existed.
Coming to terms with a lost dream can feel complicated, particularly
when we have invested time, energy, and trust into a situation. Gaining
perspective helps us redirect our attention and discover new
opportunities.
If you are trying to make sense of this kind of loss, consider these thoughts:
- Your feelings of loss are legitimate. The
greater your investment, the more powerful your grief. Give yourself the
same compassion you would give a close friend or loved one as you
adjust.
- The ability to care deeply and invest is a virtue, a sign of strength, and a source of resiliency. It will serve you well as you get past your current situation.
- Give yourself the space and time to adjust. Then
invest your energy into new experiences and possibilities. Life can
bring many unanticipated gifts. When we open our hearts and minds to
them, they may surprise us.
- You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If you are grieving a relationship, job, or other situation in which you were disrespected, think twice about what you are losing.
Source: Perspective/Pixabay
Plan A does not always work out. And as we move toward some Plan A
situations, we may get hurt and bruised along the way. To add insult to
injury, Plan B can seem like a consolation prize just because it is not
the first plan in our hearts. However, there is good news: Plan B can
look far more attractive, and bring unexpected joy, once we assimilate
the facts and release our hope for them to be different. As we do this,
we may even see our former situation in a new light.
A new perspective can work wonders to take the sting out of lingering
hurt, feelings of rejection, or feelings of loss. A new perspective can
also provide a new framework in which to view oneself—as someone worthy
of much more. This is a wonderful thing.
In the meantime, if you are grieving the less-than-desirable loss of a
Plan A, connect to others who appreciate you and then reciprocate the
feeling. Mutual respect and care go a long way toward living a
productive and fulfilling life. Connect with the positive energy around
you. With clarity, perspective, and hope for the future, the
opportunities and possibilities are easier to spot, appreciate, and make
happen.