In my
last
post, I revealed the one essential step that must be taken before a person
can ease his or her anxiety. Here it is:
Make the decision to use the
executive part of your brain to override your automatic anxiety. In other
words, put “The Thinker” in charge. This “thinker” is also known as your
prefrontal cortex (PFC), the part of you that is “The Decider.”
Why is anxiety so often our default reaction to situations? It’s because
anxiety is hard-wired into our brains to help us survive. We can’t get rid of
it and wouldn’t want to. We just want to calm ourselves down when there’s no need
for a “flight-or-fight” response. But anxiety thinking habits are embedded deep
within the brain and won’t yield without conscious work and practice.
So here are 13 small decisions, along with suggested action steps, that your
conscious brain can choose to make. Try the ones you think would work for you,
and heave a sigh of relief as your excess anxiety ebbs away.
1. Decide to blame your brain. No, you
can’t blame
everything on your brain. Your own mental habits can
certainly create excess anxiety (suggestions for those are below). But anxiety
also stems from your neurobiology—elevated levels or deficits of certain brain
chemicals, for example, or over-activity in certain parts of the brain such as
the amygdala, the danger-screening part of the brain. It may be helpful to view
excess worry as a result of your automatic brain chemistry and not as a
personal weakness.
Possible action step: Tell yourself, “There’s nothing
really wrong. That’s just my anxious brain speaking.”
2. Decide to hold hands or get a hug from someone
who cares about you. When you are highly anxious, you may find it hard
to calm yourself. You may need a Significant Other to start the calming process
by holding hands or cradling you in a warm embrace. A variety of
studies show that holding hands and hugging can magically
lower the stress response. Once you feel soothed, you will be calm enough to
make use of the other techniques listed below.
Action step: Hold hands or hug until you feel calmer.
If no partner is available, consider a quick
massage
or the action step in Decision 3.
3. Decide to call on your invisible “circle of support.” If
no one is available to be a soothing presence, you may be able to conjure up a
mental photograph of your “circle of support.”
Studies suggest that thinking about the people who love and
value you—family, friends, co-workers, self-help group members—can give you a
sense of security that lowers your stress response.
Action steps: Write down a list of loved ones on a card
that you can keep in your wallet. Take it out and read it when you’re under
stress. Surround yourself with photographs of loved ones at both your office
and home.
4. Decide to make “belly breathing” a part of your day. Learn
abdominal breathing (a.k.a, “belly breathing”) as a calming technique (see
video below). Deep diaphragmatic breathing sends a signal to the mind that
all’s right with the world. Calm the body; the mind will follow.
The decision to take a few calming breaths “is the best example of
harnessing the brain... to control the body,” according to Dr. Margaret
Wehrenberg. Plus, you can integrate this kind of breathing into your day,
rather than setting aside a special time to practice it, as with meditation.
There's always time for one deep breath—before a meeting, at stop lights, at
breaks, or when you catch yourself in a needless worry loop.
Action step: When you start to feel anxious, use that
feeling as a cue to take at least one deep abdominal breath. That breath will
initiate the relaxation response. Not sure what belly breathing is?
This short
how-to video by Dr. Kevin Chen is simple, informative, and
5. Decide to relax. Readers
of this blog have suggested meditation, yoga, relaxation techniques, and
dishwashing. Yes, dishwashing. (Works for me!) You can also compete with your
anxious thoughts by singing out loud or distracting yourself with TV, reading,
talking to a friend, knitting, or any pleasurable activity.
Action step: Choose an activity that relaxes both mind and
body. Take more breaks.
6. Decide to exercise. Some people are too “charged
up” to relieve stress with relaxing activities. According to Wehrenberg, “For
the high-energy person with a tense, anxious body, physical activities are
better sources of physical relaxation than sitting still.” If you wonder
why meditation doesn’t work for you, you may find this observation reassuring.
As little as 20 minutes of exercise makes you feel less anxious and more
resilient, according to this
research. Aerobic exercise will deplete your “nervousness
chemicals,” using up both adrenalin and cortisol, two powerful stress
chemicals. Just plain moving around is also therapeutic and counters what we’ve
recently learned about the negative health effects of too much sitting.
Action step: Take a 20 minute walk every day.
7. Decide to reframe your anxiety as excitement and fun. Therapist
Fritz Perls used to say, “Beneath anxiety lies excitement.” Recent
research found that interpreting certain stressful
situations like public speaking as “exciting” rather than “scary” led to better
performance. In fact, telling yourself, “I am calm,” was much less effective
than “I am excited,” perhaps because giving a talk requires a certain amount of
energy and enthusiasm.
Here are some “reframes” suggested by psychologist Jeremy Dean of
PsyBlog: “It’s not an exam; it’s a fun little quiz. It’s
not a scary presentation; it’s a little chat with a few colleagues. It’s not a
job interview; it’s a chance to meet some new people.”
Action step: Tell yourself, “I’m excited!” or “This will be
a fun challenge.”
8. Decide to practice thought-stopping. When
you catch yourself engaged in anxiety-provoking thinking, tell yourself, “Self!
Stop it!” (This wonderful phrase is from Margaret Wehrenberg.) I consider
this phrase the all-purpose thought-stopper! It’s quick, effective, and
humorous.
Action step: Tell yourself, “Self! Stop it!” every single
time you begin ruminating over a situation. With persistence and practice,
stopping anxiety in its tracks will soon become a habit.
9. After you stop anxious thoughts, decide to replace them with
pre-planned calming thoughts. Thought-stopping alone is a powerful
technique. But it can be even more powerful when paired with calming thoughts
that you’ve prepared and written down ahead of time.
Action step: Make a short list of soothing thoughts to
bring up when you catch yourself in the throes of worry. Possible examples:
- “I’ve done the best I can. I
don’t need to worry about this any more.”
- “I don’t have to be perfect.
Even if something goes wrong, I can learn from my setbacks and try again.”
- “I’ve done it before; I can
do it again.”
10. Tend and befriend. Rather than “fight-or-flight,”
consciously choose to “tend-and-befriend.” Anxiety and worry can lead to
self-absorption. A good counter-response is to “tend”—take care of others.
Think about friends and family and what might help them, especially if you know
someone going through a hard time.
Action steps: Send a card or write a thank-you note. Call a
friend and ask how he is.
11. Decide to make lists and plans. "Download”
your worries to a list, leaving your mind free for other thoughts. Similarly,
plans can free your mind from the endless drumbeat of “what ifs.”
Action step: Make a list. Then set priorities and make
plans. If you start to ruminate over a situation that you’ve already planned
for, tell yourself, “Stop! I’ve already made a plan!”
12. Decide to “lose your mind and come to your senses.” (Fritz
Perls, again) When you catch yourself playing and re-playing hurtful scenarios
in your mind, take a deep breath, and look around you. Notice the trees and
sky; listen to the sounds. Remind yourself that waking up from these
self-created “day-mares” is a
moment
of enlightenment.
Action step: Congratulate yourself every time you wake up
from a useless or negative thinking pattern. Practice savoring the positive
scenes in your immediate environment.
13. Consult with a professional. When anxiety is
overwhelming, chronic, or interferes with daily life, consider professional
treatment, suggests Margarita Tartakovsky in “
Telltale Signs It’s Time to Treat Your Anxiety.” A short
course of medication may calm a frazzled brain enough so it can fulfill its
“Decider” role.
Action step: Make an appointment with a psychiatrist.
What do all these "small" decisions have in common? They require
you to be
mindful. Instead of just mindlessly giving in to the pain of
anxiety and worry, you can deliberately transform a mind full of “what if”
worries into a mind full of awareness, creative problem-solving, and peace.
© Meg Selig, 2014
If you enjoyed this blog, you might also like, "What
is the First Step Towards Reducing Needless Anxiety?" and "Three
Quick Ways to Curb Catastrophic Thinking." For more on mental health
habits, willpower, and health, like me on Facebook or follow
on Twitter.
Sources:
Wehrenberg, M. (2008).
The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques (NY:
WW Norton): “Self! Stop it!” p.104; “The decision to breathe...” p. 77
Guthrie, C. “
Six Surprising Stress Fixes”
"Holding hands." See also, "
Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat."
Cohen, L.
The Opposite of Worry (2013). (NY: Ballantine).
Dean, J., “8 Fascinating Facts About Anxiety.”
http://www.spring.org.uk/2013/10/8-fascinating-facts-about-anxiety.php
Dean, J. "
Anxiety: Getting Excited Beats Trying to Calm Down"
Tartakovsky, M. “
Telltale Signs It’s Time to Treat Your Anxiety”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201409/bad-mood-be-gone/thirteen-small-decisions-will-ease-anxiety
