没有糖果吃的人

超熟龄，对爱情完全陌生。

却极之渴慕爱人和被爱。

唯一的路，就是狂看爱情小说，望梅止渴。

旁人都结婚生子，落单的人倍觉寂寞。

好象人人都分得糖果，只有自己没有。

没有糖果吃的人，只能在夜深人静时让泪水浸湿枕头。

 

7 Ways Childhood Adversity Changes Your Brain

Early emotional trauma changes who we are, but we can do something about it.

Posted Aug 07, 2015 

 If you’ve ever wondered why you’ve been struggling a little too hard for a little too long with chronic emotional and physical health conditions that just won’t abate, feeling as if you’ve been swimming against some invisible current that never ceases, a new field of scientific research may offer hope, answers, and healing insights.
In 1995, physicians Vincent Felitti and Robert Anda launched a large-scale epidemiological study (link is external) that probed the child and adolescent histories of 17,000 subjects, comparing their childhood experiences to their later adult health records. The results were shocking: Nearly two-thirds of individuals had encountered one or more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)—a term Felitti and Anda coined to encompass the chronic, unpredictable, and stress-inducing events that some children face. These included growing up with a depressed or alcoholic parent; losing a parent to divorce or other causes; or enduring chronic humiliation, emotional neglect, or sexual or physical abuse. These forms of emotional trauma went beyond the typical, everyday challenges of growing up. (For stories of those who faced childhood adversity, see these videos on Laura (link is external) and John (link is external), two patients featured in my newest book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal (link is external).)
The number of Adverse Childhood Experiences an individual had had predicted the amount of medical care she’d require as an adult (link is external) with surprising accuracy:

• Individuals who had faced 4 or more categories of ACEs were twice as likely to be diagnosed with cancer as individuals who hadn’t experienced childhood adversity.
• For each ACE Score a woman had, her risk of being hospitalized with an autoimmune disease rose by 20 percent.
• Someone with an ACE Score of 4 was 460 percent more likely to suffer from depression than someone with an ACE Score of 0.
• An ACE Score greater than or equal to 6 shortened an individual’s lifespan by almost 20 years.

The ACE Study tells us that experiencing chronic, unpredictable toxic stress in childhood predisposes us to a constellation of chronic conditions in adulthood. But why? Today, in labs across the country, neuroscientists are peering into the once inscrutable brain-body connection, and breaking down, on a biochemical level, exactly how the stress we face when we’re young catches up with us when we’re adults, altering our bodies, our cells, and even our DNA. What they’ve found (link is external) may surprise you.
Some of these scientific findings can be a little overwhelming to contemplate. They compel us to take a new look at how emotional and physical pain are intertwined. (For more on why I wrote about how ACEs can change the way we see illness and how we do medicine, see this video (link is external).)
[In Part I of this article, we’ll talk about the science of early adversity and how it changes us. In Part II, we’ll talk about all the science-based ways in which we can reverse these changes, and get back to who it is we hope to be, so stay tuned for the good news.]
1. Epigenetic Shifts
When we’re thrust over and over again into stress-inducing situations during childhood or adolescence, our physiological stress response shifts into overdrive, and we lose the ability to respond appropriately and effectively to future stressors—10, 20, even 30 years later. This happens due to a process known as gene methylation, in which small chemical markers, or methyl groups, adhere to the genes involved in regulating the stress response, and prevent these genes from doing their jobs. As the function of these genes is altered, the stress response becomes re-set on “high” for life, promoting inflammation and disease.
This can make us more likely to over-react to the everyday stressors we meet in our adult life—an unexpected bill, a disagreement with a spouse, or a car that swerves in front of us on the highway, creating more inflammation. This, in turn, predisposes (link is external) us to a host of chronic conditions, including autoimmune disease, heart disease, cancer, and depression.
Indeed, Yale researchers recently found that children who’d faced chronic, toxic stress showed changes “across the entire genome,” in genes that not only oversee the stress response (link is external), but also in genes implicated in a wide array of adult diseases (link is external). This new research on early emotional trauma, epigenetic changes, and adult physical disease breaks down longstanding delineations between what the medical community has long seen as “physical” disease versus what is “mental” or “emotional.”
2. Size and Shape of the Brain
Scientists have found that when the developing brain is chronically stressed, it releases a hormone that actually shrinks the size of the hippocampus (link is external), an area of the brain responsible of processing emotion and memory and managing stress. Recent magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) studies suggest that the higher an individual’s ACE Score, the less gray matter he or she has in other key areas of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex, an area related to decision-making and self-regulatory skills, and the amygdala, or fear-processing center. Kids whose brains have been changed by their Adverse Childhood Experiences are more likely to become adults who find themselves over-reacting to even minor stressors.
3. Neural Pruning
Children have an overabundance of neurons and synaptic connections; their brains are hard at work, trying to make sense of the world around them. Until recently, scientists believed that the pruning of excess neurons and connections was achieved solely in a “use-it-or-lose-it” manner, but a surprising new player in brain development has appeared on the scene: non-neuronal brain cells—known as microglia (link is external), which make up one-tenth of all the cells in the brain, and are actually part of the immune system—participate in the pruning process. These cells prune synapses like a gardener prunes a hedge. They also engulf and digest entire cells and cellular debris, thereby playing an essential housekeeping role.
But when a child faces unpredictable, chronic stress of Adverse Childhood Experiences, microglial cells “can get really worked up and crank out neurochemicals that lead to neuroinflammation,” says Margaret McCarthy, PhD, whose research team at the University of Maryland Medical Center studies the developing brain. “This below-the-radar state of chronic neuroinflammation can lead to changes that reset the tone of the brain for life.”
That means that kids who come into adolescence with a history of adversity and lack the presence of a consistent, loving adult to help them through it may become more likely to develop mood disorders or have poor executive functioning and decision-making skills.
4. Telomeres
Early trauma can make children seem “older,” emotionally speaking, than their peers. Now, scientists at Duke University; the University of California, San Francisco; and Brown University have discovered that Adverse Childhood Experiences may prematurely age children on a cellular level as well. Adults who’d faced early trauma show greater erosion in what are known as telomeres (link is external)—the protective caps that sit on the ends of DNA strands, like the caps on shoelaces, to keep the genome healthy and intact. As our telomeres erode, we’re more likely to develop disease, and our cells age faster.
5. Default Mode Network

Source: Gratisography

Inside each of our brains, a network of neurocircuitry, known as the “default mode network,” quietly hums along, like a car idling in a driveway. It unites areas of the brain associated with memory and thought integration, and it’s always on stand-by, ready to help us to figure out what we need to do next. “The dense connectivity in these areas of the brain help us to determine what’s relevant or not relevant, so that we can be ready for whatever our environment is going to ask of us,” explains Ruth Lanius, neuroscientist, professor of psychiatry, and director of the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Research Unit at the University of Ontario.
But when children face early adversity and are routinely thrust into a state of fight-or-flight, the default mode network starts to go offline; it’s no longer helping them to figure out what’s relevant, or what they need to do next. According to Lanius, kids who’ve faced early trauma have less connectivity in the default mode network—even decades after the trauma occurred. Their brains don’t seem to enter that healthy idling position—and so they may have trouble reacting appropriately to the world around them.
6. Brain-Body Pathway
Until recently, it’s been scientifically accepted that the brain is “immune-privileged,” or cut off from the body’s immune system. But that turns out not to be the case, according to a groundbreaking study (link is external) conducted by researchers at the University of Virginia School of Medicine. Researchers found that an elusive pathway travels between the brain and the immune system via lymphatic vessels. The lymphatic system, which is part of the circulatory system, carries lymph—a liquid that helps to eliminate toxins, and moves immune cells from one part of the body to another. Now we know that the immune system pathway includes the brain.
The results of this study have profound implications for ACE research. For a child who’s experienced adversity, the relationship between mental and physical suffering is strong: the inflammatory chemicals that flood a child’s body when she’s chronically stressed aren’t confined to the body alone; they’re shuttled from head to toe.
7. Brain Connectivity
Ryan Herringa, neuropsychiatrist and assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin, found that children and teens who’d experienced chronic childhood adversity showed weaker neural connections (link is external) between the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus. Girls also displayed weaker connections between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. The prefrontal-cortex-amygdala relationship plays an essential role in determining how emotionally reactive we’re likely to be to the things that happen to us in our day-to-day life, and how likely we are to perceive these events as stressful or dangerous.
According to Herringa:

“If you are a girl who has had Adverse Childhood Experiences and these brain connections are weaker, you might expect that in just about any stressful situation you encounter as life goes on, you may experience a greater level of fear and anxiety.”

Girls with these weakened neural connections, Herringa found, stood at a higher risk for developing anxiety and depression by the time they reached late adolescence. This may, in part, explain why females are nearly twice as likely as males to suffer from later mood disorders.
This science can be overwhelming, especially to those of us who are parents. So, what can you do if you or a child you love has been affected by early adversity? The good news is that, just as our scientific understanding of how adversity affects the developing brain is growing, so is our scientific insight into how we can offer the children we love resilient parenting (link is external), and how we can all take small steps to heal body and brain. Just as physical wounds and bruises heal, just as we can regain our muscle tone, we can recover function in under-connected areas of the brain. The brain and body are never static; they are always in the process of becoming and changing.

10 Odd Emotions You May Have Experienced

That desire to go back in time and talk to your younger self has a name.

Posted Jun 27, 2015 

 Have you ever had the persistent feeling that you were out of place, or felt a sense of sadness that you will never know what will happen to your great-great-grandchildren? Some of these strange feelings have names. See how many you have experienced:
1. Opia.
This is the name given to the intense feeling of invasive arousal that one feels when engaging in mutual gaze—making direct eye contact with someone else. A great deal of research has been done on eye contact (see here), and it is well established that eye contact can be arousing. The arousal is often interpreted based on the circumstances. If the person is perceived as a threat, it is unpleasant. If two people are attracted to each other, it is pleasant and titillating.
2. Déjà vu.
Most everyone knows this one: It is the feeling that you’ve been someplace before or that you are repeating an event. Memory psychologists believe that this is caused by features from a past experience that are triggered by features of the new experience, which are similar in some way. Approximately 75% of people report experiencing déjà vu.
3. Ellipsism.
This is the term given to a sense of sadness one experiences when realizing that one won’t live to see the future. For example, an elderly person may be sad because he won’t get to see a newborn baby age into adulthood.
4. Chrysalism.
Have you ever had a sense of warmth, peace, and tranquility when you are warm and dry inside the house during an intense rainstorm? This experience could be likened to feeling like you are back in the womb, and so has been labeled "Chrysalism."
5. Adronitis.
This is a sense of frustration experienced when meeting a new and interesting person, but realizing how long it is going to take to develop the relationship fully. You want the relationship to develop quickly, but you know it won’t. Research on relationships suggests that one mechanism for developing closeness is reciprocal self-disclosure, i.e. successively revealing personal information to each other, which takes some time.
6. Liberosis.
The desire to care less about things. As we mature into adults, we take on more and more responsibilities. Liberosis is the feeling you get when you wish you could be a child again, without cares and concerns.
7. Enouement.
Have you ever wished that you could go back in time and tell your past self about the future? This is enouement. When something has turned out well, you recall how your younger self worried about it, and you wish that you could go back and let your younger self know that things will turn out OK.
8. Jouska.
This is a hypothetical conversation that you play out over and over in your head. For example, replaying an argument in your head where you say all the right things and “win” the argument, or practicing asking your boss for a raise and playing out his or her responses and your comebacks.
9. Exulansis.
A sense of frustration when you realize that you are talking about an important experience, but other people are unable to understand or relate to it, and so you give up talking about it.
10. Fugue state.
This last one is a psychological condition in which the individual moves about and speaks, but without conscious awareness. Fugue states can be alcohol or drug induced, where an individual has no memory of his or her actions.

14 Things Pressure-less People Do (and You Can, Too)

An active imagination helps. So does a confident stride.

Posted Aug 06, 2015 

 I’ve studied how pressure affects performance, and the best way to manage it, for more than 20 years. I've interviewed elite athletes, Navy SEALs, entrepreneurs, ER doctors and nurses, hedge fund managers, air traffic controllers, and others who perform their best in pressure moments more often than not. These individuals do not "rise to the occasion," as conventional thinking instructs; rather they do their best by depressurizing—lessening the pressure of the moment.
Here are 14 things these pressure-less people do to optimize performance:
1. They apply a positive mindset.
Pressure-less individuals perceive their pressure moments—situations in which they have something at stake and the outcome is dependent on their performance—using words like opportunity, challenge, and fun. This allows them to approach the moment with confidence instead of trepidation.
2. They believe they get second chances.
Pressure-less people believe that no matter how important the presentation, sales call, audition, game or match, other opportunities will come their way. Because they believe this, they can relax and avoid "do or die" thinking that intensifies pressure feelings.
3. They are control freaks.
Pressure-less people stay focused on what they can control in the moment. This allows them to avoid distracting and worrisome thoughts that distort their thinking and disrupt their performance.
4. They practice a mindset of excellence.
Pressure-less people realize it heightens pressure to always try to be Number One or to beat the competition. They know it is unrealistic to think you can always be Top Dog. Instead, their mindset is to focus on developing their own excellence. Being their personal best is more important than beating others, so competitive pressures are lessened.
5. They use positive imagination.
Pressure-less individuals consciously imagine themselves in all sorts of successful situations. Scoring a winning touchdown, being a Hollywood star, curing cancer, contributing to world peace—these might border on fantasy but they serve the function of creating positive feelings and emotions, like confidence and enthusiasm, two enemies of pressure.
6. They share pressure feelings.
To make sure they don’t burst from pressure, pressure-less people disclose their feelings of pressure with others. They have learned, unlike those that bottle up their feelings, that sharing stressful feelings helps alleviate them and, more often than not, helps generate solutions to tackle the pressures they are facing.
7. They avoid distraction.
Whether it’s taking a test, interviewing for a job, making a putt, or making a critical decision, pressure-less people stay focused on the task. Rather than become anxious about the outcome of a negative performance, they stay in the moment so their memory, attention, and judgment are not comprised. They do this in a variety of ways, such as tuning into their senses and remembering that their mission is to do their best.
8. They walk like a champ.
Pressure-less people already know what science now touts as neurological fact: Your posture and gait affect how you feel. Pressure-less people have some Marine in them—they stand up straight and walk with a confident swagger.
9. They celebrate micro successes.
Pressure-less people boost their confidence by recognizing their small successes and by doing so, fuel their enthusiasm and belief that they will accomplish their goal—two factors that reduce feelings of pressure and keep them motivated. They implement this strategy by being process-oriented, not outcome oriented. For example, according to their logic, a success is a good interview; continually having good interviews will eventually land a job.
10. They regulate their arousal.
Pressure-less people keep themselves calm so they never panic in a pressure moment, not even when an unexpected glitch occurs. Consciously tuning to their breathing in the moment and practicing disciplines such as relaxation training, yoga, and meditation on a weekly—if not daily—basis provides them with the skill of keeping their heart from zooming and butterflies out of their stomach.
11. They prepare for the worse.
Pressure-less people can think on their feet because they are in the habit of anticipating possible glitches that might occur. They solve these glitches before they arise and mentally rehearse scenarios to practice their execution, paying particular attention to the consequences of their response and how they will continue to respond. If and when the glitch occurs, the pressure-less person still feels in control and is able to attend to task completion.
12. They flashback their successes.
Pressure-less people experience less pressure because they know they have been successful in similar situations. In a pressure moment, they frequently flashback on a specific time they performed well under pressure. That visual image, and the positive thoughts it evokes, surges confidence within them and relaxes them, too.
13. They affirm their worth.
Pressure-less people experience less pressure because they feel they have value even if they fail in the moment. This feeling prevents them from being “overly attached” to the outcome—a pressure intensifier. Pressure-less people frequently remind themselves of their positive attributes that are independent of their job. Doing so prevents them from defining their worth in how they perform. Pressure-less people frequently remind their children that they are great kids and that they are proud of them independent of how well they perform in school or other activities. Their kids feel less pressure, too.
14. They march to their own beat.
Pressure-less people use their own values and interests to navigate their lives. They are more concerned with living up to their own expectations and following their own dreams than trying to please others, a source of pressure for most.

是單身，選擇了妳

一個男人的告白：「擺脫單身的關鍵，就是，去愛。」
在很多時候，單身的原因是，自己曾愛過某個人。
妳並不挑，眼睛沒有長在頭頂，看過妳之前交往過的對象的人，都可以證明這一點。A有點禿頭、B脾氣不好、C則是幼稚，但妳都愛過他們，而且死心塌 地，每個人都說他們配不上妳，但分手時妳卻哭得死去活來。因為，愛情從來都跟配不配無關，往往跟妳在一起的，都不是當中條件最好的，但卻是最喜歡的。「妳 一定很挑喔，條件要求很多喔。」妳聽過無數次這樣的話，但妳愛過，所以在心裡知道那並不是事實。
而且愛情也跟條件無關，而是跟頻率比較有關，這是妳後來才了解的事。
妳談過很美好的戀愛，那些愛一個人的記憶還在妳腦海裡，妳都記得很清楚，會心跳、會滿足、會微笑，也會哭泣……那時候的妳花了很多時間去學習一段感 情，然後記憶住了。妳一皺眉他就摸妳的頭，因為知道這樣會讓妳安心，這種無比的默契，讓妳上了癮。從此，妳的心裡便有了愛的範本，妳已經知道愛一個人是怎 麼一回事。所以妳不是挑剔，妳只是想要去愛，想要之前那樣的愛情、想要那樣的心跳。
就因為妳真的愛過，所以知道愛是怎麼一回事，因此更無法勉強。
之後遇到的每個人，都比妳的前男友好，更體貼、更多金，還會來接妳下班，妳也試著去約會。就因為他很好、大家都說他很好，所以妳要自己更努力去嘗 試，希望在愛的土壤上耕作，然後開花結果。但是妳卻發現，他越是對妳好，便越是提醒了妳，他的不足。他不能陪妳看冷門的瑞典電影，不能陪妳聊吉本巴娜 娜……最重要的是，他不能讓妳忘記前男友到底有多好。
因此，妳變成了一個人。妳沒有把愛往外推，沒有封鎖心門，在週末夜會跟好姊妹去夜店狂歡，總是會有人來搭訕，給了電話、然後約會，但就是沒有人進得 了妳家大門。朋友也會幫妳介紹對象，但總是不了了之，甚至，妳也不排斥相親了。以前的妳，總覺得相親是老處女才會去的安排，妳如此意氣風發，絕對不會。但 後來，妳才發現，原來相親只是極想要愛的表示。但是，妳始終還是單身。
妳也問過自己，是否是自己的問題？總把愛情想得太美好、太偉大？自己是否太過天真？於是，妳試著去配合，但卻發現愛情遷就不來。太過勉強而來的，最 終苦痛都會比甜蜜還要多。妳相信愛情需要努力，但強求跟努力不一樣。更後來，妳開始懷疑自己想要的愛情是否真的存在？還是只在自己的幻想中。
然後，妳又想起了前任情人。想起了那些戀愛的記憶。妳終於又確定，這樣的愛情是存在的，妳曾經擁有過，所以現在才會無法放棄。妳曾經去過遠方，看見 了最美的風景，所以還是想要再擁有。妳想起了讓自己痛苦的原因，也記起了愛情的美好，於是妳還想要那樣的情感。妳並沒有放棄愛，妳這才發現，原來，其實是 單身選擇了妳。妳再也不需要跟他人解釋，因為妳曾經真切地去愛過了一個人。
妳並不是選擇單身，只是選擇了自己想要的愛情。
因此，妳懷抱著戀愛的記憶還有溫度，相信只要不放棄，愛就會存在。想愛的人，沒有悲觀的權利。然後，準備好隨時再跟另一個他，手牽手。
書名：想念，卻不想見的人
作者：肆一

What Being Single and Happy Says About Your Personality

August 21, 2015 | By Health Editor

Photo: Getty Images

By Amy Norton
HealthDay Reporter

FRIDAY, Aug. 21, 2015 (HealthDay News) — Single people can be just as happy as those in romantic relationships — but it may depend on their temperament, a new study suggests.

Over the years, research has found that single people tend to be less satisfied with their lives, compared to those with a significant other. But that reflects only the average experience; and some studies have found that the single life can bring some advantages — like closer relationships with friends and family.
The new study adds another layer: Single people can, in fact, be just as fulfilled as couples — but it may partly depend on how they approach relationships in general.
The key, researchers found, is whether a person prefers to avoid conflict and drama in relationships. In that case, the single life appears just as satisfying as being coupled, on average.
In contrast, people who are unfazed by relationship ups and downs tend to be less happy when they’re single, according to the findings, published online Aug. 21 in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.
It all suggests that for some people, being romantically unattached removes a major source of stress, according to Yuthika Girme and her colleagues at the University of Auckland, in New Zealand.
“I think this study underscores the point that you can never say one-size-fits-all,” said James Maddux, a senior scholar at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University in Fairfax, Va.
“There are many paths to happiness,” said Maddux, who was not involved in the study.
At the same time, though, people who constantly strive to avoid conflict in relationships may tend to be on the neurotic side, said Maddux. And some of them might benefit from changing their perspective.
That’s often one of the goals in couples’ counseling, he explained. People learn to better manage the downsides of their relationship and focus more on the positive aspects.
So people who hate conflict should not discount a potentially promising romantic relationship, according to Maddux. “You can change,” he said. “You’re not stuck.”
The current findings are based on more than 4,000 New Zealand adults who were surveyed twice, one year apart. One-fifth were single at both time points, and the rest were married, living with someone, or dating.
Overall, the results mirrored what other studies have shown: People in relationships were happier, on average, than singles. But the picture grew more complicated when the researchers dug deeper.
Single people who valued drama-free relationships were just as happy as people with a significant other. On the other hand, singles who highly valued intimacy — even if it meant conflict — were less happy.
The question of whether singles are happy is becoming increasingly important, Girme’s team said. As more and more people postpone marriage, or divorce, single adults make up a growing share of the population in Western countries.
In the United States alone, around half of adults are unmarried, according to recent surveys.
But studies can only “paint broad strokes,” Maddux pointed out.
“Life satisfaction is a very complicated issue,” he said. “And the more we study it, the more nuances we see.”
Importantly, Maddux said, romance — or the lack of it — is just one factor in overall contentment. Research suggests that genetics accounts for a lot: That is, we are born with certain personality traits, and people who are naturally anxious or pessimistic, for example, are less inclined to feel like life is good.
However, Maddux said, “the things we can control” do make a big difference in life satisfaction. And the goals we pursue — whether in relationships, career or lifestyle — all matter.
“Your status as single or paired actually contributes only a small part to the overall picture,” Maddux said.
Patrick Markey is an associate professor of psychology at Villanova University in Villanova, Pa., who studies relationship issues.
He said there is strong evidence that people typically benefit from romantic relationships. “That’s especially true for men,” Markey said. “We’re healthier and live longer if we’re married.”
He agreed, however, that not everyone is better off being part of a couple and that happiness hinges on more than romance. “Actually, genes are probably most important,” Markey said. “People who are pretty satisfied at a young age are usually pretty satisfied later in life, too.”
Relationships and experiences change how we feel temporarily, he said, but we generally return to our baseline. “A miserable, grumpy person probably isn’t going to suddenly change because they’re dating someone,” Markey explained.
More information
The American Psychological Association has advice on keeping relationships healthy.

Working With Mostly Men is Stressful for Women

And it could be causing serious side-effects. 

By Liz Steelman 

 As if we needed another reason to send more women to level-out STEM fields, now we have it. New research from Indiana University Bloomington shows that the interpersonal-stress from working in a male-dominated field like engineering and construction can be as bad for women’s health as living in poverty. 
For the study, presented at the 2015 American Sociological Association Annual Meeting, researchers used data from the 2004 to 2009 MIDUS II Daily Stress Project. The project collected participants' cortisol (a stress hormone) samples while walking, 30-minutes after walking, during lunchtime, and before going to bed. They controlled for sleep, medications, medical conditions, and health indicators that might skew cortisol levels, such as too little sleep, or whether the participant was a smoker, took cortisone supplements, or suffered from depression or anxiety, among other controls. They also used the American Community Survey, which tabulated occupational sex distribution from 2005 to 2009 to focus on occupations with sex tokenism—where females make up less than 15 percent of the total number of employees.
After a statistical analysis, the researchers found that "token" women had less healthy cortisol profiles than the women who worked in mixed sex occupations, and that the dysregulation was stable and chronic, not a reaction to daily stressors. “The dysregulation of cortisol profiles we observe is due to the negative working conditions of token women, and not their own personal characteristics nor the characteristics of their occupations,” lead researcher Bianca Manago said in a statement.

According to previous research, a healthy cortisol pattern peaks right after waking and then falls through the day—first rapidly and then more gradually, eventually reaching an absolute low-level near midnight. However, research suggests stress, temperature, conflict, and immune responses can all affect the cycle and raise cortisol patterns. Though cortisol levels usually self regulate, chronic stressors can dysregulate the daily cycle—something that has been linked to health problems such as chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and post-traumatic stress disorder.

无路可走

有三个地方ABC可以去，却没有一个是我喜欢的。

所以无论选那个都提不起劲，懒洋洋的。

天大地大，没有一个是我心属的落脚处。

太挑剔了吧，猪！

7 Sleep Doctors Reveal Their Favorite Tricks for Falling Asleep Fast

Posted: 08/23/2015 2:18 pm EDT Updated: 08/23/2015 2:59 pm EDT 

 Learn from the masters, and you'll never lie awake at night again
(Image from Thinkstock)
Sleep doctors toss and turn sometimes -- but it's never for long. That's because they use scientifically-sound methods to lull themselves into dreamland. Steal their techniques so you can finally get a good night's rest.
(For 2,000+ more health, fitness, nutrition, and sex secrets, check out The Better Man Project, the brand-new book from the Editor in Chief of Men’s Health!)
Blow bubbles

It sounds ridiculous, but blowing a few bubbles -- like the kind that comes in a plastic bottle that you played with as a kid -- right before bed can help you fall asleep faster, says Rachel Marie E. Salas, M.D., a professor of neurology at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.
It's like a deep breathing exercise, which helps calm your body and mind, she says. And since it's such a silly activity, it can also take your mind off of any potential sleep-thwarting thoughts.
Related: What Your Sleep Position Says About You
No way you're doing this? Try this instead: Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and focus on counting your breaths for 3-15 minutes.
When your mind wanders (and it will), start counting your breaths from one again. Researchers from Nepal found that doing this form of meditation for just a few minutes a day can lower your blood pressure and heart rate, reducing anxiety and helping you sleep better.
Sidetrack your mind

You may have heard that you should use your bed for only two things: sleeping and screwing. But reading at bedtime is OK, too, says Janet K. Kennedy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist based in New York City.
Tossing and turning is stressful and it causes the body to release adrenaline, making it harder to fall asleep, Kennedy says. "Distracting your mind with a good book allows the body's fatigue to take over."
Another option: Hypnotize yourself. Imagine sinking 50 free throws or teeing off on your favorite par 3. "Visualization reduces anxiety and lets your brain's sleep mechanism engage," says Men's Health sleep advisor W. Christopher Winter, M.D.
Related: 12 Scientific Ways To Look Smarter
Tune out

Listening to soft, calming music not only helps you fall asleep, but also extends the length and depth of your sleep, says James Maas, Ph.D., author of Sleep for Success! Everything You Must Know about Sleep but Are Too Tired to Ask.
Research shows that downtempo tunes lower your heart rate and blood pressure, helping you chill out. Listening to waves gently crashing or rain softly falling works as well.
Try Pandora’s classical music station or Rain, Rain Sleep Sounds app.
Exercise in the evening

Hitting the gym after work can help you zonk out, says Orlando Ruiz-Rodriguez, M.D., a sleep doctor at South Seminole Hospital in Orlando.
One recent Swiss study suggests that completing an intense workout 90 minutes before bed may help you fall asleep faster by reducing your levels of the stress hormone cortisol.
And you don’t even have to leave your house. You can blast belly fat at home with The Anarchy Workout. (One guy lost 18 pounds of pure fat in just 6 weeks!)
Shun the clock

Once you turn out the lights, don’t check the time again -- even if you wake up in the middle of the night, says Nathaniel F. Watson, M.D., M.Sc., president of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
If you do, you’ll start thinking about how long you’ve been in bed or how much time is left until you have to wake up, Dr. Watson says. If I fall asleep right now, I can get 5 hours and 21 minutes of sleep. This just creates anxiety, which may keep you up even longer.
Avoid the urge to glance at the time by using a clock that doesn’t light up or turning the digits away from your bed. If you use your phone as a watch, put it in your bedside drawer so it’s harder to reach.
Make a to-do list

Got a lot on your mind? If you struggle to block out stressful thoughts at the end of the day, write down a list of tasks you need to accomplish tomorrow, says Andrew J. Westwood, M.D., a professor of neurology at Columbia University.
Related: 5 Guys Who Wake Up At 4 A.M. To Work Out Tell You How They Do It.
When you have a lot of worries, your brain can’t shut down because it’s trying to process all of the information. Writing them down on a piece of paper, however, helps you feel more in control so your brain can finally relax, he says.
By Kristen Domonell

4 Ways to Beat Pressure Like a Superhero

How to find your own secret identity and Fortress of Solitude. 

 Every job comes with pressure but I think we’d all have to admit that the pressure on Superman to meet his responsibilities would have to be especially intense. Sure, he could always do the easy stuff—move faster than a speeding bullet, leap tall buildings in a single bound, bend steel in his bare hands, and change the course of mighty rivers. If he were around today, though, he might be under even more pressure to deliver results upholding truth, justice and the American way. Yet Superman would never shrink from the challenge. He would never let pressure sap his strength, as kryptonite would, or clog his memory, downgrade his performance, or force him into a relationship prematurely—all things that pressure routinely does to those of us born under a yellow sun.
How does he do it? Considering I’ve written a book called Performing Under Pressure and that my father, Mort Weisinger, was the executive story editor of Superman comics for 30 years, I think I’m more than qualified to tell you how the hero handles his daily moments of extraordinary pressure—situations in which he has something at stake and the outcome is dependent on his performance. (My Dad woke me up each morning with the next cliffhanger moment Superman would encounter. My job was to guess what the hero would do—a lot of pressure for a 10-year-old.)
The “twist,” as my father might call it, is that Superman uses some of the same solutions that the rest of us do, or should. And they work:
1. Visit the Fortress of Solitude.
When the pressure gets heavy, Superman often retreats to his fortress of solitude, a place of solace in the deep Arctic. Unlike a vacation that helps us escape our pressures, Superman retreats to confront his. In the fortress, with no intrusions on his time, he becomes mindful of his thoughts and feelings and in so doing, makes revelations that guide him to a productive course of action. He also uses this time to reflect upon the warmth his foster parents provided and the good times he had with his dog Krypto.
When you're feeling the pressure, take time to clarify your own thoughts and feelings—you’ll free your thoughts from the distorted perceptions that we frequently let intensify our feelings of pressure, like, “I’ll never get another chance. This is the most important presentation I will ever give. If I fail, my career is over.” While you're at it, spend time reflecting on the good things in your life. When you leave your fortress of solitude, whether it be a quiet corner, cozy room, or peaceful park bench, you’ll feel less pressured.
2. Be vulnerable (without kryptonite).
Superheroes have feelings, too. And Superman feels less pressured when he shares his. He’s practiced this solution throughout his life. When he was a boy, he shared his feelings with his best friend, Pete Ross. Later he disclosed his concerns to his confidant, Batman, and other allies in the Justice League. (He once even confided in President Kennedy, reasoning, “If you can’t trust the President of The United States who can you trust?”) In all these instances, Superman shares his vulnerabilities so he can remain super.
You will also be better off if you have someone with whom you can share your feelings of distress or anxiety—that you feel like you are carrying the world upon your shoulders and are afraid you'll drop it. Like Superman, choose people you trust, people who will validate your feelings, make sure you keep things in perspective, and if necessary, help you problem solve. Think of the last time you shared such feelings with your partner or trusted friend. I bet you started to feel more super.
3. Stay focused on the moment.
Superman can’t help himself if he starts thinking about how to avoid marrying Lois when he’s battling Lex Luther or Brainiac. But he can’t afford to have “worry thoughts” that distract his attention and cause him to err when he needs to be at his best. Nor does he need to become overly self-conscious about whether or not he is using his x-ray vision correctly—such thoughts would take him off track as well. What he does think about is his goal—doing his best.
In your own pressure moments—giving a presentation to a potential client, entering a job interview, taking a test, or competing at a sporting event—you too cannot afford to lose focus by letting thoughts drift into worry about how you are doing, or what will happen if you perform poorly. (It will also do you no good if you consider how you'll enjoy the spoils of success before you've earned them.) To do your best, you need to stay in the moment, too, so you can focus on the task at hand.
It is also a super strategy to tune in to your senses. You don’t need x-ray vision to see your immediate surroundings or super-hearing to hear what's going on around you. Attending to what you immediately sense keeps you in the here and now—the place and time you need to perform.
4. Change identities.
When Superman is feeling the heat, he finds it useful to change his identity to one that is less pressured. After all, Clark Kent is just a mild-mannered reporter who only has to put up with a demanding Perry White and an irrationally exuberant Jimmy Olsen. Being Clark, if only for a few hours a day, gives Superman some time to detach from his true responsibilities and enjoy his friends at the Planet (instead of having to save them). Being Clark Kent adds balance to Superman’s life.
After a pressure-packed day, you’d be smart to borrow a page from Superman and change into another identity—partner, parent, friend, or athlete. Make your change full-heartedly so you forget your work identity and enjoy your identity of the moment. Like it does for Superman, your other identity will remind you that your self-worth is not dependent on your job, that you have much to enjoy, and that you have purpose that goes far beyond doing a good job. Sooner or later you will have to change back, but you will do so feeling more balanced and less pressure.

跨出去才能看見不一樣的風景

親愛的你跟我訴說煩惱，說自己從小就是個聽力缺陷的人，也是個自卑害羞的人，做任何事情不敢一個人面對去解決，或許就是天生缺陷，讓父母也放不下心，但自己卻也不想當一輩子父母的包袱，想要學習真正的「獨立」。
一直在原地打轉，一直被缺陷苦惱，也很希望用「旅行」重新認識自己，認清楚自己想要的人生。
說真的，成長的過程中哪有每個人都是天之嬌子呢？
總是在莽莽撞撞中學習當一個更好的人，學著戀愛，也要學會分手的痛苦，學著爭取更好的職位，也要學著被小人中箭落馬的無奈，學著維持不同友誼，也要學著這些人慢慢離開你。
或許每個人都是有缺陷，正因為活著的不完美，所以就有一個路途讓我們追尋自己想要的生活。
不是擁有了愛人就完美，要學習兩個人相處的過程。
不是擁有了金錢就完美，不能讓欲望控制你的未來。
不是擁有了旅行就獨立，過程往往比終點還要精彩。
我總是鼓勵大家去旅行，不是花了大錢到國外吃一頓大餐，或是炫耀自己買了什麼名牌，在哪個泳池旁邊曬日光浴。
而是要大家跳出過有的巢柩去感覺原地找不到的自己，真實的完美是不存在的，答案也無法出走後就能找到，但只要你肯跨出那步，你就是在享受追逐自我的過程。
有錢有權不見得就優勢，身體殘缺也不見得就是弱勢
每個人都是自己的主人，就應該選擇自己想要的人生，
懂得如何跨出去那一步，那就叫做「勇氣」。
沒有一趟旅行你非走不可，但關於旅行我希望可以買張車票或是走路到陌生的地方，不用太遠，近近的也好，學著踏出那一步，每一個小步，會累積到後面一大步。
重點，跨出去才能看見不一樣的風景。
殘缺也是人生一道美麗的風景，正因與眾不同，更加美麗。

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雪兒旅行 https://www.facebook.com/cherstravel

How to Quit Your Job Without Feeling Guilty

By Jillian Kramer August 10, 2015

You've landed your dream job, but there's just one teeny, tiny little problem: You're so racked with guilt you can't bring yourself to give two weeks' notice to your current employer.
Cosette, 23, recently confronted this exact situation. "I told myself I couldn't leave [a] smaller firm because they 'needed me.'" she told Glamour. "If I left, I would be screwing over my entire team, as well as the firm that gave me my first incredible opportunity in the field."

It's common, in fact, to feel guilt when leaving a job—to worry over the hole you'll leave behind, or the damage you could inflict on relationships with co-workers. "I've watched both men and women quit their jobs during my 10 years as an executive coach and I've found, inevitably, women feel far guiltier than men," says Karen Elizaga, executive coach and author of Find Your Sweet Spot: A Guide to Personal and Professional Excellence. "Equally, they have established personal relationships at the office, but for women, the personal and professional become more intertwined—our coworkers are our friends, even our family. And the guilt is magnified because we want to do right by our friends and family."
But you can't let guilt hold you back from pursuing a career goal. Remember, Elizaga says, what you do at work and with your career is business, literally, and not personal. And your business arrangement with your current employer is this: "We, as employees, need to contribute value to the company, and an employer must provide at least satisfactory remuneration and fulfillment," she explains. "If either part of the equation ceased to be true, then it would be reasonable for either the employee or the employer to terminate the relationship." If you've been offered a better opportunity elsewhere—or simply feel you've done all you can in your current position—you're within your rights to leave without hurt feelings or overwhelming guilt, Elizaga says.
You can also keep guilt at bay and find the courage to quit with these three tips:
1. See guilt for what it is: something that will only hold you back. "Understand that guilt is an emotion that is never productive for your progress forward," Elizaga says.
2. Do what you can to make the transition as seamless as possible. Are you feeling guilt because you could leave people you care about in a bind? While you can't anticipate every problem they could face without you, there are things you can do to make your absence easier to bear. "For example, be flexible with the length of your notice period or actively help them find a replacement," suggests Elizaga.

3. Focus on your new job and its benefits. There's a reason you're taking it, after all—and that's because it's a better opportunity, pays more, or lands you in a new, more awesome locale. Force yourself to focus on the excitement you're feeling. "It's not worth dwelling on where you’ve come from," says Elizaga. "If you can focus your energy on what you are gaining, you can leave the guilt behind."

Photos: Stocksy

10 Destructive Habits That Unhappy People Have

by Steve Roy

Written by Steve Roy

It is said that happiness is a state of mind and to a certain extent, that’s true. But I believe that whether we are happy or unhappy is more about the habits we have.  Unhappy people tend to have destructive habits in their lives.

It’s a sad fact, but a mere 33% of Americans consider themselves to be happy. Why is this? We live in a land filled to the brim with opportunity where anyone can choose to live the life they want.

But they don’t.

Instead we see unhappiness at every corner. From the impatient person standing behind you at the grocery store, to the teller at the bank who looks like she would rather be anywhere else at that moment, to your neighbors across the street, who never look up and say, “Hello.”

The only difference between the person you see happily walking down the street seemingly without a care in the world and the person next to them consumed in misery is the choices they make each and every day.

And of course each choice repeated becomes a habit. Habits dictate everything from our experiences to our outcomes and everything in between.

Below are 10 destructive habits that unhappy people have:

1. You live to please other people. This is a devastating habit to possess because you choose to live your life trying to make everyone happy and in turn, fail to make yourself happy. One of the best things you can do for yourself is to figure out what really drives you on a deep emotional level and then do it.
2. You have an overwhelming fear of criticism. From his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill stated that a fear of criticism robs man of his initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality, takes away his self-reliance, and does him damage in a hundred other ways. Most people spend their days worrying about what others think about them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face. The ironic part is that those same people are so consumed worrying about what you think of them, that they aren’t actually thinking about.
3. You engage in negative self-talk. All actions derive from what we tell ourselves on a daily basis. Unhappy people have the habit of telling themselves things like “I don’t know how”, “It’s too hard”, and “I can’t do it”. The key to change is to begin rephrasing these into positive thoughts. It takes practice and you’ll catch yourself being negative many times, but if you want to be a happier person, you have to start making those changes.
4. You are a glass half empty person. Being a pessimist is the result of negative habits developed over a number of years. This habit is very hard to kick because it becomes so ingrained in your mind, that itís second nature. In any situation, your first thought or reaction is a negative one. Becoming an optimist will require you to develop new mental skills and retrain your entire thought process to see opportunity instead of struggle. This can be done gradually by consciously looking at your attitude and choosing to see opportunity instead of difficulty.
5. You let the past dictate your future. If you happen to have a past riddled with negativity and bad experiences, chances are your personality mirrors this. You can’t change your past and allowing yourself to stay attached to it will only drag you down. Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on today. What can you accomplish today?
6. You are sedentary. It’s a fact that people who exercise regularly are happier than those who don’t. Sitting at a desk all day only to follow it with sitting on your couch is not conducive to being happy. Get up, move around, go outside, take the stairs, take a walk, join the gym, ride your bike. The endorphins released during activity play a big role in your mood, so if you’re not active, get active!
7. You are a worry wart. Worrying is a choice like everything else. Most of you are familiar with the worry wart and many of you probably grew up with one in your household. Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness. Worry is nothing but fear and fear is nothing but a bulls**t excuse not to embrace something. Do not waste another minute of your life worrying about things you have no control over. For example, worrying about your plane crashing is an unjustified fear. Statistics show the likelihood of that happening is smaller than being hit by lightning. In either case, you are sacrificing your ability to relax and be happy for something extraneous and out of your control.
8. You cannot forgive and forget. Harboring ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a 10-pound weight in your pocket. We all have had bad experiences that have left a sour taste in our mouth. Forgiveness is the solution and is an incredibly powerful concept. Maybe you have been wronged or made a terrible decision in your life. Learn from it and move on.
9. You are a perfectionist. We all know someone who considers themselves a perfectionist. Maybe it’s even you! Trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing, but taken too far, can be highly detrimental to your emotional health. Perfectionism can lead to a host of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and chronic unhappiness. Remember that everything can be done better by either you or someone else, but it’s OK if it’s not. Your goal shouldn’t be perfection, but rather improvement and personal growth.
10. You define yourself by your job. It’s a fact that more than 70% of us don’t like our jobs. In a society where we tend to view ourselves by what we do for a living rather than who we actually are, it’s a fundamental problem and leads to the inability to separate ourselves from our professions.

Happiness is a choice, but we must first choose to adopt good habits and rid ourselves of bad ones. This takes practice and time, especially if you are a lifelong cynic. If you find yourself guilty of any of the preceding habits, take a hard look at the quality of your life.

You just might want to make a change and choose happiness.

20 Ways to Beat Stress Fast

Stressed out? These scientifically proven stress-busting techniques can help, in less time than it takes to say "om."

 By Hallie Levine

In our fast-moving, do-more-with-less world, stress seems to be just a fact of life. And we women are especially susceptible: Women report higher levels of stress than men and are more likely to have stress-related symptoms such as nervousness, feeling overwhelmed, or lying awake at night, says a 2015 survey by the American Psychological Association. But you don’t have to feel dragged down by the weight of all your worries. There are easy, simple steps you can take—today!—that have been scientifically proven to help reduce stress.

1  Plan ahead to defuse stressful situations

Photo: Zero Creatives/Getty

Advance planning is the best stress buster, according to a survey presented at the Western Psychological Association’s 2011 meeting. The idea here is that prevention is the best medicine. If you know you’ll be driving home in traffic, for example, plan an alternate route you can use as a detour.

2  Take a break from bad news

Photo: Kathrin Ziegler/Getty

Here’s an excuse to pass up the front page and tune in to The Voice: Bad news doesn’t just bum you out; it actually ramps up your tension level. In a 2012 Canadian study, women who read articles containing negative news and then faced a tense situation produced more of the stress hormone cortisol than those who had read neutral articles. You don’t have to stick your head in the sand, but if there is something devastating on the news, don’t dwell on it. Instead, try to do something that nurtures you, like working in your garden.

3  Connect with your own spirituality

Studies show spirituality can help relieve stress, probably because it encourages you to feel a sense of purpose and connection to others. For many people, that means religion and prayer, but you also can tap your spiritual side by doing something to help others, volunteering for a cause that means something to you, or reading an inspirational story. The goal is to do something at least once each day that inspires self-reflection.

4 Listen to music

Photo: Paula Daniëlse/Getty

Several studies have found that relaxing music reduces your heart rate, blood pressure and stress hormone levels. It doesn’t matter what you listen to, whether it’s Bruno Mars or Beethoven, as long as you enjoy it.

5 Chew gum (really!)

Photo: Snap Decision/Getty

Chewing gum reduces stress, depression and anxiety, leading to a more positive mood, according to a study published last year in the journal Stress and Health. You also could snack on something crunchy, like carrots or celery, that requires a lot of chewing. The mere act of munching might help relieve stress by burning off nervous energy; it also might stimulate other senses—which can boost levels of feel-good hormones in your brain. 

6. Exercise

Photo: Swissmediavision/Getty

Exercise doesn't just help you burn off existing anxiety; it also will help buffer you against stress for the rest of the day. In one study, researchers had people either rest quietly or ride a stationary bike for 30 minutes. The workout group didn’t get as tense when shown disturbing photos later.

7 Keep a gratitude journal

Photo: Alexandra Ribeiro/EyeEm/Getty

Take five minutes each day to write down two or three moments for which you are grateful. They can be anything from waking up to a gorgeous day to a positive comment from a co-worker. The practice can boost your happiness—and thus reduce stress—by about 25 percent, according to research by the University of California at Davis.

8  Snuggle with your pet

Photo: Steven Hannah/EyeEm/Getty

Or better yet, if you can, bring Spike to work: In a study, people who worked with a pet in their office had lower overall stress levels than petless co-workers. If Bring Your Pet to Work Day isn't an option, just cuddle at home: Other research shows folks with pets are less lonely and have greater social and emotional support. 

9  Netflix your favorite comedy

Photo: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty

Whether it’s the latest hit rom-com or an ancient episode of Friends, just anticipating a laugh lowers levels of stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine, according to a 2008 study from Loma Linda University in California. And laughter itself also reduces tension, giving you a double dose of calm.

10 Smile—even when you don't feel like smiling

In one study, people who smiled during a stressful activity had a lower heart rate afterward than those with neutral expressions. Researchers say the most stress-relieving grins are the ones that go all the way up your face and cause crinkles at the corners of your eyes.

11  Hug your partner or kids—or both

Photo: Hero Images/Getty

Hugging someone you know well reduces stress and lowers blood pressure, according to a 2013 study. Hugging boosts the hormone oxytocin, which in turn reduces the concentration of stress hormones.

12  Reach out to a friend

Several studies have found that bonding with close friends and family members helps reduce the negative impact of stress, especially during anxiety-producing times such as job loss or the illness of a parent. If you can’t hang out in person, call, FaceTime or Skype!

13  Have some fun in the bedroom

Photo: deliormanli/Getty

Sex is probably the last thing on your mind when you’re frazzled, but it might help: A 2010 Princeton University study found that rats that did the deed had cell growth in their hippocampus, a region of the brain associated with anxiety regulation.

14  Stop checking work email at home

Detaching from work completely is the key to recovering from job stress during off-hours. Why? If you’re still checking your email, you might end up ruminating about work all night—which would prevent you from recharging for the next day.

15 Don’t multitask with media

Photo: heshphoto/Getty

Using multiple forms (like TV and texting) at the same time is linked to symptoms of anxiety and depression.

16  Edit your Facebook friends

The more types of friends you have on Facebook, the higher your anxiety, according to a 2012 study from the University of Edinburgh in Scotland. Key word: types. It’s not the number of friends that causes the stress—it’s the diversity of friends. The most anxiety-inducing groups to befriend? Employers, family members and religious acquaintances.

17  Take some tea time

Photo: Julie Anne Images/Getty

A cup of tea helps reduce anxiety levels after a stressful event, according to one study. The believed magic ingredient? L-theanine, found in green and black tea, which helps regulate the nervous system.

18  Munch on walnuts

Photo: Harrison Eastwood/Getty

A diet rich in walnuts might prep the body to deal with stress by reducing blood pressure, according to a 2010 Penn State University study. Aim to have an ounce a day (about a handful).

19  Eat chocolate!

Photo: Westend61/Getty

Eating about an ounce and a half of dark chocolate a day for two weeks reduced levels of the stress hormone cortisol in already anxious folks, according to a German study.

20  Meditate

Photo: Astronaut Images/Getty

It really does make a difference: People who meditate have lower stress hormones in their saliva compared to people who do other stress reduction techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, according to a 2007 Chinese study.

An easy technique to try: sit quietly for five minutes (you can set a timer) and focus on your breath as you breathe in and out. Every time you exhale, say a word to yourself, like calm or love. Every time a random thought comes into your brain—your grocery list, a work meeting—let it go and focus instead on your breathing. Do it every day and within a few days, this technique will become automatic. Enjoy your newfound calm!