10 Things to Say to Generate Good Feelings

The more you give, the more you'll get.

Post published by Susan Heitler Ph.D. on Jul 20, 2012 in Resolution, Not Conflict

 At any moment, you can send people positive vibes or negative vibes. You can hug, connecting with people in a positive way, physically and also verbally. Or, you can push people away or knock them down, again either physically or via verbal complaints, disagreement, or blame. (link is external)
Love as a verb involves the emanation of positive energy. Expressions of thanks, gratitude and appreciation, along with a sincere interest in others' lives—and warm smiles—all send forth positive energy. The more positive emanations you send people, the more they will feel appreciated, and appreciate you in return.
Overdoing the positivity with excessive gushing, like sunshine that is too intense, can be off-putting, but for the most part, people who emanate positive vibes feel "warm." Whether it's your boss, employee, or colleague, or your friend, relative, or partner, warm people feel safe to share with, and, like gentle sunshine, radiate good feelings. Their positivity makes you want to talk with them more; they establish good vibes as a relationship standard.
Positive people avoid being critical or argumentative, negating what you say, or responding dismissively to what you say. Those are the habits of negative people. Interacting with someone who is often negative, or being in a group with a leader who sends forth negative words and vibes, can be a downer. Their energy makes others feel insecure, ignored, criticized, irritated, or depressed. Time shared with someone who exudes toxic energy can be downright unpleasant. (If you are living in a household with bickering or outright fights, you'd best learn how to stop arguing (link is external).) Positive individuals and leaders, by contrast, convey interest in your perspective and well-being, along with an appreciation of what you do and say.
You can decide to be more positive. 
The following is a list of sentence starters that launch good vibes. (I'm sure you could add more.) Consider deciding to add some of them to your conversational routine, especially if it feels like your close relationships need a bit of rekindling (link is external), and see what happens:

1. Yes...
   "Yes, going swimming sounds great." ["Yes... but.." has the opposite impact; but negates the positivity of the Yes.]
    
2. I agree...
   "I agree that it's too hot to do any exercise other than swimming today."
    
3. I appreciate...
   "I appreciate your willingness to pack a lunch."
    
4. Thank you for...
   "Thanks so much for getting me moving. I was stuck on my couch all day."
    
5. I like (love, enjoy) ...
   "I like that suit! Looks terrific!"
    
6. That makes sense to me...
   "Bringing lunch makes sense to me because the food at the pool is so expensive."
    
7. I'm pleased (happy, delighted) that...
   "I'm delighted that you invited those guys to join us."
    
8. Good! (Excellent! Great! Wow! Cool! Terrific!, etc.)
   "Great! Let's hop in the car."
    
9. How...?/What...?
   These open-ended question words convey warmth and positive views of the other person: "How have you felt about driving since your accident?" "What have you heard lately from your Mom?"
    
10. Positive non-verbals. Positive words have even more impact when spoken in an enthusiastic tone of voice, with positive facial expressions. Smiles, laughter, playfulness, "eye hugs" from eye contact—and, with intimates, hugs and other physical expressions of affection—go a long way toward generating good feelings.

Another tip: Eliminate as many negatives as you can, including words like but, no, not, don't like, and attitudes that are critical, sarcastic, or blaming, all of which will drag down the emotional tone of an interaction, undermining whatever positives you bring.
Of course, every sentence you say need not radiate good vibes; overdone or insincere gushing would be counter-productive. But sprinkling a generous seasoning of positive expressions into your interactions can warm your relationships and brighten how people feel when they talk with you, whether you're dealing with a salesperson or co-worker, or a loved one or child at home.
Emanate positive vibes, even to yourself, and affection and appreciation will return your way. Everyone will enjoy the sunshine!
(Note: Giving positivity is one of four essential arenas of skills that keep relationships positive. Be sure also to develop your skills in the other three communication skill-sets (link is external). That way your smiles and positive words will express genuine inner feelings of well-being as well as outward expression of goodwill.)